"Traumatic" C-Section debate "rages" on amongst a load of very tired women who have been using Jaffa Cakes in lieu of cocaine for the last six years

First of all, Nilmini de Silva - Parliamentary Officer and working mum - sends us the link for a voluntary organisation called the Birth Trauma Association, where you can both get help and, frankly, bitch about the whole experience to a load of women who will say "Oh, I know, I know," like Sybil Fawlty on the phone in Fawlty Towers.

Secondly, for my two penn'orth, I had a "traumatic" C-section - four failed epidurals, trapped nerve, infected wound, blah blah blah - and I know where all the chicks saying how upsetting the whole thing are coming from. As a woman, your body is meant to make a baby, and then eject it out into the world. As Girls Aloud - almost always a reliable touchstone during any debate - said, "You can't escape your biology." Getting pregnant and giving birth is one of a woman's primary functions. To not manage it - to have to be bailed out by a whole room full of surgeons and doctors and anaesthetists - is, no two ways about it, as humiliating and rattling as any other big failure, like flunking an exam, being fired or being cuckolded. For men, I guess the nearest equivalent would be loosing in a fight, and being badly beaten up by a rival.

     The other thing about C-sections is that it would be nice if the whole "Too posh to push," "Easy option"  image of C-sections disappeared, once and for all. A C-section is not the easy option. A C-section is major abdominal surgery - one of the biggest operations you can have - minutes before being handed a newborn baby, often your first, to care for and breastfeed. Again, there is no male equivalent. Men would never have open heart surgery and, moments after coming out of theatre, be handed a crate of puppies to look after. C-sections are upsetting because - wholly aside from the mental and emotional fall-out - it makes motherhood so physically arduous. My first child was an emergency C-section, and I spent the first four days after it in so much pain I couldn't sleep or move. For the next month after, I was a shambolic, hunched, tottering, wincing mess who had a very limited range of movements. You bet it made me a terrible, weepy, unhappy, insecure mother. My second daughter was a dreamlike water-birth - not even gas and air - and the next day I walked out of the hospital, quite slowly, but certainly not in pain, and walked to the library the day after, with the new baby in a sling.

   Women upset after C-sections don't need to "get a life". They're just finding getting that life very, very difficult.

The gigantic anal pain-relief pills they give you, though, are A-1.

Comments

[lynn]

I was a breech baby, successfully turned at 30 weeks by the local GP and my mother delivered me naturally, head first, in 1977. My daughter was also breech (so was my husband but apparently its not genetic - just coincidence..hmmm). Despite me feeling my baby turn a couple of months before she was due, I was ignored and told the head was engaged. How dumb do you have to be to ignore a mother's warning? Did they bother to do a scan? No. Did they do a last minute scan once i was 5 cm dilated? Yes. Did they give me an emergency c - section? Yes. Could they have saved the NHS £2000 plus and me a load of trauma? I think so. I was successfully turned in the 1970s why couldn't they have done that for my daughter 30 years later with 2 months' prior notice? Because c -section is now the easiest option for the medical staff. If there is a next time, I'll be going private.

[Annette]

I had an emergency C-section with my first and only child and found it a very positive experience. I had been to NCT classes but had not been brain-washed by natural is best especially when I thought how many women and babies had died and are dying through natural deliveries. I was able to drive a week after the operation and was in a better state than some of my friends who had natural births with stitches etc. Both my mother and my sister had c-sections so it also seems to be a genetic disposition.

[Hilary Weaver]

I refused a Caesarean for my breech baby, opting instead to have her turned round for a headfirst vaginal birth. I felt very pleased with myself until she died in the womb, six days overdue, from failure of the placenta. I have now been told that I am slowly entering the menopause and am unlikely ever to conceive again.
I read these articles with a sense of numbed detachment, wondering what it would have been like to be one of these happy, articulate women discussing scars and painkillers.

[ELAINE]

Let's not forget that nature can be a poor midwife - many women and babies die in childbirth in developing countries every day.
Obviously most women would prefer an uncomplicated natural birth but C-S can be lifesaving.

[mary]

Um, don't want to inflame anybody further but as well as stating that "giving birth is one of a woman's primary functions", she also cited Girls Aloud as "almost always a reliable touchstone during any debate". I sort of assumed that the article was intended to be slightly tongue in cheek?

[gill spaul]

Again, I'd like to agree with Michele's comments. I strongly suspect that had Caitlin not managed to 'do it properly' second time around, she wouldn't be so keen to label C sections in the way she did.

Look at it another way - how many women would like to be labelled failures if they didn't manage to exclusively breast feed their children for the first 6 months (as recommended by the WHO) with nary a drop of formula or morsel of solid food passing their lips?

[michele]

Anna,

you need to read Caitlin's article again. She definitely states that "giving birth is one of a woman's primary functions. To not manage it -" "is, no two ways about it, as humiliating and rattling as any other big failure" - those are straight quotes not paraphrasing.

Those are general statements which label women who have caesarean births (All of them including yours) as failures.

I have a very good sense of humour, but there is no way that is amusing.

Caitlin is welcome to consider herself a failure if she chooses to do so. I don't choose to chortle at being labelled that way myself.

Neither do I stand back and allow other women to be slurred in the same way.

A joke is a joke - but it needs to be funny to count as a joke.

You can't just insult people and then call them lacking in a sense of humour because they dare to stand up for themselves.

In my world that is called bullying.

[Anna]

For goodness sake. As a first time mother who had a c-section (and what a relief it was he was finally out) I want to ask whether all of these people gave birth to their sense of humour with their babies?

I know its a serious subject and I have so much sympathy for anyone who has had a bad experience but how can you read Caitlins post and not laugh? And anyway she isn't labelling anyone else a failure, just herself and that I believe, is entirely her prerogative.

[gill spaul]

Caitlin, I totally agree with Michele that: 'you can't make sweeping statements which label myself and others like me 'a failure' and not expect to annoy many of us.' I am hugely insulted by your latest article, actually. I am not a failure (at least, not as regards my children). I have had 3 children by C section, and they are the most gorgeous children in the world. In no way was I a failure in producing them. By having C sections I ensured they didn't die through failing to be born (I am naturally a size 6 - 8, 5'2" with a tiny pelvis. My husband is 6'2" and built like a brick privy and the kids were all very long with large heads which could never have fitted through my pelvis. Without a C section, my first child would have died, and maybe me too - and there wouldn't have been any more).
I would also take issue with your attempting to extrapolate your experience of being a physical wreck for the next month after your C sectin, to the rest of us. Personally, I was back in the gym a week after the birth of each of my first 2 children; I left it a week longer with the third child mainly becasue it was the hot hot hot August of 2003 and I knew the aircon had died at the gym. Now, my experience possibly wasn't typical - but neither, I would suggest, was yours. How a person reacts to a C section depends on many things including how fit you were, and well you had looked after yourself, before the operation.

I agree with you about Volterol though - love the lovely volterol. Catheters are good too - the sublime joy of not needing to wee for 24 hours cannot be overstated.

[michele]

Charlotte, just read your comment and I agree with you completely, the Birth Trauma Association sounds like a great organisation. I wish you all the best with coping with what sounds like a horrible experience. Please don't feel guilty though, you have every right to feel angry with the 'professionals' who let you and your child down so badly. Good luck with your current pregnancy and take care.

[michele]

Caitlin, I have absolutely no beef with women who have feelings of failure after childbirth. It is very sad for them and they are entitled to their own feelings and to deal with them appropriately for their own peace of mind. But I do have a huge beef with women who make statements like (caeasarean) "is, no two ways about it, as humiliating and rattling as any other big failure" and then apply that across the board to all of us.

If you had stated that "having a caeasarean felt as if I was a failure and had the same effect on me as if..." OK but come on, you can't make sweeping statements which label myself and others like me 'a failure' and not expect to annoy many of us.

But worse, impressionable hormonal mums who have just possibly given birth and might be on the edge of self pity but maybe could avoid it if given understanding and positive support, could read that bald statement, proclaimed as if a fact and dissolve. When you are fragile, and tending towards post natal depression something like that can be very damaging.

Needing a caesarean in my case was a life saving operation because I was born by caesarean so I am small and give birth to large headed babies. Without this procedure my family would not exist. This is no different than needing insulin because genetics might dictate that someone's sugar metabolism might not work, or needing a wheelchair because of disability, or in a milder form glasses or a laser surgery for the eyesight. A physical fact does not make one humiliated or a failure.

But prejudice from people who should know better can make one feel very sad.

My family history is populated by amazing folk who have learned to view difficulties as challenges and rise above them. I classify achievement on outcome and results. A very well known business motto - is 'don't tell me how hard you worked, tell me what you achieved'.

Maybe I'm going mad here, but isn't the point of pregnancy to have a living and viable baby at the end of it? Even if that is not managed, do you think that a mother who loses her child at birth should also feel a failure?

I have also failed exams in my time - and it hasn't bothered me in the slightest, because it is what you can do with the knowledge you have that matters, not some silly piece of paper. In the main exams and most of the other things referred to as 'failures' are just ways to 'keep up with the Joneses'. I don't care what the neighbours think, the Joneses can try and keep up with me if they have so little self esteem that they wish to waste their lives in that pursuit.

Finally as I said before, yes I sympathise with people who feel depressed and let down by birth experiences. But unless you are all convinced that you can control every aspect of your lives, you must realise that sometimes things don't go according to plan and that you can't blame yourselves for that?

But maybe how you deal with it is a metaphor for how you deal with life in general?

Maybe it is a time to reassess the values that have seemed to make sense up until now and stop beating up on yourself and valuing yourself by how you match up to others?

It can be scary to realise that it really doesn't matter whether you are top of your field, or have more money or stuff, or that you can or can't carry out a bodily function that a cat manages easily.

The only thing that really matters is how you interact with your friends and family, what you all learn about life along the way and managing to experience moments of true joy as you travel your path.

Checking to see who has amassed most points and classifying life in terms of success and failure just makes you and those around you miserable.

Sometimes you just need to let go of the bad stuff and be kind to yourself.

[Sharon]

My first baby was delivered by emergency c-section due to an undiagnosed breech presentation. Having mentally prepared myself for a natural birth with no pain relief (ha, ha). I felt traumatised by the method of delivery and how it differed from my blueprint. This was compounded by the fact that I couldn't breastfeed my new baby. I just wanted to put the clock back and do the thing properly. I was greatly helped by meeting other mothers who had also had c-sections and had not had natural births, I was not alone.

As mothers to be we are pressured into believing that natural birth is the only way. So when things go awry and we are wheeled into the operating theatre we feel that we have failed ourselves. The vast majority of us have c-sections for good medical reasons, it is not an easy option to have surgery, quite the opposite as recovery takes a long time.

I have now had 2 caesarians, the second elective due to gynaecological complications that have made it too dangerous for me to go into labour. As far as I am concerned I have given birth to both my children. How they came into the world is a small part of their lives, there will be bigger things to worry about over the next 20+ years.

[charlotte]

Having read Kerry Baggott's article last week, my first thought was 'That woman has post traumatic stress disorder and needs some help RIGHT NOW!'
I am therefore very pleased that there is now a link to the Birth Trauma Assos. on this website. I sincerely hope that Kerry gets the help she needs to come to terms with what she and her baby went through. Any women who have the slightest doubt that they may need some help should consult this excellent website.
When I went into premature labour with my son, i was assured repeatedly that a natural delivery was the safest way for him to be born. Sadly, the very opposite proved to be true, with (sparing all the gory details) my son barely having a heartbeat when he was finally delivered and spending several minutes on the resuscitation table, where the staff failed (after several attempts) to intubate him and had to perform CPR on this tiny scrap of life.
Incredibly, my son survived this ordeal and is now a delightful, cheeky, lovely 2 year old.
Following my son's birth, i felt like someone had ripped my heart out, it was the most distressing thing i have ever seen and i was powerless to help him. Thus, as Kerry says, the sense of failure you are left with is overwhelming. It has nothing to do with whether you get your 'badge of honour' for delivering your child naturally, but instead the sense that you could do nothing to protect your own precious child.
The way i coped with the experience would have been very different, i am sure, if even one single medical professional i encountered during the following months (in SCBU, GPs, health visitors etc) had acknowledged what a terrible experience my family had been through. Instead, as i sat sobbing in various offices saying that i was having continuous flashbacks of my son's birth and was so anxious i used to sit by his cot when he was asleep to make sure he was still breathing, i was just sent out with the old chestnut 'Time is a great healer'.
Finally, i stumbled across the Birth Trauma Assos website, and armed with some printed-out info, went to the GP and insisted that i was referred for some psychotherapy.
I was subsequently diagnosed with severe PTSD and attended 16 psychotherapy sessions, incorporating Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprogramming, an effective form of treatment for PTSD (see the BTA website for more info).
The thing about PTSD is that it overshadows everything; somehow i managed to raise my baby son during this time and yet my memories of his first year are coloured by my struggle to come to terms with his birth.
I am now pregnant again and, however my next child is born, my husband & I have agreed that we will not allow another of our children to have to go through such an ordeal.
I urge pregnant women / women in labour to speak up if they have any concerns, and if you are not listened to, just shout even louder. I have learnt to my detriment that a woman's instincts in labour are usually right, and i shed a tear each day for allowing the delivery team to shout me down as i insisted that my unborn child was in danger and begged them for help.

[Chris]

My wife and I have 2children. The first was born naturally and entire experience was the worst in both our lives. Don't forget there are traumatic natural births too. This one resulted in my wife suffering severe post natal depression. We did not want a 2nd child for some time, but took the decision when (following counselling) we were given an option of a c-section. Far from being humiliating the operation was professional, more dignified than the natural birth and resulted in a very happy child and mother from day 1. My wife was back on her feet far more quickly than the natural birth. Both are boys are fine healthy lads, thankfully 5 years on my wife is too - but the worst part, thats easy to identify - the first YEAR after the natural birth which pushed my wife, baby boy and our marriage to the limit due to the poor care during birth and the physical and mental suffering of my wife post it. Get a life everyone and get a balanced view - not all natural births are a bed of roses, and I'm sure some c sections arent either.

[WineMonkey]

My first (and so far only) baby was born by an emergency c-section after I spent 14 hours trying to get him out while the medical staff failed to notice he was lying back to back with his head twisted towards my left thigh. Each time I pushed, I was basically strangling him and I don't think they believed I was in quite so much pain as I was. After the operation I needed 3 units of blood and was in hospital for five days. I do feel that I failed in some way, but I certainly do not feel that I need to "get a life". If I had been in agony, hospitalised, operated on and needed a transfusion for any reason other than childbirth people would perhaps agree that it was an horrific experience. As it was, I was expected to be happy, get up and about and look after a brand new life whilst in shock, unable to move properly and out of my head on morphine. I'm certainly willing to give "natural" a go next time...

[Fiz]

Ah well at least you had the joy of a second straightforward birth. I had an emergency c-section first time round (even though because of rare complications I knew I would be having a section at some point), followed by a Class A Emergency after a failed VBAC second time around (followed by an infection, just to add to the misery). The article certainly struck a chord with me - at least I know I'm not alone. And that really is a comfort - Thank you!

[spymum]

Ack!!! Anal pain relief pills!!

Sounds very French! The very idea of using anal relief pills makes my Frankenstein's monster-like tear (follwed by an equally horrible fore & aft episiotomy) almost wonderful! LOL!

[Nix]

Oh yes, Volterol. Mother's little helper or what? Truly one of the wonders of modern medicine.

[Elizabeth]

I had an emergency caesarian in Sydney. It seems to me that my fantastic (yes, you read that right) experience was due to the ante natal care here. There is no brainwashing that no drugs is the best and only way to successfully birth. All the options are presented to you and, of course, everyone hopes for a natural experience but should plan a fail then the plans b, c, etc are all explored. When i jokingly wrote to my friends in the UK that, petrified of child birth, i wouldn't mind a caesar (ah, the fickle hand of fate), I received emails begging me not to consider it. My friends had heard nothing but horror stories and tried to pass on the evangelical teachings they'd received at NCT on to me. We are meant to be a sisterhood and help each other. I just cannot understand the response of 'get a life' to Kerry - it is just so disappointing. Giving birth is surely not a competition on who can handle it best. The birthing process is so tortuous as we're on a delicate balance of giving birth to a baby that can survive at it's earliest measured against the head size not being too large to kill the mother. That's evolution.
I also agree with Caitlin about the drugs being quite stupendous, but no anal nonsense here, they just use the catheter they leave in your hand for that purpose. I will definitely have my next baby over here and not back in London as, besides the care sounding terrible, the polarised opionion on how to 'do it naturally' is terrifying.