Naming Blair's memoirs

I think it is time for Comment Central readers to offer Tony Blair some assistance. He will shortly be sitting down to write his memoirs. He'll have, ahem, some help with his recollections I'm sure. But the really difficult bit will be thinking up a title.

So I am launching a competition - the person who dreams up the best title for Mr Blair's autobiography wins.

Here are some thoughts, to show you what I mean:

• The Hand of History
• Pretty Straight Sorta Guy
• Who's Hoon? The story of my Government
• The Art of the Plausible
• The John Humphries Years - My role in them

Anyway, you get the idea. Put your entries in the comments section or click here.

Comments

[Alex R]

An "eye catching" premership - based on a true story.

[Dirk Nachbar]

Me, Gordon, and Spin - a menage a trois.

[Zainab Sokona]

I Did It the Third Way

[Long Dark Night of the CRD Soul]

After Spike Milligan - 'Danny Finkelstein, My Part in His Downfall'.

[kenneth]

Tony,

You must have done a lot right otherwise you wouldn't have lasted so long. Let's be fair, we've had a number of elections - all good democratic 'festivities' - so if we were that dissatisfied with you, we missed our opportunities of getting rid of you. How does the Latin expression go? Don't let the B's grind you down! At least not too far.

[Simon Stephenson]

(1) The Third Way and the Eradication of Intelligent Reasoning

(2) Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics -Blair, Campbell and Brown astride the world.

(3) Garotte You! My part in the strangulation of political debate.

(4) It's all in the Packaging! An idiot's guide to government in the 21st century.

[S. Gore]

Tony Blair - I Did It My Way. On My Own.

[Paul]

Title. "Grin,Spin and Win"
Dedicated to my (private) dentist Dr.Sam Spam (shurely your twit Hewitt - ed )

[Jim]

Put Cherie on the cover and call it "The Blair Witch Project"

[ian]

(in)famous for 45 minutes

[Tony G]

I spun it my way

[Richie]

"There's something in a P.M.'s eyes, that lies and lies and lies and lies."

With apologies to (?) Ogden Nash - I think

[Bry Barnes]

Bliar, Bliar, pants on fire....

[Terry]

Ten at ten

Labour of Love

[Keith Clarke]

Between Iraq and a Hard Place

[cuffleyburgers]

How about,
"Don't throw the baby out with the Baath water - the Inside story of the wrecking of the Middle East"

or,
"The Road to Hell (is paved with good intentions"

[Tony Moore]

How to run a country from your sofa.

[John Chuckman]

We Shall Lie on the Beaches, We Shall Lie on the Landing Grounds, We Shall Lie in the Fields and in the Streets, We Shall lie in the Hills; We Shall never Stop Lying

[The 3rd column]

The Brit Who Almost Became US President...

or

America's Prime Minister

[Nick]

How about "On a Spin and a Prayer"? Or, failing that "America's Pop Tart"...

[arthur marson]

'ANIMAL FARM FOR REAL'.

[Peter Jennings]

Spin, Lies and Body Bags!

[Robin Kempster]

'Apocrypha in excelsis'.

[Adrian Cox]

The way it was, but shouldn't have been!

Or

Hand on Heart, I believed only myself.

or

How to Bluff your way as a Premiere.

or

Blair - Am I bovvered ??

[Donald Last]

Tony Blair's autobiography:

"The Blair Which Project"

[Adrian Cox]

B.L.A.I.R
Before Leaving Always Instigate Rebellion

[Mike J]

The Prime Minister’s New Suit

With apologies to Hans Christian Andersen

[Elizabeth Burgess]

'My life as a Bush baby'

'The fifty first state'

'The Iraq and ruin of the UK'

[Mr P Hankins]

'My ten years as a British Quisling'.

[Phil]

Dubya My Darling

The Democracy of Death and the Death of Democracy

Of course I hid in the bunker...

Civilised Kill: How to have safe fun and games

Guernica, Coventry, Dresden and now Baghdad - a tradition preserved.

600,000 'liberated' Iraqis are wrong.

I am Right: Far Right

Actually, I've never seen a dead body myself.

George the Genius and Tony the Terrible: Idiots guide to warmongering

See y'all at the Hague

Is this a dagger I see before me?

For Blair has murdered sleep

I'm a warmonger and I'm alright
I bomb all day, sleep well at night

[Christopher Gillibrand]

The obvious one

Ten Wasted Years

[Peter Sedgwick]

Spinning Around the World

[Phil]

Luvya Dubya

[Geoff]

Promised so much, delivered so little

[MK Maalouf]

My Years at Downing Street.

[Hamish]

A Promising Politician

[Phil Franklin]

1. Three Governments On: The Trot, Blair.

2. A Hand Dealt by Fettes.

3. Ruling the Many by The Few

4. Ten Years Without Tebitt.

5. Acclamation, Acclamation, Acclamation.

6. Waiting For Gordo.

[Malcolm Turner]

Chaos, panic and disorder - my work here is done.

[Will Sterling]

Maybe he will issue a CD instead of memoirs. May I suggest a working title: 'The Whiter than White Album'?

He might like to consider the follwing tracks:

The Wrong and Lying Toad

I'd lie to teach the world to spin

Nut Bush Giddy Limit

The grin, grin farce of Tone

Covers of any songs by the Four Tops

[Malcolm Turner]

Tony Blair, the lost years.

[Malcolm Turner]

A Treatise on Artificial Intelligence and Criminal Negligence.

[Phil Franklin]

Honours, Even

[David White]

He'll almost certainly follow Major and Clinton and be bland: 'The Autobiography', 'My Story', 'My Side', 'Downing Street Memoirs' etc. At worst 'Shaping The Future', 'New Britain, New World', perhaps. But in the spirit of the competition:

Governing With Convictions
Spinning The Top
Moving Targets
The Truth, in Totality
Acting In Good Faith
Faith In Good Acting
These Boots Were Made For Filling
A Time For Soundbites
For Whom The Campbell Tolls
Lend Me Your Peers

[Will Sterling]

A few more potential tracks for the CD:

Suborned in the USA

Ma Cherie and More

Living next door to Malice

Here comes Iran again

It's my party and I'll lie if I want to

Sleaze, Sleaze - Me?

Reasons to be cheerful - part none

[Jeremy Poynton]

Blood On My Hands

[shiyama]

My years As Bush's PUPPET

[Sarah Williamson]

Lies In Disguise - The Tenure Of Tony Blair.

[Robin Kempster]

'The Downing Street Gospels'
Edited and revised (substantially)
by Brother Anthony of Sedgefield.

[Bob Gibson]

Bullets,Bombs & Bullshi*

[Bob Gibson]

Das Poodle

[Fraz]

love labours loss

the blair get rich project

vanity blair

gottle o' geer

[Ron Albright]

I Was Not Bush's Poodle: I Was His Dandy Dinmont Terrier

[Chris C]

If he publishes a multi-volume edition, he could go for a Kafka tribute:
- 'The Metamorphosis' (1994-2002)
- 'America' (2002-7)
- 'The Trial' (2007- )

If all goes badly he could even go for 'In the Penal Colony'.

[Chris C]

What about 'The Wisdom of (Bussed-in) Crowds'.

I think 'The Bible II' could be a useful theme.

He'd love to write a book with chapters called things like 'Wisdom' and 'Lamentations' and he could easily fill two on the work of Peter. That said, in a political memoir, a chapter called 'Job' might be a bit long.

Who exactly the 'Acts of the Apostles' would be about is anyone's guess.

It would also be convenient for a political potboiler to have a chapter called 'Revelations'. It would save anyone having to read the damned thing to find out what we want.

[Hamish]

As has been mentioned above, he could consider three volumes, collectively known as Lord of the Spin

Vol 1 The Fellowship of the Spin
Vol 2 The Twin Towers
Vol 3 The Return of the Spin

[KM]

Blair today, gone tomorrow.

Oops, I did it again.

[Lickyalips]

'How to fake being a Prime Minister for Dummies.'

or, better still -

'I did to Britain what Prescott did to his Diary Secretary.'

[GARTH REX]

MY REAL NAME IS BUSH!

Or:

I BUSHED BRITAIN!

[Winston Smith]

Bringing despotism to governance

Burying bad news in Governance - the Blair way

Bringing democracy to Iraq - the easy way

Amorality and Governance - the Blair way

Shafting minorities to please the crowd - the Blair way

Selling vacuity to the masses

Easy Governance - how to let the tabloids dictate policies for you

News management in Governance

Selling ones soul to the Devil - but calling oneself Labour

How to be PM despite your wifes frog gob

List of phoney boyish grins to get out of difficult questions

How to play to cameras during PMQs - like a luvvie

How to act like a PM - when you know you're an arse

Bringing charlatanism to Governance

Abandonment of principals for self advancement in 3 easy steps

How I buried bad news - then myself

[Winston Smith]

Nationalisation without compensation - the Blair way

How to lie out of both sides of your mouth at the same time

[John Lamper]

'From Bambi to Poodle'

[redtom]

fear and loathing in england !