5 tips for a streamlined life

Katie writes in with an essential list for every multi-tasking parent:

The key to operating as an Alpha Mum is to make your life as streamlined as possible. Here are five top tips for achieving this that restore calm to chaos.

1) Never admit to being a mother
Admitting to motherhood is like being a member of HR – everyone will think you care about their problems. Your world has enough challenges of its own without taking on those of others

2) Write job lists
Use your free time to write job lists for all your helpers. My nanny arrives every morning to two children under four and a lovely long list of jobs. There is nothing as satisfying as the magic of knowing that whilst you work others are working too.

3) Accumulate thank you cards
Never leave John Lewis without an armful of thank you cards. It doesn’t matter to whom you write them, just make sure you use up your allotted quote every month. There is nothing like a bit of gratitude to multiply the future help you receive.

4) Take advantage of economies of scale
As an economist, the wisdom of scale was apparent to me early in my career. All things should be replicated quickly and efficiently to benefit from the free time this throws up. Gift purchasing in triplicate, dinner parties for 16 and births in rapid succession all make perfect sense to the true Alpha.

5) Understand husband types
Do not fall into the trap of asking your husband to do anything to help. Only you understand your family empire and only you hold the key to the efficient husbandry of it. Beware of diversions - requesting support which is not forthcoming is a diversion. Husbands also fall into this category.

Got any streamlining tips of your own?

(Picture: from Laffy4k on Flickr)

Comments

[Alison]

Am i right or wrong in thinking that stay at home mothers would multi-task and do household things while minding their children all day? If a mother can do it, surely a nanny can handle it too!

[Dan]

I appreciate the attempt at levity, but as a father of three, two of whom have Autism (note: AsPergers, not AsBergers, please, which is very much related), I found this a little off-putting. First, I was hoping to get much needed advice for my wife & I. Second, my wife stays at home (Bless her) and shuttles kids to appointments, therapies, etc. Third, on behalf of 'involved Dads' everywhere, I greatly resent the idea that husbands are not forthcoming w/help or are 'diversions.' (And, if I'm the only 'involved Dad' on the planet, then I'd suggest mandatory sterilization. Half joking.)

Supermother, thank you for some good advice in your list. Debbie, you also! (By the way, in the same way you'd like to be able to do internet shopping, we rely on it! We'd love to be able to go to the stores, but it's too difficult.)

Okay, I'm done whining (for a moment).

My advice: encourage creative outlets for the children, where they make things for others, and for them to give it away. (Cards, cookies, pictures, etc.) They have the joy of creation, and the greater joy of giving, learning some of the more pleasant social graces (thank yous & your welcomes), and these are important considerations when Autism comes to live with you.

Also, never turn down an offer of help from someone you trust.

~Dan (a co-Alphing Dad)

[J]

"The "List" looks to have been drawn up by some saddo in analysis, possibly with Asbergers."

Sarah, in one sentence you have managed to show complete disdain for people who have mental illness and the fact that you havent a clue about Asperger's- starting with how to spell it.

[supermother]

1. Ensure you have a fair split of domestic labour at home. Most alpha women manage this. A few are married to sexist men and the longer they tolerate that sexism the more damage they do to the rest of us and the worse the example they give to their children so she needs to do something about that right now. Divide up jobs, don't both be responsible for each. I didn't take the children to the dentist for 17 years because that job was one their father did. He put the washer on too and I did the school bags.

2. Get a cleaner / housekeeper in every day - that made the biggest difference to our lives when we had lots of little children.

3. I agree that having children close together helps - we had three under 4 and then twins (the most efficient thing of all are twins).

4. Opt out of things that don't matter like making school costumes and any kind of competitive mothering thing.

5. Deal with admin every day on the day. Don't go to sleep until you've dealt with the day's post, Don't let things build up.

6. Never go upstairs without taking something upstairs with you that needs tidying. Keep the place tidy as then it's easier to stay on top of it all.

7. Don't take on too much at work or at home. I never looked at a piece of GCSE course work for example of any of the 3 older children. Don't be a helicopter parent.

[sarah munro]

The "List" looks to have been drawn up by some saddo in analysis, possibly with Asbergers. Get a life. Don't have children if you can't acknowledge them or have to make lists for the people you pay to look after them. Bring in the social workers - there is enough material in these posts for a convention.

[Delilah]

Streamlining tip which makes all the above redundant - boarding school. Odd, isn't it, how boarding schools were invented for people stuck in the country miles from a decent school, are now being used by people stuck in London miles from a decent school.

[KM]

Tsk, tsk, LM. Do keep up.

That was J.

I am the purple guineapig from Devon.

[Lazy Mummy]

Gipsy -

You're right; many AMs do indeed need to have control, though not all of them do. But is your desire for ordered things a desire for control or a desire for organisation? They are related but different, aren't they?

[Lazy Mummy]

But KM, I thought you were a talking fish from Croydon? Or was that J?

[KM]

Maybe Kate will come on this thread and explain.

Maybe she is actually one of us and has used a different title.

Maybe she is me and I have a job in the City without realising (disappears in cloud of puzzled smoke)

[M]

I think you've got it right (again) KM. I 'm used to a quite playful, self-deprecating tone here, but it's only possible because regular posters have each others' respect. This was out of sync with that and for that reason it was fairly amusing, to me, at least. That's why I thought it was a send-up. We don't, on the whole as a nation brag, in fact we're terrible about blowing our own trumpets, so naturally it invites a humorous response. That's why I thought it was ironic.
On cards, I agree, I buy them everywhere, I especially love the 50's ones I bought in a closing down sale in an old-fashioned hardware store at Easter.

[Sue Shaw]

I think the Nanny's job is what the parents want it to be - top priority - healthy, happy & safe children - added bonus- lots of stimulus!! Practicalities such as doing the kids' laundry/meals/homework is negotiable!
It has to be said that in most households the running of the home is best done by the woman whilst the man does indeed help out - not as a slave - but as a Dad. Some Dads aren't sure where they fit in at first & may need guidance - my husabnd and I never had any problems sharing child care and housework - remembering to have fun along the way!

[j]

he he mmm I shall ask her to dig out her filthiest jokes. Actually we thought of getting a bit pissed for the next lesson..

[mmmm]

hmmm you're probably right re. type of irony KM but it was a bit clumsily done, hence the reaction.

J - I've been having singing lessons for many years. They are the least dignified thing in the world, but wonderful pampering anyway. It took me a long time to not worry about looking/sounding silly but have learned a lot from them and you can't do that without an awful lot of letting go, some of the really bizarre techniques (blowing raspberries, mooing like a cow) do have great results. It helps to do something that really divides the lesson from the rest of your life, even if it's just taking your shoes off when you start the lesson, reading beano comics on the way there to de-office your brain etc. Also if you can get your teacher to tell you a really rude joke just before you sing a phrase, a good belly laugh will show you just what wonderful sounds can come out when everything is freed up.

[j]

KM you may well be right about that. Also people do put on facades when entering public life- I find that very interesting. I mean people adopting different personalities as part of their work camouflage, not even deliberately but to build up self-esteem (they wouldnt obey me if they knew what I am really like...)

[j]

he he I blame the parents ;)

agree on mugs but in fact the piling up principle is quite important in later family life. The only way I have trained Child A to put his own dirty laundry in the basket is to allow him to run out of underwear entirely and face the terrifying choice of attending school in his father's underwear or his little brother's.

[KM]

On the issue of irony. There are two kinds, right? (actually there are loads but that is a digression).

There is irony where you say something you don't mean at all like "I regularly hold my kids under water until they agree with me."

Then there's partial irony, where you say something you do mostly mean but in a self-deprecating ironic way, like
"I think sending thank-you cards is a great way to get more favours." (only obviously that statement has no irony in it)

I thought this post was an example of the second. But I could be wrong.

[mmmm]

Streamlining the washing up, for those naturally disinclined (applies more if you don't have a dishwasher: Beware the ratio of duplicated crockery/cutlery items to number of people in household. When I was living alone I only had two of anything to hand, rest stored away deeply so after two meals I either had to wash up a small and manageable amount or stand on a chair etc to get more stuff out. Particularly important with MUGS which can pile up a bit drastically. Have no experience of trying to apply this theory to a family household but you get my drift. In fact this principle can be applied to lots of things for those of us likely to get overwhelmed by too much in any sort of in-tray.

Regarding the original post - realise it was not meant to be the Treaty of Versailles but irony levels seemed inconsistent enough to make me think she might mean it. Maybe just the style of writing was odd rather than the sentiment. We should play nicely, on the other hand a blog rather than a forum surely gives us the opportunity to nit-pick the journalism in the OP as well as each others responses? That's half the fun! I blame the editors.

[KM]

OK, J. I'll play nice.

[j]

Lets not be too cruel to "Katie". She was writing a light hearted piece to get us going, on the well-worn theme of home-makers vs office workers.

As it always get us going, you cant blame her ;).

Interested by Gipsy's point about if we have control issues. The poor woman who bravely persists in teaching me to sing says that all she really needs to do is make me let go, but I am so used to being sensible and responsible that it is disastrous to my musical ability ;). Maybe we are not natural control freaks, maybe we are just so used to having too much to do?

[Debbie]

So true that what works for one person doesn't work for another. I would love to be able to do internet shopping and have it delivered, unfortunately we have not caught up with the 21st century in Darwin yet, so have to go and do it in person. I do try and avoid doing it with the kids whenever possible, but unfortunately thats not always the case. As to leaving a list of jobs for the staff - I can but dream that one day I might be able to do it, but somehow doubt if the dog or cat are going to make the grade!

[NAMY]

True. Perhaps the key words really were, "long lists"? I was responding more (perhaps too) generally,.

[Kim]

Yes, I thought Katie was being ironic too. The whole list just seemed to me to be a mick-take of the whole Alphamummy idea.

[mumoftwo]

NAMY, there is a big difference between a note every now and again with one extra request on it, and giving someone a long list of jobs on a daily basis. The first implies you trust the person to get on with the job, but have some extra requirements on this occasion; the second implies that the person can't be trusted to get on with the job unless micro-managed, indeed will slack off if you don't do this (which is what the original poster implied).

[mumoftwo]

I think that what is a top tip for you sometimes just doens't work for someone else. I think internet shopping is fab, and haven't done a supermarket weekly shop in person for years. This works for me as I hate supermarkets and get really flustered when the children run around being 'helpful' by picking out unwanted items, plus all the packing (argh, I'm having a flashback...) However, I've suggested this to several of my friends, some working at home, some out of the home, and many of them really don't like it- they prefer being able to see the produce, plus there is an initial hellish 'introductory' period for internet shopping where you order all the wrong sizes. I'm also relaxed about product substitutions, the fact that a nice man has brought it to my door at 9pm on a Monday eve makes up for any inconvenience having a different flavour ice-cream; again, some of my friends hated that they didn't get exactly what they asked for. A lot of it is about personality and what you personally value.