What have Quangos ever done for us?

Alice Miles' splendid dismissal of State of the Countryside 2007, an extended quango whine masquerading as an objective report, makes me wonder what is the point of the Commission for Rural Communities? If, heaven forbid, it was just abolished (saving us taxpayers, £7.6m a year) what would happen? No doubt hedges would stop growing in protest, combine-harvesters would rust away as farmers forgot what they were for, and Little Puddlington would accidentally become a megalopolis - I'm sure the CRC could back up this nightmare vision with one of its useful reports. Or more possibly nothing would happen, other than there would be no one around to give progress reports on the CRC's reports.

So here's a little quiz: which quangos could be abolished with no deleterious effects? Let's go for a big one: the Health and Safety Executive (budget: £228.6 million, staff: 3548). If it wasn't for the HSE would we all be limping around with missing limbs or swollen purple tongues? Doubt it. More likely if it ceased to exist we wouldn't have safety hand-rails up mountains or listen to ministers say conkers isn't actually a more lethal version of Russian roulette. Claims Direct and all the other personal injury lawyers/vultures whose advertising keeps daytime cable TV afloat, probably do more to ensure that wicked factory owners don't allow their workers to have hands ripped off by dangerous machines.

Of course, as any fool knows, the HSE's main purpose - other than telling us what it's doing (that's why it needs 58 press officers) - is to make sure that it sets up working parties to have strategy meetings about meeting the best practice as set down by other quangos about, let's say, employing disabled people or women. See here. While we're at it, the function of the Commission for Racial Equality, when it's not stopping race riots (personally, it's only knowing that Trevor Phillips is sitting in his office that stops me from attacking people with different pigmentation), is to monitor itself for signs of racism.  But who do you complain to if you're a CRE employee who's been the victim of workplace racial discrimination?

Okay, if you think that getting rid of the CRC and the HSE is a bit ambitious, this quango is ripe for mashing: The British Potato Council. Because the potato is such an unpopular vegetable, the BPC this Summer is campaigning to get us to eat potatoes. Oh yes.

Robbie Millen

Comments

[Stephen Parkinson]

The Centre for Policy Studies and Economic Research Council compiled an 'Essential Guide to British Quangos' - in which there are many candidates for reduction or abolition. You can see a PDF summary of the report at http://www.cps.org.uk/cpsfile.asp?id=261

[David Gillies]

Better to ask: which quangos should stay? I doubt there's more than a half-dozen that couldn't be shut down overnight with no deleterious effects. Then bam! you've just wiped about 100 billion quid a year off public spending.