Men Should Never...

People ask me all time what I think makes a man attractive. I can’t say. But I can say what makes a man not attractive.

Last night I was in a restaurant waiting for my friend to arrive. While I was waiting, I decided to scrutinize all the men in the room and note the most unappealing moves. There were the obvious ones: using a Blackberry, nose-picking, taking a call, etc. But there were also some lesser known moves.

If the goal is to be sexy, here is a list of things a man should never to do in a restaurant:

Licking your fingers.

A handsome man in a suit was licking his fingers after devouring a piece of shrimp tempura. Is this really necessary? That’s why God invented a napkin. Unless you’re at a Bar-B-Q, there’s no reason to lick your fingers. And even at a Bar-B-Q, if you’re over the age of ten, it’s questionable.

Using a breadstick to emphasize your point

Batting the air with a breadstick does not enhance your masculinity. Neither does pretending you’re a conductor and waving it in front of an invisible orchestra while you speak. No one should require a breadstick to communicate with authority. This also applies to a chopstick.

Reading the menu out loud

There was a couple on a date and the man was shouting the menu across the table even though the woman he was with was neither deaf, nor four. She was looking down, reading it for herself. He wasn’t suggesting things either or making comments along the way. He was simply reciting it to her. And because she was British, she was too polite to tell him to stop. Nothing is less attractive than a man yelling: “Shi-tacky mushrooms”

Admiring oneself in the mirror

There was a long mirror on the wall behind the banquette and men were seated facing it. Most of them were doing a good job of discreetly glimpsing every now and again. But one man in particular was clearly struggling with having to look at his date. The only thing less attractive then a man looking in the mirror while at dinner is a man looking in the mirror at another woman who’s just walked in.

Gargling the wine

Chipmunk cheeks are not sexy. Swishing liquid around in your mouth is not an attractive move. If we’re married and you’re in front of the bathroom sink with a mouthful of Listerine, naked, it’s cute. If you’re in a restaurant, gargling the first taste of wine it’s not cute. It’s annoying. You can taste it without swishing it. Take a sip like a normal person.

Slurping

If you’ve ordered a drink that comes with a straw, there is no reason to for anyone to hear you consume those last few sips. Let them go. Or, order a new drink and start over. There is no woman who will find this attractive, Unless she’s looking for Homer Simpson.