After school clubs: step one in the indoctrination

It's that time at school again: signing up for after-school clubs. The deadline at my daughter's school was this morning (!) and suddenly we were making decisions on the way to school as I scribbled in the registration forms. It's no small matter. The "right" leisure activities are your child's first "branding" moments.

There are of course the comically stereotypical middle-class activities - French, ballet, cricket. Get little Olivia or Sebastian started now so they can grow up to become members in good standing at the National Theatre and Lord's. Then there are the language classes, so as to exploit the window of opportunity for fluency (if your child's over 18 months, forget Chinese. I once read that once someone is older than 18 months, their tongues lose the ability to learn the physical movements necessary to speak it like a native). Then there are the strangely specific classes.

In my day this meant recorder lessons and square dancing. But at my daughter's school it's xylophone, Scottish dancing and kiddie tae kwon do. I can't really imagine my daughter growing up to be a concert xylophonist, but now is the time to find out.

Plus we have to start now indoctrinating her in the leisure pursuits of the upwardly mobile. Future private club members are made, not born! I'm happy to admit that I studied ballet through my university years and loved it, and I love the French language. But as parents we mustn't push our interests on our children. So if she wants to sign up the golf or wine-tasting courses instead, I'll make my peace with it.