A new place to get it off your chest

It's Post Secrets meets consciousness raising: this new site Bigwhitewall.com lets you create bricks, like the one pictured here, expressing whatever you want. You can also join discussions about serious things (stress, emotional detox) and sound off on topics that, depending on your social circle, previously might not have presented themselves like, Can I steal my lover's sperm? and I hate my mother-in-law. Check it out.

Comments

[Kieransmum]

Sorry, only just noticed your question. Yes, I did. Before first child arrived safely.

[Lazy Mummy]

KM - thanks for the link! I've bookmarked it this time.

So did you have a series of miscarriages too? The leading theory for me (from all parties) is progesterone deficiency, which would be far easier to solve than some other things. Or age (not so easy).

[Kieransmum]

Yes: definitely get it checked out: it is more likely if other women in your family (mother, aunts) had a history of repeated miscarriage as it is one of those hereditary genetic things. I remember them having to do the blood test for it on me, as my mother also had a bad history of miscarriage.

http://a-way-ahead.blogspot.com

[Lazy Mummy]

"It's particularly important if your child is a girl, as there are some women who have a genetic thing which means they miscarry male fetuses."

Eh? Thought I'd done some research on the subject but hadn't come across this one...

**Mind-blown** (she is a girl, fwiw).

I'll no doubt share some of the travails as we go through all this (have some great alternative care practitioners with good ideas too). Remember my MiL saying you really have to know your stuff and be persistent with docs to get what you need (when FiL was ill).

KM - could you re-post your blog link, btw? I enjoyed reading it but stopped over xmastime (promise to bookmark it this time).

[Kieransmum]

Glad to hear you're feeling OK and that the urban family was in place. What I would say is that you should definitely get someone who will investigate quickly if possible. It's particularly important if your child is a girl, as there are some women who have a genetic thing which means they miscarry male fetuses. There are also other things, fortunately rare, which can lead to miscarrying repeatedly, it's much better to get them excluded quickly and have the weight off your mind.
I know exactly what you mean about the medical profession not believing in the evidence of early miscarriages!

[Lazy Mummy]

Thanks ladies!

No D&C - almost all done now actually and we have a great group of friends who've been available (Bridget Jones was on to something good with her concept of the "urban family"). And great material if I ever write a novel about "women's issues" (though Caitlin would be much funnier about it).

I think I mentioned on a different post it was early & I was trepidatious (can't spell today - apologies). That's because I've had several of these in the last year and not much interest from my OBs until now, mostly because, due to a series of circumstances, they weren't presented with the direct evidence until this time (apparently only "alternative" practitioners find value in charts of monthly cycles and accept the evidence on face value; god forbid a patient might know more about their own body than a highly trained medical specialist).

Details would be tedious and would involve "over-sharing"; suffice it to say that if they're not willing to investigate aggressively at this stage ("aggressively" = "run a bunch of tests simultaneously not make us wait another 6-9 months"), I'll be finding a new OB; in fact, I've already started asking friends for suggestions. That's one of the great things about American healthcare - if you can afford it, you just find another doctor; no messy referral system. (That and the private birthing suites with en-suite jacuzzis and the private family rooms for afterwards with pull-out beds for the Daddies).

[Brenda]

I have just been on to Big White Wall - it is incredible - and did you read the story about how it all began in about us? I so appreciate a site that comes from personal experience - it feels like it has some basis in real care. I made a brick - and it was so easy!!! And there is a strong talkabout on when you don't connect with a baby which happened to my sister. Wow! I know where i am going to be spending some of my hm hm, spare, time.

[j]

Lazymummy, you poor thing, we will be thinking of you.

[Kieransmum]

Oh, LazyMummy, my heart goes out to you. Are they going to do a D and C? If you want thoughts on the day, let us know. (Don't feel obliged to answer if you don't want to).
Really, really sorry. Hugs.

[Wonderbra]

Really sorry to hear that Lazy Mummy. I'd like to send a big hug too.

[Helen]

I tried to post this once. I have been using this site for two months and i find the community at bigwhitewall really helpful. More than - i have been able to process things there that i dare not or choose not to share with close family and friends.

[gipsy]

(((((((((Lazy Mummy))))))))))

**those are hugs for you**

[gipsy]

(((((((((Lazy Mummy))))))))))

**those are hugs for you**

[Lazy Mummy]

Sophia,

I'm sorry to hear you feel like you don't have support because your family are a long way away. I, too, live thousands of miles away from family and it can be really difficult sometimes (like this weekend when my husband was away on business & I miscarried with a preschooler jumping on my back). But I know they're only 20 hours away in an emergency, and also that they're always at the other end of the phone, which really has helped me sometimes. Most places these days, you can get cheap call rates to one or two specific countries, and I *highly* recommend Skype as an awesome way to keep in touch (if you haven't already tried it).

[J]

Jane I would never take depression or mental ill-health other than seriously, that's what worried me about it being on a webiste. But I am pleased- and interested- to hear that people do think it is helpful.

[Jane]

I am just so grateful there is a place for emotional health - i would be horrified if it did not take itself seriously. Perhaps J's life has not been touched by the one in four people who experience anxiety and depression in the UK. Mine has and i wished this site had existed then.

[Lottie]

Hmmm, it's a bit like going to confession isn't it - by being anonymous you are more likely to say what you really feel - makes a change from Facebook anyway!

[Sophia]

I think this is a great idea. It would be lovely to be able to talk about emotional issues within your community or family circle J, but sadly for many, this is no longer an option. All my family live on the other side of the world and I dont have many places or people with whom to get things off my chest. Have just done my first brick! Strangely therapuetic sending it 'out there'

[J]

Oh dear..with all due respect to the fact that it worked well for Hilary, I saw the strapline: "The place for emotional health" and I thought, no, emotional health should be grounded in your community of friends, family (bits of it at a time no doubt). Not somewhere which tells you to be open, honest and...anonymous.

If it was all just for fun I wouldnt worry about it at all, but I dont like to see it take itself so seriously.

[Hilary Voss]

I really like doing bricks - what a great idea! I have shared some things that I have never shared with anyone before.