The Beginning of the End

I am back!  My injuries are only psychological and emotional--unlike poor Mr Daphne.  I trust 24 hour intravenous live feed and Daphne's tender ministrations are aiding his recovery.

May I never seen another Mouse. 

Now, it's the final countdown.   or it is more like this?

In any case, Carole can't win--the universe won't allow it. Even if she did, she'd be assassinated with days of leaving the house by one of us lot so...  Chavelle's triumphant return--sing Hosanna!--showed Ziggy up once and for all.   Liam has £ so we won't give him more.  Jonty is a joke but he's just not funny enough. 

So it's Brian or Samanda...  Is that the choice?  is that really it?  I feel like I have walked into a Romanian supermarket circa 1982 and asked for Pesto.

I am going to go and finish de-Disneying and consider my tragically limited options. 

PS REALLY excited about seeing all the housemates together again.  Shabs and her Scabs, Charley and Emily reunited, Tracey's straw hair burnt live on stage a la Gummidge struck by lightning. Laura in her filthy dressing gown...and Gerry in his pants.  What will Lesley make of it all?

Comments

[Daphne]

Welcome back, Damian. Mr. D's progress to recovery is being hampered by Carole. Every time she appears on screen he has a mini fit. He can't even stand up to hurl abuse at her, my lovely telly had a crutch lobbed at it last night, and that's only when she appeared on screen.

Emily has been barred from the live show, even though she had originally been invited.

I have finally decided the Twins to win. (I too scared not to vote, they'll know, and hunt me down. I'm not fooled by their pinkness.)

No, really, I liked them in the BB film. I loved it when Lame and Zig were playing them and Amanda said"..just run around screaming and picking up pink things". They're not nasty, they're quick to comfort people, and really, what's wrong with not confronting people?(Though I would have preferred them to beat Carole with a spatula).

Oh hell. Gerry to win.

[Daphne]

From Emilys' myspace thingy http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=10353229&blogID=304417277 She's pretty, but what a tw*t.

[Gabrielle de P]

Damian, Damian, that shrimp on a treadmill clip is BAD and I am alerting certain Animal Activist Groups that will take appropriate action and probably dig up any gerbils/goldfish/stick insects you have buried in your back garden and kidnap the remains until you see The Light and Recant.
Re the other clip, I think that was a film of my last driving test. I failed, actually, and the examiner rushed to my instructor, who was waiting for me at the Test Centre, and said he'd never been so frightened in his life. His trousers were wet in the front (I didn't see the back). This is absolutely TRUE, by the way.

[lingli]

Oh, Gabrielle, if only BB had made me laugh the way your posts have this summer. It took me two attempts to pass my driving test, neither of them particularly interesting, but my mother had one go at hers, some time in the '70s I'm guessing, and apparently never got out of first gear. Really a blessing for all of us, to be honest.
Did anyone catch Chanelle on This Morning yesterday? (You can tell I'm a mummy, can't you? In my defence, normally I'm listening to Radio 4. Really.) Anyway, I watched the first couple of minutes and then had to put on a Kath & Kim DVD as it was making me feel quite nauseous. I quite like that she's stolen the post-BB limelight so thoroughly from Charley, but seriously, how much can she wring from the whole wretched "Chiggy" episode? And what makes me feel even worse is that the other half will be released from captivity at the end of the week, free to plaster himself over every gossip mag known to man (well, ladies and gay men, probably), telling "his side of the story". Oh God. Perhaps I'll try to remove the family somewhere abroad for a week or two. I have small children, they shouldn't be exposed to this sort of thing!

[doris day]

OMG. I must tell you I have arrived home this evening with BF after a few drinkies as we live in Ireland so its the weekend (THURSDAY)(my BF hates BB) and i had to watch live feed before we have some rampant sex obviously (doris loves it)... so I clued in and Carole is talkin about condoms and anal sex. So I am appalled. i cant even spell appalled. I want to be sick. i cant stand it. whay is she talking about condoms and vaganal dryness. Is that necessary? oh dear god in heavean, Tim /Gabrielle/Daphne - please please please make her stop, make HER STOP !!! - i have to switch off.
BF is happy and waiting for me in our bed so manyana- I must go to bed now.
I missed the love of my life earlier on telly - Ian Wright with his double negatives and sexiness and gorgeousness. Fcuk BB, I just want Ian Wright - Is that wrong?

listen, while you guys all go to Disney in Paris, can i book a hotel and invite Ian Wright to a sleezy night of passion and talk about the real BBBM.

[Monkey In A Safari Suit]

Yes - the twins will win tomorrow, and it seems only fitting that two girls I still can't tell apart and from whom I can't recall a single witty remark should win this, the most boring of all BB series imaginable. Am watching the final night 'party' on live feed as I type: Carole is sewing, Liam and Jonty are discussing alternative therapies, Ziggy's lying on the sofa with his eyes closed, the twins are giggling quietly (for a change) and I've no idea where Brian is. Does this lot know how to party, or what?!?! No-one's drunk, no-one's pashing, no-one's crying, no-one's naked. It's a far cry from my own youthful days: thanks Mr Blair. Yawn, yawn, yawn. I'm so bored I can't even be bothered to continue complaining.....

[The Stoat]

Oh I'm in suspenders now. I'll have to wait till I get home to open that link and see what Tangerine Geldof's been up to.

Well...how are we all today? Only about twelve hours to go before it's all over, and still I haven't voted. I keep parading the housemates before my mind's eye and weighing up the pros and cons, but aside from wanting Carole not to win I can't seem to work up the necessary enthusiasm.

I could shift Damien's comparison a little to the West and say that I feel like a regular in a French provincial brothel who's long since worked his way through the limited roster of battered doxies Madame has to offer, and can hardly be bothered to make his selection and creak his way upstairs.

Ho hum...I'd like it to be Jonty, as he's (sort of) on my wavelength and I wouldn't have to have my brain surgically modified before I could speak down to his level, but there's no way he's going to win.

My dislike of Liam has very little to do with what might be called his personality; I just can't abide that horrible tattoo he has between his shoulder blades. It sets my teeth on edge and I keep imagining peeling it off with a Stanley knife.

As for Carole, the Uberminger...oh, speaking of mingers, I actually had to change trains on the way to work this morning because a mephitic pensioner was stinking out the carriage. Mrs Stoat says we need a Minger Militia, empowered to hook these people off the trains and hose them down on the platform. Anyway, definitely NOT Carole.

Even after reading Chavelle's latest dribblings in Heat I can't work up much sympathy for Ziggy. And I STILL haven't worked out what he's got emblazoned on his tit. Maybe we'll find out tonight. Probably 'It's Not You, It's Me' in Esperanto.

Brian I detest. He's so 'institutionalised' by the show that I could imagine him in the Diary Room saying, 'Ere Big Bruvvah...oi bin 'ere two weeks nah an' oi ain't bin punished for nuffink...'ave oi dahn somefink wrong Big Bruvvah...oh go on, gimme a punishment plee-ease'. Fool.

Ohhhhh...it'll have to be The Twins, won't it? The choice of a desperate man.

Right, then, I'll get a bottle of pink champagne on the way home and tie a pink ribbon round the cat and try to pretend it's Gerry walking out to the cheers of the rabble and the £100,000.

Won't be the same, though.

[Sarah]

Where's the blog gone? Big brother's not over quite yet. how come you're off the blogs page?

[Saporta]

A sobering thought for the last day: the winner will almost certainly be someone who doesn't know what the universe is, or who thinks that the moon is bigger than the earth.
Does anyone wonder (or know) if the contestants on other BBs across the world are as thick as some of ours ( I exempt the US from this question because it's a racing certainty that they are).

[Blah blah]

Did anyone see the 8 out of 10 Cats BB special last night? At first I was chortling along as everyone ripped into Charley, then I just felt a bit hollow when I realised that she didn’t even notice that they were slagging her, she just loved the fact that everyone was paying attention to her. She really is the most self obsessed no-mark in BB history. And incidentally, she’s thicker than the twins and Brian combined. She actually believed that Ghandi was a gangsta rappa that she might have a chance of hooking up with. I despair!

[Gabrielle de P]

I'm with you there re a 'Minger Militia', Stoat. These people ALWAYS sit next to me on the No. 19 bus. Someone once said it is because I have a 'sympathetic' face. Ha ha, if they only knew ...!

[sandra]

The only intelligent one was Gerry, and he should have stayed in and he should have won. His sacrifice was pointless because Carole does not stand a chance of winning. She'll be first out with some well deserved booing !

Jonty, when he is not being unfunnily bonkers and acting like he's in some sort of S&M version of playschool seems reasonable intelligent, but when he gets wierd I just lose all respect for him. I think he's got his own inner twin thing going on, and it isn't pretty and it isn't pink.

I have found the sheer stupidity and pig ignorance of the contestants this year very depressing indeed.

[sandra]

I caught 8 out of 10 cats. I didn't believe Charley thought Ghandi was a gangsta rapper. I think she was doing the Jade thing.

I caught Jade once in one of those chat shows (can't remember which) where someone mentioned President Bush, and she said "who's that ?" And I thought, "you're busted lady." Worse I think she set an equation going ie Laughable ignorance = fame and fotune.

i have been in bed with a migraine since getting back from disney. My poor wee brain and eyes just couldn't cope. I've never had a migraine before. SEE WHAT MICKEY DID!

Anyway, the Stoat cheered me up no end with his use of one of my favourite words: doxy. A joy.

My beloved is actually writing this for me as I dictate from a chaise in a darkened room. It's time to settle down into another codeine-induced slump. I need my energy for the final. Will it be the Twins or Brian? Que sera sera.

[Liv]

That shrimp is terrifying. Though it does somehow convey how limp this Big Brother is, and how despite this, it still hypnotically pulls you in. However, we all know it's only ultimately made interesting by the added background noise, commentary, and ramblings that accompany it (e.g. this blog. where would we be without it?).

I'm just enraged that Carole's made it in there right 'til the last night, the sneaky cow. Maybe there's an upside in that she'll get more boos with a bigger crowd present...fingers crossed.

[Daphne M.D]

Man with no name typing for Damian, tell him Solpedine(deal with it! Hoping to see Krusty doing voice-overs soon) and ibrufen(sp). It's been clinically proven that this is the best combination for migrain. I knows about these types of things.

[Daphne]

Doris bloody Day! You dirtbird! I had just posted a comment about going to buy a hat for your wedding, turn the page(so to speak),to find you wanting to get down and dirty with Ian Wright. NO! You WILL come to Disney with us and let me tell you young lady, you WILL enjoy yourself.

Though Carole and anal sex makes sense,. Imagine looking down and seeing that face and hair(!?!).Did you like her flowing locks last night? Lovely.

[Jessica]

If you can't think of any good reason to go to Eurodisney, Doris (Ian Wright will not respect you for making such a decision, after all, he is a fun-loving sports man), I think you have forgotten that Disneyland must be amazing as it is bigger than Paris. Or so Brian and Amanda tell me.

[Gabrielle de P]

Daphne, now you mention it ... do you reckon Carole had just applied (badly) some black hair dye? It certainly didn't look the usual grungy Brillo pad grey. More piebald. Perhaps Davina sent in some of that hair colouring stuff she advertises? Mind you, last Eviction Night, I though Davina's hair looked pretty bloody awful.

[Daphne]

I knows lots of things, except how to spell. Off to prepare for Carole booing and seeing Gerry again.Way-hay!.

[HansLeGruberFanClub]

I've just finished Disney. If I have to eat one more of their slimey hot dogs or be pushed past in a queue by one more of their lardy arsed locals...

And I come back to France each year because I like it. And the people. But 4 days at Disney... Please don't make me go again. I will if you all insist, obviouisly, and my three smalls are pretty much the same age as Jessica's so that should be a hoot but please, for the love of god, there's only so much that a Times-blogging bloke can bear. Despite Wlat Disney Studios being surprisingly entertaining. Although more than one viewing of High School Musical on Tour makes you glad to be in a country where wine is cheaper than water.

And btw, Jessica: I google the blessed G de P eons ago when she still used her full name on the blog. The picture retreived didn't permit references to "shroud" a la Carole. I'm just waiting for her to express an interest in middle aged blokes for toyboys so I can pitch my woo. Must be an opening for another ex Mr G de P.

And Mr Stoat: credit, but are you really Doogal on Proazac? Be warned, Lianne is surely lurking...

Oh. Just heard. Apparently 25% of BB winners are called Brian. Symbolic I call it.

[Jessica]

Okay then, HGFC, Legoland? There's a 2 for 1 offer on at the moment.