What was your midwife or nurse like?

Yesterday a story ran in the Times about midwives failing women during birth, sometimes disappearing at key moments. To most mums, it's hardly a "stop presses!" moment. Practically every mum I know has at least one horror story about birth.

After my c-section, I needed help getting in and out of bed,  and picking up my daughter from the plastic tub beside the bed. Some midwives were great - including a trainee who popped in several times a day to check on me. But a few were terrible. They gossiped loudly in the middle of the night at the nurse's station right outside the door. When I rang for help becase of stomach pains, the woman who came stood by the curtain and said tersely, "I can't give you any drugs!" as if I'd wandered in off the street with a needle in my arm and a jones for black tar. "I have a lot of other people to look after tonight. You're not the only one," she said, showing just how important I was in your daily to-do list. Only after cajoling did she lower my bed (by foot pedal, which I couldn't reach) so I could get a Bisodol from my overnight bag. I don't even want to think about the state of the loo. I checked myself out early.

This is nothing compared to the stories of friends, who have had post-delivery infections go undiagnosed, had midwives or nurses who made them cry or jeopardised the life of their baby.

The system has slashed budgets, is closing maternity wards and can't find enough midwives to do the job. It's no wonder workers are under pressure and demoralised at their jobs. But to be perfectly frank, when you're giving birth you don't care about those things and shouldn't have to.

In hospital during my pregnancy, I needed medical care. The last thing I wanted or needed was to feel like a name on the list to be ticked off as quickly as possible before someone could go on their fag break.

What was your experience like in hospital?

Comments

[Fee Berry]

I've had three children, despite my best efforts to achieve a home birth, all in hospital. My first midwife, at Queen Charlotte's, shook uncontrollably. I'd been induced as the baby was 14 days late, and then they forgot about me on the ward, and once they realised I had been induced roughtly 12 hours before, and I'd started to offend their protocols, I was transferred in short order to the labour ward.

I really thought the midwife must have parkinson's, and she dropped several catheters before getting one near me. Try having a catheter inserted by someone with parkinsons-like shaking hands - it was a frightening and unpleasant experience. I was allowed to go a very long time trying to get into second stage before they realised that the baby had got stuck sideways because by then I had fetal scalp monitor, epidural, the works, and had been immobilised on the bed for some hours.

The baby, when born by Keillands forceps, was whisked away from my by a different, Irish midwife, who dunked him under a tap and washed him without asking "because he was all messy".

My second birth was supposed to be a water birth at Hillingdon Hospital, but the midwife found the waste water from the previous birth flowed back into the bath and had to empty it, clean it and refill. Consequently there was very little water in the bath when I got into it - something which is very dangerous I learned later - and I was panicking and asking for help by that stage. She yelled SHUT UP, you have to SHUT UP and SIT DOWN! Just SHUT UP and SIT DOWN! Not quite the gentle and quiet birth I had had in mind for my son. She was joined by a lot of people in the delivery room because she had been yelling for condoms... needing one to put over the sonicaid for use in the bath - and she tried to get everyone in the room, including a couple of students who "hadn't had their stitches checked" to stitch me up, because she wanted to go have her tea break.

My third birth wasn't quite so bad. I had to go into hospital because I was once again a couple of weeks overdue, and when I eventually went into labour - the first time I had been allowed to do so naturally, they insisted that I should have a belt monitor on for an hour. I wanted to move around, and was only allowed to do that within the confines of the bed.

I was joined by my community midwife, the first time that I had been dealt with by someone I knew, and it made all the difference. We had talked before the birth, I trusted her, and I found the whole experience much more positive.

There were a few anxious moments because my daughter didn't breathe immediately but she was fine, and I felt much better after that experience, again at Hillingdon, than I had with my previous birth.

I think that understaffing is a big issue in the NHS. I'd like to see them spending a LOT less on consultants and questionnaires and a lot more on midwives and nursing staff.

[Jan]

I wanted .. a live birth. And that's what I got.

Most of my memories are pretty ghastly:

the nurses in SCBU (13 years ago) wouldn't let me breast-feed, becuase they wanted to know how much milk my son was taking in (he wasn't prem; just a horrible delivery).

the midwives wouldn't let me see my child for the first 8 hours or so - because he was in SCBU. They were meant to take a polaroid for me, but it had run out of film.

weirdest moment - still in hospital on day 3; milk just come in; boobs huge and painful ... and all of a sudden there were two nuns at the end of the bed. Who, on hearing I was after all married, decided to pray for me ...

Good points: excellent stitching; other mums were kind; my mum proved unexpectedly resourceful in extracting my son from SCBU

Final thought: why do they wait until all the drugs have worn off before giving you the "anti D" injection (in the bum; hurts; you lucky rhesus +ve mums miss out on this)

[Jess]

I had my LO at RLI in Lancaster earlier this year, and I must say, I was very impressed with the midwives there. The head midwife was there with me, she was absolutely lovely, and kept me focused. The birth went without a hitch, and I came home later that afternoon. I have no complaints at all!

[WHIMSEY]

They thought you were 'obviously intelligent' ??? How odd!

[Sarah]

Oh, and there's another thing: because I was "obviously intelligent" nobody showed me how to breastfeed properly! I wasn't able to attend pre-natal classes in my area, so the only knowledge I'd had came from books.... no surprise to find out a while later that I'd been doing it "wrong": thought you only used one breast for each feed, alternating. Also no surprise that baby did ok, but was constantly hungry/crying and I gave up breast feeding and took to expressing at 5 weeks. Baby immediately thrived.

[Sarah]

My kid's 8 and still have to make a consious decision not to get angry when I think about his birth.
I wanted a natural, active birth - I got treated like a (slow) cog in a machine or a piece of meat on a slab.
Was my first child and I was told it was taking too long after only 7 hours in labour. Baby wasn't distresed and nor was I, particulalrly - but they insisted I had the injection to "speed things up" AND the monitor on baby's head which meant I had no choice but to lie flat on my back: well, that way they could disappear for literally hours at a time.
Of course, said injection made things a LOT more painful. Lack of activity meant labour came to pretty much a standstill.
No encouragement given: to the extent that I was begging 2 dead-eyed women sat silent at my bed to "do something!".
In the end my 6 foot 5 husband unfolded his length and told them to get somebody who could do their job properly. Although quiet, he was clearly menacing: both women swiftly disappeared, to be replaced by someone obviously with more experience who at least talked to me a bit.
Ended up with epidural, ventouse delivery and an abiding disgust at the maternity ward and sad excuses for midwives.

Decided for my 2nd child I'd have it at home. Sadly, never got pregnant again so I couldn't say if a 2nd birth experience - where I had more experience and a LOT more confidence - would have gone better.

[WHIMSEY]

My midwife experiences are less than satisfactory. I sahn't go into detail here, suffice to say thet the person in question wore a burkha (is that how it's spelled?)

[Azura Skye]

oops just pasted the wrong link
(although that one was quite interesting too, if you like drawing)

http://www.thebusinessofbeingborn.com/

[Azura Skye]

There's a new film out now called The Business of Being Born...
http://www.campaignfordrawing.org/bigdraw/search.aspx?RAB=10

You might like to take a look.

[Emily]

I have two children, who were induced. I found, while I remained calm, it was not painful. I had a couple of contractions I wasn't ready for that made me panic and they really hurt. Otherwise, it was powerful and intense. I enjoyed feeling all of my muscles working without my control. I didn't realize how strong they were or how many there were. I took long deep breaths and walked alot, spent some time in the hospital jacuzzi, rocked. I read some comments about women wanting to prove themselves or live in the dark ages etc.. But if it didn't hurt me and I enjoyed my children's births, what's the problem with wanting to go natural? My first was 29 hours and I found the whole experience incredible and while I'm not high risk, I wouldn't want to do it any other way.

[spacegourmet]

I read a few posts where women had bad to very bad experiences but basically kept them to themselves - I wonder how many women actually complain about disappointing levels of care?

I have recently complained about the filthy waiting room at Lewisham Hospital's Womens & Children section, and they will now replace the seating and possibly! even the carpet (why carpet in a hospital in the first place, I wonder?). Too late for me though, by that time I will probably be in the labour ward. Haven't seen it yet, but am hopeful for better standards of hygiene. And I am determined to put my views to the NHS Trust should I be disappointed.

I would like to add to the homebirth vs hospital debate which is all the rage in this country - could it be that this is just so that the NHS doesn't have to finance more delivery rooms in their hospitals? Also, I found out that because I have opted for hospital delivery, there will be no way that I can have 'my' community midwives there - I am told they are too busy with 1-2-1 care for homebirths. So why not delete the 'hospital with community midwife' option from the forms? Not that it would make any difference - I have had a different midwife at all my appointments so far, and none of them know my name anyway.

It is the first time I am experiencing the NHS (having moved here from Germany 8 years ago), and it is indeed an impersonal machine. That obviously doesn't go well with the emotional aspects of pregnancy and birth. It is run via efficiency drives and target setting (with more or less success - I am amazed every time by their ability to be behind schedule even on the first scan appointment of the day). I think as patients we have ot be much more outspoken (addressed at the right people).

[Charlotte]

Ooh, two Charlottes - I'd better come up with a more original name..! (says Charlotte who is not a lawyer and has one child) It's actually my middle name, but have been recently busted on this identity anyway, by a friend to whom I'd made almost exactly the same comment as one I'd posted a few days earlier... has that ever happened to anyone else? So much for web-based anonymity!

Maybe this is my chance to reinvent myself...

[Charlotte]

I'm not a mummy (just yet) but like to read Alpha Mummy as prep for the time when I am one. I have to say that this thread is a real eye-opener! Why on earth are women treated SO badly during and after birth?? Have any of you lodged complaints about your treatment? I'm sure it's the last thing on your mind post-birth but if I were to speak to my clients (I'm a lawyer) like some of you have been spoken to I'd be out of a job in the blink of an eye! I think what makes it worse is that I always think that women should help and support other women but some of these midwives sound like complete monsters for no reason whatsoever!
Being cared for, supported and treated well in hospital should not be a lottery. The idea of giving birth scares me witless even without the thought that I might be shouted at and made to cry by the very people who should be looking after me. Fingers crossed I win the midwife lottery when it comes to my turn.

[michele]

Constanzia - I did it as nature intended with baby number 1 and had a great experience but what nature intended with baby number 2 is that he would die and I would probably get a fistula - of course he and I were fine because of moderm medicine. We shouldn't forget that naturally something like 10% of babies don't make it

[supermother]

Yes and I remember when the babies emerged the ones with a thick shock of blonde hair my principal feeling was of hair coming out, feeling ticklish hair! The non blonde ones didn't really have much hair at all so that feeling wasn't there.

[DELILAH]

I'd recommend an epidural if you are having syntocinin to speed up your delivery - it hurts worse than normal labour, the baby may come faster than normal which makes you tear and with an epi you won't feel that, and if it all goes to rats (more likely with syntocinin)and you have to have an emergency c-section at least you can be awake for the birth - normally, there isn't time to do an epidural if they have to get the baby out quickly, so they just knock you out.

I had an epi first time round (they were about to put me on syntocinin so I requested it but happily I dilated from 5 cm to 10 cm while they were putting it in and gave birth 20 mins later). It was a well-done "walking" epi, I could kneel up to push and knew when to push by watching the contractions monitor. It was totally effective for the pain. On the other hand, I had awful back trouble for years afterwards because of two ruptured disks exactly where the epi went in. My back was a bit dodgy before the birth, and of course breastfeeding and lugging baby equipment around were factors, but I can't imagine the epi helped. But given the choice I'd probably do it again in that labour, I couldn't have coped with syntocinin without it. The other labours were all gas-and-air affairs, it's hard work but I think Supermother puts it very well as regards pain.

Incidentally, at the point of reaching full cervical dilation many women who were coping well with the pain suddenly fall apart and start feeling that they can't go on. Then suddenly you get the urge to push (because the baby's head has popped through the cervix) and the pain becomes completely bearable again because there is so much else going on and you can really feel the baby coming, bit like sudden relief from constipation! My mother warned me about this, and I experienced it in all 3 labours (of different durations, one quite quick). It must be a hormonal or nerve thing.

[supermother]

Thanks.
It just depends on your own birth and feeling. I have had 5 labours and only wanted and had an epidural with one. I wouldn't say that was better or worse. With the other 4 I didn't want or need one. The pain isn't like the pain of your leg being sawn off which clearly no sane person would choose to endure unless they were in some kind of religious ecstasy I suppose. Instead it is an on off pain with a purpose which a lot of women choose to go through . It's a bit like when you have a headache - sometimes it is so very bad you would take any pain relief available. Other times you don't particularly want or need drugs and you manage without.

No woman will know until she starts to give birth how bad or easy it will be and you just have to play it by ear at the time.

[MonacoMum]

I will say one thing (just one?! Ha, you don't know me me very well yet... ) that I wasn't inspired/provoked to post because I felt my experience was superior but because it was so fantastic and I just want other women (or 'womens' as my French husband would say- very hard to keep a straight face in an argument after hearing that but that's another story) to know that there's a choice and that an epidural is not a cop-out at all but actually something faciltating a fantastic experience. I actually like other women. Not in 'that way' (absolutely although nothing against that at all, many friends etc etc bla bla bla) and have been quite shocked by the posts on Alpha Mummy that are smug or self-righteous and are written by quite obviously very intellient women who clearly need to get out a bit more. Where, I don't care, just see someone/do something who puts your life in perspective a bit:)I work from from home. All the bloody time, it seems, although I LOVE it. Anyone else on the Cote d'Azur? Maybe I'll be more mellow after several limoncellos...:)

[MegsMum]

Thanks, Michele, NP sounds like heaven but even Auckland is better than Wgtn - wine with dinner?! I never even got to see a menu. Eat the lukewarm mush you're given (to be fair, it didn't taste bad although I never figured out what is was), or hope hubby can bring you something. Apparently there are pizza places who deliver to Delivery, I must find out who they are!
The situation in Wellington is so sad at the moment, the poor midwives are so overworked and pressured by the hospital management and it's inevitable that that pressure will be passed on to new parents as well. The truth is that the facilities are simply inadequate, and there aren't enough beds or enough staff to manage the beds they do have. And we're at the leading edge of a baby boom right now, so it's only going to get worse. No easy solutions, either - it's not like there are lots of unemployed midwives sitting around looking for jobs.

[MonacoMum]

Supermother, I've always adored your posts. Am still laughing, in fact. Thanks.
The fact is that that I arrived at the hospital dilated at 10cm, so I think that we can fairly say that I 'appreciated' some pain. The epidural was a welcome relief that allowed me to enjoy the actaul birth- I was laughing when the pipsqueak popped out- how fabulous is that?
What the hell is 'natural' anyway? If you want 'natural' then don't see a doctor, or have any scans, or any tests and squat in the garden. A burst appendix is natural, so is a root canal abcess- do you feel the need to experience the pain for these in order to remain 'natural'? It's all a little bit twee and sentimental for me. It's having a baby, for God's sake, LOL!The priority is the wellbeing of all. Thank goodness for choice.
Mais, vive la différence :)

[annamac]

The births of both my children had to be induced, so I was stuck flat on my back and full of tubes. No way to move around then. Also, the methods used to induce labour apparently intensify contractions much more swiftly than happens during "normal" labour - or so I was informed, in between screams. Personally, I don't much care for pain. I had all the pain relief on offer - and it still bloody hurt. I do not feel that the pain made me a better person or afforded me great enlightenment.

[constanzia]

I had a drug free birth and wasn't screaming in pain. No you don't run around the room during labour but you do change position etc. I found that standing up was best for me.. couldn't have done that with an epidural I'm sure. I'm not disrespecting your choices or anything I'm just interested in why some women don't want to experience the whole thing as nature intends.

[michele]

ps I don't believe in Supermother

[michele]

Megsmum - I'm now in Auckland and was in New Plymouth for the first 2 babies. I can't believe what has just happened in Wellington - a mother was discharged 5 hours after giving birth and the poor wee babe died the following day of breathing problems. My heart just bleeds for her parents.The French experience sounds great to me - I've done it with and without epidurals and there's no "best" way depends on the labour. I wouldn't have managed a natural birth with my third if I hadn't had an epidural as I had a previous ceasar and my baby was too high for me to push it out when i was first fully dilated. Pushing would have stressed my scar for too long if i'd started then. With an epidural i cld sit still and upright and let gravity bring the baby into a better position. I cld't have not pushed without it. It didn't feel like being paralysed at all and it was much better for the crowning. On the other hand i vomited afterwards and it took the edge off the post birth elation. I don't know why people have such strong views - if you don't need one don't have one - if you feel like you want one have one. Most importantly remember the birth is the beginning not the end - you need to begin parenthood in a sufficiently fit state to feed and care for your baby.

[supermother]

The French birth experience below sounds absolutely dreadful. Most English mothers would pay to avoid all that. We are just so different from the French in so many ways.