What difference does "good" parenting make to kids? Not much

Magnus Linklater in his column this week referred to an article by Judith Rich Harris in Prospect magazine. She is a truly original thinker who in her books, The Nurture Assumption and No Two Alike, has turned the prevailing wisdom about how children develop their personalities on its head.

Crudely put, she doesn't believe that parents, other than through the genes they endow their offspring with, have that much effect on their child's character and personality.

Whether the home is headed by one parent or two, whether the parents are happily married or constantly rowing, whether they believe in pushing their children to succeed or leaving them to find their own way in life, whether the home is filled with books or sports equipment, whether it is orderly or messy, a city flat or a farmhouse—the research shows, counterintuitively, that none of these things makes much difference. The child who grows up in the orderly, well-run home is, on average, no more conscientious as an adult than the one who grows up in the messy one. Or rather, he or she will be more conscientious only to the extent that this characteristic is inherited.

Her argument is compelling. It should cheer up parents that their ability to f*** up their children is pretty limited (the screwing up can be left to their peer group). Therapists wouldn't like it if her thesis became the prevailing wisdom; it's easy for them to coin money from saps who want to blame their own unhappiness and failings on Mum and Dad.

Robbie Millen   

Comments

[William]

There's one caveat to her idea, which otherwise is hard to fault. Peers influence children, but parents have some influence over who the child's peers are. (Harris makes this point in her book, but it's left out of any public discussion, probably because it is nakedly snobbish, even if true).

[jason]

That would explain why so many kids raised on welfare grow up to get good jobs and have successful careers, eh? Right, doesn't happen. Don't be fooled by this leftist garbage. Parents have a profound influence on what type of adult a child becomes. Parents and families are very important in the devlopment of a child into a functioning, contributing member of society.

[Neil Murphy]

take it to its logical extension and you are denying there is free will, we are merely a collection of genes and do what they tells us. Ultimately all crime will be shown to be a product of our genes and no one has any ability to control themseleves or make choices. Everything is pre-destined. It's rubbish.

[MOIYA]

Fantastic - always knew this to be true. I have a sister and a brother - same gene pool, same upbringing etc. Look v much alike. That's where it stops. So unlike me in EVERY way.

[Eddie Keane]

After 30 years teaching in deprived areas of Australian cities there is no doubt that the influence of parents is critical to childrens academic success and socila development.
Far too many children from one parent and blended families often miss out both socially and emotionally on the contribution of the absent parent and this absence of either parent can lead to deliquent and anti-social behaviour.
The consequences for all-parents,children and schools and society can be far reaching and disturbing.
Wherever possible the parents of children must accept their responsibilities when it comes to raising their children and not leave it to schools and society to 'sort it all out'.
The current increases in juvenile delinquency and juvenile crime are a result of parents abdicating their responsibilities.
Nature and Nurture are very complementary in this instance

[John F. Rogers]

For the record, I think Ms. Harris is incorrect, but when one extends her argument a little further, I doubt even she would agree with it.

Blacks in the US are more likely to commit crime, drop out of school and become addicted to drugs than whites.

I expect this is because they are often from broken homes.

Ms. Harris would say it was all in their genes. Blacks clearly possess inferior genetic material.

Right, Ms. Harris?

Funny, when Hitler said such things he was denounced as a silly racist.

[Michael Korns]

I think some of you are missing the entire point of this very interesting book - the fact that we are profoundly influenced by our enviroments outside of our family. Its not nature vs. nuture at all....its home enviroment vs. external enviroment, with external enviroment almost always winning. Saying that kids from poor areas are unlikely to do as well as kids from wealthy area's actually does nothing to prove the power of parents. In fact, one depressing finding of Harris's work is that good parenting does very little to improve the odds of kids turning out well when they live in a negative enviroment. As previously pointed out, parents can influence children in two ways, with their genes (which makes up about 50% of personality) and by trying to influence who the child will socialize with (neighborhood and school are the biggest factors there.)

[jerym eedy]

It obviously depends on what is meant by "good parenting"

[Kim Domnick]

Whilst I think genes may play an important role in a child's character,I think it would be dangerous to assume that parents have little effect on what type of adults their children will become.
The most important ingredient of a good upbringing is love. Life, being as it is, will always throw in adversity and make it tough for children too. However, if they are loved , they will, one day, shine it back into society as adults.

A Mum of three girls.

[ken]

Please read what Harris says. Genes are more important that environment (rejection of the "blank slate" view relied on by many on the left) and that peers are more important than parents.
That does not mean that parents or anything they do is irrelevant.
Her work is not just opinion - it is based on twin studies, mostly - and might still be wrong, but argue from the evidence, not simply opinion.
Her work was a large part of the basis of Pinker's "Blank slate".

[fh]

One factor that seems to be to be undervalued is the influence of brothers and sisters. Maybe siblings tend to turn out so different because there is a mechanism driving that -- differentiation within a family may be a normal consequence of growing up together.

If siblings are being forced into different tracks, the resulting variety will make it harder to discern the effects of their parenting.

[MBW]

I used to beleive that the way children behaved was all about nurture .... until i had non-identical twin girls. They have both had the same upbringing been treated the same, eaten the same food etc.. and they are like chalk and cheese in personality and behaviour. One is quite calm, smiley, easy going and the other is a little dynamo, very fiesty and has a real temper (she is also very funny).

It has totally changed my opinion on the whole issue and observing them does make me think that you are who you are - you can teach kids right from wrong but you cannot mould their personalities.

[NCH]

Many psychological studies have shown that parents react differently to different children- even twins (whether monzygotic or dizygotic). It is all too easy to assume that how parents attempt to shape the environment of their children is what occurs. for example, a mother who repeatedly lectures on the evil of drinking may be more likely to produce an alcoholic child than one who advocates alcohol in moderation

[Starling]

"Don't be fooled by this leftist garbage."

"leftist"? For crying out loud, could people stop throwing that word around randomly? Thank you.

But anyway, if I hadn't brought up my son to be polite and respectful, he'd be a horrible little brat. Nothing to do with genes. Kids can't automatically tell right from wrong, it's not genetically encoded.

[Saladin]

Having once been a child and later having three of my own I feel qualified to disagree with the premise that parents are a primary influence in a childs behavior other than manners.

It is my opinion that children are in most part influenced by their peers,Television,cinema ,magazines,etc,etc.

Their mode of dress,their speech and actions in public certainly are not products of their upbringing at home .

If you compare these traits in people of a much older generation who had parents but were not subjected 24/7 to the filth in word and deed that forms the character of the present generation and their role models the arguement is self proving.

[Joanne M]

I gave away my son for adoption 20 years ago. Thankfully I've now been reunited with him but amazingly he is the only one of my three children who behaves like me and has my avoidant lazy personality and quirky sense of humour! (Which I get from my Dad!)He's even into the same music as me so perhaps the genetic theory is correct!

[jorge]

It´s probably a combination of genes and enviroment but if you have both bad then everything will go wrong for sure.If one is not good, for example parents, it maybe can happen anything but not because its good to have bad parents, just because the son o daughter improves by themselves and if you have bad influencies outside home it may also take you to the bad path This is my opinion

[Rebecca]

Poor parenting leads to unsucessful adults. Parents have ALL the influence in the world over their children. Who's raising them?