The 20 strangest baby names

Michael Moran, the books editor for Times Online, has discovered a book that makes every Jane Doe or Tom, Dick and Harry thank their lucky stars.

We're familiar with the celebrity trend of giving children playful, silly, impractical names on the basis that they'll never have to endure the vicissitudes of a real school or workplace. The first one most of us noticed was probably Zowie Bowie, or perhaps Marc Bolan's little boy Rolan, and probably reached its apotheosis in the wilful christening flightiness evinced by Bob Geldof or Gywneth Paltrow. 

Michael Sherrod and Matthew Rayback, the authors of a new book, Bad Baby Names, have looked into a century of US census reports and discovered that the history of weird names is longer, and stranger, than most of us could have possibly imagined…

Here, in ascending order of weirdness, are the 20 strangest:

20: Wanna Funk

19: United States

18: Lotta Bacon

17: Hysteria Johnson

16: Waitress Seholley

15: Nail Rambo

14: Jump Jump

13: Tackle Feigenbutz

12: Mustard M.Mustard

11: Jelly Bean Cook

10: Fat Meat Fields

9: Geography Bryan

8: Zero Pie

7: Cylinder Klinefelter

6: Nice Veal

5: Cylclops Walthour

4: Envy Burger

3: Cancer Grindstaff

2: Young Boozer

1: Dracula Taylor

And, just to demonstrate that not all parents are capricious and michevous come christening time, here are an even dozen names that I’d prefer to plain old Michael Moran:

Peach Skeeters

Watermelon Pete McNeil

Experience Fairweathers

Limbo Holloway

Bluebell Plopper

Beauty Outlaw

Darth Wilson

Christian Devil

Welcome Darling

Sexy Chambers

Love Catts

Permelia Buckaroo

Bad Baby Names by Michael Sherrod and Matthew Rayback is published by Ancestry.co.uk, priced £4.99

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Comments

[Kate - USA]

My husband knows a doctor named Payne. He named his son Justin Phil Payne. How about that monikier?

[Rogers George]

Bob Hope's given name was Leslie, not uncommon in British boys. When he came to the US as a youngster, he introduced himself to the class on his first day in the British manner, last name first, hence Hope, Leslie. His American classmates immediately translated this as "hopelessly" and that became his nickname, later shortened to Hopeless.

[Roz]

My school had a cookery teacher called Mrs Ovens, a gardener called Mr Lavender, a biology teacher called Dr Ovary and an Art Teacher called Mrs Brushett - the weird part is that all but the gardener got their name through marriage.

However in South Africa it is common to find funny names amongst the indegenous population who were forced to pick what they call 'slave names' under apartheid because the Government couldn't be bothered to learn their languages. These were often biblical or aspirational. I have encounted a man called 'bicycle', heard of another called 'pencil' and once bought some trousers in a high-street store from two assistants called 'Smart' and 'Casual'. My son briefly had a holiday child-minder called 'Confidence' and my husband employed 'Favourite', 'Jesus' and 'Freddie Kruger' . . .

[baby names list]

Now, I am so proud of my name. because I know that my parents give it to me with great meaning..but for others they didn't know the real meaning of it and sometimes is it funny for others.

[Chris]

glad I'm not called Tyrone Shoelaces

[Andy]

There was an old Tasmanian state premier called Jim Bacon who married a women called Honey Hogan. Honey Bacon, tasty lady.

[Rae]

I know a Jean Bean! She married into it.

[Kinsao]

My nan went to a chiropodist called Mary Foote. And my friend knew someone who called their kids Vauxhall and Starling.

I know someone called Justin Lillywhite, which sounds like it should be a pun but isn't!

[Lollita]

My second cousin's name is Clay Pots!

I also have a distant cousin called Edie Smith..like the jam. but i dont find it that funny as im not American.

i also went to school with someone called Hannah Hanrahan. Try saying that when you're drunk!

[madmarce]

A client of a family member causes hysteria every time he calls her office: Mustafa Fahti.

[madmarce]

At my school there was a teacher called Mr P.Shooter.

[Taya- Manchester UK]

I went to primary school with a Jade Green. It never really stood out to any of us kids but I do remember the amused looks on parent-helpers faces!

[William Rbts - USA]

American and English names are funny because we speak English...doesn't mean the author was short-sighted.
I have a doctor friend that deals with alot of minority births and the two strangest are "Monkeytron" and "A-a"(pronounced Adasha) I feel sorry for these people that had the luck to be born to morons. Of course, my parents went to school with Ima and Ura Hogg so...I guess race doesn't matter.

[Lucy]

A fellow pupil - Richard Williamson, became know forever more as Dick Willy within weeks of starting seconday school. Took me a while to remember what his proper name even was then...

[Ben]

We used to phone the wards when I was a hospital porter and got the nurses to ask out loud for patiences by the names of Emma Roids and a Wayne Carr!

[peter c]

how about:

Vile

Obesity
dyslexica
Asbo

[T Rose]

I knew a boy called Rob Berry, who later married a woman called Terry -
and my friend Mona, whose husband's last name was Way so they had to hyphenate -
and I worked with a girl called Ophelia Dickie (she called herself Annette) -
and in L.A. there were solicitors called Wank and Wank, outrageous to British ears.

[Eleanor]

I knew a girl once whose name was Iona. She then had the fabulous idea of marrying someone of last name Dick....

[Lizzie, New York]

My friend worked with a broker once called Ivor Share, and another called Forrest Basket.

But the best one ever is the guy who invented fire insurance and (some say) the hosepipe, who was called Nicholas If-Jesus-Christ-Had-Not-Died-For- Thee-Thou-Hadst-Been-Damned Barebone. His father was a politician called Praise-God Barebone. If you Google Barebone Parliament you can see this is totally true!

[Jamie]

the kid up my street is Ritalin Ramirez... she does not live up to her name... unless you think drugged out and annoying..

[Kaylie Green]

Similar to a previous comment, by boyfriend once had dealings with a solicitors....they were called "Wright Hassel"......and they definitely lived up to their name!!

[NoHiddenAgnda]

My wife's hometown veterinarian was "Dr. Slaughter" and local dentist is "Dr. Pullen."

[NoHiddenAgnda]

I dated a "Sandy Graves" and "Candy Barr" in school. I worked with a Richard Head whose wife always called him Dick. Urban legend names include Lemonjello and Orangejello.

A friend worked with someone called "Bonka Mialova" - not sure I got the spelling right though.

[Sanne]

One of my good friends is called Hugh Cumber. No surprise he was teased at school...