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I've tried going cold turkey. Saturday, Sunday and until now, today - have been BB free.
But I'm sitting at my desk with clammy hands and a weird empty feeling desperately trying to remind myself that Love Island (and God help me, X-Factor) are far inferior to BB.
A rubbish woman on BBBM said Pete falling in the pool was her favourite 2006 moment. What nonsense.
3) Richard breaking down in tears (had forgotten how good that was till his eviction video)
2) Spoiral saying Aisleyne's oirse is loike a loaf of bread & he wants a sloice (never a truer word said)
but my fave came 30 seconds in and hasn't been beaten since:
My name's Bonn-eh. What Bonn-eh. No Bonn-eh.
If you haven't already defected to Briff's NoW X-Factor Blog, lets hear 'em.
I know, I'm becoming like Glenn Close at the end of Fatal Attraction: will she not just stay dead in that bath? And I fear I may be talking to a ghost ship... But something that's irritating me which I need to share... all this stuff about Pete challenging stereotypes about Tourettes sufferers? Um, hang on... The stereotype I had of a Tourettes sufferer before BB7 was that they said stuff, specifically expletives, randomly in unpredictable moments. I sort of thought they had a hyper-physicality about themselves too. Pete seemed to embody all of that. All the funny noises and faces and physical tics, too: again, all locked up in my Tourettes stereotype bank. So how did Pete challenge stereotypes exactly?
It's on telly right now, spookily timed to coincide with Dermot's farewell BBLB: Wish You Were Here, Emily Lloyd as proto-Aisleyne. How weird. Anyway, lovely final highlights show - the lights all going off... Awww. But the last programme was hard to watch, not because of emotions, but because of volume. The level of screaming and shouting was just unbearable. Like Pete, shut up. (Is that terribly unsympathetic? Oh well.) Richard's still wearing that bloody hat. But much to the jealousy of homos everywhere Dermot's so far planted two juicy smackeroos on his lips. Briff said something about humble pie in one of his posts, in light of Pete's victory and our gal (well lots of us) coming third. Nahhh. No humble pie, not for me anyway, Aisleyne shone on final night and in the show and those of us who backed her were absolutely right to. I like to think we helped her make third. And respect: has she made up with Grace, Dermot just asked. Nah, she said. Steely is Aisleyne. Good-on-er, despite the gales of weeping. Shahbaz is as annoying on this last BBLB as he was in the house - he can't sit down.
Ah, it's winding up innit? Have you had fun? What a great show, despite the many brickbats chucked in its direction, and what fun it has been to write about it and then chew over its many madnesses, flaws and fabulos-ities with you. Shared TV devotion: you can't beat it.
Okay, everyone, that’s it for me. Four months till Celebrity Big Brother, and nine months till BB8. It’ll be the most exciting and the longest, there will be more housemates than ever, the best twists ever, and the most extreme. Three gays, four lesbians, eight transsexuals and one token working-class heterosexual male who will inevitably win. Secret houses, secret tunnels, fake evictions, triple evictions, and maybe one day, someone really will be sent to Australia, hopefully never to come back. How can we resist? I know I’ll keep watching, even while kicking myself at the same time, telling myself this is the worst series yet.
Still, in case you haven’t suffered enough, there’s another reality tv series just started. It’s a sweeter, gentler show. There's no photo yet, but who knows one might go up soon. You'll be able to tell - I'm the cerebral one. Strange to think that at any one moment, somebody somewhere is having their life’s dream of instant fame and fortune turn to dust as they are being publicly humiliated for our general edification. It's been fun.
Big Brother is dead. Long live the X Factor!
It's just as well I was off-line last night otherwise I could have been eating some serious humble pie. I was surprised she came third, though. Still, it was the perfect ending in a way. The series didn't deserve a better one.
I could write reams about what they should do next year. About going back to basics, making the nominations process sacrosanct, and keeping properly to the rules. But it's too late. It's now a freak show of wannabes. Unless you're a good-looking girl prepared to get your kit off for one of the mags there's no point in going on the show, and unless you're a boy with a rock band to promote there's not much for you either. The whole point of the original was that there were two essential principles: the contestants had to try and work both each other and the public. But with the zombie housemates, the overheard chants that crippled both Ash and Grace, the sudden switch to postive voting in order to save Pete and Richard, and the late arrivals in the House Next Door who've been watching the show from the comforts of their homes there is no point in trying to work each other. It's all a question of whether the public like you. Even the voting back in scame has worked in Endemol's favour. Now only a very narrow fanbase will vote, so that makes it even easier to fix things.
Sour grapes? Well, I really liked BB5, which was won by Nadia, whose attractions passed me by just as much as Pete's. I didn't like her, but that didn't matter. The point was the cast. They made the show, not the twists. This show had the cast, potentially. But were they up to it? We never got to find out.
Paul Morley just called Aisleyne 'a feminist icon' - bloody hell, not even I went that far. Oh well, it happened as I had predicted and feared. BBBM is great isn't it? And yes, best moment, the indulgence of Nikki coming to a crashing end with the little troll being hustled off stage. And Aisleyne's regal, gorgeous behaviour naturally - a very respectable third. Glyn: what a sweetie
So he won. And at what point, exactly, did he turn into Ade Edmondson? With Tourette's. All that leaping about, the careful tumble down the steps, the coy mumblings around anything concerning Nikki (did you notice that he said he was most comfortable when cuddling Dickie?) - she is history. Much as I like to think that Pete is a naive, crazy guy, all the evidence points to a master manipulator and I predict that Nikki will be dropped like a hot potato - as will her new E4 show, I shouldn't wonder. Well, we'll see. I just wish I could feel less cynical about Pete - it would make me feel better about the whole night. Oh well, more wine in the fridge. Night night xx
Ahhhh, I just smiled all the way through Glyn's best bits - what a cutey. He even managed to look quite fanciable when he came out - I hate to big up Mikey, but he seems to have worked a few wonders with Glyn's styling. Anyway, back to Pete...
Ha ha ha ha ha! I don't care if she's ill, she's a poisonous, self-obsessed dwarf and I'm so glad the voters upset her stupid dreams of cuddling up to Pete on the couch in the final of the final. That whole ridiculous exit - what on earth had she done to her hair, by the way? - and the disbelief that Aisleyne could have beaten her. Ugh. Thankfully, we will now see Aisleyne on top form when she comes out, although it pains me to see how she has let that whole Lea obsession with public opinion take her over. Never mind. I've been avoiding Grace on 8 Out of 10 Cats, but now I will go back to see Aisleyne's best bits. And I really don't think Pete can lose, do you? They still love him...
Wow - the Nikki eviction. Like watching Greek tragedy. I was whooping, and then felt ashamed of myself. That woman is seriously unwell, and it's not funny.
Third place for Aisleyne - I can live with that. Best woman, and all that.
And I'm completely confused by the polls/odds. Is it fantasy to think Aisleyne might actually pull it off, or is it just matter of factly quite likely? And why am I so nerdily excited about tonight, for God's sake?
I'm off to the offy. Seems as good a time as any to crack open the soothing white wine.
till the Ash lady sings... I hope. But more pertinently everyone, it isn't goodbye from us, in a puff of smoke, as some of you seem to anticipate. We're so sad/devoted (delete as appropriate) we'll still be here posting stuff in the days after the result. After all, not only do we have tonight, but also the Sunday follow-up shows to get through, plus next week a show about the winner's first week. Is that the sound of a franchise being flogged to death, dear reader? Damn right it is. Bless 'em for it too.
You can choose to return to your full social lives or partners and jobs, or you can click back here and see what's cooking, join in the post-mortems and plot revolution. For those that want it the BB blog remains open for gratuitous insults and sparkling insight. Enjoy your evening - raising a glass to the fabulous us.
and not just giving radio interviews. Fnar.
Ash to win, you say? Well, yes, but only because she's the least terrible of an extraordinarily bad bunch. I agree that she has balls, and tries her best to be truthful and fair, but since Nikki went back in and turned the whole pecking order upside down she's turned into a self-obsessed miserabilist. She should have made more of her friendship with Jenny, but has isolated herself so that Jenny was forced to hang out with Glyn, 24-7 - no wonder she's annoyed at her former best mate. If Aisleyne could stop worrying about her impending eviction, whether she'll get booed and what the outside world thinks of her, we'd see the old, brave ghetto princess back in action, not that tear-stained ghost of her former self. As to the rest of 'em - after sitting back for 10 weeks Pete has finally let his guard down and revealed himself to be just as shallow as his latest, deranged love interest. He must not win and actually, I agree with India that he must have done himself some damage with the voters this week. Glyn I still like - at least he's not obsessing about who wins, along with Jenny-No-Chance and Richard (revealing, wasn't it, that the Sexual Terrorist found his level with Susie the Suburban Stripper? He's sooooo dull). And Nikki? Well, I just want to see the look on her face when she's with Davina while Pete, Aisleyne and Glyn are hugging on the sofas in the final show tonight.
My predictions: 1-Glyn, 2-Aisleyne, 3-Pete, 4-Nikki, 5-Richard, 6-Jenny
Like I say, the odds are so stacked against her, vote Aisleyne. Maybe I am preaching mostly to the converted but see The Sun today. Pete v Glyn they say: the rightful winner, the deserving winner, is not even being allowed up to top table. I have been really disgusted by the others treatment of her this week. they are such bullies. And India is right, Richard is prime among them. The oddest thing about being in the rat-run, inches from the housemates as I was on Wednesday, was watching Aisleyne. The final thing that convinced me of her worthwhile-ness was that, as the other housmates primped and preened, she sat on her bed watching levelly the insanity and posing around her. She has a real dignity about her - like I said weeks ago for me there's a touch of the Emily Lloyd in Wish You Were Here about her. Up yer bum!
It's squalid in there by the way. Ugh. There's a new, deadly salmonella strain growing by the kitchen stink: I saw it glowing.
As for the others: Glyn has NOT been on a journey, he has dyed his hair and drank a bit and had a chance to perve on girls who cannot escape him; Jenny is a tortured, unheard mouse I want to be freed for humane reasons, she is in way over her head; Richard is a jumped-up bullying prick who is gayer and shallower than any muscle mary I have ever met (a few, believe me); Pete has Tourettes and after 13 weeks I can offer no greater insight into this over-hyped, boring little man; and Nikki just seems damaged. The idea of her circulating on reality shows featuring her raging for the cameras, or possibly (as reported today) having her own show WITH RICHARD....aggghh.... the prospect makes me want to gouge my forehead with sharpened Pringles. My preferred order: Aisleyne, Glyn, Pete, Richard, Nikki, Jenny. My anticipated, groan, voting-public-are-totally-myopic-and-wrong order: Pete, Glyn, Aisleyne, Richard, Nikki, Jenny.
But on with the day. Let's keep it busy and bitchy today. This blog has a fine, fizzing reputation to uphold. Whatever else, it's been fun, yes? Oh it has...
Can someone explain - has this been distorted by repeat visits from hardcore Aisleyne supporters from other boards? Or does it remain a local poll for local people, and therefore reliable?
So, will Sezer be there? Will Bonnie? And Dawn, George, Jonathan and Shahbaz? How Will Richard take it when he's evicted before Ash? How will Pete take it when he's evicted beore Ash ( we can but dream )? Will Ash manage a coherent sentence when interviewed by the Banshee? Will Nikki be booed?
Continue reading "Questions" »
At last, the Times has come out for Ash. 1600 words, every one a gem, by our very own Tim Teeman. Read him and weep.
It's been a hell of a long time coming but we finally got a moment of genuine dramatic tension last night.
The subject matter was spurious as ever but I actually felt a bit uncomfortable but also totally drawn in - in the way you do when you are watching something real - when Aisleyne was explaining to Pete (again) why her campaign speech was so poor and that satanic pygmy Nikki stood there, arms folded, with a you may have convinved Pete but I know your game look on her screwed-up face.
I really wonder about tonight. I don’t think anyone’s a dead cert. I suppose it might still be Pete who wins, but I think he’s done himself real damage in the past few days – the Nikki stuff is the opposite of endearing (though I have the feeling the ‘F*******ck, what have I got myself into?’ penny is slowly dropping). All the insanely egomaniacal God stuff has been a major turn-off. As for claiming, grandly, that Aisleyne’s lacklustre campaign speech had ruined his chances…. not impressed. Who'd have thought he'd end up so self-regarding?
Richard: that’s not going to happen either. He is so unbelievably smug and patronising, with his endless banalities and dreary Wise Elder ‘insights’. His little chat with Aisleyne last night was a sophisticated (well, ish) form of bullying. I really don’t like him.
Nikki: no. Just no. As far as I am concerned, the only question about her is whether she’ll get booed, and if so how loudly. She’s like an ancient baby, possibly hatched from one of those 1000-year old Chinese eggs. I wish she’d go away.
Glyn: still possible. He’ll definitely make the top three. He might win. It’s the ‘journey’ stuff that’ll swing it for him – never mind that he went in a boy and came out a buffoon, as someone succinctly put it last night on Big Brother’s Big Mouth.
Jenny: having thought she was uninteresting but benign, I changed my mind last night watching her telling Aisleyne that if her boyfriend (Jenny’s) wasn’t waiting for her tonight, Aisleyne would be to blame. Nothing to do with mooning about at Pete like a lovesick puppy, then, or quaking with lust on 'national tv'.
And Aisleyene: well, I think she should win, for the reasons I’ve already outlined – honesty, self-reliance, humility, forbearance, and the fact that she’s the only one you’d want as a friend. For me, her reaction to her cringey audition tape swung it: she looked the appalling thing – herself – squarely in the face, and resolved to kiss it goodbye. Now that’s a journey. Whether the dumbass voters see it that way is another question entirely.
Thinking out loud: Aisleyne to win, in an ideal world. Pete second. Glyn third. Richard fourth, Nikki fifth, Jenny sixth. That’s my wishlist, anyhow.
Aisleyne - the video. If words can't persuade, maybe pictures can.
If Imogen is IDS, does that make Aisleyne David Cameron? Did Imo lay the groundwork for Ash's appearance as the only threat to the hot favourite but stuttering public speaker David Davis wannabee Pete? Has she taken us all on a "wonderful journey"?
Continue reading "Overnight Sensations" »
It could be the biggest thing to hit midde-England since Nigella launched her set of four blue measuring cups.
A budding (Welsh?) fashionista has launched a range of homewares and clothing inspired by the kitchen god that is Glyn. The exlusive Glyn Couture line includes male and female t-shirts, a clock and a satchell.
But my personal favourite - and the item most likely to create a hubbub of delight and envy in middle-class kitchens across the land - is the washing-machine safe Glyn apron. Hand-woven in 100% polyester it includes the legendary "I'm cooking an egg" motto.
Get yours here
For a macrodelphological purist like myself, this has been a particularly painful year. It's been a bit like watching one of the Jaws' sequels. Every now and again you get a reminder of how good the original was, but you just feel you've seen it all before, but better. Still, we may yet be heading for a close ending. I'm assuming, of course, that there aren't further twists to come. Who knows, perhaps Glyn will walk out the door on Friday night, leaving Ash and Pete holding hands together: she sobbing her eyes out, he gurning like a spaced out Jim Carrey, when in walks this chappie to claim the prize.
Continue reading "paThe Worst Series Ever?" »
I can't stand them. Nikki has become so rank. I thought she might snap in two when she threw herself around the bedroom. The aircon/drink/heating/hot water tantrum is now so wearisomely familiar it's like watching an old episiode of Are You Being Served and hear someone go on about Mollie Sugden's pussy.
I think the grand plan to get Nikki back in could have bad implications for favourite Pete (interestingly now dropping the idiot savant routine to reveal his true ambition to win). We cannot stand her: that might make us "Wankers" I guess. But he seems like ever more of an idiot for going along with this absurd romance.
Aisleyne, you go my dear. Ah yes, Richard going on about being turned off by camp men on his audition tape... cheez, has he looked not very hard in the mirror?
Said the word 'thoroughly' the other night and sounded so like someone middle aged and suburban saying it, it made me like him. And then laughing in Nikki's face at the absurdity of her tantrum tonight... Impressive... maybe, maybe there's something there.
I know, I've confessed in very weak moments to find him attractive. But it's been a few weeks since then so I merely offer these observations up to give the boy a fair, um, whatever. Ah, but then observe the change in hair: tousled, sweet kid to buzzcut thug to bleach wrongness to the current ginger furze. He looks like he's on day release. What is the school he is head boy of actually like? Damn, this post started off so open-hearted.
According to some polls, Ash is now within two points of Pete. Yesterday she was 8. At that rate it could be a walkover for her. It now all depends on what Endemol want. They've bet the farm on Nikki, but it's been a spectacular backfire job, for both her and Pete. Nikki has a tv series coming shortly to E4, and she shares Davina's agent. So she can't be humiliated. A bad edit for her is a bad edit for Pete, and given the fact that they changed to postive voting in the only week there was any risk of his going, Endemol have made it explicitly clear that they want him to win.
But does it make good tv? Doesn't Ash winning make better tv? I know what I'd do. It will be very interesting to see if they show his divine guidance thing tonight in the highlights.
That Mikey and Grace, twice ejected from BB, are going to spend the rest of their lives as street urchins begging for money, fear no more. According to reliable news source Popbitch, they spent a couple of days last week doing a joint interview and photoshoot for OK! magazine that was worth £55K each.
from beyond, Pete is a rock singer. Here is his band Daddy Fantastic. If it's the first time you've heard it, prepare yourself - it won't be the last.
There is no heaven. I'm not sure if this is theologically sound but it's a long time since I went to Bible classes.
Watching the show last night I realise we might have to face the possibility of "Pikki" offspring sooner rather than later. What is going on? I mean, they liked each other, and now they're inseperable? Eh? So expect children positively encouraged to have tantrums and swear randomly. I have more and more sympathy with Glyn and Jennie (this a hard leap but I do), sitting in the garden making pukey faces. The country feels your pain kids, even if you can't articulate it. Glyn, your post Big Brother sched looks like this: we'll be working on the alphabet and basic speech patterns in week one, moving on to syllables in week two and then coherent thought and sentence structure (Welsh-related as a treat) in week three.
As for Richard, yes, he is full of psychobabble bullshit, and is convinced - like many a homo before and after him - that the world revolves around him and his own little glitterball... But I do have sympathy for the poor guy. Imagine going in there with half a hypothalamus and being immersed in 100% dummo water for 13 weeks. By the end of that, I'd be repeating to myself, in a slightly self-regarding way, "I do have a brain, it's all about meeeeeee" - and poor bugger, he's had no opportunity for sex or even flirtation with anyone apart from a great gurning, New Age spouting old madam who, mid-flounce, would claim not to be camp. Yes, the hat, glove, pearls - aggggh I hate them so - all have to go. And the image he seems obsessed with that he and Lea were parents and Pete and Nikki their "kids"... ugga ugga. No no no. But, you know, give Daddy Bear a break.
Watching Friday night's shows made me feel like an ageing rocker who grew up listening to Pink Floyd and who is now told that Radiohead are just as good. I've tried, but I'm not believing it any more. There was no attempt at lifting Imo's odds. Indeed, neither she nor Richard got a look-in. Instead, there was the two minute hate for Grace, and the forthcoming Pete/Nikki love-in. Seeing the end of the show, with the Banshee pretending to go all gooey was pretty much the final straw.
Continue reading "Night of the Living Dead" »
pretending, all tearfully,that Nikki's reappearance is all down to him? 'I told her I'd get her back in', etc etc. Deluded, self-important loon. Has he forgotten he was up for nomination and that there was therefore a likelihood that he'd have NO SAY WHATSOEVER in the matter? Forgotten it had to be a unanimous vote? Honestly. Self-important twat.
Is anyone watching the live feed? Nikki and Pete are getting it on the garden and it looks like it's for real. Confessions of love, from both. Nikki is horribly thin, it kind of sickens me. Watching them, a bit of me is smiling but quite a lot of is moaning in a low monotone. I know it's meant to be a love story but...
And Aisleyene is wailing in bed and being comforted by Glyn. It's time for bed but really... do we believe the Nikki and Pete as a real couple thing? Weirdly as Nikki squeaks wheedlingly that Pete should not forget her, he keeps exclaiming, "Wankers" with Richard carrying on like Mrs Doubtfire in the background. Bacall and Bogie you had nothing on this. Aieeeee. Sleep time.
She's back. Conclusive proof that He doesn't exist. And if He does, He hates me, 808tet, and hansgruber.
Have a good weekend.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Make me a deal, and make it straight, all signed and sealed, I'll take it.
Okay, maybe I'm biased. Some have even mistaken my agape for eros. But hear me out. If you were Endemol, being ridiculed left, right, and centre, presiding over both the most disastrous series ever, and the most predictable, how would you try and salvage things? Tonight is promising to be the most one-sided eviction since Sezer's. But wait... think Orlaith versus Science. She was 1-25 on the day, and survived.
Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Okay, I doubt it. She's now a cool 1-50. But you can bet your sweet little ass Richard is going to get a terrible edit tonight. The last couple of days the zombies have completely sucked the blood right out of him. He's so plastic that if you punched him he would squeak.
And how many people have actually voted yet, given the recent scandals?
Fay Wray may not beat King Kong, but she can sure take him down with him.
Throw me a line, I'm sinking fast, clutching at straws, can't take it.
UPDATE: Latest news is that the eviction is in the first show. The zombie comeback happens at ten. So that blows the bad edit theory. Oh well.
Tim - I don’t understand why everybody hates Aisleyne either. What has she actually done that’s made her so apparently unpopular?
So she does ghetto-speak. It has its comical aspects, but given that she comes from East London, where anyone who’s aged 8 or above speaks in exactly the same way (I know - I lived there for a decade), it’s hardly a big deal – if you’re going to hate her for talking like she’s black, you’re also going to hate quite a big swathe of London’s working-class urban population, white and black. It doesn’t mean Ainsleyne ‘wants to be a black girl’ – it means she’s a product of her culturally-mixed environment. I actually find Nikki’s constant piss-takes not only irritating but borderline offensive – just because you’re some little self-styled suburban princess doesn’t mean everyone else has had the same ‘privilege’.
So she overreacted in the Diary Room when she was told she was going into the other house. Meh. You can’t hate somebody for weeks on end for squealing too loudly and for slightly too long.
She cries a lot. Who wouldn't, stuck in there with that duplicitous shower?
She has a relatively short fuse – or had: she seems to have been working on it. This has occasionally meant telling people a few home truths. Again, I don’t really see what the problem is. Lea did turn on the waterworks to an exasperating degree; Nikki did grate on the nerves with her constant histrionics.
She befriended Pete – who, as someone has already pointed out, does seem to have prickteasy kinds of issues around women - and thus apparently broke up the love story of the century (yawn). Or so Nikki claims. This is the woman who got drunk every Thursday night, climbed into Pete’s bed, and behaved like nothing happened the next morning… until the next Thursday night.
Ainsleyne is articulate, funny, intelligent – in the context of the house she’s practically Einstein – and capable of some humility: she tried to make things allright between her and Nikki and did so privately rather than via a popularity-boosting public display.
She’s had a tough life. She’s a friend to her friends and an irritant to her enemies. I really don’t see what the problem is. I'd quite like her to win.
Only Aisleyne (I admit it I adore her and do not understand why people hate her so), Richard, Pete and - I cannot believe I am saying it - Glyn can make the last week work. Glyn, yes, really, although India's bullock description is surely prize-winning.... As India said, and as I and all of us who actually like (for our sins, for our sins) this ridiculous circus, have said... it only works without contamination from the outside. The re-introduction of the ex-housemates is absurd, not just for all the legal mess, but also because they have been Heat-ed, interviewed, primped, agented. They know their public image. They now become facsimiles of what they imagine we want them to be. Alert: GCSE media students, there's a thesis here.
So really, it's only the hoiusemates who are actually housemates and retain just a little bit of credibility that deserve to carry us through to next Friday. The last few days have just been depressing, more depressing than the housemates being boring and doing nothing at all, with the ex-ones leaping about the place. Amdram innit? This show does funny things to a boy. Pete's gone from fun to annoying. Glyn from sweet kid to, well, bullock. Aisleyne from cow to queen. And I think I might want Richard to win. Nurse, the smelling salts.
Breaking News - After Imo is evicted she WON'T join the zombies. She'll just get interviewed by the banshee. Then the humans will have to pick which zombie they want to join them. But Glyn won't be allowed a say.
So OD get Nikki in after all.
Cue Pete meets Nikki.
Cue violins.
If you're watching 2nite make sure you bring your vomit bag.
Imogen there's no Richard
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imogen all the people
Voting for Miss Wales
Imogen there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
No Canadians too
Imogen all the housemates
Living life in peace
You may say that she’s boring
Well, you’re not the only one
I hope someday that you'll love her
And the world will be as one
Imogen there’s no zombies
I wonder if you can
No need for Grace or Nikki
No glove on your right hand
Imogen all the housemates
Being nice to Ashleeeen
You may say that she’s plastic
But you’re not the only one
I hope someday that you'll love her
And the world will live as one
The long-brewing Dawn Blake kidnapping controversy is making waves at last.
fast turning into farce. Nikki is playing at being Nikki, with reprises of her best moments - the moaning about the air con, the arm waving, the pretend sobbing, the OTT gurning. If you were feeling charitable I suppose you could argue that her needy desire to please the public by giving them what they want is charming and likeable. I find it a bit too unconfortably close to mental illness to see the appeal. The other losers are just hideous - all that bitching about Ainsleyne was unedifying to say the least. Say what you like about her, but at least she doesn't only feel brave enough to operate when she's part of a little clique.
There's a strong element of reheating the soufflé about this latest twist, and it doesn't work. We got rid of these people because we were bored to tears of them, and because, in some cases, an iota of them goes a very long way. For me, that hasn't changed. The new self-pantomiming element - 'I am Grace and I am bitchy', 'I am Nikki and I am 'eccentric'', 'I am Lea and soon I will weep' - doesn't help.
As for Richard going into the other house and claiming he thought Grace had called Susie a moose, and not Ainsleyne: cringe-making. I thought he was supposed to tell it like it is?
And Glyn freaks me out, climbing walls and bellowing through doors like a lovelorn bullock. What's the matter with him?
Pah.
I take it all back. Yes, I spent good money voting Grace out but the spectacle, tonight, of Pete and Nikki being driven insane by the flimsy walls keeping them apart was pure gold, like one of those Shakespeare productions with a cast of council estate kids. Ok, so Nikki was putting most of it on - she knows her public love her histrionics, she'll never be out of the diary room until she gets back in the main house - but Pete! "I haven't had this for 4 or 5 years"! Someone give his girlfriend the phone number of Preston's ex - they could do with a chat right now, I'd say. I'm pretty sure they're both in Brighton, too, so they could meet up and cry into their cocktails together.
By the way, what exactly have all the zombies got against Aisleyne? It's a bit unsettling seeing her all excited about seeing Nikki, and empathising with Pete, when Nikki is screeching "I detest her!" and the poisonously smug Grace and Mikey are doing spiteful impressions.
A natural communicator.
Now, tell me she's boring, peasants!
I take it all back. Well some of it. He's not actually that stupid.
Glyn's analysis of Suzy was spot on:
"Why the f**k was Suzy here. To make the house boring? To drink tea all day?"
I knew he reminded me of someone...
Glyn, 21st century, Confucius, 6th century
Wales China
It's a common accusation. I think it was first made in BB2, when both Dean and Elizabeth got through to the final week long after the extraverts Narinder and Bubble had been consigned to the ash heap of history. Since then it's been levelled a lot. BB4 had a host of them, Jon Tickle, Scott, Tania, Gos, Steff, and even Cameron the winner. Last year it was Vanessa. And this year it's been Imogen.
Continue reading "Boring" »
Davina, ( aged 34, it says here ) tells the Sun she'd hate to be booed. Interesting. One of the more intriguing elements of tomorrow night's debacle will be to see how the crowd is contained. It seems to me that the masses may well take it out on the lovely Davina. And if not tomorrow, certainly next week. The obvious solution is to conduct all the interviews indoors rather than outdoors. It's always been a stupid policy anyway, and maybe this year they'll actually do the sensible thing. For the wrong reason, but there you go.
Hands up. I was wrong. It's a fair cop. My only excuse is, well they make these things up as they go along, so why shouldn't I?
Anyway the latest rumour is so good it has to be true, and wild horses wouldn't stop me from spreading it. So listen up, folks.
Continue reading "Plague of the Zombies" »
Breaking News - Richard and the doomed Imogen have gone into the House Next Door. Whoever wins the Friday night eviction gets to decide which of the zombies stays. So who'll he pick?
That's assuming the plug isn't pulled.
UPDATE: I could be wrong. Wait till tomorrow for confirmation.
SECOND UPDATE: It seems I was wrong. Sorry. See post above, Plague of the Zombies.
The body that regulates Premium Rate Services has issued a statement in relation to the thousands of complaints it has received from outraged BB Fans. I ain't no lawyer, but things are not looking good for Endemol.
The key text says it is "reviewing the situation on an hourly basis and reserves the right to conduct a full, formal investigation".
Which in layman's terms means: "Endemol sort this out pronto, otherwise we're gonna kick your ass".
Continue reading "Icstis" »
Evereyone seems to have gotten worked up into an almighty, Spoiral-style strop over Lea, Gracie, Nikki and Mikey's return.
I think it's time for a song.
First we were afraid, we were petrified
Kept thinking we could never live without you by our sides.
But we spent oh so many nights thinking how you (four) did us wrong
We grew strong, we learned how to carry on.
And so you're back from outer space
We just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face(s)
We should have changed our stupid locks
We should have made you leave your keys
If we had known for just one second you'd be back to bother me (us)
Go on now go, walk out the door
Just turn around now 'cause you're not welcome anymore
Weren't you the ones who tried to hurt us with goodbyes
You think we'd crumble, you think we'd lay down and die.
Oh no, not us. We will survive
As long as we know how to love we know we'll stay alive...
Feel better already.
A very nice lady just called to say she felt cheated. She called me because she heard me on BBBM last night, and for my pains - according to a friend - had Mutya from the Sugababes call me "mad" in response to my comments. I love my life: to be called mad by Mutya/Mutcha is a fabulous kind of z-list badge of honour. But it is totally absurd, bottom line, to give the chance of winning to someone who has been voted out. It makes no sense. Just like it makes no sense to let Emily Maitlis think that by lowering her voice two octaves makes her any more credible as a Newsnight presenter.
There was no need for a phone vote last night (in BB not Newsnight, but there's an idea...). Endemol should have just bunged them all back in. Big scrap. Big amoral, logic-defying vote next Friday. It's not the end of Big Brother, but next year bring it back with absolutely no rules - and essentially, no expectation on the public's part that their vote counts. And that's fine. We'll watch anything. We're cattle. Knackered. They're young. Funny. Dysfunctional. Serve it up to us. House next door: screw that. Get Grace and Aisleyne throwing water at each other. Nikki and her yak-yak madness, wha |
