The call you don't want to get

The nursery calls. My daughter is complaining of a sore neck. There is swelling and redness although she's playing and eating well. Want to drop everything and rush home to take her to the doctor's surgery, then spend the rest of the day together doing Play-Doh and dressing up Polly Pocket. Except I still have hours and hours of work to do and can't get away. Husband and I agree to set up doc's visit for tomorrow and he'll get home early today. Sometimes the "work" part of "working mum" feels like the least important part.

Comments

[supermother]

Debbie, that's dreadful. We only 2 or three times had a child in hospital and only for one night. Obviously if it's something serious a parent will be there, mother or father and no assumption it will be the mother. Also for long term sickness you do have to take tough decisions about what is best for the family as a whole in the long term. I know Nicola Horlick in her book wrote about hiring someone just ot be there by the bed side all day when her child in hospital was sick which of course doesn't mean the parents aren't visiting as often as they can but certainly chidlren don't need a blood parent there or doing the round of doctor's appointments.

And there is a right off for emergency time off unpaid for men and women for domestic emergencies just to give you time to arrange the longer term cover at home.

[Debbie]

This is very pertinent having just had two weeks off work with a child in hospital with pneumonia, a husband away for 6 weeks and another child to look after as well. Work? Whats that? Out the window, I have hardly been there at all for the last week either, with early finshes from daycare, so she can convalesce, more doctors appointments etc, etc. I am so exhausted from lack of sleep, its not much point me being at work as I can't concentrate for more than a nano second without wanting to lie down and go to sleep in the corner. Thanks god for an understanding boss, thats all I can say.

When your kids are sick, they just need to be home with mum and work and career just has to live with that. Once your child is really sick, you don't care what work think, you don't even think about it, all that matters is that they get better.

[supermother]

If a child is serious ill of course all parents would want to be with that child, no question. I didn't say otherwise. if they're a bit off colour and off school there is no need for a parent to be there and their nanny or whoever is their child carer can look after them. Yes, our children come first but on an hourly basis we decide what comes first in that time frame. So it might be getting the car to repair over playing with the child one day or the sick dog over the baby another and another the important meeting that will run late and that day is more important than being there for bed time.

But skiving off work because you have some guilt complex which suggests irrationally because little Johnny has a runny nose only you the God like perfect mother person who alone of all the people on the planet can get his drinks for the next 10 hours and putting your employer or customers out when it's not necessary, is a sign of beta not alpha motherdom.

[Rachel]

here here omega3mum, i fully agree, nothing is as important, if you choose to have kids you need to put them above all else.
I dont put money above all else, however, somebody has to be working to pay the bills, in our house my husband earns more, so i take time off, it's that simple.

[Omega3Mum]

Supermother, speaking as one who did look after a child who was both seriously ill and, eventually, dying, I thought your post was a bit flip. Doesn't matter if it's not fun - you're a parent, do your job. The other job is always less important.

[wonderbra]

In a bizarre combination of this piece and the 1970's theme on mumsnet listed below this item, I remember my mother being sacked because she left early to look after me. They told her not to come back to her magazine. At least it's better than that now.

[Not such a yummy mummy]

Just accept that we'll always find something to feel guilty about - take the opportunity to be at home with your daughter, snuggle up under a duvet and stick on a disney DVD...trust me, they'll soon reach an age where that will the last thing they want to do, no matter how ill they are!

[Deb Joffe]

Oh dear, this site just buys into the whole patriarchal and capitalist culture of money being a priority and children as commodities. Where are the daddies? Why are they not rushing home? Or even worrying much? Are they (and you) making sure your subordinates have plenty of time to attend to their own sick children?
My child had the day off school yesterday because she looked a bit pale and flushed and was tired. I'm not saying this wasn't frustrating for me, but it was my priority. Stuff the work ethic and get more rest everyone!

[Wimbledon]

I'm so glad "Supermother" is here to tell us all where we're "going wrong" - for a minute there I thought it was natural to feel upset and worried when a precious child is feeling unwell and you can't be there to comfort them. I'm sure her kids take comfort from the fact she'll turn up if they're "seriously ill or dying" - poor little blighters!

[Starling]

Oh well, beta mum, my nursery ignored a raging fever one day - son ended up in hospital -, and sent him home with foot and mouth the next. I wish they'd get their priorities right.

Good luck!

[TigerFeet]

It's so very hard to juggle everything isn't it? If you are at home with a sick child you feel bad about not being at work, if you are at work when they are ill you feel bad about that too.

Personally I'd rather feel guilty for not being at work but it doesn't always work like that... if you take an afternoon off to look after a poorly child then you just know that the child will in fact be absolutely fine once you get him/her home and that the work piling up on your desk in your absence will be enough to make a grown woman cry.

[Career and Kids]

It's hard. I hope she feels better soon, and, enjoys the time with her dad.

[Beta Mum]

Nurseries - pah!
They send them home at the slightest excuse.
Hand, foot and mouth, chicken pox, conjunctivitis, impetigo, a bit of a temperature... all these things have been passed around the other kids and staff days before the symptoms appear.
The times I've dosed them up with Nurofen (lasts 2 hours longer than Calpol) and sent them in... at least then The Call doesn't come until an hour or two before the day at work is over anyway.

[supermother]

No, happy to say never felt like that. This is where parents go wrong - being too concerned about minor illness. And it's not fun to spend a day with a sick child. Much better in the office. Obviously if they're seriously ill or dying you rush right there to be with them, different issue. May be by the time you've had 5 of them over 22 years like me the novelty of sitting there mopping a fevered brow wanes.

[Fiz]

It's the same feeling I get every time I see 'nursery' appear on my mobile. Thankfully in my case, it's been nothing worse than chickenpox so far. I recommend you consume the wine before conducting the glass test and hope it's just a false alarm in this instance.

[Jessica Davenport]

Gosh. Poor you. Hope all is well. I understand how torn you must feel. Life can be really tough sometimes. Let us know what happens.

[Rachel]

some days they need you and other days you need them, employers should understand this and let you take work home with you, in my case as a student nurse, i wonder if they'll let me take 20 odd patients home on the bus drips drugs and bed pans too LMAO.

[Linda]

I hope all is well, yes that stabbing in the pit of your stomach at times like this can be hard to bear. Good luck.