Ten conspiracy theories more ridiculous than the Diana "plot"

The absurd Princess Diana conspiracy theories have now had their day in court and been dismissed. So here are a number of other preposterous conspiracy theories.

Can you work out what it is that connects these ridiculous allegations?

1. Harold Wilson's political secretary, Marcia Falkender, made his life such a misery that the Prime Minister's doctor, Joe Stone, hatched a plot to murder her. He told other Wilson aides repeatedly that his plan was foolproof and would not be detected. He dropped it only when they refused to co-operate.

2. In 1959, when Francois Mitterrand was already a famous politician, he narrowly escaped an assassination attempt outside the Luxembourg Gardens in Paris. His car was riddled with bullets but he leapt to safety.

When the gunman and the organiser of the attempt were arrested they were able to prove that the whole thing was a fake organised by Mitterrand to win favourable headlines and implicate General de Gaulle. Charges against the "assassins" were dropped. Mitterrand was later elected President of France.

3. John F. Kennedy shared a mistress with a notorious Mafia boss and used her as a courier to bring him Mob money from her other boyfriend. Frank Sinatra disbursed the cash which was used to bribe election officials to fix the outcome of the West Virginia primary.

4. A future member of the Cabinet, Peter Hain, was charged with bank robbery after a man snatched money from Barclays in Putney. He was acquitted and now believes, with good reason, that Boss, the South African secret police, arranged for a Hain double to carry out the crime in order to discredit him.

5. The leader of the Liberal Party, Jeremy Thorpe, was charged with conspiracy to murder after the shooting of a dog belonging to a man who claimed to have been his homosexual lover. This man was also threatened with a chisel hidden in a bunch of flowers. The allegation was that money for the "plot" came from a donation made, entirely innocently, by a future owner of Wolverhampton Wanderers.

6. Jacques Chirac claims that there was nothing suspicious about his financial accounts while he was Mayor of Paris. He and his wife really did consume, personally, more than £100 worth of fruit every day, quite separately from money spent on official entertainment.

7. After World War Two communist cell was established connecting a number of officials with senior roles in the US government and stealing top secret documents. These documents were then photographed and passed on to Soviet agents. Eventually one of the communists defected, shopping the others and revealing that he had secreted incriminating evidence in his pumpkin patch.

8. Presidential candidate Edmund Muskie was forced out of the 1972 race for the White House by a series of documents that later turned out to have been forged.

One, produced on Muskie's letterhead falsely alleged that U.S. Senator Henry "Scoop" Jackson, a fellow Democrat, had had an illegitimate child with a 17-year-old. Another letter alleged that Muskie had made disparaging comments about French Canadians. These letters were in fact the work of paid agents of the campaign to re-elect President Richard Nixon.

9. The first British Labour government lost the 1924 election after only a few months in office. In the final days of the campaign, a letter appeared in the Daily Mail that appeared to have originated from Grigori Zinoviev, president of the presidium of the Executive Committee of the Communist International (Comintern) and been sent to the Central Committee of the Communist Party of Great Britain.

The letter advocated intensified Communist agitation in Britain, not least in the armed forces. It suggested that a deal between the Soviets and Britain, as proposed by Labour Prime Minister Ramsey MacDonald, would help such agitation. The letter damaged Labour profoundly, but was, in fact, a fake. It had been concocted by mebers of the SIS (MI6) based in Riga, Latvia deliberately to undermine Labour.

10. In November 1974, the papers ran obituaries of a Labour MP and former minister after he disappeared on a Miami beach, leaving behind a pile of clothes. In fact he wasn't dead at all. Realising he was about to be arrested for fraud, he had made his way to Australia to start a new life with his mistress. Quite by accident he was discovered by police who thought they had finally found Lord Lucan. He returned to the UK and resumed life as a Labour MP. The party did not expel him. Eventually he went to jail.

What do these all have in common?

They're all true.

Comments

[stephen]

They're all true.

[Andy Coxon]

There was an excellent story going around in 1992 that the then Major goverment conspired to lose the General Election. The country was in the mood for change, the economy was going to the dogs, so the prevailing wisdom was, give the country a couple of years of a Kinnock government and the electorate will be begging for the return of the Tories, normal service will be resumed and the Tories would be in power for the next 12 years...

Major's goverment to their credit, played their part, running possibly the poorest campaign in modern history (Major's soapbox anyone?)....and lagged behind in the polls for months.

Unfortunately, no-one accounted for the perversity of the electorate...

[Johnny D]

"Major's soapbox, anyone?"
Actually, that was a brilliant gimmick. It was designed to contrast the straighforwardness of honest John with the smarmy Hollywood campaign waged by the Labour spindoctors.
Kinnock's "We're alright"" at the Sheffield conference, anyone? See: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8G8F-4du3rQ

[Peter Metcalfe]

You could have also mentioned the strange case of Yeoman Radford, the most successful spy to penetrate the White House. He had access to and acquired for his masters papers that the Soviet Union could only dream of getting, like Henry Kissinger's personal notes on his secret diplomacy with Red China. But who were his masters? The Joint Chiefs of Staff.

[David Heigham]

Good try, but none of these ten had the fine, unmistakable, heady, self-important and paranoiac whiff that Fayed has diffused so widely. Dr Stone tried, but he did not have the necessary tenacious grip on unreality.

[G. Gibson]

How about a conspiracy by the Australian government not to tell Brits how poor Australias national defences really are before they come to live in Australia. Defence is all third world "down under" and the huge asian armies to the north of the country constantly build for their day of their outward marches. To date, according to the ex-Chinese diplomat Chen Yonglin, China has over 1,000 spies on Australian soil. They are not here for nothing other than to spy out the land for future invasion.

[Wiliam Jones]

This was a misuse of the British legal system by Mohammed El-Fayed.

[Andrew Milner]

You ain't seen nothing yet, because it's open season on conspiracy. Substitute "conspiracy theory" with "conspiracy investigation", and it’s Authority’s version of events that starts to look implausible. MSM spin and dissemination, not withstanding. Prove 9-11 was a false flag operation, and the US is history. The downside being the world's economy goes into a black hole. Provide proof or at least offer serious indicators that major elements of Christian dogma are deception, and you knock out one of main props of Western civilization. Which may result in Christianity being subsumed by Islam. Perhaps some secrets are just too explosive to be revealed.

[Bill Peter]

Number 8 is CREEPy.

[Bobby Lou]

Conspiracy theories do only ONE THING and that is to make plenty of easy money for those who write those ridiculous conspiracy books and movies.

Only the foolish buy into this rubbish.

[prudence eely bond mcguire]

AT LAST, AN ARTICLE, THAT, DOES NOT USE THE WORD, 'ALLEGED', WHEN REFERRING TO JOHN. F.KENNEDY'S DOUBLE DEALINGS!

[Matthew Byne]

How about a conspiricy theory that is not absurd but in fact true? 9/11 and the events of that day were organized and carried out by the American government for their own gain.

[james kay]

'Unfortunately, no-one accounted for the perversity of the electorate'.....or indeed the unelectability of Kinnock I feel

[Amin Aswet]

I could buy most of them, but not Chiracs -he and his good lady would have spent the whole day in the bathroom - unless we are talking about very fancy-priced fruit whichg would reduce the quantities purchasable for the price given to reasonable amounts.

[Julian Cox]

A chisel hidden beneath a bunch of flowers? Now, that really is camp...

What you perhaps have neglected to mention is that the acquital of Jeremy Legover Thorpe was largely seen as a miscarriage of justice at the time.

[Dan]

All these conspiracies involved, at most, a handful of close-knit individuals who had a clear motive for their actions.

Fayed's conspiracy would have involved dozens of people in Paris and London: paramedics, police, Government, diplomats, Royalty, friends of Diana. Fayed was unable to suggest any plausible motive for such a conspiracy. The words "completely preposterous" come to mind.

[James]

All I wanted was to see pretty photos of the glamorous Princess Diana in glossy magazines. I wasn't interested in her personal life. I didn't want to know the humanizing intimate details of her personal life. I didn't want to see the photos that weren't perfect. Instead, I had the whole banana dusty shoved down my throat and I'm sick of it. When will this woman be allowed to rest in peace? Will the media still be fighting over her bones 20 years from now? I've honestly heard and seen enough.

People die of accidents all the time. A little booze, no seat belt(s) and a greedy throng of flashing bulbs during a high speed chase seems more than a reasonable explanation for this misfortune. What is more unfortunate though is that causality will not be remembered by this incident, so It will inevitably happen again somewhere else. The real underline trouble is an imagination-less public who buys and and propagates celebrity and all the attendant faux hype-produced rumpus over nothing. We are all of us only people after all.

[Everi Mann]

She would have lived had the accident happened in the United States, or almost anywhere else in the world. The simple realization is the French bungled the emergency work, both in care and the horrible time it took to respond and transport.

[Dennis]

No, the US government did not manufacture 911.....its all Osama can't believe there are still people giving excuses for for this murderer

[prudence eely bond mcguire]

'PEOPLE DIE OF ACCIDENTS ALL THE TIME.'
THEREIN LIES THE PERFECT COVER FOR A CONSPIRACY!
THE MORE PEOPLE INVOLVED THE LESS LIKELY IT IS TO UNRAVEL! EVERYTHING, IS A MAZE OF LIES AND UNTRUTHS AND A LITTLE TRUTH MIXED IN TO MAKE A SUCCESSFUL PLAN WORK.
SO THAT JUST WHEN YOU LEST EXPECT IT- WHAM!
THE EVIL HAS BEEN SUCCESSFULLY CARRIED OUT AND NO AMOUNT OF INQUESTS, WILL EVER DISCOVER THE TRUTH.
I AM NOT SAYING THAT THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED, I AM JUST SAYING, IT, MOST CERTAINLY COULD!
ALL THAT IS NEEDED, IS THE RIGHT TIME AND THE RIGHT PLACE!
'BE ON YOUR GUARD'(PROSPER MERIMEE'S, 'COLOMBA')

[Albert]

Of course, if Diana had been bumped off, it is quite possible no-one except the culprits (if they exist) knows for certain, one way or another.

Poor Mohammed Al Fayed was a God-sent walking, talking straw man. He clearly has the wrong end of the stick, and his lack of witness-cred is notorious. There are much more credible candidates for organiser of a professional liquidation than the Duke of Edinburgh.

The Stevens report (read it) did little more than knock down the straw man.

BTW The coroner's instructions to the jury do nothing to help the case of the anti-conspiratorians.

[Albert]

Oh, and don't forget the unfortunately unsuccessful plot to get rid of Harold Wilson ...

[andreasegde]

Why did it take so long for the ambulance to arrive at the hospital?

[Niall]

I find communists infiltrating the US gov then passing documents onto the USSR after WW2 hardly propesterous. Weren't we trying to do the same thing in Russia?

Number 9 isn't really that surprising given the Establishment's view of the left in the 1920s, and is number 10 really a conspiracy?

[Kristy]

Come on, you have left out the biggest one! The moon landing! How many conspiracy theories have there actually been about that?!

[Paul Martin]

I think what ever the finding was a cloud will always remain over what happenned to Princess Diana. As for the ruling that the Driver was to blame, all I can say is dead men tell no lies.

[David Chorley]

Could you not have given John Stonehouse's name the recognition it deserved... also that he once wrote a book "Illegal Alien" and also laid the foundation stone of my secondary modern/comprehensive

[Cllr Ken Tiwari (Independent)]

Diana pricess of wales was an Angel,
God bless her soul, the whole world
nows that, the hardest working Royal
member of Royal family, with two lovely sons, God bless them, it lookes, they both William & Harry are following Diana's foot steps, i
only hope no body will them harm:Ken

[Cllr Ken Tiwari (Independent)]

Once again will it be too hard for you to understand, if i say:-
Kamila Bowel Parker organised Murder
of Diana Pricess of Wales:Ken

[Jai]

Conspiracy Smiracy. Until we throw off the shackles of control (capitalists, communists, religion etc etc) we the people will be like cattle to the evil overlords in charge. Even then we are a flawed race and there is always one who has to muck it up for everyone else.

[Chris]

Who knows whether or not this event was a conspiricy? The british legal system is completely corrupt and to be honest, is a complete JOKE, and heres the best bit... we can't do anything about it!!

[huw]

Parts of this article are plagiarized from Wikipedia. I expect this from school children, but someone writing for The Times should try to do better.

[Daniel Finkelstein]

Hi, Huw. Thank you for your post. It's a legitimate point you make, so let me respond and put your mind at rest.

These conspiracies are ones I have collected myself from a range of sources (mainly books from reputable historians over years). I know them all to be true from these reputable publications not from Wikipedia.

I did use that site, however on just two of the entries. I used it, to help with one or two dates and names on the Zinoviev letter because David Marquand's biography of Ramsey MacDonald, where I first read about it, is at home.

I also used it to check details on the Canuck letter (contained in All the President's Men) and for details of Donald Segretti's conviction (contained in various Watergate sources)

I think that is a reasonable use of that source.

I am completely confident that all the historical details are correct from more than one source.

[Seb Carroll]

Do you think there's a case for putting Neil Kinnock to death for his 'we're alright' speech?

[Ian Kemmish]

Surely Daniel's collection explains exactly why conspiracy theories flourish -- when politicians (and they do seem to be mostly politicians, sigh) do go in for conspiracies, they are all so bizarre and baroque that they make the fictional conspiracies seem believable.

Or maybe the simple, elegant conspiracies actually work and never come to light....!

[Edwin]

I agree with Peter - these real conspiracies are all great but don't have the true loony flavour.

Glad to see Daniel bring up the Kinnock speech. I remember a pub argument about it - 'Kinnock was drugged' - 'No he wasn't, he's Welsh'.

[M. BRADLEY]

7/7 was a classic psyops - psycological operations warfare - designed to divert attention from the war on poverty to the war on terror.

[Dan X]

You want a Diana conspiracy theory? Get yourself a photograph of Prince Harry and one of James Hewitt. If they're not father and son I'm a Dutchman (for the record, I'm actually a Welshman).

As for those idiots who still think 9/11 was a conspiracy, the best source I can quote from to explain how unlikely it is is (bizarrely enough) from South Park, and spoken by George Bush in the episode..

"Yes, quite simple to pull off really. All I had to do was have explosives planted in the base of the towers, then on 9/11 we pretended like four planes were being hijacked when really we just rerouted them to Pennsylvania then flew two military jets into the World Trade Centers filled with more explosives then shot all the witnesses of Flight 93 with an F15 after blowing up the Pentagon with a cruise missile. It was only the world's most intricate and flawlessly executed plan, ever, ever."

If you believe that a Government who can't even sort out its economy can pull off a plot of that magnitude, you're intellectually subnormal. End of.

[IAN PAYNE [WALSALL - ENGLAND]]

Don't forget the infamous and famous Walsall MP John Stonehouse who faked his death in 1974 and was thought to be the missing Peer Lord Lucan when arrested in Oz in 1975.

[bob]

Regards Chirac, it's worth bearing in mind that "fruit & flowers" is an accountant's synonym for cocaine in the music industry.

[james kay]

I don't care about conspiracies - just get the picture of that attention-seeking woman off my screen once and for all please

[Jarrad Wilkes]

Cllr Ken Tiwari (Independent)

Can I have what you're smoking please?

[Tony O'Donnell]

The disappearance of Australian PM Harold Holt in 1967 while swimming off Portsea near Melbourne was a generator of rumours that he had been a spy for China and was picked up by a submarine. The rumour seemed to be a one off and didn't seem to develop into anything substantial. But Bass Strait has had the occasional fortean oddities such as the disappearance of a single engined Cesna piloted by Frederick Valentich ten years later. Valentich's last message to air traffic control was that he was being pursued by a UFO.

[Ms Anonymous]

Dear Editor

Re: The absurd Princess Diana conspiracy theories

I know from my own experience and survival that certain individuals (police)that are part of organised crime can set human tragets and make a murder look like an accident. All it takes is info, usually bugged/tapped telephone converstaions. A assasin would only need minutes to organise vehicles and men to get a result-it really is that simple.
J

[huw]

Daniel, thank you for your cordial reply.

However, I have to note that sentences on the Zinoviev letter are lifted verbatim from Wikipedia. Wikipedia is a great source for facts and dates, but I think that if one is using whole sentences then they should be attributed as such.

Especially as Wikipedia is probably the first place someone will go if an article achieves its aim of engaging someone's interest!

[Trevor]

Hi Huw, Have you ever wondered where Wikipedia gets its info from?

Think about it for a while.

[scousekraut]

Wikipedia is just an extension of Hollywood.

[Mathew Barber]

Re the Diana murder theory:
Surely if MI6 were tying to kill Diana & Dodi, the easier option would have been to simply blow up the yacht & let all the evidence sink to the bottom of the med, never to be seen agan.

Much cleaner - and less conspirators required - than the "organise a paparrazzi chase through the centre of Paris" plan.

[M Newhouse]

Whether or not there was a conspiracy, surely the world is a much better - and more relaxed - place without her.

She was a psychotic exhibitionist who, as everyone recognised, was a loose cannon ready to fire in any random direction from every front page every morning!

[prudence eely bond mcguire]

BLOWING UP THE YACHT, SOUNDS A TAD TOO OBVIOUS TO ME!
NOW, THAT WOULD HAVE PRODUCED, AN 'OPEN VERDICT'.
MY THEORY HAS MORE OF THE 'PELICAN BRIEF', ABOUT IT!

[Danny S.]

Just because A, B, C, and D are true, that has nothing whatsoever to do with whether E, F, or G are true.

Diana's death was the worst possible thing that could have happened for Charles. It delayed his marrying Camilla for *years*.

[Fred, London]

Trevor - re: Wikipedia, the article on the Zinoviev article hasn't been edited since the 11th January. If the wording of Daniel's piece and the Wikipedia article are the same, it can only be that they both copied from the same source, or Daniel copied from Wikipedia.

However, I can't see any copied or closely paraphrased sections between the two pieces, so presumably Huw was mistaken or the blog wording has since been altered.

[PAW]

The movie "HAIR" is the finest example of Psychological Anti-Warfare. Two hours of exciting music and dance. All around fun. At the very end of the movie, a very strong anti-war message is delivered to the viewer completely by suprise. Catches you off guard. You are basically brain washed to hate war. I can see why the government doesn't want this film to be seen. The question is, How did they keep this movie from the public. "HAIR" was released in 1979. The government was very creepy back then. Thanks, PAW