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Ode to blackpudding

O blackpudding,
You are so nice,
As a snack.
Especially in a sandwich,
With ham, coleslaw and ketchup.
But you are the best bit.

Ack! Lea!

First time in this series I've shouted at the telly. Would write something hateful, except the woman clearly needs help. She is completely deranged. Her endless self-pity makes me gag, gag, gag.

And what's the matter with lovely Pete? Why doesn't he stand up for Ashleen (sp?), who he was all over last week, especially when he knows first-hand how right she is about Lea? V spineless.

Must get out more. Can't believe am sitting here typing about BB at 11pm.

Ash Wednesday

She took that well, didn't she? "I forgot it was a gameshow... I thought everybody liked me... everybody wants to win... I don't have a gameplan, I'm just being myself... they're all two-faced". Platitudes, she's got'em. How unlike dear Sleepy Suzie who took it with the calmness of someone whose senses have been dulled by all that tea and having to listen to Dick Dastardly 24/7. Still, by all accounts Our Ash had a good steaming row with the megamammaried motherfigure Lea yesterday, which should make for a spectacular show 2nite. She's also promising to do a Grace to her tormentor if evicted on Friday, which OD must be delighted with. Ash leaves the house, pours sulphuric acid over Lea, Lea has a cry and a smirk and grabs Pete for a cuddle, Ash enters New House, meets five new people, and comes back next Friday. Lea's jaw falls lower than her boobs.

Maybe there's life in this series after all.

W****ers: Pete loses his shine

Frankly, Pete's getting on my tits. I know the nation loves him, but really his behaviour during nominations on last night's show almost had me weeping into my supper. "Oh just spit it out man," I found myself saying, displaying an astonishing lack of sensitivity towards someone with Tourettes. But was there really a need for so many "w***ers"" and tics and gurns and twists of the body before he finally named names. I've been getting bored with Pete for some time. He's just so damn nice and dull. In fact if it wasn't for his "condition" he'd be even less interesting than Imogen and android Susie. Might the nation fall out of love with him? Is it still a shoo-in for Petey? I'm not sure. Besides the always-fabulous Nikki, I have found myself really liking Aisleyene lately: punky, stroppy and savvy she reminds me of Emily Lloyd in Wish You Were Here. "Up yer bum!"

Ash versus Verruca

In the normal course of events ( makes a change from saying "Other things being equal" doesn't it? ) this week's eviction could have been the closest yet. Lively but annoying versus nice but dull often results in a close result. Think of Bubble versus Paul in BB2, Science versus Orlaith last year. However, this week the dumbass chicks will be voting on which contestant to send into the Secret House, which means, I imagine, that Ash goes in.

But will they figure it out? Knowing Opus Dei, come Friday they are bound to screw this up. The housemates are speculating feverishly already. Can we really trust our elders and betters to get all the crowd noises and stuff right? Hardly.

And weren't Pete's reasons for nominating Ash typically spineless? "Cos Lea told me too!" Wimp.

Feast your ears

Right here. Pure eggstasy.

It’s Only a Gameplan

Last week Hansgruber asked: “I had no idea that the tactics involved were so complex. I thought we were just watching a herd of borderline retards demonstrating the wisdom, if not necessity, of applied eugenics. Seriously, do you suppose that the inmates have considered their game plan in this detail before entering the house?”

So here’s my answer: Yes. These guys have them. It’s quite complicated, though.

Who goes? You decide

And he speaks.

Missing her already?

Don't worry, she's available at your local video store.

You cheat, Dr Jones    You cheat on me, Pete                     
                                                                                    
                                                                                         

Monday, Monday

Which means it's nominations day. Other things being equal, this is all set for being an intriguing set-up. It's even possible that Imogen will get to nominate properly for the very first time. So, will she nominate Richard and Lea? Will Lea nominate Ash and Nikki to protect Pete from the merciless hordes of wimmin? Will Pete nominate Lea? All interesting enough questions, and they shall be answered... BUT Opus Dei are messing with the formula yet again, and whoever gets evicted goes into a separate building with five new contestants, which you can see here. And then what? Presumably we the viewers get to decide who goes back in. How many of them? Who can say?

They've tried this once before. Two years ago, with the Big Brother Bedsit, where two contestants went into a nearby room, complete with plasma screen where they could watch the others. Unfortunately for OD, Davina mentioned it on the feed to the house: they all knew it was happening, though all conversations about it, and the speculations about the details were culled from the subsequent highlights. And last year they tried the secret garden, which resulted in the sparkiest housemate, Kinga, not going into the show. Brilliant.

This time around Mikey has already cottoned onto the mysterious goings-on, having heard banging and building going on ( Needless to say, this conversation did not make the highlights ). So, if Nikki goes up against Suzie, say, and Nikki gets chucked into the room, they will surely suspect something.

All these stunts do tend to backfire, don't they?

Funny

Well, I think so, anyway. Made me laugh for quite a long time.  

La Donna e Mobile

Shameless hussy.

Imogen - Gorgeous Bird or Oxygen Thief?

I mentioned this a few weeks' ago: the iniquities of the voting system. If the dumbass chicks were allowed to vote for who they wanted to stay, rather than who they wanted out, then surely dear little Imogen would be hanging by a thread. Indeed, if the housemates knew this, then she might actually be doing something at the moment to gain our attention, instead of just lying there looking beautiful. I made the point then and I'll make it again now: in a straight fight between two characters then obviously it doesn't matter. But when three or more are in the mix it would change everything. Nikki would surely survive, and Lisa just might, precisely because she is a bit of a livewire, and both Mikey and Imo would actively be cultivating their votes instead of flying under the radar. As it is Lisa is the dead cert for eviction, and Mikey and Imo know this.

It's such an obvious theory that there must be something wrong with it. I'm surprised Opus Dei haven't tried it - they've tried everything else.

I Refuse to Diminish My Character

Things have come to a pretty pass when you find yourself yearning nostalgically for this guy, who fulfilled the role that Nikki has now. But was he the Star of Big Brother Six? This chap seems to think he was. I wonder how many of these he sold.

I'm sexeur, I'm funneur, everyfin, and everyfin

All right. Being as you're all so bored, and no, I don't know if anything special is happening 2nite. My guess is they split the show to give Gordon Ramsay a bit of a boost. The rumour mill was suggesting that it was to bring in a new contestant to replace, but I imagine they've run out of British citizens who've had breast implants. So, here, for your edification is the first person kicked out by you the public this year. Bet you wish she was still in there.

It's tricky, isn't it?

Because as usual, if you vote out the irritants, you're left with the bores. Which is hard to square with my really quite violent dislike of Lisa, whose Bernard Manningesque brand of charm is quite emetic -- also, when she's back outside, she really should do something about her lack of ability to control her apparently bottomless rage. She's like those short, angry men in pubs.

Then I also quite want to  vote for Lea, because her paedo-love for Pete is beginning to freak me out. Has a needier person ever existed?  And what I don't get is, if you don't want to be "judged" on the way you look, why go and get "please judge me on the way I look" giant implants, or fellate carrots for no reason? And why does she pluck her eyebrows when they're tattooed on? Would she have double eyebrows if she didn't? 

Mikey just seems pointless and dim. Imogen ditto, except that I am quite fascinated by the way her face shifts from sweet and pretty to satanically malevolent in a nanosecond. I was warming to Glyn, mostly because the ah-oo, ah-oo chorus to the egg-boiling song was nice, until he stared worrying about nocturnal emissions and asked if he could borrow Pete's condom to ejaculate into. I liked naive Glyn much better than Glyn-with-the-horn. Glyn-with-the-horn makes me feel a bit queasy. And I still wish they'd subtitle him.

But I love Nikki. And I still love Pete. And I'm warming to Ashleen (sp?).

I think I'm going to vote for Lisa.

Plastics in Meltdown

So, Nikki versus Lisa versus Imogen versus Mikey. And, looking at the odds, it seems another one-sided victory with Lisa getting the red card on Friday. Shame - I think leaving the mouthy Mancunian would make for a more interesting house dynamic, but this year that really doesn't seem to be worrying the voting public. It's the "nicer" characters who stay, more's the pity.

I rather like it when a lot of people are up. One thinks of BB1, when Tom was evicted by one percentage point when he was up against Craig, Anna, and Darren. If he'd survived he might well have gone on to win. So you can get upsets. Indeed, I thought Opus Dei gave Lisa a very favourable edit last night, and Nikki a bad one. But it doesn't seem to have made a difference. Lisa was 1-8 yesterday, and now she's 1-25. So they'll either do the good edit on her tonight and tomorrow, or they'll go the way they did with Grace, and give up the ghost and turn her into a Bad Girl and hope the mass hatred will get people rushing to the phones.

Nikki could still blow it, though. The only way she can win this game is to play the Journey card, the storyline being that she enters the BB house as a spoilt immature girl, and leaves it a calmer, wiser woman. The way she's going at the moment she's doing her level best to ruin things. It's just tears before bedtime ad nauseam, which must be getting to grate with even her keenest supporters. The trouble, I suppose, is that she's survived twice, and must be thinking that it's the tantrums that are what makes her popular. Well, they do, but only up to a point. The public also wants variety, and if she can't do maturity then she might find that they're all running out of fifty pences.

Still, does it actually matter? There are four members of the plastics up this week, and they'll all be in the mix next week, anyway, though Richard may well join them. The way the cards are stacked I can't see Mikey, Imo and Nikki lasting too long, especially if the last two keep discussing nominations.

Curious that Thunderbird didn't even nominate Lisa, preferring to target Glyn. Perhaps he figured everyone else would go for her. Not that I can see Glyn being evicted any time soon either. So at the moment we're looking at a final five of Glyn, Richard, Ash, Pete, and Lea.

Can't wait for George's replacement, myself.

Nominations Part Two

So, Nikki is definitely up, and against two others. Ash, Mikey, Pete, Richard, and Suzie get to choose whom. Lisa, clearly will be one of them, and it is perfectly possible she'll get the complete set. Who else? This is where it gets interesting.

At the moment, the Thunderbird Dick Dastardly is the one to watch. So far, he's had a dazzling tournament, knocking the ball about with 24 passes before smacking it into the back of the net like Esteban Cambiasso. This is Total Big Brother, not unlike the Total Football played by the Dutch Masters in the seventies. Of course they never actually got to lift the trophy, coming second twice, and I can't quite see Tricky Dicky ever getting his hands on the golden globe himself. He's got deft footwork, a mean header, and has had the help of some dubious officiating. He's also quite prepared to do some pretty devious playmaking. The odd late tackle - bringing Imogen into his square-up with Sezer saw the latter taking an early bath, and some shirt-pulling in the box - mimicking Lisa to her face. But at least he hasn't done any shirt-lifting.

The question is: who will he nominate? Will Tricky Dicky take on the Superboobed Sex Siren herself, Deep Throat Lea? A serious game-player would. The safe bet, though, will be Imogen. We'll find out later tonight, as people rush to get home, or drop in at pubs throughout the length and breadth of the land to turn on their televisions as the result comes in just before eight.

Big Brother Heights

They may represent two extremes of high and low culture but Wuthering Heights and The Big Brother House have a lot in common. Both are isolated country houses inhabited by intense, brooding, strange people. Both are damned as prisons but ultimately serve to liberate their occupants. And both and are places which very quickly draw out extremes of personality and emotion: where primeval passions are set free.

Yes, I am referring to Glyn picking up Ashline and running around the garden with her. But has anyone else spotted the deeper connection being fused between these two pure, lonely souls? (actually, Ashline isn't that pure.)

But, did you spot her in the diary room explaining her new-found spiritual bond with the gibbering Welshman?

"I like Glyn, he can hold a decent conversation."

But before you judge, hear her out. If you were watching the highlights, you missed the extra footage where she explains that their's is a love which transcends mere words. (it would have to...) Watch Diary Room Uncut on Thursday to hear her explain:

"Big Brother, I am Glyn. He's always, always in my mind: not as a pleasure, any more than I am always a pleasure to myself, but as my own being. So don't talk of our separation again: it is impracticable."

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

The five evil-doers have to nominate publicly. And Nikki and Lisa nominate each other! Et tu, brute? Which means Nikki is definitely up against... well we'll find out tomorrow, when the rest of them nominate. Now that's Big Brother getting evil, eh?

I'd Rather Watch Paint Dry

I bet you're sorry now. Bet you wish Mikey could wake up, go into the shower, and find Gracie there, saying "Good Morning". Well, he can't. It's over.

Yes I know, in the final analysis, in the battle of the twiglets she deserved to lose. At least Nikki confronts people when annoyed. Grace chucks water. Pathetic. But still, we lost a character who was nominated once in the entire show. How's that for justice?

Anyway it's nominations day today, and not a moment too soon. Who's up? No idea. Who could be up? Likewise, what with the prospect of multiple bans and all. Better be good though, the BB House needs an injection pretty darn quick. When the best bits on the highlights programme are the diary room knockabout, you know the show's in trouble.

Respect to Imogen

Unbelievable to me to write that as a subject heading but really... she speaks the truth. Re her diary room appearance on the Saturday night highlights show: she's absolutely spot on about awful Richard, the even more awful Suzie and kindacreepy Aisleyne. She's so right: the original group dynamic has gone and the show is poorer for it. The axis of tedium (Richard-Suzie-Aisleyne-Lea) now reigns supreme. The only hope lies with the magnificent Nikki. Not Pete. He's become irritating. Or, hey, Imogen, come forward: vocalise, assert, fight back. But, ugh, now she's approaching Aisleyne... Oh, and way to go Grace: I realise I am in the minority but I support her over Watergate. Suzie currently reminds me of Rachel in This Life. She never did anything exactly to arouse dislike (well, till the very end) but you empathised totally with Milly's dislike of her.

Saving Grace

Look, she's not that bad. Her problem is she's assertive and female, ergo female viewing public hate her. Feminism eh. We've come a long way, baby. Oh what's the point. This is all way too late. She's so outta there. Glad to see Mikey has finally shown his true self. The whole cheeky chappy Beatle moppet thing has given way to gnarly sexist as advertised in his introductory tape. Ha.

My other over-riding impression of the week is that the house now is full of droopy Zeppelin-sized breasts. Even when other people are speaking a pair finds their way into shot and hover like a UFO. Oh and Thunderbird tanktop Richard must leave. His power-play with other contestants dressed up as nauseating therapy-speak - "Do you feel you're nice person?" - is beginning to grate.

No more bets allowed

Seems some of you are so sure Grace is a gonner that the eulogies are already coming.

This just in from our pal Dawn Right Nasty,

So goodbye Grace, it's time to go,
The public hate you, don't you know,

We hate your bitching, hate your face
We hate the way you think you're ace,

So tonight when you walk out the door.
We're going to boo, then boo some more,

It's not too late to change this, dear,
Fall down the stairs, and then we'll cheer.

Next Week I Shall be Wearing Black

Goodnight, sweetheart. I suppose Opus Dei think they know what they're doing, setting up Grace and Nikki like this. The best double act in there, far better than the Richard And Suzie snoozefest, anyway. I do fear for the future: Thunderbird and Suzie Sunshine buttering each other up, while Lea and Ash listen to their words of wisdom, brushing each others hair, and occasionally taking turns to nestle St. Pete in between their ample bosoms. It will be mildly interesting to watch Nikki switch sides, and drop Lisa, Imo and Mikey in it, but other than that...

I suppose our evil overlords plan to break things up by showing Lea discussing nominations with the plastics on the plasma screen. And if that doesn't work, I suspect they'll have to sacrifice Richard himself. I take my hat off to Verruca, though. One week in, and she now rules the roost.

I knew I'd Seen Him Before

Guess tomorrow's Sun pun...

and win a KitKat*.

Her inappropriate name is a sub's dream, but have the red-tops run dry?

Here's some they used earlier:

Dis-Grace, Amazing Grace, Unamazing Grace, Graceless, Grace Under Fire, Grace Under Pressure, Grace In State, Grace and Favour, Grace Escape, Grace Expectations, Grace Against Time, Fall From Grace, Goodness Grace-ious Great Bawls of Liar, Grace-Lands Her Man, By the Grace of Bruv, Saving Grace.

Not forgetting the News of the World's: Grace Got Purr-vy in a PVC Catsuit.

Hot favourite? Coup de Grace.

Popping my cherry

I just voted for the first time this series. I called up a text, typed Grace and sent it off to 84444. It felt great. I don't think I'll ever be able to draw up as much bile against Grace as she has routinely spat against the non-plastics, but just a little was gratifying. I can see why she's hooked. I'm hoping she gets voted out by even more of a record-breaking margin than Sezer, and then gets a heel stuck in the gantry at the top of the stairs and falls, ever so inelegantly, on her arse. Hee hee.

Meanwhile, Nikki is changing allegiance - she can see the plastics going under, clever little minx. And Pete gave his finest performance to date tonight - all synchopated popping and swearing and insight: "First it was Lisa, now Lea" he said of the big breasted momma "going funny" on him. Keep your head in the sand, Pete - the truth is just too horrible.

The plot thickens

Sacrilege I know. But this week’s shenanigans ex-house have been much more absorbing than anything inside. Despite Channel 4’s protestations of whiter-than-whiteness, evidence appears to be mounting to suggest that something untoward may have gone on (no, I don’t mean Sam in the shower) around Goldfinger’s entrance into the house.

A weary-sounding lady answering Channel 4’s BB Press Hotline batted away recent newspaper reports as being "without substance." But are they prepared for the Prosecution’s expert witness? Maxwell Ward - the white van man from last year who said "touch" a lot - has weighed in claiming Suzi’s entrance "looks like a fix."

We shall see. In the meantime I want my £7.65 (17 Kit Kats @ 45p) back

Clash of the Twiglets

Well it's over, isn't it? The fat lady hasn't only sung, she's taken her bow, had a shower, and gone off home in a chauffered limousine. A bit of fumbling with Mikey is not going to save Grace now. So, time to look back. Here's the big G at her finest: Sezer's out, and it's time for a peptalk. If we're one nil down at half-time today against Trinidad, and one of our centre backs has just been sent off, wouldn't you want this girl in the dressing-room?

And here's the other twiglet, dissing Grace. Who would have thought, many moons ago, the twiglets actually hated each other?

Gold! Always Believe in Your Soul

Goldengate, eh? Is Verruca a plant? Or is she a vegetable?

Amazing Grace

How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me!

I once was blind, but now am found

Was blind, but now can see.

The beauty of Grace, of course, is that she can't see. I'll be terribly disappointed if she goes into penitence mode when she gets to meet Davina on Friday ( and that is pretty irrevocable now, odds of 100 to one are pretty difficult to overturn. She may be a dark horse our Gracie, but she's no Foinavon ). But this scorched earthy policy of hers is a joy to behold. I am what I am - je ne regret rien etc. I assume she's got one last card up her sleave, get fellow Twiglet Twin Nikki onside then leave her hanging, and I will watch the next few nights with fascination to see how she tries it. I suppose there are some people watching this who mistake Big Brother for real life, and think she is actually like this out there on the outside world. I say, so what? If I want real life I'll go and sit in a cafe. I want action, I want fun, I want conflict. Sure, there are limits. If Gracie pulled out an Uzi and wasted Suzie Sunshine, even I would say she was going too far, but at the moment, backstabbing and mouthing off is the whole point. Grace had everyone eating out of the palm of her hand - she's seen Sezer and Imo banned from nominating, George leave hours before nominating, Imo banned AGAIN, Sam and Ash come in, Sezer gets culled, and still Team Plastic survived. Then Opus Dei introduce Suzie, wrecking everything.

And as for St. Pete of Assisi. Ye gods! He almost castigates the Twiglets for stealing Verruca's champers, but then Mikey the moron ambles over and he freezes. Then he apologises. This guy has the backbone of a paralysed jellyfish.

Actually

Nikki just said "why doesn't people like me", which is quite a bit worse.

That new golden person

reminds me an awful lot of the considerably pointless it-girl Plum Sykes. She also just used the word "naiveness" which makes me want to heave my remote through the tv screen into her considerably improbable cleavage.

Pete Must Go

In a similar spirit I have now developed a complete, almost pathological, and certainly irrational hatred for Our Pete. Come on, lad, pull your finger out! Get off that fence and tell someone to their face what you think of stuff. He just sits there, watching the carnage, doing nothing except gurning and saying he loves the little creatures like St. Francis of Assisi. And what’s he doing with that Superboobed Sex Siren? That’s the only reason I want Lea to stay. The longer she’s there, the more she undermines his credibility. Nadia won because although she exhibited weirdo-like tendencies, people rallied to her in the belief that underneath she was a good egg. Is Pete really a good egg, or is he, deep down, a bit of an omelette?

Commission for Gracial Equality

Anyway, what about Grace? I know I always do this. Once, many years ago, the Green Bay Packers were winning the Superbowl and I found myself hoping the opposition would score, just to close the gap. I’d been a Cheesehead for years, and there I was supporting the enemy. And no doubt, if England are five nil up against Germany in the World Cup Final, I’ll start rooting for the plucky little sausage-eaters. So, in that spirit, I have know decided that Grace needs saving. It was like this with Nasty Nick. Outside he was hated, inside he was never nominated. Who do you trust, the viewing public, or the ones who have to live with her? Them, or your own lyin' eyes? Of course, if the dumbass chicks were clever, they’d keep her in. Hasn’t Nikki and her mindless silliness entertained us long enough? Apparently not.

I've got a Verruca on my foot

The more I think about it the more I have come to the conclusion that Verruca Salt is the most pointless housemate since records began. Or at least since Gos. By sacrificing Grace and nominating two of the plastics she has got herself mortal enemies in the shape of Mikey, Nikki, Lisa and Imogen, and quite possibly Pete, and will almost certainly face Nikki next week. Okay, subsequent events may still work for her. It seems that next week Nikki/Grace, Lisa and Lea will all be banned from nominating, which probably means the end of Team Plastic as we know and love it. And of course, it's early days, and anything can happen etc. etc. And I know she didn't know she was the only one voting, but given the depth of Institutionalised Gracism that is undermining the social fabric of this once great nation, why waste a vote on Our Gracie? Amazing, really. She's had years of planning for this moment, and she bungled it.
Moreover, this business of putting newcomers in - and there's another coming next Wednesday - really does undermine the show. A schemer and backstabber just doesn't have a chance. The newbie has seen the game, knows who the public like, and knows how the houserats vote. Victor got shafted by the brief return of Emma and Michelle, you will recall. Don't Opus Dei want a baddie ever to win this? Or is it always going to go to the least offensive, least hated nobody, like Cameron three years ago, Nadia two years ago, and last year's Anthony?

She Loved Blinking, She Did

Remember Big Brother's first love affair? No, not Jason and the mirror. Paul and Helen.Well, it's over.

Grace is the Word

Well I got that wrong, again, and as usual - it's Grace versus Nikki, our Suzie choosing the safe option. So that's that for this week, though there is the prospect of Grace walking, I guess. No one has ever done it once they've been up for eviction, IIRC. Must be Opus Dei's worst nightmare, I suppose, not having a contest on the Friday night. They'll surely have to sweettalk the little minx for all their worth. Ought to be some interesting editing as well, this week.

Who Goes - She Decides

So, it's nominations day, and, unbeknownst to her, Suzie Verrico/Veruca Salt gets to do it all on her ownsome. Also, she can't choose Lisa, who has gained immunity because she won yesterday's task. So, assuming Our Suzie has studied the form book, she knows that a vote for Pete, Imogen, Glyn and Mikey is a wasted vote: none have received a single nomination so far. The safe bet would be two of  Lea, Richard, or Nikki, all of whom have garnered numerous nominations. But it seems pretty clear she likes Richard, so that means Lea and Nikki, whom she will also know to be extremely fickle in their alliances. However, she could also nominate Grace, just to endear herself to the viewing public. Then again, assuming she has guessed, or has been told, that she too is immune from nomination, she could then leave Grace for next week, when she can go up. She'll know that as a late entry she'll be everybody else's obvious target, so there's a good chance she herself will be up. But if she's up against Grace she's very likely to stay.

So I reckon she'll pick Lea and Nikki, which would mean Lea to go on Friday. If I were a betting man...

If You Knew Suzie...

At last! A new housemate! And, for a refreshing change, not another model wannabe with a boob job! I wonder if all the balls had 14 on them.

Nikki, it's love

It's true. I love those stirrings of fury at the sight of - well - anything. I love the inflections. I love the hair tossing. I love the boredom with tasks after five minutes. I love the Frank Spencer thing. She's hilarious and, charmingly, doesn't know it. As for her fellow eviction nominee Sam, it's not the weird Frodo meets Nancy dell Olio look s/he is working that offends but that relentlessly upbeat persona. He's treating the Big Brother house as a new age spiritual retreat which is so not it. It's a vanity-obsessed, ego-driven, nasty, sex and rock and roll bearpit, dear. S/he's in the wrong reality show. S/he should be in The Convent or Ten Years Younger. I have high hopes the BB audience will see through Sam's Pollyanna facade and elect to keep in the impossible but special Nikki. Famous last words...

When Glyn talks

it sounds like he is falling, and needs to get the words out before he hits the ground.

The thing that amazes me about Nikki

is the way she can enter the diary room in an entirely placid manner, and then work herself up int a shrieking, stamping, swearing, hair-flying, furniture-slapping fury, all by herself, without Big Brother saying anything. Imagine being married to her. Actually, no. Just imagine her getting to the counter in a post office.

Pot Kettle

"Imogen needs to be careful because people on the outside are going to think she's two-faced".

Announced a certain housemate with the compassion and critical perspective one has come to expect from said housemate.

"It's not about what goes on in this house, it's about what happens outside".

He/she continued. So who spoke, then? Clue: I did see this one coming.

It Isn't Over Till the Manbeast Sings

There have been greater comebacks: Botham versus Australia at Headingley in 1981. Liverpool versus AC Milan last year in Istanbul. So could Sam beat Nikki? The watercooler-frequenters are convinced that Opus Dei are stitching up the bottled water fanatic. I take it that they are just doing the usual balancing out they always do at this stage of the game. They still, I imagine, want Nikki in there. But there are a few things to consider. One, the polls are not that distorted pro-Nikki. 69 to 31 is something that can be turned around, and Sam is only 1-4 now, when he/she was 1-8 yesterday. The tide is already turning. Two, half the voting takes place during the Friday night programme. This year, with a longer show ( It always used to be half an hour, now it's the full hour ) that ought to be an even bigger percentage. And three: others have done it. Science was well behind Maxwell last year before Friday at 8, and won. The anti-Maxwellites hit the phones and pressed redial. So, rule nothing out, people. I'd rather taken it as read that the dumbass chicks would rather take a shine to our little Nikki. Could I be wrong?

Unlike Grace, our poll does not lie

The inevitable "she said that you said that he said that she said" ramblings are hard enough to follow without the added complexity that one of the most prolific gossips could be a "he said" or a "she said" depending on who it is that's describing him/her. (poor, simple Glyn, they might as well be speaking English for all he understands.)

Anyway, looks like that particular intricacy is about to come to an end.

We've got a poll. And the lady-boy is for the chop.

*points up a bit and right*

One to Watch

So it's Nikki versus Sam. I could write pages saying how Nikki ought to go, purely as a means of stirring things up among the plastics, but it simply isn't going to happen.

Meanwhile, all eyes are on Aisleyne. She and Grace are heading for an almighty bitchfest, next week, I reckon. When Ash went over and confronted Sam the other night, Grace panicked, running off for a damn good cry. Ash is a player - direct, in your face, and not a backstabber. Grace will have Ash in her sights now, but will team plastic help, or will it all unravel for the Queen Bee? How also is Grace going to react on Friday when the KitKat winner/s enter/s? I still think this is an open field, and that we could be going for a BB1 Nick around the table - "Nick, you're so strange". "I can't believe you're so two-faced" - moment, as the housemates take on their trusted leader, exposed as a fraud. But who will step up to the plate as the Craig de nos jours? Could it be Richard, could it be Ash, could it be KitKat? Could it be Pete? I wouldn't put money on the latter.

It started with a Kiss

Love in the BB House. Two of them housemates are canoodling. Guess who. Place your names in the comments first, then click the link.

Clue: I never saw it coming.

Last Night

was spectacular, no? I think I'll keep the video as something to show the grandchildren. What's not to like? Sam takes on Lea... Grace takes on Sam, then sits and watches as Lea explodes... Mikey comforting Grace, who is suddenly worried about her public depiction "Don't worry, you're only being yourself"!!!!!!!!... Lisa coming out of the diary room having just been banned from voting because she'd discussed nominations - only to discuss nominations AGAIN!!!!!.... Glyn discussing how much of an experience Big Brother has been to him: he can now cook baked beans and make sandwiches.... And then Nikki condemning Sam, the ManBeast!!!!

There was enough material there for an entire conference.

And yet? It's that old Opus Dei editing thing again. There I was sympathising with Sam like Pavlov's dog, when the experts come in, explaining all. He/She was stirring. It's always more complicated than that, isn't it?

Spooky

Nominations today

For some reason they nominated last Tuesday rather than the traditional Monday last week. But they're reverting to type this week, and the results come out tomorrow. I always get this wrong, and it seems that both Lisa and Imogen have been banned, thus further complicating matters. I'd have guessed Richard versus Sam, but somebody else might be in the mix. Who knows. Provided it isn't Grace, I'd imagine Sam will be off on Friday. On the other hand, Sam's done a lot of sucking up to the plastics in the last couple of days, so maybe Ashlieyne ( is that how you spell it? ) might get the nod instead.

We shall see.

The People's Choice

So, Pete to win then? Game over? End of? Not necessarily. At this stage he has certainly played a blinder. Sucking up to underdogs Lea and Richard is class. He allowed Richard to prise out Shahbaz to become the only Gay in the Household, then alphamaled Sezer out of there to become the top dog. His excuse for nominating Sezer will go down well with the sensitive girlie voters, but it is hardly convincing. If he’s so offended by sex talk, what’s he doing with Lea? No, he’s doing the nice guy act. It may backfire though, if Lea smothers him with all her assets.