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Halfwit grows ever more irritating

Been away at Glastonbury (sorry for lack of comms). Was sure I'd come back to find that Halfwit had been evicted. But no, the world is against me. They are out to rob me of all TV pleasure. They want me to suffer a mind meltdown so severe that I'll forever be seeing furry hats where there are none and hearing sexual sounds each time food is mentioned. How is he hanging on? He is so truly annoying and so deluded as to his own merits. Does anyone really believe all that stuff he was spinning about having three girls waiting for him outside the house? Does anyone actually buy that he can get any guy at any club that he wants? Was anyone else screaming and clawing at their TV sets when he asked Kris, "What is it that's so annoying about me?"

I've gone off Sophie now too. Don't get me wrong - I was never on her (like half of The Sun readers wish they were). I just thought she was sort of sweet and harmless for a piece of fluff. But after watching her talking, or rather not talking, to Kris last night, I've given up on her. She's so mindless, so dull as to be offensive. He opened up, told her how he felt, told her he was hurt and upset. Her response? A limp grin, a tepid giggle and an attempt to comb through a glug of mascara coating her left set of eyelashes.

Egging Them On

It's been too hot to do anything beyond sag in the shade with my overheated Girls.  They're all limp and loving.  SCORCHIO!  We here in Brighton have escaped the deluges regularly seen dousing the BB House.  My Girls would like to point out that their eggs are fragrant, fresh and not at all foul (no pun intended). When he's free, Rodrigo can have one boiled, scrambled--any way he likes it.

Marcus.  I've finally realised who and what the mulleted moron looks like. It's not Wolverine.  From the animal kingdom it's everyone's favourite amphibious reptile--the snapping turtle!  He has the same undershot jaw and aggressive nature.  He also bears the brow of the poster boy from original The Hills Have Eyes.

I know Sree is beyond annoying but it really was too mean to say 'any team with Sree on would lose'.  It brings back the full tribal horror of school sport's day (I can't be the only tall asthmatic gay boy who was picked last, can I?).

As for Freddie and his experience with the 'sexually available' gaities.  Speaking on behalf of all gayers (yet again) I'd like to say I don't know a single man-who-loves-men who'd consider Freddie as a sex object.  If you're reading this and you are one of the "30 to 40" men who have carnal knowledge of Freddie please get in touch.  We can help.

Live Nominations

V V annoyed that we can see them nominate but they can't (so far) see each other. Missing a trick surely?

In the order they were called:

Angel just unfazed.  Straight in there with Sree 'I like him and...he's good guy' and then 'Are you ready for the second? Siavash.' She's just ruthless. A nomination uzi.

Dogface.  Swiftly nominates Angel for never cleaning up and being backstabbing.  She doesn't really like Freddie, to be honest.

Freddie HalfWit: Kris for his 'fake romance'.  Sree because he's two-faced'. 

Dogface (without drawing breath and in broad Fife): Angel cos she steals, she exercises compulsively, she told somebody she was fat, she had very negative attitude, she brings people down in the house including myself.  Halfwait is far too eccentric for me, I hate the way he eats his food, I hate the way when you come into a romo it's like HIHIHIH and I find him very difficult to live wae'.

Kris: Halfwit for being patronising.  Angel has apparently given the girls 'complexes about weight issues'.  Apparently neither of these people are 'valid members of the group'.  What?

Lisa: Angel for making the girls conscious of their 'pregnant' bodies.  Halfwit for reason that aren't clear.  he involves himself in other people's arguments.  Er, isn't she the go-between in any row?

BREAK They think it's all over. At this point HalfWit and Angel have 4 nominations each. 

PART 2: I barely had time to pour another drink.

Marcus:  Who? Who insulted HIS English culture?  As a Scot who lives with the enemy let me say the English culture I know is not his.  His filthy Pirelli calendar culture.  Oh Sree.  And Lisa. Probably because she hasn't flattered his sagging ego. His ego is like a balloon at the end of a party.

Norin:  Angel for basically slagging off her appearance.  All delivered at break-neck speed.  HalfWit for going to bed early, for making eating noises (a reason I can get behind) and for apparently having entered Angel.

Queen Rodrigo: Sree (pronounced Cherie as in Blair).  Listening to him takes me back to the heady days of Eldorado--the greatest soap that never was.  Halfwit.

Siavish:  Angel who tried to steal a photo, we're told.  Sree for stealing and lying. What was cut out?  What was that birdnoise for?  Was a President assassinated in the gap?  Was a moonlanding faked?  What? WHAT?

Sree: HalfWit because, well, you heard the ridiculousness of 'stuff' for yourself.  Siavash for his inappropriate language around 'sexual orientation activities' and 'bad language'.  You've been swearing all the time you multi-faced little beast!  You blasphemed as the credits rolled. He's also been leching like an alley cat.  Ok, Sree is now my most-hated housemate.

Angel and HalfWit (3rd week in row) are up.  Not a thrilling opposition. I reckon she might walk.

Mrs Madrigal

I love Lady Charlie and Queen Rodrigo.  Angel also looks better in Tudor garb.  Kurly Kris looks like a junior Spanish ambassador with urgent tidings to impart.  Hey nonny, nonny!

Davina has tricked me into watching the later live nomination show which I STILL don't get.  Will they seem one another nominate?  I want to see Sree--especially after Norin had such a go over stolen booze. I loathe all the scrabbling and stealing and not sharing.  My chickens are better at sharing (tonight they had a little dainty side plate of fish, chips and peas.  I also washed Violet's vent--it gets claggy as she's so fancy-feathered).

Loving Dogface's proper Fife accent: 'Dinna stress. It's aboot yoo noo.'

Angel 4 Noirin, but is Noirin 4 Angel?

I admit it, I've missed a couple of episodes, but what gave Angel the idea that Norin had the hots for her? I thought they only kissed for a dare.

Help me out here, is Angel deluded or does Norin go in for scrawny, raw-egg-chugging nudists?

Perhaps she's looking for the protection of a pro boxer to defend her from Sree's stalking and Wolverine's pawing?

What a pleasure it was to see Wolverine in stocks. If only he had been kept there for the rest of the series. We could have arranged some sort of class trip (a bus, Ten Green Bottles Hanging on The Wall, that sort of thing) out to Elstree to throw tomatoes at him en masse.

Live Bait

My strings are pulled and lo and behold I am excited about tonight's live nominations.  They HAVE to give a reason--HAVE to.  I predict a Sree meltdown, not so much when he hears what they think about him but when he has to present one face to all.  He's not so much multi-faceted or merely two-faced but properly sociopathic and the 'Do you like Indian boys?' ploy was just revolting.  He's more see-through than a newly fitted window (and not even double-glazed).

Most vexed that Wolverine (now with REAL wolf breath!) can nominate but, apparently not be nominated.  Charlie is freed from nominating because he'd fine it 'too hard'.  What next? 

Off to frolic in the garden with the Girls.  Shoreditch House opened their stunning new secret garden last night and I think the ladies would like it there.

The Morning After

Halfwit''s birthday is on the summer solstice (oddly so is my Dad's).  I wonder if being born on the longest day sends you slightly mad? All that sunlight.  Anyway, I finally got into the new series last night and managed to be micro-miffed when the show finished.  As ever, I love a party.

It was very chivalrous of Halfwit to free Soreen (as in 'Doreen's having her...') from her painted on face.  I think the party might actually boost his popularity in the house.  His Minnelli-Gest revolta-snogs with Angel were epic (am I  the only person who think's that Helene Bonham-Carter is trapped just beneath Angel's face and struggling to get out?).  

I note the amount of make-up Soreen then put on increased and she actually looked less pretty.  Speaking of pretty, the-blonde-that's-bedding-down-Curly-Haired Man (note: I am still having trouble with their names) is SO MUCH better as a brunette. Darker hair changed her whole complexion.  Rodrigo looked like a pretty 14 year old French exchange student called Agathe when he donned the long wig.  Very Dear Diary.  The Charlie/Curly Man faux hairdressing scenario was very touching indeed.  I don't like Siavash's hair style but I bet his actual hair is all soft and silky.  Obviously he was born to be a hippy. Oh, and Wolverine really is a sexist pig and I bet his dreary little house is bedecked with calendars (from years long gone) of naked pneumatic blondes astride oily motorbikes. MULLET!

Actually looking forward to tonight's show. Shame I won't be in.  For those desperate for a chicken update--Violet and Gerty both laid beautiful eggs this morning and are now merrily digging up all my spinach seedlings.

Halfwit Whole Man? You Decide: NSFW

Ok so it's not especially safe for work but as everyone has been talking about Angel's naked swim (SO SKINNY!) I thought I'd share full frontal Freddie:

Halfwit in the shower. View with caution.

Hot Gossip

Don't be afraid, this post has nothing to do with Bonnie Langford.  I was just catching up with post-hols FB status updates when out fell this gem from the lips of everyone's favourite Greek ex-housemate, Gerry Gerasimos Stergiopoulos.  I reproduce it here in full and accept no liability for the contents:

"Still hangover. Last night I took Glyn to Clapham's Two Brewers -my friendly local! Danced the 80ies, while 2drag-queens tried to molest Glyn! Hours of fun.. Ps. We met a costume designer called Mike - who claimed he had sex with Halfwit in Oxford. Always according 2 that boy, the action took place in an Oxford punt (gondola) & Freddie's manhood was extremelly dissapointing!"

Words are not enough and yet...

Halfwit lives to bore another day

See! Seeeeee! The bookies were right. People like Halfwit (or at least more than Cairon). How can this be? Another week of him. A. Whole. Long. Week.