The Top 10 silly sequel rumours of the year

The last couple of months have seen a rash of implausible, nay impossible film sequel news stories. Most have them have already been debunked, some remain in that mysterious Schrödinger’s Cat movie rumour state, and one has even been confirmed. Click on the titles to read the original implausible rumours, and marvel at the majesty that is Hollywood.

10: Blade Runner 2
Blade Runner, despite needless criticism from nitpickers like me pointing out that it doesn’t quite make sense, is one of the most revered science fiction movies of all time. The lush, beautifully detailed realisation of a future Earth set the standard for futuristic cinema with everything from Total Recall to Minority Report picking up on its vision of a monetized dystopia.

Bearing in mind that all of the principals either die or disappear by the end of the first film, and that Philip K Dick made no further reference to the characters in any of his numerous novels and stories , to come up with a sequel script would be a temerarious adventure indeed. That hasn’t stopped comparatively little-known scriptwriter Travis Wright from having a go.

9: Watchmen 2
Watchmen is another beloved sci-fi vision from the Eighties, this time in graphic novel format, which is set to become one of the biggest movies of 2009. The story is a standalone classic, which leaves one major character dead, two more in hiding, and two more retired from the superhero business. That’s not even counting The Comedian’s unscheduled base-jump on page one of the comic, the unfortunate end of Nite Owl 1, or the grim fates of the various other supporting characters.

Only the worst kind of fool would even think about sequelizing Alan Moore’s perfectly constructed superhero story arc. Which is why an un-named Hollywood suit has done just that. In an unguarded interview moment Patrick Wilson, who plays the relatively sane Nite Owl 2 in the film was quoted as saying:

“It’s all been talked about, financially, they like to do that”

Of all the ill-advised moneymaking ventures on this list, this is the only one that you can be certain will never, ever happen. If the idea ever got as far as script stage you can be sure Alan Moore would set fire to his beard and run amok on the Warner Brothers backlot with a cutlass.

See a new cut of the Watchmen trailer here

8: 300 2
Yet another movie based on a comprehensively closed narrative arc. Yet another movie where absolutely everybody dies. The sole difference between 300 and Watchmen though is that in the case of 300 creator Frank Miller is completely happy with the Hollywood method and knows which side his brioche is buttered. He’s said to be already working on a treatment in the same style as his Thermopylae epic that focuses on the Greek armies who fought at less the well-known, but equally bloody Battle of Plataea

7: 28 Months Later
At the end of Danny Boyle’s enthralling and much-imitated zombie reinvention 28 Days later everyone in the UK was almost certainly dead. At the end of the sequel, 28 Weeks later, lots of new people had been brought in and they were pretty much dead too. What might conceivably have happened in order to precipitate yet another round of fast-moving Rage virus horror is hard to imagine. Nevertheless, Boyle is doing his best to imagine it.

You can be assured though that whatever he comes up with, I’ll be there on day one with a ticket in my sweaty little hand.

6: Ghostbusters 3
The first Ghostbusters movie was originally planned as a picaresque transdimensional romp for Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi and a bunch of their pals,  mashing up their Blues Brothers success with the cosmic sensibilities of Dr.Strange.  Casting complications and the cold hand of financial realism constrained the action to New York, and the team to the fondly remembered lineup of Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray Harold Ramis, and (always at the back) Ernie Hudson. The film was a huge success, and both the sequel and the spinoff animated series are a key part of every thirtysomething’s childhood.

Why now, after a twenty year layoff, we’re looking down the barrel of the Proton Packs once more is anybody’s guess. But as long as Bill Murray gets the script compromises he’s after, we’ll probably be crossing the streams again in 2010.

5: Under Siege 3
You’ve got to love Steven Segal. Ploughing the same stolid action-hero furrow that Arnie, Sly and even Jean-Claude gave up years ago – when the star performers were off making movies with kids, movies with songs, and movies with pet rabbits the Michigan Mumbler has continued to dispatch an endless parade of goons with his peculiarly flatfooted brand of martial arts.

Now he’s talking about a return to the Happy Shopper Die Hard franchise  that made his name – Under Siege – but this time he’s going to mix it up a little by introducing some rapacious extraterrestrials into the mix. Remember Predator? Steve does.

4: I am Legend 2
The first half of Will Smith’s remake of a remake of a Richard Matheson adaptation was a terrific high concept end of the world tale that took a lot of inspiration from the original 28 Days later. The second half was an unconvincingly CGI’d high speed zombie siege caper that echoed inferior survival horror jobs like Resident Evil and only really made the grade because of Will Smith’s limitless charm.

Given that Smith’s character dies and passes into legend at the end of the first film though, the only way forward in this franchise is a prequel. A prequel that will probably take the form of an extended biology lesson with Will fooling around with test-tubes and the like while the audience yawns and picks out people who are definitely going to die (because we saw that in the first film) and people (and dogs) who are definitely going to survive, thereby deflating any dramatic tension. I’m not sure even Big Willie’s easy grin is going to get him out of that one.

3: Goonies 2
Like Ghostbusters, The Goonies appealed to an audience who are now adults, perhaps with kids of their own, and are expected to have enough disposable income to finance the odd guilty pleasure dip into the entertainment experiences of their youth. The comparatively modest showing for Lost Boys 2 (although there's already talk of Lost Boys 3!) suggests that, especially in these Credit Crunch times, those thirtysomethings are going to need a little more than a reminder of their schooldays to lure them into the cinemas and DVD shops.

Still the talk continues, as it has done for close on a decade, that the Goonies will be back.

2: Cloverfield 2
They destroyed New York, they killed the creature, what’s left to say?  There’s reputedly a sequel on the cards though, it reputedly has an even more incomprehensible title than Cloverfield, and it’ll probably provide the same high quality of brain-in-neutral popcorn-munching entertainment.

1: The Wicker Man 2
And you thought you’d heard it all. Demonstrating that any wildly implausible thing that American producers can do, British suits can duplicate: we’re going back to Summerisle, where the natives are friendly and an ignorance of The Golden Bough can be fatal.

Comments

[prjindigo]

A wickerman 2 would be the third remake of the series, the second is Spellbinder from 1988.

[CdeLeo]

I'm looking forward to the sequel to Oliver Stone's movie W.
I believe the working title is W-2.

[Michael]

Not WW3?

[Action fan]

Where's Die Hard 5 ?

[Big Ger]

Please! The Wickerman is a classic, which, if allowed to fall into Yank hands will become an abomination!!

[HTrivedi]

First of all with regard to Cloverfield, it's not clear at the end of the picture that the monster has been destroyed. In fact the audio sequence at the end states 'It's still alive'.

Secondly how exactly does Blade Runner not make sense? Maybe not the original screen release but subsequent release's such as the Director's cut make total sense.

Thirdly with 28 Weeks Later it's totally clear what will bring the next stage as you see Rage infected individuals rampaging through Paris. The virus has spread from isolation in the UK to Europe. Not that hard to follow is it?

Finally I Am Legend is a hideous travesty using Richard Matheson's title. As he himself asked, "why do they want to use the name and throw away the story"?

[HarshButFair]

More tosh for the multiplex masses.

Hasn't anyone in Hollywood got an original idea these days?

[Jack Kirkwood]

Jeter was commisioned by Dick's family and wrote several book that linked the discrepancies between the original book and the movie, Blade Runner, making things easier to understand. Deckard has taken Rachel (android) to a safe place away from the city and goes back to find a way to save her. He finds that Rachel is a replicant of Tyrell's daughter and he falls for the daughter. Shame you haven't bothered to investigate your story!!

[HTrivedi]

Michael, thanks for posting my initial comments. All a bit geeky I admit but that's one of the joys of films, no?

Out of all the ones you've listed I reckon only Ghostbusters 3 and Cloverfield 2 would be worth a shot. Also can they please stop tormenting Alan Moore, let's hope next year's Watchmen doesn't confirm his dismal opinion of Hollywood.

Another good list is 10 stupidest remakes, where Hollywood desperately tries to either f*ck up perfectly good originals or tries to take some old crap and make it fresh and tasty. Planet of the Apes (Tim Burton, shame on you!) and Death Race are good examples of each type.

[onlyonet]

Ghostbusters 3 was meant to be a videogame using the voices and likenesses of the original cast as a continuation of the series. Alas with a Vivendi & Activision merge it appears it's now consigned to the dustbin

[John Newbury]

I am waiting for Groundhog Day 2 !

[Mark Cremona]

you forgot turkish in 'Transporter 3' on its way....

[Steve Gale]

I'd like to see a Thing 2. But I'd like to see them try and make a sequel to a film that would be titled "The Earth gets Vapourised, Space Travel isn't advanced enough to escape, and Time Travel doesn't Exist!" I imagine it would be quit a short film as well!

[Akira]

@ Big Ger:

It already fell in their hands:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450345/

Nicolas Cage in the starring role.

[William McIlhagga]

Someone should do a biopic of Desmond Tutu. Then the sequel could be called Tutu 2.

[Derek Smith]

How about Titanic 2 where a fissure opens up under the carcase taking hundreds of divers down with it? Or, perhaps, E-day, 7th June? Even The Longest Day since the previous Longest Day? And on the subject of days, how about Anne of 143 Weeks? Zulu Brunch-time has a lot of possibilities as do 1985, The Peace Negotiations of the Worlds and that old classic, Sunday Morning ME. And talking of classics, you would just have to go and see The Ghost and Mrs Muir's Ghost.

[Bill Peter]

For those of you who have had the misfortune to see Bloodrayne 2, apparently there's a Bloodrayne 3 on the way. Bram Stoker has a lot to answer for.

[Bill Peter]

To BIG GER; It did, and was.

[David]

If you don't get "Bladerunner", you have no right to pontificate on the movie business.

[JOHN WILSON]

shrek 4 is a must. i need it to keep my mental nieces quiet when on babysittin duties. Personally, i'd like to see a sequel to 'Descent.'..one of the best horror moves ever.

[Saty]

I've been trying to tout my idea for a sequel to Independence Day for some time, its called Thanksgiving Day, a spacecraft lands in the US, its inhabitants are slowly dying but are cared for by the locals and brought back to health, for this genorosity more aliens are summoned and they decimate the local population with superior technology (Will Smith literally gets the smug smile wiped off his face by an even smugger alien) and let the few survivors settle in hostile areas of the country. For some reason I just can't get the Hollywood studios interested in it.

[James]

Cloverfield 2 is going to be set during the same time as cloverfield events but from a different groups perspective.

Its not taking place after the events of the original but at the same time. Which would give another account of what happened on the day the monster attacked

[asif]

The comment "shrek 4 is a must" is very true.
See this announcement of SHREK 4 & 5!

http://www.slashfilm.com/2007/05/30/shrek-4-and-shrek-5-announced/

[Jarrad]

There is a sequel to The Descent in the works but it follows on from the American "and with one leap she was free" ending which ruins the film.

[Geo]

I have loathed movie accountants and money men for what they did to alien3.

[MovieFan]

GEO:I loathe them more for Alien:Resurrection. This is the only thing I can hate Joss Whedon for.

[El Minko]

Big ger - don't mean to upset you but 'the yanks' already have got their hands on the wicker man, and made it as bad as they possibly could and then cast nick cage too just to rub salt in.

[Mark]

I'm really not surprised that "Blade Runner", "Total Recall" and "Minority Report" all had a similar feel. All three of them were based on short stories by Philip K Dick...

[Gemma Sharkey]

Has no one seen the glorious remake that is The Wickerman starring the almighty Nicholas Cage? He bumbles his way through this non-sensical drivel, desperately trying to lend kudos. He fails. Miserably. And makes a right prat of himself in the process!
If you don't believe me, get ready to weep: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo

[Al]

"The lush, beautifully detailed realisation of a future Earth set the standard for futuristic cinema with everything from Total Recall to Minority Report picking up on its vision of a monetized dystopia."

Or, if he had done his research, it would actually be because all three movies are based on Philip K Dick Novels or short stories.

[Michael Moran]

I deliberately chose - of all the dozens of sci-fi movies that derived their style from Blade Runner, three Dick adaptations: My point was that the 'look' of Blade Runner was pure Syd Mead - there's no hint of cyberpunk design in the books - and it was that influence that has prevailed rather than any hint of Dick's singular vision

[Mike]

yeah.. Sin City 2:) but the funniest thing would be Godfather IV or sth like Apocalypse Later:)

[Keble]

What? No Oliver Twist II or All's Quiet on the Western Front II? What in Heaven's name is going on within the creative minds of Hollywood?

[GJB]

Under Seige was brilliant but Steven Seagal is now too old and fat to give a credible performance.
Unless he incorporates his Zimmer frame in his martial arts.
He could do a sequel - 'Death Wish OAP' on the streets of London.
HE'S BACK - HE'S MEAN -
HE'S JUST COLLECTED HIS PENSION

[James McCormick]

@ John Newbury

It would be exactly the same as the first!

[Bruno]

The Seventh Sense?

[Jawsphobia]

Ghostbusters 3 and The Goonies 2 are viable and interesting projects. Bill Murry is not looking for script "compromises" either, much less a misspelled variation of the word as written in the article. Murray, like the rest of the team, surely want th best possible movie. He has been frank about special effects taking over what had been planned for the second film. Michael Moran could stand some fact-checking. He says silly sequel rumours and then goes on to list mostly projects that are not rumours ar all.

There is a Blade Runner II book called The Edge of Human, and video games that extend the scenario. But it would be a waste without Harrison Ford and frankly Rick Deckard is no Indy.

[Travis White]

"The first half of Will Smith’s remake of a remake of a Richard Matheson adaptation... took a lot of inspiration from the original 28 Days later."

Wow, that's a nice way of putting it.

[Nefertare]

Has anyone else heard the rumour about TopGun 2?! Surely that would be worse than any of the above?

[klaatu]

A better movie writer might have warned that this column contains brutal spoilers to several movies. While you might be safe in assuming most people have seen Blade Runner, I am Legend was pretty recent, so it's just totally obnoxious to tell everyone that Will Smith's character dies. Nice work.

[Tristan]

The noly one on the list that I think has any potential is Cloverfield 2, as long as it told the same story but from another view point, that would be clever and interesting IMO

[Jerry]

This is not about remakes but ...
I've got a Great Idea for a Movie .... :)

It's about a Director who really messes up every movie he makes .... and he tries SOOO desperately to make his carrier work

The Title Will Be ....

I Suck ..... The Uwe Boll Story

How About It ..... Isn't it a great idea for a movie .....

Listen to me .... it's gonna be a box office HIT

HIT I TELL YOU

[Kevin L.]

@keble:
See "The Further Adventures of Oliver Twist" (1980) (http://us.imdb.com/title/tt0397791/).

I can also recall an animated, made-for-TV sequel, but I can't find a refernce for it.

[SamuraiFunky]

What? Has no-one mooted, "The Man in the Even Whiter Suit" or "Yet Another Bridge Too Far Over the River Kwai". Perhaps I should start call Jean-Pierre Jeunet to discuss my screenplay sequel, "Delicatessen, Bar & Grill..."

PS. Shouldn't the "I am Legend" follow up be called "I am Myth"?

[MaxPower]

What about Passion of the Christ 2: The Ascension....

Or Amadeus 2: The birth of Falco....

[dayengine]

How about Schindler's List 2: Schindler's Pissed! Jewish sympathizer Schindler loads up with enough firepower to take out Berlin...and does just that! Best movie sequel ever.

[Eli]

Hoping for another Godzilla movie or a reboot of the franchise.

[Sith1138]

with all due respect to you posters out there, i've got one that trumps everything i've read here...

Battlefield Earth 2

enough said.

[CoinToss]

I disagree with the "silly sequal" description of Cloverfield 2. We don't know if the monster was killed. We don't know anything about it. I would love it if they made a second movie from a different perspective! I think any fan of Cloverfield would feel the same.

[guest]

Cowboys for Christ is not a sequel or a remake of the Wicker Man. I can't believe this article went to press without so much as a Google for fact checking. Shoddy workmanship, fellahs....

[Marty Ferguson]

Yes!!! I can post comments on this site!
1. I have the novel 'I AM LEGEND' so I'm not really interested in seeing the movie and, for the record, this is NOT an original based on the book. 'THE LAST MAN ON EARTH' with Vincent Price and 'THE OMEGA MAN' with Charleton Heston were BOTH based on that same novel. So, we're talking about a remake of a remake of a remake.

Steve, 'THE THING 2' has already been made: it was released as a VIDEO GAME a few years ago. I don't know what its fate has been since then, though.

'THE WICKER MAN': Is there an American who's old enough to even REMEMBER the original movie which was released in the seventies?

But the sequel(s) that I would love to see made are from the late Douglas Adams' HITCHHIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY. I want to see ALL of them made.

My biggest beef is with MGM. Arthur C. Clarke and Stanley Kubrick (rest their souls) and Peter Hyams did a great job with 2001 and 2010. SO WHY NOT FINISH THE SERIES??! 2061: ODYSSEY 3 and 3001:THE FINAL ODYSSEY.

Finally, It doesn't matter HOW MANY SEQUELS they make (and alternate concepts they come up with), the original (and thank God) ALIEN will always and only be the best!! I don't even own the others. Look at the timeline between the first and AVP:REQUIEM.

'NUFF SAID!!

[Mario Diaz]

Hey,everyone!I'm from Argentina and this is my top ten:
10-The Still Fearless Vampire Killers:Bloodbath In Europe. After all,they 're not after Polansky anymore,are they?
9-Ace Ventura 3:PI's Back!Not talking about intelligence,of course. Just Jimmy C tryin' to relive his career...
8-Deuce Bigalow:Asian Gigolo,Robbie taking over another continent...and trying to become a bollywood legend!
7-Hot Shots 3. Now, Charlie's gonna get rid of Osama...
6-The Phantom Of The Opera 2. Kicked out from the NO Elm Street factory, Robert Englund invokes the dark side powers to victoriously? return...
5-Dangerous Minds 2. A bunch of wanna-be writers try to find ideas for new sequels by logging on to timesonline.typepad.com!!!!!!!
4-7x2. Brad Pitt shows us how he also lost his head...
3-Dead Poets Society 2. Helped by his star consultant,JC,Robin tries to raise his career from the dead,too! Nenu nenu...
2-Check this one out! ALIEN VS. HUNTER 2. Can you imagine anything worst? I don't think anyone can...
1-And last but not least, Wall Street 2. As Charlie & dad would refuse to be part of it, just Michael Douglas would be back as Gordon Gekko, a former Wall Street wiz just taken out of jail by some desperate Mc Cain followers trying to save whatever they can from the Titanic-like crash coming on the next election day!!!!!!!

In the behind the scenes of Cloverfield they talked about the monster actually being just a lost baby... Cloverfield 2 could include mama

[Tony V]

Cowboys for Christ not a remake? Yes it is!

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0323808/

Well, they're calling it a 're-imagining' but if that's not a remake I dont know what else it is!!

[Seven Pounds movie]

Well, if all of these people get their wish for a Cloverfield sequel, I just hope they use at least TWO cameras this time. lol

About Will Smith:

If I Am Legend has a sequel, I would just expect it to be about other survivors from during the spread of the virus, or about the people we see at the end of the first film in the fort/camp. I really cant see will Smith wanting to do any more with that story.

I would not be surprised to hear about a Hancock sequel at some point - not that we would really need one.

[RichM]

When is someone going to do a proper homage-laden sequel to Aliens? No one gives a dead rat's @ss about Cloverfield, The Wickerman or any of the other sludge you mention above.

[Dr. Awesome]

Actually, a sequel to Cloverfield is completely plausible. Did you notice at the end credits where it said "Property of United States Government" on the film? So, obviously some people survived, and it was never 100% for sure the monster died (but probably likely, we hope for the sanity of film audiences). Anyways, there was the whole "Slusho" or whatever was campaign before the movie that was never tied in, so you can probably put your money on the fact there will be one if not more sequels to be put into this new monster.