"Us" time
We went to Glastonbury last week. Yes, I know, it was a while ago but, to be fair, I still felt a bit "dizzy" until yesterday - although I have now nailed for certain the fact that drinking half a bottle of ASDA own-brand brandy, before 11am, really doesn't agree with my constitution, after all. That feels like a scientific breakthrough.
This has been the first year we haven't taken the children. The kids love Glastonbury - but this is because, as far as they're concerned, Glastonbury is The Kidz Field, where Bodger and Badger do shows every hour on the hour, fairies wander around handing out handfuls of fairydust, and half a dozen tents offer everything from puppet-making, to song composition. After six years of this, we finally tired of going to the greatest rock festival in the world and then using it as a hippy Centre Parcs, and dumped the kids with an assortment of my siblings, instead. Then me and the man-missus headed down there to spend four days in the fulcrum of ROCK. Despite my intense desire to ROCK, I did greatly fear that I would become maudlin, and miss the children. But I have to say - and you must imagine me saying this in the voice of Mr Toad - I didn't miss them at all! I'd do it all again in a heartbeat!
Indeed, so marked was my joy at being away from them that, by 3pm on Saturday, I had actually forgotten that children existed. When a small bunch of small people, wearing velvet jester's hats, barged past me on the way to see Crowded House, I truly marvelled that so many dwarves had travelled down together, to rock. Then I saw their faces, and remembered. The young of the species! Of course! Kids! Coh!
Perhaps our pleasure was all the more intense because this has been only our second break from the children since Dora was born, in 2001. Indeed, I am starting to wonder if I might actually be, contrary to all my assumptions, an incredibly diligent and loving mother, after all - like some manner of slightly overweight saint, in a TopShop smock. When I was having a pre-Glastonbury guilt, my sister Weena said, slightly incredulously, "All my friends who have kids are off on mini-breaks left, right and centre. They leave them for a week, sometimes. Just bugger off and get wankered on hot cider, there's a good girl."
So, I have no idea what the average child-dumping rate is. All I know is that, on Saturday, I was pleasantly steamed from 11am onwards, danced for 10 hours straight, "showed" Jay-Z my "diamonds", spontaneously learned to body-pop, and accidentally punched the woman who plays the sexy gipsy lady in Stardust in the mouth when running to a falafel stall at 2am. And it was brilliant. And I wish I could do it all again this week.
Gipsy - I second your comments (late to the party again - was on holiday last week & slow to catch up this week). This was a brilliant thread, and all kudos to Jarrad for kick-starting it (Jarrad - I hope you stay around AM).
Er, maybe we can do it all again sometime?
Posted by: LM | 8 Aug 2008 07:28:53
OK this post has now gone from the main page and into the archive, so it looks like it is farewell time. A shame that Caitlin never came back to finish her cyber shag.
I'd like to say a special thanks to KM, J, Lucy, and LM (and anyone else I've missed) for creating such a fun thread, and for their brilliant and witty story telling. I look forward to reading the published works of all of you one day.
I'd also like to say thanks to Jarrad for being such an incredible good sport, and letting us have such fun with his online persona. I shall miss this thread, as I shall miss the buffed and tanned 23 year old Californian Jarrad. I look forward to many entertaining discussions with the floppy haired James May-ish Jarrad :)
See you all in another thread, sometime soon I hope!
Posted by: Gipsy | 29 Jul 2008 10:00:59
LOL I thought that was a rather sly way of slipping such news into the conversation!
Well nine months without ... there's so many things! You're supposed to cut caffeine out anyway, and doesn't choc have caffeine in it? I can't remember cutting it out but then so much of my pregnancy is a blur now.
Posted by: Gipsy | 28 Jul 2008 11:33:51
Oh! No! Oops!
It should probably worry me, this being a mums blog and all, that it took me a minute to work out what exactly you two were on about. And then re-read my comment. No, I'm not, but I am trying to be good and cut down on alcohol and similar nasties just in case, and I was crushed to think of nine months without chocolate. That's all.
(Oh dear, I'm feeling a little broody now).
Posted by: Lucy | 28 Jul 2008 11:17:39
Oooh Lucy! Congrats!
No idea about the chocolate though. Have you tried googling it?
Jarrad - I shall be reading your review after I've seen the movie. I am avoiding all and everything that might be a spoiler!
Am taking son to see Wall-E this weekend. Really looking forward to it - I've not been disappointed by Pixar yet.
As for Top Gear - I have no idea why I enjoy watching the show. All the studio stuff and the banter is so obviously staged, I am utterly uninterested in cars (I don't even own one), and the environmentalist in me is so often appalled. And yet I do enjoy watching the show!
Posted by: Gipsy | 28 Jul 2008 10:53:49
Lucy, you're not, are you?
How will you combine this with medieval texts?
And no, chocolate is not bad for you. Eat the 70% or 85% type and you will feel satsfied with much less.
The only problem I've found with chocolate is that it's more interesting than sex, but if you ARE, then maybe that isn't a problem.
Posted by: Jane2 | 28 Jul 2008 08:46:33
See, I go away for one week and this is what happens ... bloody hell, I'd have been posting double-time if I'd known this was going on!
Jarrad, is there any justification in the earlier comparison of your hair to James May's? I always thought we were far too child-concerned to be looking at car shows, but I'm of course happy to be corrected if this isn't the case ... much sexier than posh shoes in my opinion ...
(On a serious note, I have just been told that too much chocolate is bad and can make you miscarry. Please tell me this isn't true?)
Posted by: Lucy | 28 Jul 2008 00:51:40
On Dark Knight and knives...Have asked Child A who saw it last night. He says, yes Joker has knives which you see a bit. But it is very clear that the man is twisted and insane. He had to think when I asked him- so not a strong take-home message.
but then I have never really got Batman myself.
Posted by: j | 27 Jul 2008 18:50:09
Not sad at all. Took my niece to see it last week- it's excellent.
And yes, Dark Knight is well worth the babysitter.
Posted by: Jarrad | 26 Jul 2008 19:50:27
I just want to see Wall-e.
How sad is that?
Posted by: J | 26 Jul 2008 10:39:30
Wouldn't worry about that Jarrad, KM also listed her blog on AM a couple of times (it's really good too). Me, I'm not articulate or committed enough to have a blog, but I enjoy reading other people's.
(Bottom line: is Dark Knight worth persuading visiting grandparents to babysit for?)
Posted by: LM | 25 Jul 2008 21:42:03
Yes J, on myspace. Sorry, didn't want The Times thinking I'm using AM to promote myself.
(looks back at previous AM posts)
Hmm, might be a bit late on that one.
Posted by: Jarrad | 25 Jul 2008 13:25:06
posted where? on myspace?
I see its a 12A. They have to be joking. Child A is going but he's 16.
Posted by: j | 25 Jul 2008 12:58:04
I've just posted a blog about "The Dark Knight" and the certificate it has been given that may be of interest to the Alpha Mummies and would be keen to hear your thoughts.
I cannot believe that there hasn't been more written in the media about how unsuitable this film is for children.
Posted by: Jarrad | 25 Jul 2008 12:45:08
I don't know KM, there's nowhere near as much fun out in the other threads!
Posted by: Gipsy | 24 Jul 2008 09:43:32
I've dipped my toe into those murky waters....
Posted by: Jarrad | 24 Jul 2008 09:21:35
The true test of your commitment Jarrard will be if you escape from this steamy thread and come and argue with us on the other ones. Then we will know you are truly an Alpha-Man.
Posted by: KM | 24 Jul 2008 06:53:49
Ladies, ladies, please.....there's plenty of me to go around.
I'm not so much pre-owned as "worn-in".
Posted by: Jarrad | 23 Jul 2008 18:53:30
LOL J I won't be making any moves on Jarrad - he's already tagged as Caitlin's cyber shag :)
As for the 'pre-owned' tag, speak for youself missus! I prefer 'well-loved' myself.
Posted by: Gipsy | 22 Jul 2008 21:59:36
This is getting ridiculous. We should rename it the virtual Alpha Dating Site.
Posted by: KM | 22 Jul 2008 21:42:35
Jarrad the thing about Alpha mummies is that they say the same kind of thing about us... so Gipsy will not spurn what you might call the "pre-owned" type of male beauty...
I should at this point crush any misconception that might exist and tell you that I am ten years older than you, with 3 children.
Posted by: J | 22 Jul 2008 14:33:53
Ah. Unfortunately there are some health considerations that preclude the working out but, dearie me Gipsy, you'd have liked me in my prime.
Posted by: Jarrad | 22 Jul 2008 00:32:58
Do some working out. Biceps (nicely toned not Mr World style) and floppy hair, along with shoes, chocolates and books. You'll have queues at the door! Or maybe that's just my personal fantasy...
Posted by: Gipsy | 21 Jul 2008 21:43:45
I think you are missing a key ingredient. It would need to be a chocolate, shoes and BOOK shop to grab the really discerning woman.
All the best floppy-haired blokes are to be found serving behind the counter in Waterstones or Blackwells.
Posted by: KM | 21 Jul 2008 21:17:30
Yes it was a few months earlier. And the main pic was taken back in May so it's slightly longer now.
I keep expecting to get an e-mail from The Times saying "Please note that the Alpha Mummy blog was not designed to help you style your hair. You're not even a mummy. Please cease and desist."
Posted by: Jarrad | 21 Jul 2008 19:53:48