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The fall-out from Doctor Who

Well thanks a BUNDLE the BBC. As if there wasn't enough to cope with over the festive period - present-buying, snow, ham-roasting, remembering the rules to poker, experimenting with a shot of sherry in tea - what did you do? You KILLED THE DOCTOR. ON NEW YEAR'S DAY. WHEN MUMMY WAS ALREADY FEELING LACHRYMOSE. 

     Obviously it's not really my own feelings I'm complaining about - I've felt this kind of pain before. I watched Tiffany get mown down by Frank Butcher. I watched that old dude watch his wife die in Up. I've weathered these kind of traumas before. I'm like a Vietnam vet of screen-deaths.

No. It's the kids I speak up for. By the time David Tennant slumped on the floor of the Tardis, shouting "I don't want to go!", Dora was properly, tearfully devastated. Her little face was melted with misery. Looking at her, I remembered how this kind of sorrow feels almost too much to bear that this age. Mind you, I found any loss of hero quite hard to bear at her age. I used to cry every time I finished a particularly good book - because I was so sad I wouldn't be able to "play" with the "guys" any more. I was quite wet, really. Those girls at school were right to constantly victimise me.

Dora and I did a good fifteen minutes of mother/daughter nerd-mourning together - crying whilst flicking through Doctor Who Magazine and saying "Oh that's a good Ood still". Then Dora progressed into the "anger" stage of bereavement: at one point shouting, "Tom Baker managed seven years - WHY COULDN'T DAVID?"

I didn't know she even knew who Tom Baker was. At that point I realised that whilst I was walking wounded, she was metaphorically doing a geek haemmorhage. As Dora lay on the floor, moaning, "WHY did he have to GO?", Pete had a moment of genius, and downloaded a Doctor Who audiobook, read out by Tennant. Comforted by the prospect of there being at least one more David Tennant adventure to be had, Dora finally fell asleep listening to it - AT SODDING 11.30PM - leaving me just enough time to write an angry email to the BBC: "Next time you kill off ONE OF YOUR BEST-LOVED CHILDREN'S TV CHARACTERS, please supply a HELPLINE and ON-LINE SUPPORT for POOR HARRASSED PARENTS, who might be having to deal with their OWN PRIVATE GRIEF ALSO, please."

When you don't like your friends' kids

I don't want to say that the little boy was actually evil. But he did throttle our boy. He did try to throw him down the stairs. He did instigate that coup d'etat in regards to bedtime. So actually, yes, he was evil.

The problem was that we really really like the parents. They were funny and loved to drink - our kind of people. But we will never see them again.

They say your children can determine your social life, but generally this is translated as you have to hang out with other parents from the school. But the flip side is your responsibility to recognise your children's enemies as your enemies.

How can you like the parents so much when you can't stand the kids? Little spoiled terrors are bred, not born, so it's surprising when some of our favourite friends turn out to be hell-raisers, so to speak. We empathise with our children when they say they don't want to play with the others - we feel the same way.

As a result, there are some families we won't see in 2010 in an attempt to protect our offspring from these parents' bullying, crying and irritating whingers. We'll miss our friends. We might see them in town for a drink or dinner. Just don't ask us to have Sunday lunch together ever again.

The top 10 Alpha Mummy posts of 2009

 
As 2009 hurtles toward its pie-stuffed, wine-sodden conclusion I personally find it hard to remember what was even happening in Janaury. I think I had a different haircut and I definitely didn't own that dress that I got for my birthday and my daughter was younger then too, but other than that, it's all a bit fuzzy round the edges.

So to jog your memory about the great conversations we've had and what's happened this year (remember the Julie Myerson episode?), here's our top 10 countdown of the most popular blogs on AM this year.

10. A weekend away from the kids - with the kids

Caitlin and her husband tried, they really tried to have a dirty weekend away from their children. But then there was the in-room Jacuzzi that the grils would have loved and the funny sign on the side of toilet and, well, they found they couldn't carry on without the younger two...

9. How much should Julie Myerson reveal about her son?

There was a moment in 2009 when the whole world seemed to be talking about Julie Myerson's book and the revelations she made about her teenage son within. The novelist Jenny Colgan examines how much a writer should filter her work, especially when it's about her children.

8. Dummy mummies: are mothers intrinsically boring?

A rant by the Observer's Rachel Cooke sparked our rant about silly people who find parents oh-so-dull because they talk about their children. Several other mummy bloggers jumped into the discussion with posts of their own. Scroll through the comments to see their links.

7. 5 steps to understanding teenage girls

Kaz Cooke, author of Rough Guide to Girl Stuff, gives essential tips for any parent of these strange creatures, including wisely steering us away from saying creepy things like "you're a woman now".

The top 10 Alpha Mummy posts of 2009

 
As 2009 hurtles toward its pie-stuffed, wine-sodden conclusion I personally find it hard to remember what was even happening in Janaury. I think I had a different haircut and I definitely didn't own that dress that I got for my birthday and my daughter was younger then too, but other than that, it's all a bit fuzzy round the edges.

So to jog your memory about the great conversations we've had and what's happened this year (remember the Julie Myerson episode?), here's our top 10 countdown of the most popular blogs on AM this year.

10. A weekend away from the kids - with the kids

Caitlin and her husband tried, they really tried to have a dirty weekend away from their children. But then there was the in-room Jacuzzi that the grils would have loved and the funny sign on the side of toilet and, well, they found they couldn't carry on without the younger two...

9. How much should Julie Myerson reveal about her son?

There was a moment in 2009 when the whole world seemed to be talking about Julie Myerson's book and the revelations she made about her teenage son within. The novelist Jenny Colgan examines how much a writer should filter her work, especially when it's about her children.

8. Dummy mummies: are mothers intrinsically boring?

A rant by the Observer's Rachel Cooke sparked our rant about silly people who find parents oh-so-dull because they talk about their children. Several other mummy bloggers jumped into the discussion with posts of their own. Scroll through the comments to see their links.

7. 5 steps to understanding teenage girls

Kaz Cooke, author of Rough Guide to Girl Stuff, gives essential tips for any parent of these strange creatures, including wisely steering us away from saying creepy things like "you're a woman now".

Give a child a reindeer

My Christmas-oriented blogging has mirrored my Christmas shopping - shambolic, last-minute and panic-stricken. But nevermind - even if you ordered in plenty of time, the snow, the travel problems and the now almost traditional Christmas inconveniences mean cards, presents, and even groceries might not arrive before Santa does.

So while Down at the Farm, an attraction at Houghton-le-Spring, might not be able to deliver by December 25 its official package, you can still give a Reindeer for Christmas. When you give a reindeer for a year for £40, the farm sends out a special box that includes a reindeer toy, an adoption certificate for an actual reindeer, a picture of the child's reindeer, a pen and rubber and some reindeer dust (I'm guessing, something sparkly, not something kicked up from dried droppings). If you live locally (near Newcastle), you can call the farm directly on 0191 584 1873 to pick up an adoption pack.

I love this idea. Plus the best bit is that the adoption includes a day at the farm helping out with your reindeer - walking, feeding and grooming it.

(Picture: children with a Down at the Farm reindeer)

Down at the Farm Reindeer Adoption

More on Alpha Mummy

The myth of Father Christmas dies earlier than you think

Caitlin's Nativity report 2009

The myth of Father Christmas dies earlier than you think

The Times's esteemable Carol Midgley chimes in with very timely question today: when do kids stop believing in Santa Claus?

I know all ya'll have an opinion on this too. Let us know what you think. Carol writes:

When do children work out that there's no Father Christmas? At age seven? Eight? Nine? Forty three? When they lay in the dark, eyes shut, pretending to be asleep and make the sobering discovery that "Santa" has exactly the same BO problem as Daddy?

Well, I fear it is younger than we think. Much younger. I have no hard evidence for this unhappy hunch - just the knowledge that four-year-olds now use the Internet more expertly than I do and that I know of a woman whose six year-old son recently claimed that he'd known Santa was a lie for OVER A YEAR. "It was your writing on all the gift labels", he shrugged as she clawed at her own face remembering that children should never ever be underestimated, particularly where presents are concerned. But his key line was yet to come. "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd be sad," he said, tenderly.

Oh God. Here's a weird and unnatural thought. What if children suss out the truth years before we think they do but play along so as to spare our feelings? So it's not us humouring them but them humouring us?

5 money-saving vouchers for parents

If - like me - you're still putting together your Christmas and doing last-minute shopping, you are running out of time, may have already lost your sanity but you can at least save some money with these coupons from community voucher website VoucherHub.com. Best of all, they're not for 45p off something totally useless from a brand you've never heard of, but places you might shop anyway.

1.       15% off at JoJo Maman Bebe

 2.       Free delivery orders over £30 at Mini Barratts

3.       10% off orders over £120 at Mothercare

4.       5% OFF all Trampolines, Sledges, Toboggans, Mini Skis and Snow Equipment at Super Tramp

5.       £10 off when you spend £80 at Babyworld

Nativity report 2009:

Every year, there is no more emotional rollercoaster-y - to use the technical term - event than the Nativity. Little wonder they made that film about it. I always cry at least once - although, to be fair, I do also laugh at least ten times; often to disapproving looks from surrounding parents. Hey! Lighten up! Pretty much the only pay-back from having kids - until they become successful lawyers, and buy you a new car  - is laughing at them. Cash those chips in, I say. Cash those chips in laughing into your scarf, five rows back.

As I've explained before, the great bitterness of my childhood was that I never took part in a Nativity myself - I thought I was guaranteed Mary Material, and then the NUT went on strike and our Nativity was cancelled. Even mentioning it now makes me genuinely quite tetchy. I can't tell you what an unbecoming grimace I have on my face.

As a consequence, I have a wildly unrealistic idea of what being in a Nativity is actually like. For instance - having watched In Bed With Madonna at a pivotal age, I can't help but believe that, just before they come on stage, sundry 6-year-old shepherds, Kings and angels all gather in a circle, holding hands, and Mary chews gum whilst saying "Dear God, give me the strength to put on an extra little something here, in my home town," as Warren Beatty watches, bemused, from the corner.

Live Q&A: A non-gamer's guide to buying videogames

With Xbox, Nintendo DS and Wii games becoming more sophisticated and varied, it's hard to know the right Christmas gift for the gamer in your life. Which ones are good for young kids, what's the hottest thing for your favourite uni student?

For many parents, a big question is "video games or not video games".

Join us on Tuesday Dec 15 at 12pm for a discussion and Q&A (Times Mobile users, please go to http://bit.ly/gameguide). We'll have as panelists:

* An expert from GAME, the high-street retailer

Nigel Kendall, the Times's online technology editor

Jennifer Howze, lead blogger on Alpha Mummy

Sign up now to get an email reminder when it's about to start. Then come and lend your opinion, ask your questions or just see what everyone else has to say.

A daughter's insight

And now for something completely different...

Recently a mother emailed me with a piece about friendship written by her daughter. Her daughter is grown up - from reading the essay her daughter wrote, I suspect that she's more grown up than I am - and I found it moving that mother and daughter have a close enough relationship that they can Talk About Things.

This is the dream I have of my relationship with my own daughter: that when she grows up she'll naturally reach for the phone or email to share stories from her life. Not necessarily the "I don't know where my knickers are from last night" although I'm not picky. It will be nice if she shares the type of insights that Gill's daughter Natalie does here.

On Friendship: a love letter

I’ve sworn off best friends.

That sounds dreadful, I know. Or at least, dreadfully capitalist, as though they were just commodities you can give up for lent, like booze or chocolate. In some ways, they are actually quite similar, I suppose; you get great enjoyment from them, they make life infinitely more bearable and help you get through the bad times, and too much of them can be very bad for you.

My last two best friends have both, whether by coincidence or design, ripped the hinges off my bathroom door. And the door off the door frame. I can’t help but see this as some obvious, cliché sort of metaphor for the trails of havoc and destruction they left sprawled through my life. The first time this sort of thing happens, you simply accept it as a moderately upsetting event.  So you fix the door and you get on with things. But when the second set of hinges go, you start to question it. 

Christmas: 'Tis the season for married sex

Gigi at Mumsrock has written in about what she sees as the most important thing to give this Yuletide season. Wrapping optional.

What I find interesting is that this mirrors what I was told by a woman who works with a charity that benefits working class women with families. "It's a totally different mindset," she said, referring to sex within marriage for her clients. She described being mystified by middle-class women who talk about their sex drive evaporating after kids arrive. "These women I work with see it as something you just do," she explains. Friday night, the husband gets home and wants to relax, have a drink, eat his favourite food and, basically, get a leg over. "They say, 'Hey, it keeps him happy and usually once we've started I enjoy it too'." 

Read what Gigi has to say about it and tell us what you think.

With the touchpaper that is Christmas looming ever nearer, the prospect of tidings of comfort and joy between you and your partner seems less and less likely. From fall-outs over who is doing all the work (it’s not you, it’s me), why you have no wish to negotiate up from spending 3 days with the in-laws, and why you don’t like tinsel on your tree (it’s tacky - everyone thinks so), your relationship may be heading into dangerous territory. So why not avoid a meltdown around the tree this year by exercising your conjugal rights (but not by the tree - it will upset the kids).

I was discussing sex in long-term relationships with a friend the other day. Like you do. And, marriage my friend argued, was a contract, and as part of that contract, a husband and wife promise to love, honour (or not) and obey each other, which includes, according to my friend, having sex. ‘Sex’ she told me, was a ‘contractual obligation’ that’s why it’s called a conjugal right (not a privilege).

Now this friend is a modern woman, she’s strong, she’s independent. She’s certainly no Betty Draper, but this was her thing. If you want to have a good relationship - treat sex like a contractual obligation. Like paying the congestion charge, or not smoking in front of your best friend's newborn.

Thanks to the headlice experts

As I sit here, head greasy from Hedrin, hair thoroughly moisturised with tea tree conditioner and fine combed to its eyeteeth, I want to send out a big thank you to the fellow Tweeters out there who chimed in with excellent louse-ridding advice.

To distill it for your here:

* Get a really good comb. I have a plastic one that seems to work just fine (@dalzielb laughs at this - we'll see who's right). But NittyGritty gets plaudits as the platinum-standard

* Treat hair with Hedrin. Slippery, gloopy and only good for "wet-look" styles, but effective

* Comb, comb, comb with lots of conditioner (a friend recommended Sainsburys 59p tea tree kind - which has a nice smell and seems to do the trick)

* Repeat combing every two days for two weeks

* Re-apply Hedrin after 7 days.

A special shout-out to @dalzielb, @treatheadlice, @nonstopmama, @littlestuff and everyone else who responded with words of encouragement via Twitter.

Dulwich Divorcee has written about her trials, Caitlin Moran has shared her tips here on AM (popping the little buggers between your nails is part of the fun) and Sarah Vine finds that they infest her dreams. Hairforce in London even has a delousing service. 

Got more tips? Share them here. I have a feeling I'll need them.

Missed out on the conversation? You should follow Alpha Mummy or me on Twitter - www.twitter.com/alphamummy or www.twitter.com/jhowze.

What it feels like to be a married single parent

Potty Mummy, who writes The Potty Diaries blog, has become a particular type of single parent recently. Dad is there but not there. Do you recognise this role?

 

Holding a family unit together in the midst of the seemingly interminable credit crunch means battling against a host of problems that many of us never foresaw when we set up home. We're already used to dealing with the stresses of an every day life to the power of 10 due to the digital age (come on; when was the last time you turned your mobile phone OFF?).  We're trying to meet the impossibly high expectations of being a modern woman; Jools Oliver in the nursery, Nigella in the kitchen, Kate Moss or Dita von Teese in the bedroom - depending on your inclinations - and whichever of the Sarahs' (Brown or Cameron) you happen to prefer at work.

 

Now though, in addition to all this, an increasing number of women have been thrown into the role of weekday sole parent as their partners, forced out of their jobs by the credit crunch, earn their contribution to the family's bread and butter elsewhere. As in, somewhere that requires them to be away from home 5 days a week or more. 

 

It's not a new phenomenon, of course.  People have been commuting away from their families for time immemorial, and you could argue that it's not so different in real terms from the excessive hours many of these same people previously worked in the City.  But sharing a home with a person who's there briefly in the morning to interact with their children before they leave for work and not home until 10.00pm after an exhausting day in the office, whilst also fraught with problems, is a very different kettle of fish to being the only adult in the house and 'having the con' from Sunday night to Saturday morning each and every week.

 

Are single-sex schools a good idea?

I went to a mixed school as did my husband,so that's what we've chosen for our daughter, at least for lower school. But I've wondered if a girls' school would be good for her when she's older.

Some say children thrive in single-sex environments, where there aren't the distractions of the opposite sex. Others say girls-only or boys-only classes (and playgrounds) create pressure cooker worlds of bitchiness and bullying.

On School Gate, Sarah Ebner has talked to several educators about the effect of single-sex education. She writes:

The traditionally accepted view has been that girls schools can benefit girls educationally, but that boys' schools somehow produce boys who are repressed! In recent years, that orthodoxy has been challenged by many people who fear that boys are getting a raw deal educationally, and need to regain their confidence and be taught differently (and so separately.)

We're debating the topic today at 1pm with some experts in the field on School Gate. Join Louise Robinson, head of Merchant Taylors' School for Girls in Crosby and member of the Girls' School Association; Janette Wallis from the Good Schools Guide; John Bangs, head of education at the National Union of Teachers; and Matty Sowinski-Brown, who's in the Upper Sixth at Poole Grammar School for Boys for what's sure to be a rousing conversation.

The debate is using CoverItLive live blogging, so you can jump in with questions for the experts, your opinions and responses to other people's comments.

Sign up now to get a reminder just before it starts.

The 50 best console games this Christmas

My stepson is jonesing for an Xbox this Christmas but this leaves me in a quandary - what kind of game to get him? The only ones I've heard about are of the "shoot innocents in an airport" variety so I'm a bit at sea. Nigel Kendall - the Times online technology editor and brilliant blogger on Tech Central - has saved my day at least with this list of the best console games, broken down by category (Family and Adult) and platform (Xbox, Wii, Nintendo DS, whatever else there is - I don't know, I still play Pong on my mobile).

Some colleagues were "reviewing" Just Dance last week, which was amusing for the rest of us. Check it out and if there are any you can recommend, leave a comment here or on the article. Please, I need all the help I can get. 

50 best console games for families and adults

The Nazis - A Warning From History

Just one small piece of warning, at this time of year - information hard-won, believe me you, as I survey my wrecked tights, saw-dust-filled front room, borderline tearful lodger, drunkenly-listing tree, and clock that reveals we have been at this for FOUR HOURS: MEASURE THE CIRCUMFERENCE OF YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE, VIZ FITTING INTO YOUR TREE-HOLDER,  BEFORE YOU PURCHASE IT.

    That is all. Merry Christmas. I need a gin.

It's time to take risks with our children

I’m in Spain writing a piece for the Times’s website and I caught the last few minutes of a Newsnight last night on Spanish TV. It featured esteemed professor of sociology Frank Furedi, author of Politics of Fear, Therapy Culture and Paranoid Parenting, talking about our outsized fear of risk in modern life, especially as it relates to children. Watching their discussion made me extremely happy to be living in the UK.

Not only do we have newscasters like Jeremy Paxman asking questions and follow-up questions and further follow-up questions (compare with most soft-ball interviewers on American TV) but you have academics like Furedi challenging the popular thinking that when it comes to children we need to be more afraid, more careful and more alarmist.

Furedi spoke to Paxman about the issue of risk and how we now tend to think of risk as something that can and should be avoided at all costs. A child falls down, we look for the person who pushed him; somebody trips, we blame the step.

Christmas comes but once a year - thank God

 

Arrived at my daughter’s school this morning to find that I had failed on not one, but two counts.

Firstly, she was supposed to bring in a Christmas tingle. This, for those of you who don’t know (i.e. me) is an orange with a candle stuck in it, and lots of sweets on swizzle sticks poking out. Looks like a child’s representation of a deadly virus. Anyway, I must have missed that particular communiqué (every day brings another flurry of instructions in the book bag, most of which seem to go missing), because as all the other little children walked proudly into the classroom bearing theirs, mine was bereft. 

She was also supposed to arrive with a completed lamb costume for her starring role in the Christmas play. I had big plans for this one. I went all the way to Ikea (a deep sacrifice, I think you’ll agree) and purchased one of their cheap-as-chips fluffy white throws, intending to fashion it into a sheep-like tabard, complete with hood and ears. Of course it all went horribly wrong, and the thing unravelled all over the carpet, much to the Jack Russell’s delight. Now I have a shop-bought one on order (which is what I should have just done in the first place instead of pretending to be some kind of domestic goddess), but it hasn’t arrived yet. And so, in desperation, I proffered the half-made one to her teacher, with a mumbled explanation about this one being a “temporary” costume, just for rehearsals (the actual play isn’t until the 10th). I left in no uncertain terms: wearing the Bad Mother hat of shame.

Next challenge: a pair of stripy pyjamas for my son’s Innkeeper. Even I can’t screw that one up – surely.

How do you get a boy to watch a "girl's movie"?

The Times's David Hutchinson recently travelled to New Orleans with Disney to try out new games (pictured right) related to the company's next movie. It looks like a sure winner from what David say. There's only one problem....

Dave writes:

In my household, weekdays encompass steamed broccoli, educational reading and limited TV and computer time. This all changes on Saturday or "Daddy day" as it's aptly named, when wrestling, burgers and video games are permitted by my wife as long as we are out of her hair - I get to indulge my love of kids' films and video games. (I recorded 'Rolf's Cartoon Time' religiously onto well worn VHS tapes as a child, and have a decades-long addiction to the Mario series of games.) I love to line up at the cinema with my six- and four-year-old sons to see whatever new candy-coloured kid-friendly treat is being shown. Essentially I spend Saturdays reducing my normally well-behaved boys, to feral barbarians in a matter of hours.

Warning: the 17 most-wanted toys this Christmas

In some place - probably an idyllic village in Sweden - there are children who are thrilled to receive a sewing kit, or some biodegradable modelling clay, or anything knit-you-own, grow-your-own, or sustain-your-own. But here, in the real world, children are still drawn to three main areas of toy manufacture: noisy, shiny or messy, or, if you’re really lucky, all three. With that in mind, here is the top 17 toys to watch out for your children will be asking for this Christmas.

1) Spa Factory™

Every so often, a product comes along that is equally as thrilling for the child as it is horrifying for the parent. Giving girls the ingredients to make their own face masks, nail varnishes, and aromatherapy treatments, and then encouraging them to slather them on their own and their friends’ faces, is surely, if you’ll pardon the pun, a recipe for disaster. Sticky, messy, sparkly, and with a somewhat questionable message about female beauty – this one is sure to be a winner with little girls all over the country.
Spa Fantasy™ Aromatherapy Fountain (RRP £29.99)
Spa Sleepover Party for Three (RRP £24.99)
Spa Fantasy sets (from £7.99)
All available from leading online retailers

2) The Star Wars Force Trainer

This item is being heralded as the one to watch this Christmas. It has been long awaited by those in the Star Wars know, and its release this Christmas is set to cause a bit of frenzy. For those less up-to-date with Jedi happenings, the Force Trainer is a headset that uses the technology from hospital EEG machines to measure the aspiring Jedi’s beta-brain waves (emitted while concentrating) and powers the machine accordingly. While it is undoubtedly a bit unnerving that they would put such sophisticated technology in a toy, at £99.95, it is a steal for the hours of silence that it will buy, as children stare ferociously at an unmoving ping-pong ball.
The Star Wars Force Trainer (RRP £99.95)