Lady hair: a full, frank and furry discussion.

Having realised that it's perfectly possible to discuss body hair without being horrible to small children, I now want to start a new thread on the subject.
Here's where I'm coming from, viz hair: I thread my eyebrows whilst waving a picture of Elizabeth Taylor at my threader. I thread my upper lip whilst waving a picture of Hitler, with "NO" written across it, at my threader. I get my legs waxed, because bright pink 40 denier tights look awful with hairs coming out of them.
After that, however, it's Teenwolf all the way. I don't bother shaving my armpits because I never wear strappy tops, and time spent shaving my armpits could be spent reading Grazia. And, besides, shaving lets all the cancer from deodourant in. That's what I heard, anyway. And I'm going to be frank - my pubic area looks like the back of Mika's head. Although obviously not with a pair of bright red GAP trousers underneath it, and a slighty "clashy" t-shirt. Or a falsetto voice saying "Humphrey, we're leaving" issuing from it. Actually in almost every way it's not like the back of Mika's head. Try to forget that.
I firmly don't believe in bikini line waxing. About as firmly as I don't believe in being hit in the face with a baseball bat every six weeks. Aside from the pain - I bruise like a peach and bleed like an, erm, woman - it seems bizarre to me that you'd do something which means that, for a sizeable majority of the time, you have stubble in your pants. If waxing's all about the aesthetics, then aesthetically, it's illogical. So I've gone for the retro look for my "welcome mat". It's the kind of thing you'd see in 1970s Swedish porn movies. I'm sure you can probably buy wigs, to get the look, from Camden Market, or somewhere in Hoxton.
From what I can make out, most women do their bikini lines so that you don't get what is delicately refered to as "spider legs" - or "pant moustache" - when in a swimming costume, or in nice underwear. I can't believe we're spending precious hours of our lives habitually modifying a part of our body to fit into clothing, when the clothing should just COVER THAT AREA. I still cling to my Boden boyleg, halterneck swimsuit as a small bit of sanity in a world gone pubically mad. Honestly - waxing yourself to fit into pants? It's like trimming your hands to fit into gloves.

Comments

[mmmm]

With you all the way Caitlin, I simply like myself too much to entertain the idea of doing anything to my bikini line. It helps that I hardly ever go swimming, though boyleg swimming costumes have helped there. When friends talk about how they like to look nice parading around in knickers, I think well if you're doing it to look attractive, then let's face it by the time you are down to your knickers a man is much more interested in whether/when you're going to take them off than what you look like in them.

But I am a bit intrigued by eyebrow threading. What's it like? Do Alpha mummies recommend? I have never touched my eyebrows or cared what shape they are, but am going through a phase of wanting to look a bit more soignee (prompted by Delilah's excellent advice in 'The Husband Window') and am assured this makes a big difference.

[j]

KM, a st Trinians girl would have worn decoy knickers- an enemy's-(complete with name tag)

They were my role models, sigh, :)

[kieransmum]

That's very funny J - I remember a friend of mine at boarding school sneaked into a boys house at night for some fun - and on her way out, couldn't find her knickers! Spent several minutes crawling round the dorm trying to find them, of course it being boarding school they would have had name and number and house and everything on it- very hard to explain away!

[J]

Jules, try plaits, it worked for Delilah :)

[jules]

Oh dear. Have just picked up my first pair of prescription specs and to my horror my mat is more welcoming than I thought...Three children have had a more hormonal impact than I realized.Explains husbands sudden interest in buying shares in gillette and Boden boy leg swimming costumes.

[J]

Oh boy Delilah, and we are worrying about class sizes on the other thread !

[DELILAH]

It was a trendy girl's boarding school in England; no real privacy. I think some of the mats were quite welcoming, and in term-time too. The House Mistress once tried to discover the source of a pair of Y-fronts (with name tag, unfortunately) which had been inadvertently sent to the laundry with some sheets; and one Head Girl was rushed off for an "appendectomy" which was generally believed to be a completely different operation.

[J]

There was quite a trend in the 80's to put the welcome mat into Adam Ant-style braids or Bo-Derek corn rows. Well, at my school anyway.

OMG deliliah where were you at school?

At my school we never admitted to having a welcome mat, and certainly not to welcoming anybody

What did you do, check one another out in the shower??

[jules]

I think you are all rather fortunate to have such a hirsute dilemma.I am so lacking in that department I have to perform a comb-over each morning.

[DELILAH]

There was quite a trend in the 80's to put the welcome mat into Adam Ant-style braids or Bo-Derek corn rows. Well, at my school anyway. Can't be bothered any more, but the problem with letting it ripple freely is not so much bikini shame as the way it gets all over the sticky tabs on sanitary towels. Cue cowboy gait to the nearest loo followed by involuntary self-depilation on removal of knickers.

[j]

Madmummy, once you have 3, THEY outnumber YOU. Gone are the days of one kid each- there is always one where you have no idea what they are doing.

But I have friends with 6 and 7 kids so it doesnt do to get too precious about it. :)

[Cookie]

I saw an interview with Sandra Bullock once, who confessed to having her welcome mat cut into a heart shape and dyed pink, for valentines day ....since then I've always had a sort of hankering to that, but how do you get pink dye and how long will it take to grow out!!

[madmummy]

J we(husband and self)are in the middle of that do-we-have-3?conversation. Maybe the sickness thing could be the clincher?!

[J]

kieransmum and madmummy, sympathy and whatever you do, dont have more than one kid cos with three there is no need for them to leave the house, they just pass it around themselves in a never-ending circle..

[supermother]

It only looks bad if you shave (and then you need to keep it up I assume). if you have it properly waxed there are none of those effects at all and if you book the next appointment as you leave the last you get a fairly continuous look.

[kieransmum]

Oh yes, "LadyBear Forever," I love it. Off to print the T-shirt now.

[Mumoftwo]

My reservation, which others have mentioned, is that on the very rare occasions I have bothered, the de-fuzzed skin looks great for about two days, followed by weeks of pimples and stubble around a most intimate part. I can't really see why that would be more attractive, however, if I announce my new 'LadyBear forever' status, I'm not really sure what the consequences will be for my homelife...

[kieransmum]

Oh God yes, it can be months. Especially in winter. And then you let your child out of the door to a childminder because you know you will die if you have to put up with them for one more minute and then they come back with a new bug and the whole cycle begins again. I think social interaction between children should be banned between October and May.

[madmummy]

Sorry Kieransmum, thank you for your concern and yes they are recovering but we are just discovering how long one illness takes to do the rounds of all of us.

[madmummy]

Ah MumofTwo - I too have a husband that would prefer it neat and tidy too so I do bother sometimes, but isn't it a fag? And Lisa, many moons ago avant les enfants when we were travelling the world and decidedly bored in some monsoon stricken Indian town he decided to Imac (can't even remember the correct spelling)his hair. Can't say it did all that much for me!

[supermother]

The less about Japanese sexual practices the better but it's not unknown in the UK to have particular patterns made when you're waxed. I get offered a choice bit that I've gone for anything exotic.

There are lots of British men and women who leave themselves in a pretty natural state and are quite content with that. What our children need to know is that there are choices and not one right path on some of these matters. At one extreme you could say anything short of ignoring all looks issues and wearing the dungaree equivalent/ Moa suit is acceptable and that the other that all boys and girls should wax and pluck and exercise and stay slim and wear the right clothes. Most of us are somewhere in the middle. There is also a correlation between how much you play the game and what you earn too in many cases so it's not a simple choice. It also has implications in terms of attractiveness to the opposite sex too in most cultures in the UK.

[kieransmum]

This thread is making me so happy. Before I was just a hairy monster who hated going swimming due to funny looks. Now I am a lady bear. With a swimsuit to buy. Perhaps we could start a club, "Hairs with Attitude." I can see the T-shirts now..."I'm a Bear, not Bare..."
And even better, someone has added more content. Now I am going to go and get myself worked up into a froth of righteous indignation about pampered preschoolers. Bliss.

Hope your baby gets better soon, Madmummy.

[Lisa]

If your husband's so keen on it, how about trying "I'll get waxed if you get waxed" and see how enthusiastic he remains.

[Mumoftwo]

I'm very lazy in the hair-removal department and have never waxed in my life, however, I know my husband would prefer it if I did. If you do wax down there, who do you wax for (and should I make more effort)?

[madmummy]

My friend that went to live in Japan said that it was all the rage to have a Hello Kitty picture stencilled onto your pussy hair! WHY?!!! BTW I am having shocker fortnight with stressful work and sick babies and juggling and blah blah blah but AlphaMummy has me in hysterics whenever I get a chance to log on. It's brilliant - especially last week's debacle!