Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen - The Buzz review

Of the three big blockbuster movies currently competing for box office supremacy, Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen has the least to prove. Terminator Salvation was always in danger of being overshadowed by the two terrific James Cameron movies that launched the franchise. X-Men Origins: Wolverine was somewhat hemmed in by the well-established backstory of the X-Men mythos both in movies and comics, rather limiting which characters could be used in the film.

For his second Transformers movie, all Michael Bay had to do would be call up his friends at the Pentagon and then film whichever choice pieces of cutting-weaponry they decided to lend him. It would inevitably look fantastic, and be full of pretty tanks and aircraft carriers.

Bay doesn’t really dip into the Pentagon’s toybox until the climactic battle that dominates the third act of the film. Before that, although we are treated to a few of the wildly kinetic action sequences that Bay is known for, there’s a good deal of setup about a mysterious MacGuffin that’s lodged in Shia LeBoeuf’s head and a surprising amount of broad humour that recalls the sillier moments of Gremlins.

Megan Fox isn’t given much to do apart from run around looking impossibly lovely and to make sure that her mascara doesn’t run, no matter how many titanic robot battles and vehicle crashes she’s involved in, and no matter how many tiny cybertronic puppies hump her leg. Hardly any of the human characters are important really, this film belongs to the Transformers.

Remember last time you were in the company of a small boy who sat on a rug growling soft imprecations to himself and smashing two action figures (or perhaps toy cars) together? That’s Transformers 2. Except on a bigger budget.

For a big budget sci-fi blockbuster it has a surprisingly coherent narrative, albeit one that seems pitched firmly at 8-year-old boys.

8 year old boys will probably be able to follow the rapid-fire fight sequences between a variety of often hard-to-differentiate giant robots.  When they're shopping for Transformers toys they'll have lots of choice: There’s a funny cockney robot, two jive-talking robot twins, and a number of other new Decepticons and Autobots including a comedy relief ice cream van.

Shia goes off to a special university attended only by amusing comedy foils and unbelievably hot women, but because we are all, for the duration of the film, 8-year-old boys sex is completely off the menu. Even with the very comely female Terminator thing that could quite easily have pulled off the Decepticon plan on her own.

There are a few amusing moments with Shia’s mum and his dad who is not Ray Winstone. Some characters die, but only for a little while. All the Bay trademarks are there, the slow walk, the catalogue of incredible military hardware, the women with short skirts and long, honey-coloured legs. If you liked Transformers, as I did, then you’ll almost certainly like the followup.

I quite enjoyed it, and I’m glad I’ve seen it. But I’m unlikely to ever want to see it again.