Turkish Thoughts: And tonight is...English night!

The Turkish flags were out at Club Javelin. Welcome to Turkish night!

Unfortunately this meant extremely loud Turkish music for a proportion of the evening, accompanied by dancing. I am sure the cultural display was intended to be charming, but in my case it simply succeeded in explaining the decline of the Ottoman Empire.

The food was good though, which I suppose was the point.

At almost every hotel we've been to since we had children there has been a surfeit of such 'national' nights. It's Italian night! It's Chinese night! It's Greek night!

It makes me wonder - what would the guests reaction be upon comıng down to dinner and discovering - it's English night!

And what would such a night consist of?

I look forward to your suggestions.

-- Club Javelin, Turkey

Comments

[Paul, London]

Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, followed by a bit of pole dancing?

[marbury]

Beer and fighting

[adam]

Presumably the pole would be paid cash in hand...

There would be a long and orderly queue for the chicken tikka masala buffet.

[Julian]

Whatever an English night did or did not contain, strict efforts should be made the host to make each arriving guest shake hands with everyone already present - perhaps several times - because if not, however loud the music, everyone will sit in silence without even grumbling about the incinerated meat and rubber role to follow, because they haven't been introduced.

[Steve]

Well if you are coming down for dinner, prepare for a wait because everything will be late. By the time it does arrive it will be cold and slightly stale – not stale enough to complain mind you – just stale enough that you grumble and complain amongst yourselves all evening.

After drowning your sorrows in chemical laden lager it’s a toe stomping tumble around the dance floor to Lady in Red – classic!!

[Clive]

English night! is banned due to health and safety concerns

[Marcus Cotswell]

End-of-pier comedian, accompanied by overdone roast meat, overcooked veg and buckets of thick greyish-brown gravy. But washed down with the best beer in the world.

[Tom]

English night? Sounds too 'non-inclusive' to me. Not PC enough. The council would never allow it. British at a pinch. International and they may even fund it. But English?! I don't think so.

[Alex]

swigging vodka from the bottle before going out, drinking far to much cheap larger before vomiting it back up in the street. to follow a kebab and a fight. to end the evening a trip to A&E to loudly abuse the staff trying to treat your 'alcohol poisoning/fight wounds/food poisoning/all of the above'

[Keith Lawson]

We don't do just a night. We celebrate throughout the year - Epsom, Henley Regatta, Glastonbury, Glynebourne, Last Night of the Proms, Shakespeare in the Park, University Boat Race, July 4th (when we got rid of America).

[james allen]

English flag to be flown by order.People not of the indigenous population under curfew.All with surnames "Mc" or "Mac" banned and Elgar played over public loudspeakers.Swearing outlawed,smoking taboo,all takeaway shops closed except genuine English fish and chips shops (if you can find one) and a tv football match comprising a proper English team made up of true Englishmen not hybrids or those of alien or immigrant stock.Royal family returned to Germany for the day.Church bells to ring,Catholic churches to be closed and priests strung up on lampposts by means of lifting their shirts or being returned to Ireland for the day.Only taxis in London with cockney cab drivers allowed and the words "please","thankyou" and "after you" compulsory.No free newspapers,commercials to be banned from tv programmes.Binmen to walk up your path to collect and empty your bin,postmen to throw away junk mail and deliver before 9.0am,scottish football mangers in charge of English teams put back over Hadrian's Wall,all Scots Welsh and Irish in the media censored from the airwaves and tv screens,refunds of TV licence for the past 20 years compulsory to make up for all the repeats we have suffered,and a street party all the way round the M25 with flyovers by spitfires and Lancaster bombers.

[james]

Ignore it - I would hope we English would have no need to resort to nationalism

[Restless Native]

I'm English - I don't need a night to celebrate. That's for foreigners.

[NODDY]

Drink 8 german beers, 5 russian vodkas, and maybe, if I'm feeling patriotic, a Guiness (??!). Then it's off for an indian or turkish kebab. If I'm lucky I might get into a fight, then puke in the back of the indian / african driven taxi, before collapsing in a pool of vomit on any one of a number of Swedish peices of furniture.

[Kath]

As I live in Scotland - I would do everything possible to pee them off as I get soo much hassle for being Englsh!!!!

[Kelly Van Rijn / Arnhem, Netherlands]

English night? Well, I wouldn't be meeting the ladies because thy would be under burkas. I wouldn't be drinking a pint or watching football because that would be unislamic. Or wait, I am thinking about 'English Day' in the year 2020...

[Chris]

What a bunch of moaners!

I'd obviously enjoy few cold beers with my loved ones! Bring as many of the backpackers I know out and convince them that not all English people are miserable moaners!

[erik clapting]

English night?
Execute the Lab Gov't. Heads in spike at Westminster.
Leave EUSSR forthwith.
Deport all muslims.

Pint of Ale.
Fish and chips.

[ayla]

English night: would begin with a good traditional meal down the pub and several drinks of choice. Watch football then all sing national anthem. Young /adventurous people off to a club while the old/extremely drunk people stay in the pub for karaoke and discussions about the weather.
Meet outside the fish and chip shop in the early hours for chips.