Was your wedding so rubbish you fancy having another one?
Ours certainly was. Let's be honest - your first wedding is like the first pancake of the batch: its bound to come out a bit wonky, however hard you try. You're so vulnerable to the stated expectations of your families and, statistically, still so young and stupid, the whole thing ends up a unsatisfying botch. Ours went so bizarro we ended up getting married in Coventry. Coventry! Coventry. And two days after Christmas, too - ensuring that all our guests fat and bloated from Christmas, and wouldn't get up and dance, making it the worst reception in history. I'd also lost our first baby (at 12 weeks; seems like nothing now, after two normal pregnancies, but felt like the end of the world then) three days before, on Christmas Eve, so went down the aisle with a sanitary towel the size of a mattress, off my face on codeine. And whilst wearing a filthy pair of 12-year-old Doc Marten sandals because I'd left my wedding shoes at home, in all the panic.
Then my father let slip to my sister he was considering putting her into care, and one of our guests tried to give my husband's very proper, Greek father some ecstacy, with the words "These are my pearls. Have one of my pearls."
Yes. All things considered, I'd like to do it again. Not least because we've got loads of new friends now - better friends; it's a definite upgrade - that I'd like to have around while we do some manner of vow renewal. I'd spend nearly all the budget on trying to buy in a load of 2004 Cote Chatillion Condrieu, wear a very tiny top hat, make a maudlin, rambling, drunken speech about how very much I love my husband and children and, this time, allow myself to cry and cry and cry. And then I'd crank up Paradise City by Guns'n'Roses, and stand on a chair pretending to be Slash with all the Filthy Mummies.
And maybe do this. You suspect that they went on to have a very, very good marriage.
Click here for the top 5 wedding videos.
I eloped to avoid a huge society wedding and associated vicious parental rowing in public. I haven't regretted it, despite the bittersweet feelings of guilt, saying we'd done it spontaneously on holiday.
Posted by: M | 13 May 2008 09:59:35
What a Vicar! I had to take the best man to hospital after he collapsed at our reception and broke his nose.
Posted by: Anonymrs | 6 May 2008 10:12:49
Agree with Caitlin about another,better wedding. Really wish I had gone for a proper fat frock, more twirlier hair and jewels. Decided to be low key and and stuff, but did have lobster and chips and champagne and serously drunk guests (but just one hospitalisation, The Vicar took him)
Posted by: nicola | 5 May 2008 23:13:04
I've noticed that with vacations too, Delilah; in fact, we've done it as an extended family & it was brilliant - just a relaxed holiday away from home for everyone. It went so well, we'll probably do it every other year (and it's something I recommend if you like your family & all live in disparate locations).
Posted by: Lazy Mummy | 5 May 2008 22:13:45
To me, the thing that makes a wedding really special is the company, be it family or friends. And to ensure that it is genuinely fun, I think it's important to treat it as a good party, not as the best party you'll ever throw. After all, hopefully you'll be wanting to mark other big milestones like christenings and big anniversaries and 40th birthday parties with a fairly memorable event involving family and friends. You can't just survive forever on your wedding memories. My parents have always been quite good about throwing regular anniversary and birthday parties to which lots of friends and all the offspring and in-laws are invited, and helping to host communal vacations, although some of their wilder ideas never saw the light of day (getting the whole family shot up in Aswan, for instance), it's been so much more fun than having one bang-up wedding and then nothing until the next one. If there's a snobbishness about weddings in our family, it is perhaps the venue which must be interesting - mine was at London Zoo, and I won't say much more about my sisters' or my cover will surely be blown.
On the subject of family get-togethers, I've noticed an increasing trend (here in the US, anyway) of better-off grandparents creating "colonies" where their extended brood are encouraged/emotionally blackmailed into returning for vacations and time together. Some have retirement/vacation homes which they expand with extra bedrooms, guest houses, etc; others enter into a long-term relationship with a family hotel or B&B somewhere with lots to do so they get the best rooms at really good rates at certain times of the year. These are families where so many of the children and in-laws now move all over the place with their jobs that they simply wouldn't see each other much if it weren't for weddings and funerals - or some sort of vacation colony. I suspect a vacation colony works out better financially for the family as a whole than handing your checkbook to a catering company in London for a one-off event.
Posted by: Delilah | 5 May 2008 20:56:00
Jane, B that sounds awful. If parents want a wedding like that they should organise it, not make you do so. I thnk I rang my father one afternoon to say we wanted to be married in church in about 8 weeks' time and that very afternoon he found a hotel for the reception, we had it on a week day and he booked the church. That was really it as far as preparation. My parents to the invitations printed and my father send me £600 for a dress (this was in 1983) and I went to a local wedding shop and bought something off the peg that fixed there and then. That was a white church wedding with sit down lunch in a nice restaurant. I probably spent about 5 hours in preparation for it over the 8 weeks. I don't see why people need that much more. I have two daughters who are 21 and 23 so it is possible in the next 10 years I will be a mother of the bride. It is also highly likely I will be paying for their weddings as their father has chosen to play no part in their lives. I hope we can discuss what they want and come up with a compromise that suits us. I would like it to be in our church and I would like a marquee here at the house as it's a lovely big house but I would not impose my will on them. I would be unhappy if they chose not to invite me and their siblings.
Posted by: supermother | 5 May 2008 12:04:24
My parents wanted the whole big white wedding, (BWW) and I couldn't have given a toss. I never dreamed of a wedding, but I always dreamed of being married. Sharing day to day life together.
My husband also didn't want the wedding. However, I had to emigrate to America to be with him so I was leaving my parents forever.
My parents have also done everything for me. They have given me the whole world and always done their absolute best for me. They went without so we could have everything. Pampered, we were. So I had their wedding. In a sense I didn't really mind because it's not as if I had a dream wedding in mind anyway. But make no mistake, it was their wedding, not mine.
I feel I did my duty by my parents, so my conscience is clear. They wanted it so very, very badly. My sister had had her own BWW a few years earlier - but she did want the whole BWW thing so that was OK.
So I feel the past is clear - no bad feelings - but the result is that I feel curiously detached from my own wedding day. It evokes no rush of emotion in me at all, although I couldn't love my darling, kind, caring husband more. I have totally neutral feelings about my dress. Don't love it or hate it, it was nicely cut and did the job. If it was lost in a fire it wouldn't really affect me. It's hard to explain, but I feel I didn't really have a wedding day, so little did it touch me. I just went through the motions, because I feel that wedding days costing 15-20k are just so absurd I can't take them seriously.
The other negative consequence is how I view my parents now. I always knew they were traditional types, but I could have done without finding out exactly how narrow they are. My mum's outfit cost more than my wedding dress. She went nuts when she found out I'd ordered buttonholes, and that her buttonhole was going to be the same as my husband's mother's. She insisted that her buttonhole be different from the Other Mother's. This really mattered to her. To this day I cannot believe my own mother could be so petty and so Hyacinth Bucket.
So anyway, I had to organise most of the wedding as my parents were out of the country for the most part on an extended break. I look back on the time of my wedding, six months' preparation, as an extremely stressful and quite a dark time. My friends deserted me as they were mostly thirtysomething singles who didn't understand, and I was also living alone. I'd work all day and then be on the computer until 11pm almost every single night planning the wedding. I walked down the aisle stressed and frazzled beyond belief. A few days before, I'd been sitting at my desk in my office in front of the computer, crying because I was so unhappy. Good thing no-one was there because I couldn't have held it back.
The only good thing about my wedding was the groom. His family also upset him on the day, my so-called friend bitched about my weight to a strange guest, two of my friends left my wedding without even bothering to sy goodbye to me - the entire thing was really awful. I'm no longer in touch with lots of people I knew then. You really find out who your friends aren't when you get married.
Do it all over again? I'd rather go to prison.
Posted by: Jane Brown | 4 May 2008 20:29:51
Yes! I would have banned children, my SIL has 5 and various friends bought their kids with them as I wanted everyone to be included - I had this romantic notion of small children running around and playing together in the grounds of the large house we'd rented.
The reality, parents rolled up with the children got to the free bar, and then ignored their children for the rest of the reception. I ended up looking after all of them as I was the 'princess', I ended up playing games with them, took them all the bathroom as their parents were having a 'good time'!
Oh and then to top it off my beloved husband got so drunk he passed out on the wedding night and I was trapped in my wedding dress till the morning - MEN! ;)
Posted by: Liz | 4 May 2008 11:53:27
BTW, low-key weddings run in our family, so no one's nose was put out of joint by my lack of a do (as far as I know). My parents married in Africa, with a few friends there and no family whatsoever. My brother and intended nipped off to Las Vegas and did the drive-in thing. They said they considered having the bloke in the Elvis suit officiate, but it cost 10 dollars extra... My father was hugely pleased by my not wanting a "trad" wedding and gave me the money that he had put by just in case I had suddenly morphed into a meringue dress kind of a woman. Used it to buy our first car after I got back from a stint abroad as an ex-pat wifey.
Posted by: Annamac | 4 May 2008 10:57:22
I married in a hideous 1980s outfit (which we all thought was soooo cool at the time) in my parents' back garden.
I hate having my photo taken so I refused to have a photographer (the photo album is all cobbled together from the guest's photos that they sent to my mum)
My husband's friend made us the cake (they're both chefs) and due to the fact that my dad, my husband-to-be and I were all on a major NATO exercise in Germany in the immediate run-up to the event, it was a bit of a struggle to coordinate everything. Coming back from Germany we managed to use our duty free allowances to good effect. The marquee grew on the garden the day before the wedding, and me and my dad both helped with that. Some of the guys were building it had been stationed with me previously and it's a wonder the tent got up at all because we sank a fair few beers while we did it.
On the morning (a Friday) of our wedding, I tried on my dress and my dad had 40 fits because the long linen skirt was see through with the sun behind me. My mum sewed a petticoat...
She also put a small bouquet together, I hadn't wanted flowers due to hayfever but I was glad she did (in and out to town... on the bus on the day of the wedding). She also made her own outfit, including hat - which, true to form, she was finishing off in the car on the way to the registry office.
My dad made me get out and wait outside the registry office while he parked, and as I was standing there - in the middle of York on a sunny day in late May - a bus load of Japanese tourists drew up and took a bazillion photos of me. Luckily my dad showed up at that time because I was ready to rip their heads off!
Our families are still talking about he great day we all had. We even had one of those "if she goes, I'm not going" from the grom's family.
Brilliant. But I don't ever want to do that again. Next time (heh heh heh) I'll go to a Las Vegas drive in and be married by an Elvis impersonator.
To Anon: I think you need to speak to your parents. It is a day for all of you - but a wedding shouldn't be a stressful day for the participants - especially the bride. I'm sure you can all find something that suits most of you most of the time.
Good luck!
Posted by: Sho | 4 May 2008 08:36:08
Anon,
I agree with Delilah - to some extent, it's going to be better & easier for you in the long run to go ahead with you parents' wishes than to fight it. Think of it like this: you'll remember the day as being brillant whatever happens but if you do it their way, you start off on a good foot with them; if you reject all their plans, you give your mother a reason to resent your husband for ever more, before you've even started.
I seriously thought about eloping. I wanted to get married in red. I wanted a dress that didn't look like a wedding dress. I didn't want all the fuss. But my parents did. We had a couple of very tense months which got sorted out when my brother took me out for a drink (which was a first), sat me down & basically said: "Look, you're the only daughter, the eldest child and you're emigrating. You owe it to them to give them the day they want. And by the way, do you really want to start out married life with them holding this over you forever?" I realised that he was talking a lot of sense (another first, actually) and gave in at that point & it all went brilliantly after that. (My husband, incidentally, was delighted to participate in such a fascinating cultural event as a formal English wedding, since they usually do things rather differently in the States).
Posted by: Lazy Mummy | 4 May 2008 06:53:29
BTW, anon, I felt exactly the same about my mother at my wedding. At one point she looked at herself in the mirror and moaned "I'm afraid I might overshadow the bride" (Mum, I'll be wearing a meringue, a wreath and a veil with pearls carried by three drunken friends in Laura Ashley seed packet dresses - I think you're safe!) But I'm glad that with their help we were able to invite so many of their old friends - people who knew me as a baby - and crusty old relatives and cousins we don't get to see every year, as well as lots of our college and work friends. The combination of family and friends and old and young was a blast. Even if the best man's wife had to be physically restrained because she became convinced he was flirting with the (married) maid of honour at the top table. Even if my divorced parents-in-law couldn't even bear to be in the same wedding photo. People still say it was one of the best weddings they've been to and I just wish we hadn't had to leave early so everyone could get the bouquet and carjacking thing out of the way and get seriously stocious. With all the stress, there are so many nice shared memories - the day Mum and I went to interview a florist who thought I was planning to be married in Saint Paul's Cathedral (ho ho); having our hair done at the local wigmaker's; the friend who piped us out of church wearing a Wicked Willy dress shirt (my mother kept saying shortsightedly, "Oh, how nice, he has roses on his shirt!); the presiding thirtysomething vicar who farted loudly in the men's room, laughed at all the shocked faces and said "What, you think vicars don't fart?....my father looking tearful as he took my hand at the top of the aisle; and the actual joining of hands, looking into my husband-to-be's eyes and trying not to burst into tears while we made our vows, all over so incredibly quickly...
Posted by: Delilah | 4 May 2008 05:09:58
Thanks for everyone's comments, especially Delilah and Gypsy who have provided me with two different + very useful points of view... I think the best scenario would be if I and my fiance could share the organising and the day happily with my parents - it's just sad (and symptomatic of our family in general) that it's proving difficult to co-operate and for each side to make compromises. We'll definitely go through with it, but I think my partner and I are going to make an effort to keep the sacred part of it personal to us by having a separate blessing done, just with the two of us, some other time.......and absolutely we will look back and laugh. ;)
Posted by: Anon | 3 May 2008 18:52:52
Maybe I am too recently married (August last year) to be on this post but it's so interesting!
My wedding was great: budget, beautiful and a whole load of our guests have told me that it was the nicest wedding they have ever been to. The weird thing is, I wasn't looking forward to it at all, was actually dreading it, and had been wishing for six months running up to it that we could just elope (so romantic, I think, buying a pretty dress and fantastic shoes and then it's just the two of you in a little registry office) but we had so many lovely freinds and family that would be so let down I really felt we couldn't. Anyway I actually had a wonderful day and it was probably worth the six months' dread.
The worst thing about the day was my dad's speech, which was HIDEOUS - he didn't want to do an embarrassing one as he thinks they are unpleasant and tasteless, so instead did a 'nice' one which was far, far worse than the most embarrassing stories he could have told. He made me out to be some kind of Mother Theresa (it was only a gap year trip, ok); seriously, I thought he was going to form a queue of guests to come and kiss my feet on the way out of the marquee. I was so embarrassed that I shredded the tablecloth to pieces under the table.
Posted by: Laura | 3 May 2008 10:44:13
It's the biggest day in a girl's life - the day her daughter gets married.
Seriously, anon, they wiped your bum for three years, put up with the terrible twos and terrible teens, fed, clothed and schooled you, have probably taken you along to a few other weddings already. I think you owe it to them to let them have a day that they can remember with happiness (and their friends) too, now that you won't necessarily be with them every Christmas. You'll want it too when you are the Mother of the Bride. If they are typical they are putting a brave face about your choice of life partner (I haven't yet found a mother who really thinks her son our daughter couldn't have done better) so cut them some slack, they are probably quite stressed out too. As J and others have pointed out, it's not just a fairytale ending, but the beginning of a whole new story.
I know someone who was presented with a ring on the way to a week in Vegas; her boyfriend had arranged for a limo to pick them up from the airport to take them straight to the Little White Chapel. She went through with it but felt terrible for her parents (and for herself - she didn't get to plan a wedding at all). Came home married. The parents threw a big party for them, but it wasn't really the same. I would have been furious if it were me.
Posted by: Delilah | 3 May 2008 04:00:42
We covered two M&S sponge cakes with marzipan pengiuns ...much better than my first cake and our mates still talk about it.
Posted by: Christine | 2 May 2008 23:23:55
Ours was pretty perfect in the end. Catholic ceremony, sit down meal and then pub til about 4am. Huge attendance as we both have large families. We had a few problems with the whole pleasing everybody thing since my family wanted the service in Welsh whilst his side wanted to ship over their own priest (my husband's family are part of the Assyrian church of the east 'not orthodox!') And my mam (who made the dress) was determined that every last tattoo on my body was covered, meaning that just my face and hands could be on show (I ended up altering the dress the night before the big day haha) But all in all it was a lot of fun. My dad made the most moving speech and my nain got very drunk, we had welsh folk songs and Persian dancing... ah I think I'm going to have to and watch the wedding video with the kids tonight :]
Posted by: Eluned | 2 May 2008 20:04:22
anon, poor you, but maybe you have to take gypsy's advice. The wedding is about a transition away from your family to your own life. Maybe just focus on the rest of your marriage which is the real thing, not the day. Ironic that you have to take that view when it's normally associated with people like Annamac who manage a low-key event, but there you go.
I would focus on your future strategy for keeping them from taking over your life if you have children.
Posted by: J | 2 May 2008 18:51:46
SM I agree about the need to talk about big issues beforehand but I doubt it would be enforceable.
And there is a real risk of agreeing to have your MIL live with you, while OH is still feeling guilty about getting married, whereas if you just wait 20 years he will be the one saying, "over my dead body.."
Posted by: J | 2 May 2008 18:47:22
Tip to future brides - M&S does a fantastic chocolate wedding cake! We topped ours with Maltesers and it looked sensational!
Posted by: O | 2 May 2008 18:07:59
I think SB_Mary may have mistaken me for Kim, who thinks her daughter would like Kim and partner to have a Dr Who-themed wedding.
As I am a rather anti-social, do-it-on-a-shoestring, hate-the-big-dress-malarky sort of a person, I organised both my weddings myself (wouldn't have trusted anyone else to keep it quiet and dull enough), although the first time my mother insisted on organising a reception of sorts - so that she could invite some guests (she may have regretted this later). As she only had a week's notice, it was suitably low-key. My wedding organisation consists of booking the registry office and buying a ring. Although the first time I didn't even buy a ring, just recycled one. A curtain ring. (OK, it wasn't a curtain ring).
Posted by: Annamac | 2 May 2008 16:27:35
I also wanted to say to Anon - if you really don't feel you can deny your parents this don't worry so much. You and your (soon to be) husband clearly know what it is you want out of life - a great marriage. You're going to be just fine and you'll have a great life together. And a few years from now you can laugh about the wedding.
Posted by: Gipsy | 2 May 2008 15:29:04
Yup I'm with SB Mary on this one. What is it you really want from your wedding?
Get your friends together, the ones you really trust, and tell them what you want to do and ask for anything at all they can pitch in with.
We had our wedding on a Friday. If you go for any day of the week, rather than a saturday, you'll find it easy to book a venue without too much notice. Then for the reception - what about hiring the private room at a social club? These don't need to be too expensive. Either make it that folks pay for their own drinks, or ask for money instead of presents to be put behind the bar.
Then tell your parents that they can turn up if they want - or not it is up to them. And if they want, they can still go ahead and have the wedding they've got planned. You just might not be there ...
Posted by: Gipsy | 2 May 2008 15:25:01
Well given Dita Van T and I both ended up divorced may be ours weren't the best kinds of weddings. It's sad people say they can't afford church weddings. Churches will do it free if you're very poor and you can marry in church and then go home for a buffet. A church wedding doesnt' have to be an expensive one. Indeed arguablyl there are moral objections to expensive weddings anyway and the more religious you are the less of a showy off show thing it should be like the poor person below.
That's a difficult issue. I don't believe a wedding is just for the couple actually. I think it';s a community thing and we have obligations to our families to do it their way to some extent which I know is probably not the prevailing view but I think is right so I was happy to cede to the views of my family and ex husband or as then soon to be husband to some extent. For me the only requirement was it was in church (and I wanted incense I remember). The church was and is visibly disgusting (but that's only because of the forcible expropriation of Catholic property in the days of Henry VIII I suppose - a shame Peter Philips fiance is renouncing her faith because of our religious discriminatory laws against Catholics).But even though parents should have a say I do think they ought to listen to the couple too.
I suspect too many couples think about flours and cakes and stupid clothes more than they sit down and talk before they marry abort important issues like who will look after the children if they have them, would they abort a disabled child, how many children will they have, who will clean the lavatories at home, would they have elderly parents to live with them, would the husband follow the wife's career abroad or vice versa etc etc
Posted by: supermother | 2 May 2008 15:19:19
wow thanks again for all the nice comments!
Posted by: bushra | 2 May 2008 14:59:33
That's a terribly sad story about interfering/ blackmailing parents, they're not even pretending they're doing it to make you happy! My sister had something similar from the in-laws.
Have you considered you & your fiance sliping off to Las Vegas/ Gretna Green to exchange your vows, with maybe one or two *trusted* friends/ siblings, then returning and having 'the big day' as a blessing ceremony? There'll still be the expense/ junk etc but you'll have the last laugh.
I personally would take the 'not at all' option as a serious consideration rather than tolerate this sort of treatment. But, like you say, you're about to begin life with a man who sounds like he WILL make you blissfully happy so stay focused an that.
Posted by: SteamBlask_Mary | 2 May 2008 14:32:27
I am just planning my wedding at the moment and smiling at all these lovely tales. Sadly at the moment (with the wedding 5 months away) I can't see myself looking back with such happiness, because it has been such a wrangle almost every step of the way with my parents. Ironically the problem is that I'd like them to STOP spending money on the wedding - they want it to be some posh party to impress their friends with - we'd like it to be as simple and unpretentious as possible. (it's causing us to have to spend more money than we want to on the wedding as well) Unfortunately we just aren't going to be able to have that kind of wedding and it has been making me so sad that my parents are robbing me of my perfect, home-made day. I know it isn't about the day, it's about the marriage, but the whole set up seems so insincere now. My father keeps issuing threats and ultimatums (along the lines of 'we're paying for xyz so it'll be done this way or not at all').
My mum is another issue - I swear she wants it to be her wedding. She told me she dreamt that she was the bride, and she wants to walk up the aisle to Arrival of the Queen of Sheba before I arrive. I find that really creepy! So all in all i feel like i'm being bullied out of my own wedding day and it is essentially going to be about my mum and dad, not about me and my fiance. Whilst i very much hope that this will be the only wedding i'll ever be a bride at, i feel like i'll always wish it could have been different - and it hasn't even happened yet. I am just going to have to close my eyes to everything on the day but my partner, and trust in the fact that he'll make me blissfully happy then and every other day. Everything else really will be just expensive fluff.
Anyway that was a terrible moan but just let this be a warning to those mummies of daughters that when their time comes, don't take it as an opportunity to recreate your own perfect wedding idea...it might well be very different from their own.
Posted by: anon | 2 May 2008 14:21:38
Well I'm not Annamac, but I know that if I got married again I'd get my sister to do the arrangements - again. She pretty much took over and did everything for my wedding, and thank goodness she did. I had a great time and everything went really well.
Posted by: Gipsy | 2 May 2008 11:02:19
Kim- you're welcome if you help crew the Paddle Steamer we plan to hold the Reception on (renamed the Chuffin' Nora for the day if we can.)
Supermother~ that is EXACTLY the kind of thing i was dreaming about a couple of years ago, and sounds quite similar to Dita Von Teese/ Marilyn Manson's wedding.
AnnaMac: that makes me ask: who would you trust most to arrange your Big Day: your partner-to-be, your children, or your In Laws?
This IS a really fun thread, bouncing ideas around. I have great regard for the "Je Ne Regrette Rien" attitudes of some of the people here- if anyone got in the way of mine, i would hold a grudge forever.
NB Bushra- you look breathtaking. If i had to wear pink, that's the shade i'd go for, definitely.
Posted by: SteamBlask_Mary | 2 May 2008 10:43:01
I'm divorced and our wedding was a long time ago. I don't think I ever go back on anything and wish it were done differently. Things are as they are. I'm glad we didn't have one of these very expensive £20k modern weddings some people have who virtually bankrupt themselves (or the bride's parents) to do it because all that matters to them is THE DAY and I rather wish they would spend as much money on pre marriage counselling and classes as they do on the wedding itself as a starting point.
I might have had it videoed but back in 1982 not many people even had NHS players at home, we certainly didn't so we didn't get that done. Church wedding. Off the peg but perfectly nice looking dress. 20 guests including 5 of my mother's 52 first cousins whom we had never seen until that day and who clubbed together to buy one carriage clock which was broken but that was fine, part of the fun. Sit down lunch in really nice restaurant at lunch time. Brief honeymoon in London of 2 nights.
If I remarry not sure how it will be but I did get an annulment (religiously, not in civil terms) so that is good.
Posted by: supermother | 1 May 2008 17:03:20
Wow, some of the weddings begin described here sound sooooo much fun!
I had a wonderfully decadent wedding. We rented out an old, 1700's Manor in the English Countryside and decorated the interior with lavish, crimson, lustrous charcoal greys and black velvet/patent materials. The wedding ceremony was done exclusively by candlelight... oh no, not those lovely ikea twinkle lights that you buy by the Kilo. Very large red candles raised on elaborate black holders. There were also some gorgeous chandeliers hanging from the ceiling... It was wonderful. All of my bridesmaids and ushers/best man were dressed in crimson and black with dresses resembling Victoria era, but with a sultry twist (i.e. very tight Corsets). Lol, describing it now, sounds like a perverted Vampire/S&M dungeon! But seriously is was unbelievably fun. We enjoyed it a lot and the only thing I would've changed was the cake, (which I cut a few corners trying to curb the spiralling costs of the wedding!) Ended up disappointed with the local wedding cake 'specialist'. And, no I'm not a Goth or S&M mistress, though it would be fun to be either, or both!
Posted by: Christine | 1 May 2008 15:53:53
Kim, I volunteer my 3-year-old as a page boy. His favourite pastime at the moment is being a dalek. Or a garlic, as he calls it. No, he's never seen Dr. Who and I have no idea where he's heard "exterminate, exterminate". Cultural osmosis or something...
Posted by: Annamac | 1 May 2008 15:27:16
What a fun thread. The other half and I aren't married, so I suppose we could still do it - neither of us has any inclination in that direction, but the daughter would love it.
I suspect if she had anything to do with it, though, it would be Doctor Who-themed, and we'd have to get married in a police box, wear Cybermen masks, and have bridesmaids dressed as Ood.
Posted by: Kim | 1 May 2008 14:43:19
Steamblask Mary -can I come?
Posted by: Caitlin MOran | 1 May 2008 12:07:33
The worst thing about my wedding was that I was determined I was too cool for an engagement ring plus I chose a really boring wedding ring. Boy have I changed my tune now - I'd love a big f**k off rock. But it's too late of course as my husband is convinced I'm not much of a one for jewellery and I can't bring myself to shatter his illusion that I'm so tastefully unmaterialistic!
Posted by: Goodenoughmummy | 30 Apr 2008 21:23:29
Wow, Bushra! you look beautiful and that is a lot of pink!
Posted by: M | 30 Apr 2008 17:20:13
Fantastic outfit Bushra, you look great :)
I'd kind of like to do it again, not because the first time was bad (it wasn't), but because like Caitlin said, there are all sorts of friends I've made since, who really should have been there. And my children! Seems odd now to have had such a big day and that they all missed it.
I'm making a quarter-hearted attempt to persuade a friend with a lovely big garden that she should host a mass Moonie-like vow-renewal party. She's not really into the idea though!
Posted by: asilon | 30 Apr 2008 16:29:53
WOW Bushra - absolutely stunning!
Posted by: Magnet | 30 Apr 2008 15:36:43
yes how did he betray you!
Posted by: evee | 30 Apr 2008 15:32:17
i had a lovely wedding though i would probably change the fact that i was almost 7 months pregant on the day!though quite nice that our son was technically there on thge big day. id also invite more people to the reception and sleep in and order breakfast in bed. we were made to feel we had to make it for breakfast at 10am and spent all day exhausted
Posted by: evee | 30 Apr 2008 15:14:35
thank you so much everyone. i'm such a tomboy, you wouldn't believe how uncooperative i was when it came to finding a dress, i let my sisters do all the work!
J: it's an unhealthy amount of pink, but i never wore so much pink before and never will again!
Posted by: bushra | 30 Apr 2008 14:09:17
oh Bushra, you look gorgeous. What a stunning outfit.
Posted by: Gipsy | 30 Apr 2008 13:57:09
you do realise my daughter has *no idea* that you are allowed to get married in pink? especially that much pink?
Do I show her and let her combine all her dearest fantasies in one...hmmm...
Posted by: j | 30 Apr 2008 13:54:32
Bushra, you really do look beautiful.
Posted by: mumoftwo | 30 Apr 2008 13:44:23
you are gorgeous! thanks for showing us.
Posted by: j | 30 Apr 2008 13:40:39
Definitely a star, not an extra then!
Posted by: Kieransmum | 30 Apr 2008 13:40:06
all right all right, for one day only, here's how i looked:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/fudgeit/38865594/
hi KM, buddy ol' pal!
Posted by: bushra | 30 Apr 2008 13:29:55
lol steamblask_mary love the greasy overalls'n'goggles, they cant be more unflattering than the average bridesmaid outfit.
Posted by: j | 30 Apr 2008 13:07:31
I’ve been whiling away a number of hours daydreaming about having a Steampunk wedding. It would be in Whitby Abbey, I’d arrive by the Sky Pirates’ Zeppelin & zip-line down to the alter (would have to wear a divided skirt cos of the harness, I guess) to a brass band belting out March of the Knights from Prokofiev’s ballet Romeo & Juliet. My other half wants to dress as a Warjack (an 18ft steam-powered robot) & our attendants will wear greasy overalls & brass goggles. At the Reception, our ‘first dance’ would be Rammstein’s “Du Hast”- roughly translated from german, the chorus is ‘you hate me to say/ you hate me to say/ I will not obey’, a reference to the tradition of the FEMALE having to promise to ‘love, honour, and obey’. We’ll be re-writing that part of the vows.
Don’t think we’re not taking this seriously. We’re taking our MARRIAGE very seriously, but determined to make ‘the big day’ our own. We acknowledged that we want to spend the rest of our lives together years ago & our wedding is a symbol of that, not the be-all & end all.
However, realistically, I think (hope) it will be something akin to Helena’s wedding. That sounds idyllic.
Posted by: SteamBlask_Mary | 30 Apr 2008 13:00:42
I've MET Bushra now, so I can imagine how she might have looked! :-)
Posted by: Kieransmum | 30 Apr 2008 12:53:48
I did go to a second wedding where we were expressely forbidden from mentioning the first wedding, as the bride hadn't told the groom's rather conservative family about it. Of course, all we thought about was the first wedding and had to literally clamp our hands over our mouths to stop ourselves saying 'wow, this is so much better than last time'...
Posted by: mumoftwo | 30 Apr 2008 12:47:47
I'm definitely not giving out the salacious details on a public website, CM! But delighted to know that I made it to an Eastenders comparison.
Funnily enough, looking back, I realise that it was still a beautiful day. I probably wouldn't change it, now I've had time to think, I'm not sure that rewriting history is always healthy (though very tempting at times).
Posted by: Kieransmum | 30 Apr 2008 12:35:58
Bushra, only a bollywood extra? go on, I bet you were dolled up like a bollywood star :)
Posted by: j | 30 Apr 2008 11:45:30
No, I loved my wedding day probably because I was that bit older and had the wedding I wanted, plus I was so exceptionally loved up that I could have been anywhere, wearing anything and it would have been the most exciting time in the world (sadly this utter besottedness has worn off a bit!) Plus I've never been confident in my looks, but I truly felt gorgeous that day.
Posted by: mumoftwo | 30 Apr 2008 11:37:35
No I wouldn't - mine was perfect (just last year in fact - after 15 years of engagement, lol). It was small and friendly - lots of children there (including mine) but somehow very romantic even after all this time. It also had the best wedding reception music ever!
Posted by: Jacqui | 30 Apr 2008 09:47:59
no, no way! never again! my wedding had two receptions on consecutive days, one for each family. my family had an OK reception in birmingham, but the bradford leg? imagine sitting in a giant portakabin calling itself The Palace, stuffed with at least 500 guests with no aircon, and a giant billboard on one wall advertising accident injury lawyers. oh, and i was dolled up like a bollywood extra to boot. although i didn't mind that bit so much, because, you know, i looked pretty good.
Posted by: bushra | 30 Apr 2008 09:28:59
No, it was just perfect as it was. Spontaneous, on a private island, low key and romantic. I wore a lovely dress that was just right for the location, but sneakers, as it was tricky getting up to the old wooden chapel. I had to arrange my own flowers and get everything we needed before the tide rose too far the day before- it was like the best scavenger hunt ever. I hope I do get married again, but it will be to someone else. What I hate about second marriages (when they have been married to someone else before), is that somehow people feel obliged to put "quietly" in the notices in the paper. I want to say "raucously" or "merrily" or anything else but that!
Posted by: M | 30 Apr 2008 09:21:41
Ours was great - just us and two witnesses (neither of them close friends). I was 40+ weeks pregnant, and couldn't fit any shoes on as my feet were so swollen. We celebrated with cheap cava and grissini. The only thing I'd do differently is not bother going to Hull to buy useless cloth nappies after the "ceremony".
I've never been into big weddings. It runs in our family!
Posted by: Baggofbones | 30 Apr 2008 09:10:18
I love that wedding dance! I wonder if they met on a dance floor?
I'm one of those who, after 22 happily unwed years and 4 children with the same bloke, will probably end up getting married to him in another 20 to save the kids paying inheritance tax.
Posted by: Wendy V | 30 Apr 2008 08:45:44
BTW, I would point out that this entire discussion is for women only. Women might love the idea of having their wedding day all over again, but 'perfect' this time, but I can't see any man whatsoever agreeing to go through such a hideous ordeal again (ie, a wedding)(any wedding)(especially their own)
Posted by: helena | 30 Apr 2008 08:24:45
I'm all in favour of personal weddings, so to speak. I had one (small, remote and far away), but although, with unlimited money to dispose of, I'd be happy with the full works (marquee on the lawn of my stately home, guests helicoptering in, me in a designer gown etc), I cannot imagine any sane ordinary person squandering such a fortune on a single day, escpecially when all it takes is a thunderstorm to ruin it utterly. The cost of traditional weddings is now so ludicrous, isn't it about £10,000 even for an ordinary traditional wedding, that I really can't understand anyone wasting so much money.
Posted by: helena | 30 Apr 2008 08:22:37
At least you guys went ahead and HAD one. Don't you find it a bit tedious having to treat people as "feeyansays" for years and years with no sign of the big event? They always simper and say they're "saving up". For what? The best wedding I went to was in a church hall with sparkling cider and M&S canapes, the bride made her own dress and the band were friends of the groom. If you want to be married, get married. Engagements get a bit pseud after two years.
Posted by: Delilah | 30 Apr 2008 07:31:14
We had a wonderful wedding on the beach on Magnetic Island in Queensland Australia, where I met my husband. Only 18 people and it was so wonderful if could not have been improved on, other than to have had my family from England there. It was the wedding I had always dreamed of.
Then we went to England and had a blessing in a church with my family and english friends, which was rather less successful as it was the quarter finals of the World Cup with England playing and everyone was late because they were watching the match!
After two weddings in 2 weeks, we were rather over weddings, but I'd love to do it all again with my husband to rededicate our marriage in a few years time.
Posted by: Debbie | 30 Apr 2008 03:06:44
KM, That's awful, truly horrible. I'm so sorry to hear it.
And CM - you poor thing, your wedding sounds pretty traumatic.
We had a very English traditional wedding & it all went down swimmingly, the only things I would have changed would be: a better band and a formal reception in the US where I emigrated, so all those people who couldn't make it to the UK had a chance to meet & greet.
CM - can completely see why you might want to re-do it, it must have been a very stressful day for you, but I don't think I'd want to do it again, though an excuse for a great party would be nice.
Posted by: Lazy Mummy | 29 Apr 2008 23:40:29
I'm so glad we've got a nice cheerful topic going here, after Touching Evil in the Austrian post.
I like the idea of having the wedding all over again, but don't these already exist, called Blessings or Reaffirmation ceremonies or something? I like the fact that these days you get more than the stark choice of local church or bleak registery office.
Posted by: helena | 29 Apr 2008 22:59:31
I had a the wedding I always wanted, mostly by accident. We were married in a lovely wooden cottage with a water wheel on the side - this was actually the registry office. It was in the grounds of a park, and we had photos in the rose garden, taken by a friend who is a photographer. Reception, attended by immediate family and friends only, was a BBQ in my brother's back garden. The wedding cake was three tiered, and also a wedding present. The dress was borrowed - I was going to hire anyway. We had stacks of food and an old bathtub in the garden filled with ice and booze. I finally passed out - hubs was still playing drinking games with the remaining guests.
It was great. But if I could, I'd still do it all over again. Not because it was horrible, but because it was all so much fun. And heck, when do you get to wear a big, gorgeous, princess-like dress? Next time I want something frothy :)
Posted by: Gipsy | 29 Apr 2008 22:35:47
Given that I and the groom had only spent 12 days in each other's company before we got married, I spent a lot of time during my first wedding saying things like: What are your middle names? Blimey, I didn't realise you were left-handed! Who's that horrible old bag? Oh - your mother?
And then there was my ill-advised big tartan hat. But the tartan hat was kind of symbolic of the whole thing really. Honestly, it all did seem like an incredibly good idea at the time. But yes, I have had ample opportunity to feel rather sorry about it all. And will spend the rest of forever apologising to my daughter.
My perfect wedding was no. 2. Just us, my daughter and my parents as witnesses.
Posted by: Annamac | 29 Apr 2008 22:05:51
Poor you, KM. Betrayal is very sad.
I am the other way round. I had a very elegant late 80s wedding with Dress, a choir of friends in a venerable old chapel and flash food. Looking back if I did it again I might make it a lot less about me, and ask my friends to plant a wood instead that we could all enjoy in the future.
Posted by: J | 29 Apr 2008 21:50:04
Wow - how EastEnders! Would it be too impertinent to ask how he betrayed you? Obviously it is, but I can't resist what sounds like amazing gossip.
Posted by: Caitlin MOran | 29 Apr 2008 21:46:43
My wedding was brilliant at the time. The icing on the cake was this lovely sermon, from this amazing sensitive vicar friend who married us. All very personal and warm and life-enhancing.
It was somewhat ruined in retrospect later when the clergyman who did the service, who was as well as being a near father to me, was also the father of my then best friend, betrayed me personally and publicly, on a massive scale.
Yes, I'd do it again like a shot. Same guests, same groom, but I'd make damn sure I didn't let that creep into my wedding photos.
(Unforgiving face)
Posted by: Kieransmum | 29 Apr 2008 21:34:07