My New Hobby

First, a google alert update: every alert I’ve gotten so far is for something that's appeared on the timesonline site. I already know my name will appear there. And, why am I being alerted to something that’s been on the web for ages? That’s it. Time to move on.

This past week I bought a paper shredder. Since the bank fraud incident, I’ve become even more paranoid. I didn’t think that was possible. But it is.

I’ve been shredding everything. It started with bank statements, phone bills, etc and when those were gone, I moved to junk mail and catalogues. The sound of the metal slicing the paper was so satisfying. Hearing something instantly destroyed. I couldn’t stop.

I was shredding a credit card statement when the phone rang. "Can't talk. Shredding."

I had to shred all the time. But sadly, mail only comes once a day. So I was shredding anything I could find. Thai food delivery menus? Shredded. Old photographs of ex boyfriends? Shredded. I nearly shredded my birth certificate which I thought would be kind of symbolic.

I predict in the future there will be someone on Oprah hyping Shred Therapy. People will write down their fears and unpleasant memories on flash cards, shred them, and heal.

Yesterday I was handed a flyer on the street and I held on to it and brought it home just to shred. That can't be good.

Comments

[Woman Being]

I wouldn't worry yet, when you start shredding your grocery reciepts you can start worrying.You haven't started shredding the grocery reciepts have you?

[Annie]

You've got me rushing out to buy a shredder...you make the whole shredding process sound so satisfying and therapeutic. Don't just shed the ex, shred him! Seeing red?, time to shred! You've invented a whole new fix-anything, self-help trend.

[Rachel Reese]

It’s such a weird world we live in. Before the and during the 1970's we lived in communities where people cared and trusted each other. During the 1980's, the phase "Greed is good" was coined. People stopped living in communities and migrated to where the lucrative work was; communication was at a minimum.

Then came the internet and this started to bring us all together again, making the world smaller, we began to share things about our selves on line, we started to build online communities.

However, in the 21st century, we are told not to share anything on line, people are stealing our identities and bank details etc. We are encouraged to shred everything...... shred, shred, shred, like the office of a general before the enemy bangs on the door.

I recently cancelled my subscription to several on line blog / dating sites. I further started to shred all my old bank statements, also cash till receipts and even the envelopes that my bills came in!

Are we becoming less communicative again and more suspicious of each other. My shredding machine would not argue!

[Paul]

I know the days are getting lighter now and that a new seasons is in the air,but this new activity sounds suspiously like displaced spring cleaning to me.For most people this means a bit of dedicated hovering,a light dusting and fresh air but in your case it seems that only eradicating all evidence of a past life will do. It's what you do with the shredded remains that is more interesting and potentially dangerous activity.You can start lovely fires with that stuff or put it to more peaceful uses in the bottom of the rabbit and guinea pig hutches.Be carefull though as you may accidentally turn the kids pets all the inky shades under the sun.However your shreddies sound a bit to toxic for pet bedding,having such a high percentage of ex boyfriend photos in them.I would only become truely worried for you if you start getting a wistfull look in your eye when looking through the DIY catalogues.My,my those big garden chippers can get through just about anything.Including soft drapes and furniture.

[Brett]

Shredding is not full obliteration. If you have a fireplace, then you know true relief.

[Frankland Macdonald Wood]

May I suggest that you type out the word gotten a few dozen times and then shred the result in the hope that you never use it again.

[Kelly]

Frankland, Frankland, Frankland.
'Gotten' is perfectly acceptable nowadays, innit?

[William (Big Ariel Fan)]

Shredding! Aaaaaaah, sooooo satisfying. BUT, I suspect you may be only at level 1 (Leve 1?) and your shreds appear as long strands.
Professional shredders know the joys of the cross-cut shred which leaves your shredded items as confetti!
Go on...buy one...you know you want to.

[tom walker]

I think that is absolutely wonderful, hilarious and understandable.
If anything it's about taking back the power from the junk mail companies, homeworking-encouraging bosses and the like.
A few years ago I had a physical giant of a boss who got his boss caught in the shredder...there was no way (even on pain of sacking) that any of us could let that slide. Wonderful thing shredders.
Keep on Shredding!

[Jalen]

can your shredder handle cds??

that is a whole other level and they break into pieces like glass, that shatters into squares.

its more like crunching than shredding!! Much more satisfying and much more interesting material in the end. makes me think of information being the next great waste product instead of things.

;D

[dr venables preller]

Unless you have an industrial model, you're limited to about four sheets of paper a time. If it jams, turn off and pull through by hand.

tagliatelle is possible, if the mix is right. (not suitable for cross cut models)

the paper shred can be used for packing delicate items such as glass crystal or porcelain.

[mike]

yeah, infact google is the best way or site to find out something and as you said that you have find to much things and you bought a shredder paper and what happened with next.

[Max]

Thinking about buying a paper shredder to destroy sensitive documents in order to prevent identity theft? Do you already have a paper shredder in your home or office? There’s no doubt that paper shredders are mighty useful devices, but they warrant a big caution. If you have kids or pets, an article in the current edition of Pediatrics brings a frightening trend to light…

[Max]

Very good hobby you are selected.

[Mac keth]

For most people this means a bit of dedicated hovering,a light dusting and fresh air but in your case it seems that only eradicating all evidence of a past life will do.