How do you teach your children about religion?

What kind of religious education do you give your children? Religious school? Church every Sunday? Synagogue every Saturday? Or is religion not important at all to you? I grew up going to Sunday school, er, religiously. But weekends are such precious downtime for the family we never make it to church.

The question is how do I go about educating my daughter about Christian values?

To talk about the issue of religious education for children, Alpha Mummy invited Ruth Gledhill, the Times religion correspondent and blogger on the Times' Articles of Faith for a "Two-Fer", a video chat on the subject. Watch our discussion below and post your thoughts on teaching kids about God, Allah, G-d, humanist ideas or the belief that there's nothing out there beyond our experiences.

Comments

[Sarah]

Fascinating subject. We all pass our values on to our children, whether the values are overt or unspoken. Children pick them up anyway as they (frighteningly) follow the example we set.
If you want to give children values without linking them to any particular religion, then teach them the spiritual qualities which are taught by all the great religions - honesty, courtesy, respect, hard work, responsibility, patience, love etc etc. But ultimately they have to know where those values come from otherwise they will appear to be made up.
We are Baha'is, but I feel that it is better for children to grow up with spiritual education, of whatever kind, than none at all.

[wondering.]

Does anyone think it is best to follow a religion alone while their children are young and wait to introduce to them when they are older after the parent has had time to really live in the religion then choose introduce it to them?

[Liz]

My 5 year old makes us all go to church on Sunday because she loves it. I thought it was supposed to be the other way around?

[jim]

Although I'm an atheist I went to a Christian school and enjoyed my school days overall, and have sent my kids to a school with a Christian ethos in primary school, and my son is now at a Uniting Church secondary school. It came down to which schools were best in our area. They are great schools with teachers who care and who try to give children a good all-round education. They offer sport, music, and many other extra activities. I'm happy for my kids to learn about religion, as it is important they learn and think about religious issues, morality and ethics at some point.

My kids know my views, and we discuss various religions' pros and cons, and have discussed at times some of the beliefs of all the world's major religions. They also know I don't believe in a afterlife, and we've discussed death and dying, without me giving them any afterlife crutch to hang on to, and they seem OK with that. I think people falsely feel kids need the comfort of heaven, when a sympathetic and frank admission that there may or may not be a heaven isn't a problem for them, and is honest. They'll make up their own minds about it all. As I've told them, my opinion is just that..............

[jim]

Although I'm an atheist, I "survived" heavy indoctrination eventually, for as a child I had to rote learn catechism, had to go to mass once or often twice or more every week, had to attend a Christian school, and learned all about guilt, hell and redemption. I learned a lot of good things about morality as well, especially from my religious parents, and enjoyed my school days overall.

I have sent my kids to a school with a Christian ethos in primary school, and my son is now at a Uniting Church secondary school. It came down to which schools were among the best academically in our area. They are great schools with teachers who care and who try to give children a good all-round education. They offer sport, music, and many other extra activities. I'm happy for my kids to learn about religion, as it is important they learn and think about religious issues, morality and ethics at some point, and the teaching is much gentler nowadays. They don't get corporal punishment as I sometimes did, and they get my alternate opinion as a balance.

My kids know my atheist views, and we discuss various religions' pros and cons, and have discussed at times some of the beliefs of all the world's major religions. They also know I don't believe in a afterlife, and we've discussed death and dying, without me giving them any afterlife crutch to hang on to, and they seem OK with that. I think people falsely feel kids need the comfort of heaven, when a sympathetic and frank admission that there may or may not be a heaven isn't a problem for them, and is honest.

They'll make up their own minds about it all. As I've told them, my opinion is just that. At this stage (of 3 kids) they are atheist, agnostic and uncommitted, but the choice is for them to make.

[Sarah]

My daughter will be able to choose her path of belief when she needs to. Until then, we share our faith in the magic of life - with all it's complexity and wonder. When she asks where she will go when she dies, we say we don't know - and that's what unites us.

[goca]

When I looked for nursery, I specified that I don't want any religious education for my child. Teach children to be honest and good, and let them chose will they be religious or not when they grow up.

[Eluned]

Two of them are teenagers. Eldest is nearly 17 and his faith rivals mine at times.

[supermother]

Just wait until you have teenagers when it gets even more interesting. Nominally my children are Catholics but I think at least 3 or 4 of the 5 if asked would say they don't believe in God.

[Eluned]

We all go to mass every Sunday and often during the week aswell. I answer all their questions as best I can and we've given them the most thorough religious education we can. For me though, it's more about showing them how to live a Christian life, I aim to do what my parents did, be kind and loving, forgiving and humble. Talk freely about God, instill Christian values and well, hope for the best I suppose. My parents raised eight grounded, happy Catholics and I'm praying I can raise my five the same way.

[helena]

Delilah - have a one-handed clap from me!

However:
Truly words have no power.
Even though the mountain becomes the sea,
Words cannot open another's mind.

Shantih.

[Kieransmum]

Well Delilah don't forget how John Allegro, respected Christian theologian, suddenly wrote a book The Cross and the Mushroom, accusing Jesus of being, er, a sacred mushroom...:-)

I'm sure Caitlin would have something witty to say about it. If she wasn't being too polite to contribute to this thread!

[Delilah]

As the spirit of winter excess and orgiastic behaviour, originally centered around the cult of the hallucinogenic fly agaric mushroom (red and white), I think Santa Claus is alive and well. Along with the Easter Bunny (originally the hare, sacred to the White Goddess of neolithic cultures) as the spirit of spring, fertility, and the feminine.

Does life consist entirely of what we can see, touch, taste, or hear? If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, what does the eye add?

(Oh dear - I feel a koan coming on).

[Kieransmum]

It's all right, Kim, we're all secretly emailing each other behind your back whispering "Infidel, infidel, she's going to hell you know." Then we say nice things to your face.
We're women, what do you expect!

[Kim]

What a bunch of measured, polite responses to my post! I was expecting you all to come out fighting.

That's the trouble with women. You're all too nice:-)

[helena]

No, I'm afraid I'm not cruel enough to tell children they will grow up, grow old (if they are lucky) and then completely cease to exist. The thought of death terrifies me, so I try not to think about it. I can see no harm whatsoever in offering a comforting 'destination' to children - but it's interesting that KM's daughter found it scary. To me it's my only hope.

Logically, if we can't prove soemthing doesn't exist, but it would be nice if it did, then why not believe it does? What's the harm? If it cheers me up - cheers up children - let's go for it.

We'll all find out (or not) in any case.

[Annamac]

Well, there you go then, Kim :) (Blimey, I can hardly hear myself think for all the oinking outside the window)

[Kim]

But Annamac, there's no evidence for the non-existence of lots of things. You can't prove that something doesn't exist. I can't prove there's no such thing as the Yeti or the Loch Ness Monster. Or flying pigs.

[j]

"I think this is a very tricky subject because in the end aren't your children's choices about everything, including religion, always going to be coloured by your own, no matter how you try to teach them?"

yes, I agree. I have gone for teaching them how to think, honestly, not scoring points for the sake of it, and always asking themselves how they know something to be true and whether in fact it is a relative truth to their own community or true more widely.

It helps with all sorts, views on race and sexuality, measures of "success" public and private, faith, morals, etc... Child A is doing formal philosophy at school which is also a Good Thing IMHO.

[Kieransmum]

Kim, you're not telling me you don't believe in fairies? :-)

[Annamac]

Ah, but there's no evidence for the non-existence of Heaven either. Not that I have persevered with trying to explain the Christian concept of Heaven to my children. I thought that maybe my daughter would take comfort from the idea when her father died, but it just gave her nightmares. She felt safer when she knew he had just gone and that was that. (I must confess there are a bunch of people I never want to bump into again either.)

[Kim]

I'm afraid I'm with Monacomum. I find all this discussion of the ins-and-outs of religion and the meaning of parables bizarre. To me, it just feels like grown-ups still believing in fairies or Santa Claus.

As for telling your children that their pets will go to heaven - well, it's no more bonkers than anything else. You have no evidence for the existence of heaven, or hell, or who or what will end up there if they did, so why not make it all up? What amazes me is that you can make up something like "pets go to heaven" and then just believe it.

[Mrs L]

I think this is an interesting topic. My parents did not have any of us four children baptised, nor did they take us to church, because they felt we should make up our own minds about being religious. But my feeling is that you can't make an informed decision about something you know nothing about? I also feel that you are far more likely to have faith if you are brought up with faith at the fore. If you're not, you won't. Therefore, as my husband wished our children to be baptised, I want them to have a much deeper understanding about the Church and about christianity than I have had. For this reason we do intermittently attend Church and my elder is familiar with Sunday School. But I have to say that I feel somewhat disillusioned by the Church for a number of reasons and am now reassessing the way I feel my children should learn about it. I think this is a very tricky subject because in the end aren't your children's choices about everything, including religion, always going to be coloured by your own, no matter how you try to teach them?

[helena]

My own policy towards children is to teach them that when we die we go to Heaven and live happily ever after and that's that. I wouldn't dream of telling a young child otherwise. It's terrifying to discover you are going to die, and I would never not offer the reassurance, even if it is mere hope (against the odds), of eternal life. I simply say that all our families are there, and when its our turn to go, there'll be a lovely welcome party for us.

I think, when they are a bit older, reading The Last Battle to them is good, as it explains very vividly that Heaven is actually just earth made perfect, the real place, of which the earth now is just a vague shadow on the wall. It also helps to reassure children who may think that sitting on a cloud and going Hallelulah all day for eternity doesn't sound much cop.

I also tell them that of course their pets will be in heaven too, as if they weren't, it wouldn't be heaven, would it? I was very shocked when a Christian friend of mine told her children pets didn't have souls, and so had no further existence once they'd died. She'll get a shock when she gets to heaven, that's all I can say.

[MonacoMum]

No, I won't be elaborating about religion to my 2.5 year old. When she asked me what a church was, I said it's a place where people go when they want to think and remember. Half of my family is Catholic, and although baptised, I wasn't brought up in that or any faith. With the greatest respect to anyone who believes-I think it's all absolute nonsense, although I have seen first-hand the comfort that these fairy stories can bring to those who believe. Schools are secular in France, where we live and I think that's a wonderful thing; learning the moral codes for living as a good citizen does not need to be supported by fantastic (as in fantasy) tales.
The only drawback to being an Atheist however, is the lack of ample dressing up opportunities- exactly when do I get to wear a hat? No christenings, you see. And yeah, we do give Christmas presents before someone asks. Morally bankrupt, materialistic lost sheep that we are etc etc. Oh la la :)