1am: "I'm scaaaaaared". Reaping the whirlwind of Dr Who.

By and large, I think we have been, rounding up to the nearest pound, amazing parents. Neither of the children are dead yet, they know the difference between "up" and "down", and they can both use a spoon, when prompted. Frankly, I'm ahead of all the targets I set myself, all those years ago, on that historic night when we both felt it was too cold to get out of bed and get a condom.
So imagine my surprise on finally encountering a parenting hiccup. After letting the kids watch the last series of Dr Who - good role models, introductions to physics, chance for mummy to perv The Doctor - Dora, the six year old, is having sleep anxiety. "I'm scaaaared," is the awful, disturbing and, to be frank, slightly annoying moan, come bed time. "I'm so scaaaaaaared."
Over the last month, this has escalated into teeth-griding, rigid-bodied wailing, sometimes lasting up to an hour. Bedtime has gone back from the previously temperate 8.30pm to a frankly marriage-ruining 10.30pm. We've tried long stories, playing music, constant reassurance, rational analysis and rocking her to sleep - things I am proud of. We've also tried shouting, walking out of the room, necking supermarket whisky and threatening "No playdates for a month if you don't GET enough SLEEP" - things I am not so proud of. I'm at my wit's end. The only thing that's keeping us going is the phrase "It's just a phase", which I'm actively considering having put on a t-shirt and flogging to every other despairing mother I know.
The three year old, meanwhile, is as happy as Larry. Dr Who didn't scare her at all. Indeed, she tries to help out by shouting "I am a human Dalek, Dora!" from the adjoining room, at crucial moments. I'm literally thinking about moving house without telling them.

Comments

[Claire King]

Nearly Mummy - Don't know if you were sending me vibes, but last night John Barrowman turned up.

Wasn't expecting him...!

[NearlyMummy]

Dagnammit - why can't I bump into Messrs Simm and Tennant in my local Costa? *sigh*

[Theta Sigma Mummy]

Yamin - rumour has it that he is, next year. Hamlet.

[Yamin]

Good grief, these media type families! And here's us, out in the provinces, tickled pink cos we once saw Joe Pascale in a park!!!! Please send The Doctor up here! (its stratford on avon, he could do RSC.......)

[Claire King]

Aha, Caitlin, so that's why you couldn't publically admit to perving over Mr Simm eh?

[Caitlin Moran]

Without being "clang"-y, being a media London family, we do have the added difficulty that John Simm - the Master - has his son at the same school as Dora, and she sees the newly dead Timelord in the playground every morning. He tries, God bless him, to explain that it was just pretend, but every time he goes near her she starts crying again. Additionally, she keeps seeing David Tennant in Costa. Her waking state is confused with both her sleeping state, and her 'watching TV' state. Maybe we need to move.

[Claire King]

Nearly Mummy - I'm expecting too but no hot dreams for me! Bah!

I think (infinitely better) it may be because he smiled more?

[NearlyMummy]

Thanks Yamin - I do debate occasionally if I'm in the mood but I do have a pi** taking reflex that I find very difficult to restrain.

People do take it all terribly seriously don't they??

[Yamin]

Nearlymummy!

Thanks for sharing!! Can understand the need to furnish your dreams, and the baby gets a good workout from the raised hearbeat I expect!!
Good luck, and don't step into the debte arena, as you see, its awful out here!!!!

[Yamin]

What an interesting reason to put a toddler in front of a scary tv programme! It'll stop him being scared of everything and anything! Having said that, of course you know what is right for your children and I respect that, just don't personally feel its suitable watching for MY children (I mean, I was terrified at the statues one!!!!!) and I don't feel that my children are more fearful as a result. And you know, at 3, many children ARE scared of lots of things, its natural......

[NearlyMummy]

I think we've lost sight of the key issue here. One the most pleasant side effects of my pregnancy, indeed I think the ONLY pleasant side effect of my pregnancy has been the hot dreams and so far both David Tennant and John Simm have featured. So far, Dave is ahead both in number of times featured and quality although John Simm was infinitely better as a baddie than as that nice bloke in Life from Mars.

Just wanted to share.

[NearlyMummy]

I think we've lost sight of the key issue here. One the most pleasant side effects of my pregnancy, indeed I think the ONLY pleasant side effect of my pregnancy has been the hot dreams and so far both David Tennant and John Simm have featured. So far, Dave is ahead both in number of times featured and quality although John Simm was infinitely better as a baddie than as that nice bloke in Life from Mars.

Just wanted to share.

[Whobie]

My 7 year old loves Dr Who -so does the 3yr old. So do I and their dad. The 7 year old did have nightmares for months aged 2.5 - but from watching Disney's Snow White. It took him 3 yrs to be able to watch it again. In my experience it's kids whose TV experience is severely restricted or nonexistent who are scared by everything any anything. Dr Who is a British family tradition - long may it reign.

As for Dora's sleep problems - all the tips here are good ones but it's just something you have to get through I'm afraid. It took us about 4 months...

[L B]

I must admit I have only recently stopped restricting my 5 yr old son to CBeebies Nick Jr and other simnilar aged channels (and only because he did a topic on superheroes at school - intoducing him to power rangers, spiderman etc). However he can become scared at the slightest of things (and yet not freak out at much scarier things). However friends have much younger children who love Dr Who.

As for bedtime, as well as the boring routine, you could also try sticker charts for settling and staying in her own bed, with rewards starting for every night she settles/sleeps through etc, later dropping to one every other night, weekly and evntually discarding them altogether. Other advice for settling for sleep is given on Tanya Byrons column this week (if you havent already seen it :-))

[Elizabeth]

Get Dora to draw a picture of the baddies that scare her and a picture of Doctor Who next to it. Talk about the picture and together arm the Doctor with all the things he'll need to vanquish the monster for good, eg sonic screwdriver, laser screwdriver if you want something a bit fancier, flame thrower etc. It should help her get it out of her system.

(Doctor Who still scares me and I'm 24. Wouldn't stop watching it for the world!)

[Karen Pullen]

Sorry, didn't have time to read all the other comments... BUT

my 5 and 6 year olds watch Dr Who as a Saturday night treat. They look forward to it all day and the programmes have prompted lots of intelligent questions. They have been scared sometimes but surely this is simply a good opportunity to discuss the difference between fact and fiction ?

One of my sons was too scared to sleep once. I recommend 'totally Dr Who' on CBBC which shows them how the special effects are done and that it isn't real.

For night terrors my son recommends sleeping with a light on and two cats ! He finds the cats very comforting if he wakes up. Probably not very hygenic but it works for him.

[Sean]

Caitlin - you imply there's a link between Dr Who & Dora's night terrors, but it's not clear whether it's actually Dr Who that she's afraid of.

My oldest son (now eight) went through a night terrors phase when he was six, going on seven. It seemed to come out of nowhere, and it sounds very similar to what you've been going through. Stick with the reassurances - it will go away in time.

If it is all linked with Dr Who then things should ease up now the series has ended.

And as for the "why are small children watching TV" brigade... get real folks. If your kids aren't watching TV but their friends are, do you think you're really doing them any favours by making them different? To kids, being different means being socially disadvantaged. It's all about balance; there’s nothing wrong with kids watching TV as long as it's not all they do.

My kids watch a lot of TV. They also swim, do martial arts, paint, draw, play musical instruments, go for long walks with our dog, and so on. Sometimes they even do nothing at all - we all need a bit of that.

[laura li]

My four-year old has night terrors occasionally and no amount of cuddles, kisses or consoling from me works - so I send for his Daddy who frightens away the demons by shouting "Go away you baddies or I'll come get you", accompanied by a few karate kicks in the air. Don't know if it would work for a 6-year old but might be worth a try, otherwise I like the idea of being really really boring.

[Theta Sigma Mummy]

Troughton. And that's JON Pertwee. Factoids any self-respecting 6 year old (and younger) now knows.

EVERYONE needs to watch Doctor Who (although, of course, not everyone actually does. There's a little old lady in Dorset somewhere holding out, I believe..) anyway, yes, Doctor Who, it's a given of British family life. Hooray.

[RubbishMum]

You're all dreadful parents who don't deserve children who would be better off in the workhouse than watching a hugely popular TV show that most children in the playground excitedly talk about and to boot fills me with nostalgia when I remember how I used to watch it from behind the sofa AND I remember the doctor with the nose and chin (Patrick someone) before John Pertwee and also that the daleks once got opened and there was a little insecty thing inside. I'm so ancient I remember watching it in black and white.

However it's far more enjoyable on a Saturday night when you're all tired and ready for a sit down with your feet up to participate in a nice family activity like weaving organic nappies on your home loom out of discarded goat hair or brewing some lentil tea or engaging in a group sing along to the hurdy gurdy. Seriously - what on earth do yo think you're all doing watching a family programme at 7pm on a Saturday - have you lost your minds? Wouldn't have caught my generation doing it.

[WineMonkey]

I watch Dr Who, which means my 28 month old son sometimes watches it (if he is inside, as he has been with the rain recently!) with me. He isn't really that interested, except in the explosions that make him shout "crash" and "bash" at the top of his voice.
I used to be scared of the Dr Who music (not the actual programme) when I was young. I also used to think that vampires were going to get me in the night, to the extent that I wore a scarf to bed. Being scared has a lot to do with imagination, and in my case a lot to do with reading Stephen King novels when I was far, far too young (not my parents' fault, I had siblings some 10 to 16 years older than me in the same house!). Really it was sleeping with the light on and hot chocolate at bedtime that got me through. I don't know if that helps!

[Catherine McKiernan]

If Dora doesn't actively want to watch "Doctor Who", then tape it and watch it later when she isn't around.

If Dora does want to watch "Doctor Who", then tape it and watch it on Sunday earlier in the day when it won't interfere with bedtime, and reducing the likelihood of her still being preoccupied with the scary bits come bedtime. You could also try telling her - if she really likes watching it - that if she is so scared she won't go to bed, then she can't watch it at all. See how long the fear lasts then!

And remember that different children are scared by different and unpredictable things. My parents restricted television when I was a child partly because they didn't like it on at all hours of the day, and partly because it was so very hard for them to judge what would scare me or one of my younger sisters, and it just wasn't worth the risk.

[CB]

I have never seen Dr. Who, so I cannot comment on the content of the program, but why does a toddler need to watch TV at all? I don't understand what the fuss is about. If a tv program is scaring the kids, turn it off. Simple as.

(And if YOU as a parent can't live without your TV, it's you who has the problem, not your kid.)

[Kim]

I'm with Theta Sigma Mummy. Children have to watch Dr Who, else what they would talk about in the playground?

Incidentally, when I was about six I was completely terrified by the bedtime stories my parents used to read me, particularly things like Little Red Riding Hood. I used to imagine a wolf was going to come into my bedroom and attack me. Perhaps the answer is stop children having access to books.

[Lou]

I personally do not know what all the fuss is about. As previously mentioned, every child is different. My two boys 4 and 3 watch Dr Who with me and their dad every week - they are fascinated by it. Maybe my two are too young to understand it all and if in the future we find that it's causing them nightmares then we'll take action. There are plenty of childrens programmes that can scare childen - like characters on Numberjacks alreay mentioned as well as others. My children do watch quite a bit of TV - but they do learn from it as well - there can be lots of educational subjects on them. They watch music channels too and love some of the songs - we have a great sing along. Every parent has different ideas on how to raise their children, but in the end our goal is always the same to love them and make them as happy as possible. Anything that might make them unhappy we deal with and sort out the best we know how - we all want what's best for our children we just have different ideas of how to do it.