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Ch-ch-changes

This show is reducing me to a conflicted, crazed, fair-weather friend. I blow hot and cold with the wind, loyal and disloyal by the episode. Having ditched the self-destructive, potty-mouthed Darnell for Sara during the week, I may just be about to ditch her for Mikey. After last night's show, the toast-licking is all forgotten, the preoccupation with all things kinky a distant memory. All I can see now is that the man has balls. I was cheering for him like some demented, pyjama-clad mascot  (If only I'd had a pair of pompoms it would have been a visual spectacular) as he pummelled Rex's defence into the ground last night. And then for his soaring finale, he convinced Sara to pull her head from the sand, shed her pseudo-battered wife syndrome and see the TYRANTasaurus Rex for what he really is.

Bar Lisa, Mikey's the only one who has had the guts to stand up to the awful tyrant and his gang of poxy sycophants. While the boys have formed a terrifying anti-Sara brigade (Mo cos he wants to stuff his tongue down her throat and can't, Darnell because he's angry about being born albino and Rex because he loves a play thing), the girls are just as bad. Kat and Rachel have sat by watching the bullying silently. Or as good as. What was that weak-arsed barely-there criticism from Rachel last night?

I sprung from my couch once more, and executed a near-perfect air punch, as Sara told Darnell what we've all been desperate to: yes, sonny Jim, you are your own worst enemy.

Now to pressing sartorial matters. Having enjoyed the red, slashed two-piece, I didn't think I'd ever appreciate another of Lisa's outfits as much. But she, like MG before her, pulled out the big guns for her eviction. Red bra. Mesh. Boots. Genius.

As for my BFF Davina, what was with the fringe? If she was going for the one-eyed pirate look, couldn't the props department have come up with a stuffed bird for the old shoulder?

Losers

So it seems to me this year is all about the losers.  Mo is just a boor and Our Blogger in Hamley's proved this.  Darnell has to be one of the biggest losers of recent years.  To have such endearing qualities and such promise and to waste it all so spectacularly.  A few more chips and he'll have no shoulders left. He's as much a product of our victim culture as Alexandra.  Remember I told ya!  Remember her?  It's almost time to start looking back...

Anyway, Kat was never a winner for me and her calculated vote for Sara and Lisa rules her out.  Rachel is just too muesli, too Mild Thing.  I wouldn't mind if she won but that's damning with faint praise.  Rex is going to get his own show anyway and he's richer than Jesus or Croesus or whoever as it is (or so he tells us).  I've never taken to Mikey--the Nazi memorabilia put me off at the start (saying last week he'd like to call his child Valkyrie only underlined his scariness).  Is there anyone I can really back?  Lisa has £25,000 and a wedding to look forward to.  She's won already and I really think she's grown (not just her muscles).  She'll buy some nice spangly tights and settle into a QVC-style career.  Her mad staring eyes will win her contact lense contracts aplenty.   Which loives Soyra.  Noice.  Soyra to win. 

Am heading to Edinburgh to catch the end of Festival fireworks--I shall be ensconced in a swanky-yet-cosy room at the Balmoral with a whisky in my hand (single malt, natch).  Let's hope for a pleasingly revolting Mario & Lisa reunion tonight.   

Sara to win

Darnell is just so angry. Yes, he has things to be pissed about, but he doesn't help himself by spraying venom at anyone who comes near him. What was that garbage about people being useless at helping Mikey? What's he done that's been so helpful exactly?
It is beyond me how Sara is speaking to him. So glad she pocketed the cash.
Mo was his usual disgusting self in the diary room. His money envy was almost as much of a turn off as those foul belches and his retching finale.
Rex is grating on me, just for a change. Why can't he ever give a straight answer? Sara asked how the machines worked and he went to town. I'm still spewing about the way he blamed Sara for his warning from Big Brother. "It's because you made a fuss about it". Yeah, Sara, why are you making such a fuss about.
Having lost my longtime favourite Darnell in a hail of abuse and sexism at the last hurdle, I'm backing Sara now. Lisa's coming in second. Who would have thought?

Jeopardy!

The squeaking pens or the wheel of fortune needing some oil...here I go watching catch-up as we speak.

• Darnell voted for Sara and Lisa. What a pig!  TOTAL PIG!
• Kat did the same--tactical for an otherwise all-boy final she can win?
• Lisa did Rex and Rachel and Rachael said 'that's ok'--ugh.  It's not! Why did Lisa not vote for Darnell?
• Mikey is consistent with his Rex and Sara.
• Mo also votes for Sara and by this time her arms are folded defensively across her chest.
• Rex, laughingly, does Sara and Lisa.  Oh it's like the playground it really is.
• Good for Sara!  A slap in the face for Darnell but then he's straight in her face.  I so don't want him to even come close to winning.

I love that they chose to share--would Mo and Darnell have shared? Most likely one of them would have lied.  That excessive clarification was annoying.  Lisa does indeed have a 'heart of gold'.  Mo and Darnell were seething with envy at the rewards of sisterhood.  WOOHOO!

Showvinism

That has to be my worst pun yet but leaving aside rhetorical crimes...Darnell's sexist taunting of Sara last night was unacceptable.  Replace his insinuations and accusations--mostly that Sara, who has rejected him, is a slag--with race or religion and the phones would be ringing off the hook with complaints.  Somehow casual 'funny' sexism is ok.  Sara could just about cope with Rex but the combined onslaught, with Mo acting as tearful eye checker, was too much for her.  BB asked if her if she was ok and she bravely said she was.  Sara believes Darnell will watch the show on the outside and see the error of his ways. He won't.  As he lay in bed looking not a bit remorseful he asked his friends 'Why did you let me behave like that?'.  He takes no responsibility for his behaviour. None.  I know he's had a hard life but guess what that doesn't give him the right to make life hard for other people.  I woke up angry about his behaviour this morning--extra angry because I know he could be a better person (couldn't we all).  BB has to intervene with a warning if there is any more of this behaviour.

Mo being head of house means he can't be evicted Fri--sure. It also means he isn't eligible for the £50,000 bonus prize to be awarded same night!

Twist-Ed

So we've just received a little sneak preview of this week's action.  Oooh I love it!  Not allowed to reveal exact details but there is going to be eviction action of a twisted sort and money (lots of dirty money).  We love a twist...

The (Almost) Final Countdown

We're into the final two weeks--can you believe it?  So much has happened (on and off screen).  I won't get into the reminiscing quite yet or I'll mist up but a bout of sentimentality will come just as surely as rain on a Bank Holiday.

Now, I don't often revel but on this occasion...MG!  Oh it was wonderful!  Democracy in action is a beautiful thing and I gavce thanks to ancient

Greece

as her and her ridic side-pony were given the biggest BB-boos I have evr heard. We know she got highest ever percentage.  The previous record was 91.6%, set by Sezer during Big Brother 7. This is the second highest eviction percentage worldwide - hiow much more hateful can one person be? It's also the highest ever for a three-way vote. HAH!  Rex has visibly relaxed and even his hair seems happier.

The indecent proposal...never was there a more perfect couple. Truly. I am sure they saw this in the crystal ball they exchanged in the car park at Mr Smith's nightclub.  Speaking of which, please do enjoy this vintage episode of the Hitman and Her (ignore the surreal first minute).

Mo is now Head of House.  Will absolute power corrupt absolutely? Whatever happens he is now guaranteed a place in the final. This annoys me.

Darnell is waking up to himself...slooooooowly.  He is not yet getting the difference between self-awareness and self-absorption. i could have slapped him when he threw down the iPod and stormed off to bed huffing and puffing. Self-sabotage AGAIN! Then he realised and went on a binge of self-pity. Again, it's all about HIM!  I don't think I want him to win.  Do I?  Come to think of it, who do I want to win?

Master of the dark arts

Yes, Rex made them all do it, stay silent, without so much as an arm being twisted. I swear, I knew this exercise in house mind control was coming when dear lovely Nicole was booted out on Friday night. Was I the only one to notice that Rex shut that door with the emphatic madness of a cult leader holing up his victims for more torture until the Feds (Davina) rescues them? Really, was I the only one? Because then came "Silence", which, as Darnell noted eloquently in that after-dark denouement last night, was the zenith of Rex's controlling, manipulative ways. Rex did not dissent from Darnell's grudging assessment but merely lay back on what looked like a highly flammable silk or some cheap shiny material pillow. Mwah hahahah, he was silently thinking... How much longer will Mo remain so supine in every way? He is the housemate I most want to shake out of beng bullied and being such a follower... And meanwhile Lisa was being attacked by invisible spirits in the garden as she attempted an ab-crunch. So anyway, the upshot is: I am beginning - in this home straight - to love Darnell. Rachel is good, yes. Kat's hair is interesting. Lisa needs her own primetime spot on QVC. But Darnell. Hmmm. He's special.

Side ponies and other hilarity

A side pony? Really? I can't imagine MG has a sense of irony so she must have seriously thought to herself, 'I want to look my best for eviction night, I'll have to pull out the big guns - I know a tangled, badly-dyed, rodent-inspired side pony.'

Speaking of ponies, while MG entered the house looking slightly horse-like, she left looking more rat like, didn't she? Obviously there's the multiple rats tails, but something in the teeth and claws had me wandering if I'd accidentally bumped the remote and flicked to a screening of Ratatouille.

Ah such venom. I think I'm feeling especially bilious because my close friend The Big D went easier on her than I would have liked. The question I really wanted answered was, does Nicole believe Rex cheated on her or does she think it was made up? It would also have been helpful if she'd been asked, ''What is your secret to switching off all feelings of empathy for fellow humans?'

The moments before her exit were hilarious. 0.04 of a second after her name was read out she was all over Rex: 'What's wrong? Why do you like sad?" Had he not looked sad, of course, she would have jumped on him within 0.03 of a second to demand: "Why don't you look sad? You don't even care, do you?"

I especially liked those limp hugs she doled out like slop at a soup kitchen. Despite my my knee rug and nice knitted sweater, my living room and slightly-sloshed body were filled with a distinctive chilly breeze.  For a moment there, as she slung her bird-like arms about Mikey's unwilling frame, I swear I saw a few icicles form on the sides of my TV set.

Marry-O

So Mario is going back into the house on Sunday to propose to Lisa. I can't wait to see her face.  Will it move?  Can it?  Ignoring the weird parallel with the Mario-Steph marriage and the obvious PaRody of love, I am not chuffed about Mario being back in the house and the show. I sold everything I own to buy enough votes to keep him out the house and off my screen. Now he's back in?   Even if he's in just long enough to get down on one knee he's still back.  What gives?

Not long now, Nicole. Can you hear the clicking of les tricoteuses as they knit by the guillotine?