The life of Brian

I realised last night he reminded me of Frank Spencer (if say Frank Spencer had been hit over the head with a hammer and left to wander the streets untreated). He's kind of camp and mad and chaotic and his body moves at angles like a toy soldier. Anyway, I quite like Brian. It really doesn't matter if he is (secretly, very secretly) Mensa material or just an apple who's fallen far from the tree: he just seems sweet.  Other issues of the day: Tracey - I can't stand her, for many of you she's ceased to be of any relevance, for me, she makes my teeth chatter and nostrils flare - not attractive; Charley and Ziggy: it's gotta happen, and I want Chanelle's little teddy bear to be in the room, watching, when it does; and Nicky - why does everyone hate her? Alright she's got an annoying voice, but all this scheming she's being accused of? Are we not being shown it? Poor caaaahhhh, I'd hole myself up in the caravan if I was her. More water fights! More Carole mopping up! 

Comments

[Andyman]

I can't believe how long Tracey 'Big Bird' has stayed her execution. She must be the most boring, nondescript, waste of space in the history of the House. She always on about "'avin' it" so why don't the Housemates give it to her by all nominating her? I found it amusing to see Charley foraging in the butt bucket for a dog-end, then lighting it for a couple of last puffs. It- girl? More like s**t girl!

[hansgruber]

My heart jumped to my throat last night, when I became temporarily but dreadfully convinced that we were going to get an impromptu solo Wet T-Shirt Competition courtesy of Carole.
Far be it from me to denigrate the, uh, ‘larger lady’, but it was the first time I’ve hidden behind the sofa since QVC tried to sell me a set of plates with fluffy cats on. (Actually, on that occasion, I felt obliged to hurl mugs and ashtrays at the telly until it stopped. This approach DOES work, but you‘ll need to set aside funds for new chinaware, and a new TV.)

[The Stoat]

A colleague has just been telling me about a recent Brianism. Someone was whistling or humming a popular classical melody; the exchange went something like:

Brian: Oh I love that man...I love classical music, I've got that one. Charlotte Church.

Gerry: It vos Handel.

Brian: (distressed) No no man...that was Charlotte Church!

Bless him. I can't find it in me to dislike Brian, though I fear it won't be long before there's talk of him being On A Journey: BB-speak for a housemate's finishing a series marginally less self-obsessed and cretinous than when he or she began it, as far as I can tell.

I suppose Nicky will walk on Friday, and I'll be sorry to see her go. She's never grated on me the way Charley and Chavelle do, I could imagine having a normal, friendly conversation with her, and it must be said (perviness alert! Whoop, whoop...Kirk to the bridge!), she has a satiny lusciousness I for one find irresistible. I'm hoping that at 27 she'll be too old to interest the readers of Nutz and Zoo, and can finish her BB career with a modicum of dignity. And her top on.

[andyman]

Re: Carole and water fights: wasn't it the same large lady of the House who was bemoaning similar childish behaviour by the twins only the other night when she was trying to get to sleep?

[rotwatcher]

Nice zeugma, The Stoat. Not often one sees a higher class of rhetorical device on these 'ere blogs, innit.

[hansgruber]

With the influx of new men, Gerry will have the opportunity to get his total up to two thousand and five (or thereabouts) sexual partners. I’ve done the maths, by the way, and this statistic equates to a new ’conquest’ every 2.7 days - if you assume, as I did, that he’s been at it since the age of 16.
Someone’s DEFFO been telling porkies.

[hansgruber]

Much as I loathe Charley (and I really, really do loathe her), she at very least has a reason for being in there. Namely, that she’s better than absolutely everyone else who has ever lived, and this is a by-God opportunity for us to learn that fact, take it on board, and extrapolate from it.
Tracey, though, hasn’t done anything….has she?
In any case, I dredged up this photo of her looking vaguely feminine, although not, you’ll be happy to learn, enough to get me meddling with myself.
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2003230001-2007310700,00.html

[lingli]

It wasn't the prospect of a solo wet t-shirt contest by Carole that frightened me as much as the prospect that the mighty bosoms might get loose - they truly seemed to have a life of their own. Not the sort of thing those of us of a nervous disposition need to see before they go to bed, I can tell you. No wonder I had such frightening dreams...

[The Stoat]

MUST get my eyes tested...I was getting up to go to the loo to check on my personal freshness before I realised that Rotwatcher was in fact referring to the little verbal drop-shot I tacked on to that last post. I blame The Twins.

Or do I?

As regular readers will know, I recently moved The Twins into the Sadean doll's house that is my imagination, but to little real effect. They seem to have absolutely NO personality - presumably there's something going on in their heads, but how can we tell? At least Charley, horrible though she is, has a personality...

...oh, speaking of Charley: Mrs Stoat bought a copy of Heat magazine last week (don't worry, she saved her blushes by hiding it inside a copy of Big Cocks before leaving the shop) and in it there was an interview with Charley's ex. That's right: ex, singular. According to the ex - name something like Darren, occupation given as 'entrepreneur' - he and Charley were together since she was sixteen, and when she was with him she was 'really chilled out'. Nothing like she's been in the house, honest. And he never knew about the lap-dancing. He still carries a torch for her, the poor sap. But here's the strange thing: in the accompanying photograph his face was blacked out, as though he was on the witness protection scheme. What - or who - is he scared of?

[Scared Eyes]

Why does Zach always talk through his shoulders? (I refuse to use his silly showbiz name). God, I hope some of the new men will be handsome, flirtatious & straight. Watch that fluffy mop head crumble.

[wendy]

i am coming to the conclusion the blog might die unless hg becomes a blogger ... and that would be a shame - the death not hg!
carole is a conundrum ... she mops like a crazy woman then starts the waterfight ... in order to mop all over again ... but i saw that fight and it did not televise how unpleasant it got with brian VERY upset and charley hauled off to the diary room for overenthusiastic fighting and she came out saying bb had told her to 'go for it' and fight the lot of them!!! does she win the prize for lying? from any bb ...
tracey is a pain but the pic of her from hg was fantastic ... it seems to me between now and then that now takes a lot more effort ... nicky to go please please please. she behaves so differently to how she looks ... coming in she looked so pretty but is such a moaner.

[Stephanie]

Hansgruber, surely you have heard of orgies?? Gerry could have racked up dozens of conquests in one night!!

[hansgruber]

Hi Stephanie,

I’ve heard of orgies. I’ve even seen an orgy, albeit on a wretched third generation VHS when I was 16 and surrounded by a bunch of mates - all of whom, curiously, found themselves in urgent need of the host’s toilet at one point or other - but does that count? What did Gerry do? Go round the room dipping it in?
….And that was unspeakably revolting.
Even if it is true, which I very much doubt, then would one brag about it? (To which the answer, of course, if you want to appear on Big Brother, is ‘yes’.)
-- Embarrassed silence --
Uuuuuhm, Stephanie. Have YOU ever been to an orgy. And if so, will you tell me the details? I need inspiration for my….doings.
Hans xxx

[Pam]

The problem is that they try to talk sense to Charley, when she is clearly untroubled by logic or conventional behaviour. They should ignore her and walk away. I find her baffling arguments and fantasies quite disturbing.

[Daphne]

In the diary room Gerry has a quiz- about grease. "You can take the boy out of the country but you can't take the country out of the boy". There are approximately 11 million people in Greece. This could explain his high number of conquests.

[Stephanie]

Hans
How very very dare you, of course I haven't been to an orgy!

recently