The posh task

This is unusual for me to admit but I actually found last night's highlights show terribly, terribly dull. What is this new task about? Absurd. And why did Carole get so upset: she was really quite posh, wasn't she? I laughed once and quite a lot. But now I cannot remember why. Oh it was Scary Twin plus loud hailer. That was funneee. But when Carole was let back into the kitchen I did shout at the set: "No, please, not again". And when she started complaining about the usual stuff - pasta, tea cup stains - again my sheer hatred for her surfaced and I was ranting again. If only they would stop interrupting each other, they might come to the same conclusion: "Carole is annoying isn't she. She is making us unhappy." But instead, Ziggy squalls, then retreats, Liam semi-bitches, then retreats, and Brian... well Brian tries to form a word, then gives up entirely. Am I supposed to find Brian's polished dim-wittedness funny? I did. Now I don't. His attempt at a posh accent was ridiculous. His gurning and funny looks disturb me slightly. Nothing in the posh task - apart from mastering a foxtrot - is hard. And my heart sank at the stratospheric dumbness of the housemates. It sank really, really low.

Comments

[moob]

my highlight from the highlights last night: ziggy giving carol a 30 second death stare. i really really want to see him totally loose it.

[Saporta]

Can't agree - thought the show last night was one of the funniest, perhaps because the humour was generated by something other than the usual slapstick that we get for the tasks. Then again, I will admit that the funniest moment was the tootpaste/loudhailer thing - but that had nothing to do with the task.
OK - the whole thing is built on class, but if we had that much right-on integrity, we wouldn't be watching BB. And, as you say, few of the tasks were that hard. It was mostly learning how to pronounce words. English words. In English.
Twas very revealing though - Kara's bossy schoolmarm came out, as did Tracey's terror. What was all that about? I'm as common as muck, but I know how to pronounce 'Fenwick', by Jove. And it's fun to send up toffs, so why the tears?

[Gabrielle de P]

So it wasn't just me ... at 10.44 p.m. precisely I gave up and went to do something REALLY interesting -cleaned the cat's litter tray. Whilst performing this task, I had a rare moment of insight and realised that a large amount of cat-sh*t is fragrant, interesting and pleasant compared to the sh*t that Endemol are peddling us.
I am not alone - see today's Daily Star, that conclused BB8 producers are at panic stations over the plummetting viewing figures.
http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news_detail.html?sku=2200

[wendy]

i haven't seen the show yet, but feel it was bound to happen. i knew i would miss gerry - my best highlight besides pants was his running off of the seven ancient wonders of the world. carol has spoilt it for them really, their one year in bb and she is there and they don't have the cojones to stand up to her. gerry said her cooking was bland and today they are praising her for making them egg and chips. bb is a very strange world indeed. you must have a very strange life outside to put up with all that in there.

[The Stoat]

Listening to the likes of Tracey and The Twins stumbling their way through a simple reading test - for that's all it amounted to - I felt as though I were riding a bathysphere to the very bottom of the Marianas Trench of moronism. There are blind, translucent worms wriggling about down there in the diatomaceous ooze that could make a better fist of that task than Brian, with his 'Ahh Nahh Brahhn Caah', and the functionally illiterate Samanda.

This is turning into a rant, I know. But think about it...those two ditzy divs are, so we are told, actually going to a university in a few weeks time. They can't read or write - witness Amanda's 'Chicken...cubes? Is that chicken cubes? Ehh...thuv got a sarce!' while reading what I took to be 'Chicken Kiev' off the blackboard when ordering the food last week. Neither of them has read a book in her life. And yet they've been judged fit to study Social Work.

Ho bloody ho, I suppose. Until Sam is supposed to be arranging for YOUR aged mother to be admitted to a nursing home, and scrawls 'Nurse home' on the papers, meaning that your mum gets left to rot while a harassed Health Visitor struggles to call on her once a day for five minutes.

I loathe them all for their limited horizons, their paucity of imagination, their deliberate refusal even to countenance the possibility that people of education and refinement might be worthy of respect and, dare I say it, emulation.

I should make an exception for Jonty and Kara-Louise, I suppose. But at this precise moment I can't.

Oh well...I feel a bit better for that.

[Saporta]

You could argue that it's socially conscientious of Endemol/C4 to emphasize the stupidity of certain housemates. That would be pushing it, I admit, but it's surely preferable to glorifying their lack of...imagination, curiosity, etc by making out their 'fickness' to be cool, man (as Ziggy would put it).
It makes dancing bears of them, of course, and we should worry about our own involvement in the process, but hey-ho...if we decide to watch, we may as well have fun at the expense of people who really must be ****ing desperate to agree to go on that show.
I'm actually looking forward to the rest of the posh task - better than a good many 'state of the nation' documentaries.

And by the way, Ziggy is undoubtedly going to blow a gasket with Carole...the fuse is burning down. It might be happening right now...

[Araminta]

Not sure why C4 has decided to demonstrate the ignorance and illiteracy of most housemates. Probably appealing to the thick and illiterate viewers? Anyone notice a twin saying a few nights ago "Israel? Er..yeah..heard of that in RE" Dear God!

[The Stoat]

Saporta...Saporta...I'm tortured now. Wasn't that the name of the master criminal in 'Diva'?

Apologies in advance if that's your real name and it's just a coincidence!

[Daphne]

Aaarrgghh! Run and hide! Run and hide! http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/bigbrother8/a72973/shabnam-to-release-lulu-cover.html

[Gabrielle de P]

I am liking Jonty more and more - he seemed a very patient instructor, bearing in mind the uphill task he had with such uncoperative f***wits. Surely they were making an utter hash of it on purpose? Re the dancing - not sure it was actually a foxtrot, looked more like a quickstep, but what do I know? The only dance I ever did properly was the Can-Can, before my right hip gave out.
I hope Brian doesn't win - he is really really grating on me with his idiot-savant act and way way down my Wish List of deserving winners of. Along with The Stepford Twins and their undecipherable babble, that ghastly old bag of venom you-know-who (got to be careful, her family live nearish to me), slimy Zigote, and Tracy - I did think her a runner once, but now she's shot her bolt, with her alliance with Carole and pathetic I-can't-do-it with the etiquette task.

Barry-Louise is unobjectionable but boring. That leaves the lovely Liam. I would be SO happy if he scooped another £100K!

Is it nominations tonight? Then I may stay up.

[CHAVOYEUR]

I stayed true to my beliefs and missed all this since Gerry's departure, but see on the gossip channels that Kara-Louise is "weirding Ziggy out" because she so obviously fancies him. I think they should test the water in that place - Endemol must be engineering it in more sinister ways than we imagine. Maybe they have been putting addictive things in Carole's cooking too.
I think it was, Stoat by the way. Jean Saporta, not football.

[Daphne]

Carole isn't up for eviction. Going to bang my head repeatedly off a wall.

[hansgruber]

I’m trying desperately to figure out what it is about this lot that leaves me so utterly cold. Normally - with the help of this blog - I can summon up some energy for it all, but this time it is proving prohibitively difficult. Indeed, once that toxic psycho, Charley (who I presume now adorns the covers of assorted low-rent, soft-core* grot mags?) was belatedly evicted, I thought that I could get back into BB without facing the nightly - and very real - possibility of having to put my foot through the TV screen.
But then, as so many times before, I realised that my hatred was simply going to transfer elsewhere, in this instance to that appalling, pudding-faced old boot, Carole, whose redeeming features (if indeed she has any) have utterly passed me by.
ANYWAY, enough of all that. Roll on Celeb BB, with, I once again hope, the divine, the heavenly, Lauren Harries.

And in news: Brian apparently thinks that “they don’t have children in France.” I haven’t researched or authenticated this quote, but I am quite certain that it is true….the fact that he said it, not that they don’t have chi….whatever. And Shabnam - remember her? - is to release a cover of Lulu’s ‘Shout’. I honestly cannot wait for that one.
Also, and finally, is anyone here keeping up with that Jodie March programme on MTV? Has she found a pouting, gold-digging semiliterate cretin with whom to tie the knot?

* Very few things in this world more useless than a soft-core porn mag, in my view.

[Gabrielle de P]

I bring tidings of great joy - Hansgruber will rejoin us soon. I have an intimate relationship with him (in a platonic, grandmotherly sort of way, damn it) and he says he has been SO effing bored by the whole disaster that is BB8 that he can't be arsked. But, as we all are begging for it, he will, generous guy that he is, return to give us the benefit of his wisdom and insight.

Come on, HansG., post FAST, or else I am going to look a bloody prat.

[Lesley]

I thought it made uncomfortable viewing last night as it is clear Traceey has learning difficulties. The camera lingering on her grief-stricken face certainly made me feel a little uncomfortable anyway.

[Daphne]

As I'm sure you've gathered, it's not very often that I shut up. But I was speechless at Carole nominating Krusty for being nasty to Gerry. !!??!! Her book would have stayed on if she'd have jammed it on her horns, hidden under the brillo hair.

Ziggy is turning into the Police Chief in the Pink Panther films, everytime he talks about Barry-Louise he's developing a new eye tic.

[Gabrielle de P]

I can't believe it! NO-ONE nominated that nasty bag of lard Carole for nomination. So it's Jonty, Barry-Louise and Tracy. I'm going to vote to boot out Tracy - the other two seems pretty harmless. I did have a laugh when Barry-Louise was in the diary room doing her 'etiquette test' - she put the milk in the tea-cup FIRST, before the tea. I've come over all faint with shock - whatever next? Someone calling the bog the 'toilet'? Or mispronouncing 'Montrachet'?

[Monkey In A Safari Suit]

Last night's HL's did my head in completely and stirred up a hatred for the twins that I didn't previously think I was capable of feeling for anyone. The carry on about the no make up at school rule made me want to steal a car, drive to Borehamwood and knock their stupid heads together. If there was only one of them in there and if they were a plain girl carrying on like they do the nation would have ripped them apart by now. It's so reassuring to know how much we value inarticulate blondes with short pink hemlines. Mrs Pankhurst must be rolling in her grave.

[Saporta]

Thanks, Stoat - you've blown my cover. I normally tell everyone that I'm just an illiterate football 'saporta'. Besides, what's a bit of vice and murder ? It was France in the 80s - nom de Dieu!
Better get back on topic - weren't the nominations last night disappointing? Having to endure Carol and the twins until the bitter end...

[damian barr]

Shabs to release Lulu cover...Carole escaping eviction....My only consolation is we might finally get rid of Tracey. Her face looks like a bashed tin sans label in the bargain corner at Aldi. Or at least, how I imagine said tin would look.

Good to have you ALL back.

[The Stoat]

It's blowing a freezing gale here oop North, last night's garlic pilau has left me farting like Jonty on full afterburner and I'm staring down both barrels of a two-hour teleconference, but...who cares? Hooray...Hans is back; let mirth be unconfined!

(Seriously, Hans, people were starting to get worried. I had visions of the neighbours complaining about the smell, and the police kicking the door in, and you being found slumped in front of the TV surrounded by empty bottles and takeaway cartons and piles of Ben Dover videos).

Funnily enough, I'd been intending to post today asking whether anything had been heard of Shabba, it being about time she made her Halley's Comet-like reappearance on our TV screens. I think I'll log on to Amazon and pre-order the DVD edition of her single. Sometimes YouTube just isn't enough.

Yesterday evening's highlights were a mixed bag, weren't they? Once I'd got over the weapons-grade hypocrisy of Carole's nomination of Tracey,and squirmed through The Twins' faux outrage at the 'posh school' make-up ban, I had to watch Kara-Louise plucking her armpits. That can't be normal, can it? I don't care particularly whether a woman shaves or not, but I assume that if you do shave you want to get the job done quickly and efficiently. Why would K-L want to torture herself with the axillary version of the death of a thousand cuts? I suppose they'll address that question on BB On The Couch, but in the meantime, if anyone has any theories....

[Gabrielle de P]

Actually, Stoat, I do have theories about the armpit plucking. During a misspent middle age, I was often lying around on the beaches of the Cote d'Azur. Yes, it was a hard life but one of the ex husbands insisted ... However, during these hedonistic sojourns I was startled to notice that to pass the time on long, hot days, French ladies got out their designer tweezers and, one by one, removed hair from their armpits, legs and even forearms. 'Brazilians' were not fashionable in those days, thankfully.

So - possibly Barry-Louise is French. For myself, a cheap and cheerful 'Bic' razor suffices nicely.

[Fluffy]

Why oh why oh why oh how oh how oh how did Carole not get nominated? Surely they could live without her OCD mothering for the last week? What kind of hold does the hateful old trout have on them for pity's sake?

I hope Cara-Louise goes, she is the most irritating housemate ever. Last night they were saying she seemed older than 22... really? She acts like an over-excited seven year old who's had too many fizzy drinks. Do these people have no judgement whatsoever? Where's the insight? Where's the capacity for critical thinking?

If there's any justice in the world, when Carole comes up for the public vote she'll get hoicked out without so much as a money-making endorsement for Jif. Who care's if she needs the money? Get a job as a housekeeper.

[The Stoat]

Well, Gabrielle, I live and learn. I imagine that the long, slow, languorous self-depilation process would have been for ladies of leisure, though, while the busy office girl or shop assistant would be forced to choose between le Bic and le coupe sauvage, according to taste/how much she could be bothered.

Perhaps Kara-L has childhood memories of watching Mama plying her tweezers on some foreign beach. And she certainly has time on her hands nowadays. I shall watch with interest in case she expands her field of operation.

[Jacynth]

Hans, so pleased to have you back. I also have an unconfirmed 'he said, she said' for you. I read on a forum that, on the live feed, Jonty told the other chaps that Carole said that J K Rowling did not write Harry Potter. What a loon.

Lesley (is it you?) I wondered about Tracey too the other night and her absolute refusal to try with the task - it crossed my mind that perhaps she can't read very well. She may well have a PhD in English Literature for all we know, but that is certainly the impression she gave.

Kara was sending mixed messages during her task. She enunciated beautifully whilst all the time clutching her tea cup like a navvy (not that there's anything wrong with that). The underarm plucking in mixed company is horrible, I had to explain to my teenage son that this is NOT normal lady-behaviour. Far worse though was the sight of Carole grating her feet (within inches of the oven). This caused us both to retch in unison - a lovely family moment, thanks BB.