What's the best way not to have children?

Could it be that yesterday's story on research suggesting the Pill could make you choose the 'wrong man' is the final nail in the coffin for the contraceptive that was supposed to liberate us all?

Reports in recent years have claimed that certain brands of the Pill have been linked to depression, that taking it can give you a libido hangover and that we forget to take it anyway, resulting in unwanted pregnancies.

A very unscientific poll of the office revealed that a lot of 30-something women gave up the pill in their twenties. What do you think? Do you still use the pill as a method of contraception, or do you think it is best avoided?

Meanwhile, take a look at this article from September 1965 in the Times Archive, which warns: "We are already consuming large quantities of tranquillizers, pep pills and sedatives, and now a woman may for 10, 20, 30 years take a number of pills each month, with a small and ill-defined risk." Thankfully most of us are off the pep pills and sedatives nowadays.

Comments

Thanks for getting back to me Eluned (I've been on holiday, so I didn't reply). Um, ... I mean this nicely and I see you are trying to pass on good advice - but I think my diet is fine! I don't know quite why that upset me, but it did, a bit.... Partly, I guess, I think I am pretty in touch with my body and part of that is accepting that it doesn't run like a wind-up watch all the time.

(Nobody is allowed to make a PMT joke. Bad taste, people).

[Lucia]

I know this may seem a little over the top, but the Pill really did change my life. I started taking it when I was 14 (due to issues with my periods) and ten years on, I have never had any problems with it. I fully appreciate that many women suffer side-effects, but I don't think it should be discarded all together. We're all different - the Pill is the best contraceptive for some women, and luckily there are many different types of contraception so everyone can find the one that's right for them.

[LJ]

Totally agree with other posters on the horribleness of filling up one's body with a huge overdose of manufactured hormones. I took the pill for 4 years at Uni and it was the worst thing ever - weight gain, depression, bad skin - because I was under the (mistaken) impression that because i was fertile once a month for approximately 3 days with one little zygote available it was my responsibility to control my fertility, not my partners' (who were fertile every day, as often as they liked, producing masses of zygotes each time).

Since those days i have combined the two best methods of avoiding pregnancy - abstinence from penetrative sex (there are other ways to go about it boys and girls!) and use of condoms. As both those methods also protect me from STDs, which the Pill does not, i think i'm generally much better off, with the added benefit that i'm now in tune with my own body and its messages to me are not masked by artificial additives. My soon-to-be husband has always said he'd rather use condoms (which he dislikes) and share responsibility for contraception than force me back onto the Pill or into having chemical or mechanical implants etc - and after we're married we'll be moving to Persona plus fewer condoms for both pro- and contra-ception.

We all ought to teach our daughters that if their man won't wear a condom to prevent them having to overdose on hormones, he's not that into them: and our sons that if they really like a girl, the sexiest thing to do is be responsible for their own fecundity instead of expecting her to do all the work and suffer the consequences.

Interestingly one of my friends, now a mum, said when she came off the Pill after 10 years on it, all with the same boyfriend and now husband, he said he almost did not recognise her - she'd become much more laid-back and relaxed, fewer mood swings, higher libido - and she lost weight. After the initial shock of worrying he might be dissatisfied that the woman he married had mellowed out (he wasn't) she was delighted and then concerned that the various Pills had altered her so much.

[Nicky]

Quite a lot of people who are not keen on the pill, then, it seems. Me neither - tried 3 different brands at various times in my life, and didn't get on with any of them, so I won't try any other form of hormonal contraceptive either.
Natural Family Planning worked better for me too, although it isn't for everyone. But if you're in a stable relationship where a baby wouldn't be the end of the world, and have a regular cycle, I'd recommend it.
Sorry Sally, but doctors do seem to be trained to 'medicalise' everything - I've had no end of suggestions to try the implant, injection or Mirena, and been met with shock and dire warnings when I said I preferred to stick to natural methods. It's not your fault, it's your training. It's drummed into you that interfering with the natural processes of the human body is the best way. And sometimes it can be. But it isn't always. I'd like to see more GPs be a little more open minded to other approaches.

[mumoftwo]

I think the smell thing is a bit exaggerated. I've been on the Pill and off the Pill when with my husband and he smelt great all the time! Plus no-one would ever get pregnant if it were true that the Pill makes you choose the wrong man, as by definition they have to be off the Pill and having sex to get pregnant (in other words, they have to be smelling ok enough to make you procreate).

[Caroline]

I have had serious hormonal problems ever since I was 18. The pill has cleared up my skin, helped me control my weight, got rid of my mood swings and given me more confidence. I have a very hectic job, and remembering to take my temperature, buy condoms, put in a diaphram etc are things I just can't remember to do. I'm 36 and have slept with four men in my life, so it's certainly not made me promiscuous. Two friends have got pregnant using the safe method, and four by the withdrawal method, and one got pregnant twice by using that stupid Persona thing as a contraceptive rather than a fertility indicator. One got pregant the day before her period was due - you CAN get pregnant at any time. The pill has been a lifesaver for me and I can't imagine what my life would have been like without it.

[Jarrad]

Sid James had the best answer in Carry On Doctor - "Tie a knot in it!"

[L Porter]

I was put on the pill at 14 for endometriosis. I came off it at 23 after realising that I was yet to develop a libido. I still feel very cheated that i was never a "hormonal teenager". I had my tubes tied at 24 and it's been amazing. I have a libido at last, I love having a normal cycle; and while my periods are very bad, I would rather have them than no sex life. I'm now 31.

[LM]

Sally,

I agree with you that for some people (many younger people actually) the pill is the best form of contraception and I was on it for a long time myself, with minimal side effects.

However, despite your GP credentials, you are just plain wrong when you say that measuring basal body temperature doesn't tell you when you have ovulated. In actual fact if you track BBT and cervical mucus/position, you can know with a great degree of certainty when you've ovulated. In fact, I know several people (myself included) who actually feel pain when ovulation happens. We are all intelligent, educated, scientifically-minded people who are not nutters and not religious freaks. We are, though, more mature and in stable relationships. For people like me, the BBT/CM method works really well (and is a good approach if you're tracking cycles for fertility problems too). Granted, you need a few months' worth of data to know with certainty when you will/have ovulated (to get to know your cycle) but once you have that, it takes about as long as remembering to take the pill does and is about as easy.

[Turkle]

Wow, I am a male in a marriage for 10 years and did not know that this could be such a divisive and exhaustive issue. We have children and planned them. I do not use any form of contraception nor does my wife. It is my responsibility to keep control and make sure that we stay "pregnant free" when we don't want another child. When we decided to have our children our sexual habits and my "staying action" changed. It amazes me that so many women are in relationships with men that don't or won't take some responsibility for preventing an unwanted pregnancy.

[Jim Bean]

Golly, huge discussion on this one. I use the Nuva Ring to skip my period for several months at a time ~and I love it,~ no cramps, no pain, no blood. Artificial whatnots in your body be damned, I'm on the lowest dose of hormones available and have real freedom from suffering and cramps and backaches. Certainly a lot of arguing about all this--but I'm part of a rather small population that doesn't use hormones for birth control, I use them to improve my quality of life, and am simultaneously a practicing firm believer in abstinence until marriage/permanent partnership.

[Tammy]

Best way not to have children? Abstinence, of course! I have been celibate for three and a half years - although I have had a couple of platonic relationships in that time - and have never been on the Pill. Why pump lots of rubbish into your body, particularly if you happen to be with a man who isn't worth it anyway?

[supermother]

But nor is the pill risk free. My daughters are students. The kinds of lives people like that lead (and they are at the sensible end of the spectrum) means that taking a pill every day is not always the easiest thing to do.

I am pleased a few people agree with me about the eroticism of abstension from full sex and the sexiness of sex where there is a possibility of conception as you rarely hear that written about although I accept that is more likely to be the case in a long term committed relationship.

[sally]

"Natural" (what does that even mean? is the measurement of temperature "natural"?) methods of contraception would be fine if they could tell you when you had ovulated. They can't, they use different proxies for it in the hope of giving a woman an idea of when it might be about to happen.

The comment I made about being able to conceive on any day of your cycle has been (deliberately?) misunderstood. With accurate knowledge of when a woman has ovulated things get a lot easier, but that is just what's missing - accurate knowledge. Women have been known to conceive on every single day of their cycle, significantly more do so in the middle but it's the lack of certainty that leads to the higher failure rate of natural methods.

Look at the figures, do more women conceive while using natural family planning than do on the pill? Of course they do. Does the pill have risks? Of course it does. The point I was making was simply that to see "natural" means of contraception as being a risk-free, safe alternative is misguided. There is no doubt that it is a good method for some couples but we need a bit of balance in this discussion - to ignore the risks of pregnancy is to drastically underestimate the risks of contraception with a higher failure rate than things like IUDs/the pill/etc.

[LM]

Lucy - acupuncture/chinese medicine can also be helpful in dealing with both migraines & menstrual cycle problems (and at the very least, acupuncture is very good for stress-relief).

[Eluned]

Quite, Lucy. I'm very much of the belief that if you go out in the rain you should take an umbrella with you. Which is why for people in casual relationships who don't want babies but aren't willing to abstain during the fertile phase, I think condoms are ideal as they prevent pregnancy and most diseases and don't deplete your body's nutrients like the pill does. But whatever your relationship status I think it's important to be attuned to your own body and am very saddened that so many women believe they *need* drugs to achieve control and that even GPs are coming out with the scaremongering rubbish in Sally's post.

I would advise you to see a chiropractor for some spinal manipulation and maybe a change of diet. Read 'Balancing Hormones Naturally' by Kate Neil and Patrick Holford, follow the diet in the back. Worked wonders for my painful periods, you don't need to suffer irregularities, there is normally a simple solution. :]

I do agree with your last paragraph, SM. The best sex we have is right after abstaining for a week and the most exciting is when I am fertile but having a baby would not be the most sensible thing to do. Putting it in God's hands, if you like, is very erotic and is how our little Cerys was made!

[Lucy]

Eluned, I do see that it is great if you can use natural clues to judge your body's fertility. But if you are someone who has irregular periods and tends to run fevers, this doesn't seem to work. I get frequent migraines, and my cycle has always been all over the place - so I can't rely on my body's clues. It's also important to note that the attitude of woman in a stable relationship (esp. if she already has children, perhaps) towards an unexpected pregnancy is going to be very different from the attitude of a frightened or unprepared woman who has had no intention of getting pregnant.
I don't personally like the pill, but I think it's a necessary thing for many people.

[asilon]

No, I can honestly say that the worry of falling pregnant again was a real turn-off, and now I've got my Mirena and don't have to think twice before sex, I'm much happier.

[anon2]

"It requires a great amount of self control and will power to avoid sex on certain days of the month, especially if alcohol may be involved, which most people do drink at some point in time "

Is it just me who's apparently frigid, according to this? Sure, it sucks when you're both in the mood but can't, but there are plenty of ways you can amuse each other without going the whole way. It takes some willpower, but not a superhuman amount... and it builds up the anticipation for next time. And yet I've never thought of myself as having an unusually low sex drive...

Alcohol, if anything, makes me less interested in sex (it is a depressant, after all)- and a drunk boyfriend makes me less interested yet! I wouldn't say that uninhibited (an undeniable effect of alcohol)= horny. And I don't know any adults in committed relationships/marriages who drink to the point of not knowing what they're doing (a common excuse among the 'cider-swilling' girls in parks mentioned), so I doubt alcohol is really a factor in the kind of situations we're talking about.

I agree with Supermother below about the frisson of natural sex, and even 'natural' foreplay over the mechanised feel of being on the Pill. (Not judging those who do take the Pill, it's obviously different for every woman so if you're happy with it I'm happy for you!)

[supermother]

I think it's one of the great, and unfortunate, myths of our time that we cannot control our fertility without pumping synthetic hormones into our beautiful bodies."

Absolutely. A male/drug companies conspiracy to fill women's bodies with all these dreadful drugs. I don't know why any woman is prepared to tolerate that. I'd rather take the risk of getting pregnant actually.

I suppose no one will agree with me but natural sex with even a slight risk of pregnancy always seemed me to be the most erotic and having to think about your body and when you're fertile and perhaps not have sex when you want it is very very sexy.

[LM]

Well-said, Eluned. And if you use the NFP/BBT (basal-body-temperature) method, you can always use condoms for those 4 or 5 fertile days during the middle of the month.

I do think, though, that this method isn't good if you're 20-something, not in a stable relationship and not willing/able to track your cycles rigourously. If, though, you're in a stable relationship, probably a bit older/more settled in a routine and if it doesn't matter if you screw up a bit, then the method is great.

I discovered this method when first trying to get pregnant (a friend told me about Toni Weschler's book & that it would help me get pregnant immediately - and it did). Wish I'd known about it sooner as it would have worked for us during my late 20s / early 30s. Yes, my "periods" were easier on the pill, but I never really liked it much, it's just condoms didn't work well for us, and I do prefer the highs/lows of my cycle off the pill to the stable (lower) libido on it.

[angie]

i put on 23kgs in three years on the injection

[asilon]

Yank, I was unsure about the Mirena, having been off the Pill for so long, I was concerned about putting artificial hormones back into my body, and I certainly don't like the idea of the injection or the implant.

But I talked a lot with an obs&gynae consultant friend of mine, and she convinced me about the Mirena - the hormone effect is very localised. The copper T can also cause heavier periods, whereas in about 3/4 women the Mirena causes lighter or non-existent periods. The Mirena is also very effective, more so than the copper T, which seeing as I now want a basically permanent contraceptive, is what finally swung it for me.

You can find plenty of stories about women who have problems with their Mirenas, and some which carry on after it's removed, but mine's fine.

[Eluned]

'It is known that women can become pregnant on any day of their cycle and natural family planning has the highest failure rate of any known method of contraception other than complete abstinence.'

That's bullshit mate. You cannot just spontaneously ovulate and get pregnant at any time in your cycle. Once you've ovulated that's it, progesterone comes into play and suppresses ovulation and no more eggs are released until you've had your period and your cycle starts again. Sometimes multiple ovulation happens but the eggs are released within a day of each other. So as long as you are aware of when you are ovulating and avoid sex for that week (as sperm can live for 4-5 days inside you) then you're sorted. If you're not ovulating when you have sex your cervical mucus, because of progesterone, will be so thick, acidic and inhospitable the sperm will just die and even if it does get through, and it's some kind of superhero sperm, there will be no egg to fertilize anyway.

And btw, how can NFP have the highest failure rate of anything other than complete abstinence? How can complete abstinence fail? :/

I think it's one of the great, and unfortunate, myths of our time that we cannot control our fertility without pumping synthetic hormones into our beautiful bodies.

[HELO]

Just wanted to add to the information piece as there's not much discussion of how the different methods work and in particular whether they prevent fertilisation or implantation as the main preventions. Lots of positive comments about the IUD but although it does reduce fertilisation, it also has a secondary effect of preventing implantation. I have moral and ethical concerns about using a method that terminates a potentially viable baby rather than preventing conception so have chosen not to use the IUD. Incidentally, worth pushing your GP to discuss this as some pills can also operate post fertilisation. I had to push a bit to get this out as 1st one I saw kept saying 'it's not the primary means of operation' which kind of missed my point.