Spiders in London

It is 2:45 am and I have a situation. About 3 hours ago, I spotted a spider in the bedroom. I was just about to get into bed when I saw it climbing up the wall. My initial reaction was to feel grateful that I had not yet turned out the light. What if I hadn't known it was there? Thankfully, I saw it. I stood on the bed and panicked. All sorts of things went through my head.

First – the article I read in the tabloids about the invisible spider – highly poisonous - that came in a bunch of bananas and bit a woman – or was it a man – it bit someone. And they nearly died.
.
Second – I thought of a friend of mine who years ago was bitten by a brown recluse spider while she slept and then nearly lost her leg.

Third – I thought of how I could never go on I’m A Celebrity - even though I’m not a celebrity and would never be asked, it didn’t matter – the point was there are spiders in the jungle. Loads of them.
I felt a surge of admiration for all those celebrities. Even though I couldn't remember who they were.

At this point, I’m standing on the bed wondering who to call and what to do. It was too late to call a friend and, who would I call anyway? Liza in New York? She's got her own problems with mice. This is what a husband is for. I’m fine most of the time on my own but I really just need someone to deal with things like spiders in the bedroom late at night.

Someone needs to come up with a 24-hour hotline to call for Emergency spider, bug, and vermin situations.

Just then, as I’m thinking of all this…I can see that the spider has moved to the ceiling and is now sliding down. At least I think it’s the same spider. I watch as it slides - not so slowly either - inches away from where I had just been standing. It was like a horror movie.
If I hadn't moved it would have landed on me.

So now I’ll be up all night because there is no way I can go to sleep. Who can sleep with a spider in the room? It could crawl up my leg or into my ear.

I decided since I’m up all night anyway to go on the web and I googled: “Spiders in London.”
BAD IDEA. I’d thought it might be reassuring if I could spot the spider and see that it wasn’t deadly. But I hadn’t counted on all the close-up photos of all the spiders. Then, under the heading “UK Spider Bites” it said: It may come as a surprise that a dozen or more spider species resident in the UK are capable of.…
I couldn’t bring myself to click and find out the rest of that sentence.

Now it’s 3:30 am. I keep looking up at the ceiling every 5 minutes making sure there aren’t any spiders descending. This spider wasn’t tiny either. It had long longs that looked very…spidery. And, it’s still alive. Only now I don’t know where it’s gone. It could be in my boot, waiting to bite my toe.

I don’t know what to do. There are other people out there who have been in this situation, I’m sure. What happened? What did you do? Are you still alive?

Comments

[mike]

I feel only one solution comes to mind. Move out immediately. Put the house up for sale, and don't mention the spider!

[Beth]

i find a well-aimed shoe/half brick can do the trick for a single woman about town. for spiders as well as men.

[Annie]

Ariel, you have to write horror... My skin is crawling after reading about your spider night. Now you're not the only one who can't sleep. Yeeeeuck!

[Sue Atkinson]

One word... Dustbuster.

[Brian]

What are the boots like?

[William]

It isn't just women that suffer from arachnophobia, some of us tough blokes do too. And not just spiders, anything with more than four legs in my opinion must be exterminated.
A spider once held me and my then girlfriend to ransom for two hours in our tiny apartment before I got suited up in my overalls, put on my best big boots for stomping on it and then brought out the long nozzled vacuum cleaner to suck the blighter up with. A very scary job it was too and it took a good while to calm down from the trauma after.
Recently, a very pretty friend of mine phoned me in panic to describe in detail how a spider was now holding her to ransom too.
After listening on the phone for over two hours to every detail of it's movement and how it was mercilessly taunting my yummy blond friend, my testosterone finally kicked in and I drove 17 miles at 2am to her house to rescue her.
I instructed the distressed damsel to leave the room and I preceeded to extend my spider sucker device (her long-nozzled vacuum cleaner).
After a fair few false starts, a few mini-screams (from me) and many shivers, the fearsome arachnid was sucked to it's doom and I left that house that morning a hero!
(Yes, it was still inside the vacuum, but I was gone, triumphantly into the night. Onwards the conquering hero)
Give me a ring if you're in dire straights in the future.

[Ariel]

Leaving the spider in the vacume cleaner? What kind of hero is that? It will wait a few minutes and then when no one's looking, crawl out of the nozzle. The only thing worse than a spider is an angry spider who's just escaped and is out for revenge...

[Juho]

I have to say I'm a bit sceptical about using a vacuum cleaner in a killing capacity. If I haven't been able to swat a pesky fly, I've brought forth the Hoover. However, once the little blighter is inside the dust bag, it won't die. What it will do is crawl back outside during the night. I imagine the same can apply to our eight-legged f(r)iends.

I once encountered an angry spider hell-bent on revenge

[Lozza]

I used to catch spiders and keep them in an Evian bottle. Sometimes I'd even have two or three in a bottle and wound them up to fight each other. And when I get bored with it, would I just chuck the bottle in the recyling bin.

[Julie]

From one arachnophobe to another.... here is the answer to all your prayers http://www.hammacher.com/publish/73620.asp?promo=outdoorliving

It not only sucks those dreadful creatures in, it finishes them off!

[Jalen]

the easiest way to get a spider out is let it either crawl onto or drop into your hand. usually the first thing they do is crawl to the other side and start to head for the floor. At this point you play yoyo with them by constantly pulling up the spider silk slack and he doesnt make it to the floor until you are outside. If they dont do that they will stay on your hand until you can get outside. and then no more spider and he wont come back for revenge he will just regard you a little huffily. ;D

A spider once regarded me a little huffily too.
This was the pre-cursor to my 'encounter with spider hell bent on revenge' story.

Jalen is much, much more heroic than William. Or a liar.

[Paul]

Spider,spider,in the night,
Upon the ceiling,without light,
I wish it wern't,
I wish I might,
Be rid of it without a fight.

[Brian]

Pete, you rascal.

[Jalen]

once you have had a tarantula as a pet and let it crawl around on you, house spiders look really tame. once i had this little fuzzy spider on my hand and he crawled to the tip of one finger and stuck his butt in the air and then just as i was trying to figure out what the hell he was doing he flew off on the wind.

Jalen,
you may be the first human being to have witnessed fart propelled flight.
I imagine the little fuzzy spider had been made aware of your affinity with all things arachnid and thus felt comfortable enough to share his secret talent.

Brian,
I'm sure I wouldn't know what you're talking about ;)

[Dragon]

I read somewhere once that people swallow an average of eleven spiders in their sleep in their lifetime.

ewwwwwww!

[Kelly]

I once had a similar situation. One night, I ended up going to my bed much later than usual. By the time I got through to my bedroom, there on my pillow, was a huge spider. What freaked me out the most was that had I gone to my bed at the usual time, this little monster would have been breakdancing on my face (and perhaps performed a head spin on my lips) while I was sleeping. The thought of this happening gives me panic attacks. I have become braver of late when despatching spiders. I used to use sellotape (big strip onto spiders back)but I realised that such cruelty would come back and bite me someday. I now use a huge wine glass and piece of card. The glass is long enough to ensure the spider cant crawl out. The glass can be re-used time and again and even served up to those who irritate you. Or try this, its similar to what someone else mentioned but cheaper.
http://www.lakeland.co.uk/product.aspx/!20455?src=ga071

[Alexandra]

I dreamt last night that I gigantic spider crawled across me as I slept. I woke up and spent 20 minutes checking my bed and the objects around it (including my shoes) for said spider. Now I remember it, I can't think why I though it was real. I also dreamed about being pregant with Stephen Fry as the midwife and that sure as hell didn't wake me up.