Alpha Mummy spots the next hot thing

We hate to blow our own horn here at Alpha Mummy...actually, who are we kidding? We love to blow our own horn, so it's convenient when the Tommy Innovation Award give us that chance.

Yesterday Tommy named the Baby and All Bag as the winner of its inaugural Innovation Award. The bag, as careful AM readers may remember, is a cross between a handbag and a baby carrier and we featured it back in January.

Parents nominated the bag for the award, which encourages mums and dads to tell others about the product that they couldn't live without.

So what baby or child products do you find indispensable - which ones were a total waste of money?

On my indispensable list:

* sectioned plastic containers for carrying measured amounts of dry baby formula

* travel-size bottles of hand sanitizer

* Dettox wipes for cleaning off public changing tables

* the White Company baby scratch mitts (the only ones that would stay on and now no longer available!)

* the Samsonite pop-up bubble travel cot

Comments

[Gipsy]

Yay! So it is living in London where we're going wrong then...

[Annamac]

Hey, Gipsy, you don't need to move to NZ for your son to go to school by bike: it's still the norm around here (Dorset) too!

[mumoftwo]

Great tip, Brigid. Time off is always good. Am going to drop the children off at their grandparents over Easter for a mini-break from home which will consist of sitting on the sofa, eating pizza with my husband saying 'isn't it quiet?'...

[Gipsy]

Delilah - so sorry to hear that your family has had such awful problems. My father in law, who sadly passed away last year, had a rare and horrible illness for the last sixteen years of his life. His treatment on the NHS was for the most part excellent and without a question prolonged his life considerably - and indeed gave him a life. He was on a treatment that was only available in one place in the world at the time, and that was London. His experience contrasts considerably with my friend's parents in the US. Her retired mother has a chronic medical condition which, despite having two medical insurances, is only partially covered. She has to pay $500 a month in medication, which for someone on a fixed income is really tough. I too am a heavy user of the NHS, as I have early onset of arthritis. My experience has been mostly fine - yes I had a three month wait to see a specialist for an initial diagnosis, but otherwise I've had no problems with getting the treatment I've needed when I need it. The hospital I attend (which has a good programme in this area, probably explaining why there was a waiting time) has an emergency helpline I can use for treatment if the arthritis suddenly becomes unbearable between appointments. Again this contrasts with my mother's experience in New Zealand, where she ended up forking out hundreds and hundreds to see a specialist privately because the waiting list was so long.

There's good and bad in every country. I do feel really bad for my son though. He is the one who is really going to miss out from our decision to stay in the UK. If we moved to NZ, he'd grow up surrounded by cousins, he'd have lots more freedom than he does here, and he'd have simple things, like being able to ride his bike to school (which is still the norm there).

Where will we retire? That's easy. Whereever the kids are. If both my step kids and my son decided to move to NZ, we'll retire there. If they all move somewhere else like the US, we'll retire there. If they all split up and move to different countries we'll have to decide who is our favourite...

At the end of the day, my kids and my grandkids are how I want to spend my retirement.

[brigid]

having been a working mum for 5 years i have always rushed back from work to collect the kids, this week my husband has taken them skiing and i have rediscovered the freedom of not having to be at the school gates by a particular time. of getting up in the morning and only making my breakfast or even going out to breakfast. Of not having to supervise homework, of not having to cook supper do the kids bath and bed,it is bliss but i am sure i will miss them soon but for now it just great to be myself again so my tip of the year is let your kids dad take them away for some male bonding so you can bond with being you

[Lazy Mummy]

Gipsy, J -

I've lived in the US since 1996, I moved here in my mid-20s and really have done most of my growing-up here (certainly most of my career, which has turned out very differently from if I'd stayed in the UK). I definitely feel like a different person here from the person I am (and become) when I go home. In a sense, when you emigrate you become a chameleon, putting on the clothes of the dominant culture wherever you are (which is different, in some ways, I think, from being an ex-pat living mostly in an ex-pat community, though that is different again from living in your home country/culture). I'd imagine that being a child of mixed cultures has a similar effect on you, as I've seen with both my husband and my daughter. In fact, it was interesting to me to see how unsettled my 3-yr-old was by coming to the UK & then leaving again, though that was largely due to saying goodbye to family when we left.

I do hate being so far from family though we'd never be close to both sides (geographically) anyway as my husband's family is split between California & the Mediterranean. It is hard though, when people are ill and you can't always be there for them; we find that hard.

No thoughts on where to retire yet. Spiritually & emotionally, I feel more at home in Europe than in N. America and always have (I also spent some time in Japan in the early 90s), but economically we're far better off in the US than we would be in Europe so that makes things tricky. But it's interesting to me that over the last 2-3 years, my feelings have become much stronger about hating leaving Europe (not just the UK) when I come back to the US after trips, and it might become overwhelming in the next 2-3 years. (I'm negotiating a new job at the moment & the sticking point is holiday allowance which just makes me remember how uncivilised the US is in some ways).

It's comforting to know my feelings aren't unique. In fact, many of my friends here are of mixed culture/immigrants and I know a lot of them feel torn between two cultures too. There are advantages as well as disadvantages to it, though the trip home always brings out the disadvantages more.

[j]

Delilah your stories are truly awful and I am so sorry about your father in law. I agree it's wrong.

[Delilah]

I'm a fourth-generation migrant (ie, each of the last four generations decided to emigrate somewhere; we're sort of pastoral nomads following scientific and economic opportunity rather than goats) and like the Hebrews for us home means your family and their portable traditions, rather than any particular country. The difficult thing with our lifestyle is that in each generation the children emigrated and left the parents behind, so you effectively lose your home twice. I suppose it's a bit like the Plains Indian tribes that would leave the old folk behind to freeze once they couldn't keep up.

My husband is a Scot and loves living in the US so I guess we'll be retiring and pushing up daisies here, wherever the children decide to go. The reason I get so vindictive about Britain Today on this blog is I lived there from 1979 until 2004 and would like to return sometime - my children really miss it - but every time we go back it feels like creeping back into a chrysalis, or going back to school - there are so many problems, but people seem to feel so powerless to change anything. It makes me want to SCREAM. Not to mention the unfair, wasteful taxation. My parents (both American) lived and worked in London for twenty years paying British income taxes as well as some American ones. They and a lot of their expat friends (some British, others are Australian, Kiwis, Irish, French and even Chinese) opted to retire to London because they felt more at home there than anywhere else, despite the challenge of living on fixed pensions paid in currencies other than sterling (in my parents' case, in dollars). They are now being hit by the non-dom tax - my parents may end up having to pay it twice as they are taxed seperately. Not to mention all the London community charges, levies, and so on - less than a year after they ponied up for a new Prius it had its congestion charge exemption removed. It's just one thing after another. At least they don't eat much. Even if they can afford to stay, I worry about whether they will get reliable treatment in the NHS when they get really ill, or where their elder care is going to come from. The reports from expat retirees outside London aren't much better - escalating local taxes and plummeting services, no retirement facilities, people trapped in handicapped-inaccessible cottages miles from the nearest store, hoodies, muggings, dismissive doctors, horrific NHS stories too numerous to repeat. One lady lost everything when the assisted living facility in Devon she put her life savings into went bust, fortunately she died before the receivers completed the eviction of all the now penniless residents. My father in law lost his sight because it took six months for him to see a retinal specialist and now, blind, in his 70's, is regularly pelted with stones by children while he waits for the bus. This is WRONG. And it's not a great advert for retiring back to Britain.

[j]

v interesting. I work with a lot of expats, especially Australian, New Zealand and Canadian for some reason. There does seem to be a real decision time when their parents die about where they call "home". I also see yo-yo ex-pats who have two homes which is great when you are young but hard when you are 70.

Gipsy and LM (and anyone else who's interested) - where do you see yourself retiring?

[mumoftwo]

My husband is awful (grumpy) after he comes back from a visit to his home country. I always say that it takes at least a month for the effect to wear off. He doesn't want to live there, and indeed is glad to be here, but as you are saying, it just rattles everything and makes him feel a bit displaced. I also think it brings the issue of whether you could ever return to the fore, for him, he doesn't really want to, but it's not nice to feel that actually you couldn't as you are now out of step with your home culture (which is what I think has happened to him). Interesting to hear others talk about this from their perspective.

[Gipsy]

LM - I'm an ex-pat, a kiwi who has lived in the UK since 1989. I can relate a little. I love going home and I do feel I fit right in when I'm there but at the same time, there's this part of me that is feeling really unsettled and somehow just plain wrong - almost like a kind of anxiety. How long have you been away? One thing I'm finding really hard at the moment is that my parents are quite a bit older now and I'm realising that there's a good chance every time I go home that that will be the last time I see them. And not being there during their old age is quite hard too. When mum was in hospital with bronchitis, for example, it was hard but it was even harder not being able to pop around when she got home and just do a little bit here and there for her (a bit of ironing for example, some cooking etc).

[Lazy Mummy]

Well, it looks like the moderation stuff has been switched off now, maybe it was so the editors could have a proper Easter weekend without having to check for & remove defamatory posts in real time over the hols.

Don't know that I'd move over to mumsnet though. I know lots of you do go there, but it just overwhelms me. I'd rather start my own forum for ex-AMs than that, I think.

Easter...well, hope everyone had a good one; here in the States, of course, it's not a long weekend, but we made it one, trip to the in-laws in LA and as it was over 80 fahrenheit, sunburn all round. Quite a change from driving over the Pennines last week on a trip home. Am I the only ex-pat who gets unsettled every time I go home? One reason I come home so rarely is that it always makes me realise I don't fully belong anywhere any more. An odd feeling, though the desire to move back to Europe might get overwhelming sometime in the next couple of years.

[bushra]

i use blogger myself but by the looks of things they are using movable type software or something similar for these Times Online blogs, and i'm sure if they wanted to they could have switched comments off on that one post. but they must not want to. and that troublemaking line about HM is still plastered everywhere on the rest of the site. so they must want to milk it for a while, which lets the blog down. i don't comment as much as y'all but the sometimes commenters really make this blog more than the posts i think.

[j]

agree with gipsy that we are much nicer here- but then of course we are self-selected, as the Girls Who Fled.

Very odd having moderation. I am trying to look on it as a Lent penance, removing me from my source of instant gratification, but I have to say it's not working.

You heard Gipsy, timespeople, we're all going to go to mumsnet if it's not turned off in a week.

[Gipsy]

I'll give it a week. If the moderation isn't turned off by then, then I'll give up on AM. If folks go elsewhere can they let us know? I love chatting and reading what everyone here says. As BoB points out, it is great that we can all disagree so much on points of principle but still get along and chat nicely.

BoB, I just don't bother with threads like HM and Prostitutes. I think I've posted once in both. Most of each thread I didn't even bother to read. I know that we'll get posts like those from time to time, and when they're plastered on the front page we'll get all sorts of people popping in. Just something we have to put up with. Nowhere on the internet is perfect :)

[Delilah]

Oo, I don't know. There are so many sensible conversations held face-to-face. I kind of like the slimers, so different to the people I meet everyday. But then for me blogging into Alpha Mummy is a substitute for discussing Iraq and Modern Feminism with the Korean War veterans at the biker's tavern up the hill. We never get to go anymore because it's unsuitable for children or married couples.

Free Alpha Mummy Now....

[Baggofbones]

Blimey. The Heather Mills and prostitute-vs-affair "debates" haven't half brought a lot of unpleasant people out of the woodwork. SAHMs and private education are the height of decorum by comparison!

I note that my private-vs-state adversary Kim has been very supportive of me in the HM posts - which does rather show that decent people can disagree about principles, but do not go in for personal attacks. Thank you, Kim!

I have to say, the HM and prostitute-vs-affair blogs have rather put me off Alpha Mummy. I have never met people in real life who would make these kinds of comments, and hope I never do. I feel inclined not to bother with Alpha Mummy now!

[mumoftwo]

It's precisely because we can argue away in (almost) real-time that has made this blog so popular (unlike Faith Central). I agree with Jane, at least keep an eye on the posts once a day to take down anything libellous/defamatory, but if everything has to be pre-vetted, it simply spoils the immediacy and the vibrancy of the debate; people do their one post, and then clear off.

[J]

yes, come on Times people, take Heather mills down now, we're bored now. And give us back our freedom!!

or- shock horror- MOVE heather mills to a thread you already moderate. Wont Libby Purves give it sofa space on Faith Central for a couple of weeks while it gets itself sorted out?

[Jane]

Well I do hope it's temporary! I agree, pre-mod will be the death of AM - it makes the whole thing unreadable and utterly tedious. I'm fine with post-mod, deleting stuff that's libellous or obscene (not that I've seen any sign of deleting obscenties, more's the pity!), but to have to wait to see if your comments appear is SOOOOOOOO boring and irritating. It's what puts me off the other blogs here - I would love to post on the Classics one, but the pre-mod kills it dead for me.

Er, what did happen on the HM thread?

[Gipsy]

Jane, the mod thing is because of what has happened on the Heather Mills thread. I think it will be temporary.

[Annamac]

Hmm, I think moderation may be the death of Alphamummy - which would be rather sad. It's one of the few places on the net I've found to be truly enlightening. (Even if that enlightenment often consists of me reading my own comments back, smacking my forehead on the desk and shouting "Good grief, what an idiot!"). Sigh.

[Jane]

Just to say I'm off, unless they change the pre-mod rule that has suddenly appeared here (I assume it was brought in to cope with the slime on the Prostitutes thread.)

I can't hang around waiting to see if they deign to publish my comments, it's far too tedious and off-putting.

Bye to everyone!

[Jane]

PS anyone else want to hide out in here with me while the lunatics take over the asylum in the Heather Mills post?
**

Yes please - and to hide from all the slimeballs on the Prostitute thread (I'm still trying to get the slime off my hands - yuk, yuk, yuk)

[J]

I'd come and play, but the site go-slow and troll-filter now seems to affect all the threads. Come on times-people, either take the blasted thing down or hurry up with editing.

[Gipsy]

So what made you all pick your names? I chose mine because it is (partially) the name of the area I live in, in South London.

Annamac - sure I'm up for sardines, although I think we'd need more people. Perhaps we could get some of the folks from the other thread to join in!

Anyone doing anything fun for Easter? Our ideas about heading off to the Isle of Wight got put on hold, something I'm grateful now that the weather has turned so awful.

[mumoftwo]

Don't worry Gipsy, it's very hard to remember who you are these days. As I think I've said before, I meant to type Mumtotwo which I also use elsewhere, but was having an off-day, so have remained Mumoftwo for the sake of consistency ever since!

[Annamac]

Am hiding here too. Shall we play sardines?

[Gipsy]

ROFL! Yes it is me. I am also GateGipsy in other parts of the web. Oops!

[mumoftwo]

Hi GateGipsy, are you really Gipsy in disguise?!

[GateGipsy]

PS anyone else want to hide out in here with me while the lunatics take over the asylum in the Heather Mills post?

[mumoftwo]

I agree about a good change bag whether you bottle-feed or not, you need all the compartments for changes of clothes, Calpol sachets, nappies etc. I could never understand my friend who used to go out without a change of clothes for her two as babies, and they would inevitably poo everywhere or be sick in the car but she never changed her free-as-a-bird attitude (and so was always borrowing clothes that didn't fit/trying to source nappies from all night garages). I just found it funny (but then, she thought me multi-compartment bag was anal).

[GateGipsy]

Totally indispensible for us was the Pop-up baby basket. I did a lot of travelling when son was 2 months old, and this was just brilliant. Also priceless is the looks on people's faces when you pull out this tiny wee thing and then it magically transforms into a moses basket.

We didn't have much joy with the next size up. Like the other poster, it was just too flimsy for the heavy handedness of a one year old.

Otherwise - tiny little scraps of muslim cloth, plastic bags for sterilising in microwaves and a good, decent, hard wearing change bag (this went EVERYWHERE with us for the first 18 months).

[Emma]

I managed to do without all the things on Jennifers list... I can't say I missed them either!

I go with Anna Mac, boobs and a travel changing mat, all you need when going out. I found packs of wash clothes from Ikea wonderful too - £1 a pack and we're still using them for our 2 year old.

[J]

alcohol not child-related?? dammit I was tricked into motherhood....

OK I will choose risotto for weaning (one batch makes a million icecubes worth), and muslin cloths for..er..just about everything from mopping up to making hammocks for dollies in the car.

[Annamac]

Er, J, surely your list is not just indispensable for parents? Gotta mention one specifically child-related thingy, otherwise it's cheating :-)

[J]

me?

Alcohol, friends and a good hobby

[Baggofbones]

I'll second the sense of humour and portable changing mat.

Gina Ford's Contented Little Baby book was indispensable when I had my second baby.

[Annamac]

Actually, the biggest waste of money for us was the Samsonite Micro-Lite Pop-Up Bubble (supposedly the next stage up from the pop-up bubble travel cot). A complete waste of money as my son a) apparently disliked it intensely and b) managed to roll it over when he was less than 9 months old. Suitable up to 18 months? Ha!

Indispensable list: breast milk, sense of humour, small folding travel changing mat.

[Jane]

Hope that bag comes with a boob guard, as that's what the kiddy is going to be grabbing with its right hand!

Personally, I love baby walkers. It's the excitment on their faces as they realise they can move around.

I think the other 'indispensible' just has to be 'tough nipples'....(so you don't spend weeks going 'ouch, hell, no one TOLD me breastfeed HURT'!!)

[supermother]

A good nanny closely followed by a great housekeeper.