Propose a character for Alastair Campbell

My fellow Times blogger Sam Coates draws my attention to this Labour Party fundraising scheme:

Be a character in Alastair Campbell's new novel

Our first sports celebration dinner coincided with the publication of edited extracts from Alastair Campbell’s diaries, The Blair Years, and our biggest moneyspinner last year, was a copy signed by the author as well as Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, John Prescott and Sir Alex Ferguson.

Now Alastair has turned his hand to fiction and his first novel, All In The Mind, will be published in November. This lot offers you the chance to be a (small) character in the novel. You will also be able to join Alastair for lunch to discuss which character you could be, or whether you want to wait to take a place in a future novel.

It is an almost irresistible temptation to make a donation to Damian MacBride's salary by paying to have Donny Simblestein, master political strategist, immortalised in Alastair's book.

Almost.

But instead, I thought CC readers might enjoy proposing their own characters for Mr Campbell's novel.

Comments

[David]

Don't waste people's time.

[NF]

How about a character who, upon realising he is trapped in an Alastair Campbell novel, tries desperately to convince the other characters to join him in daring escape attempt?

[David Short]

He should call it 'Yesterday's Man', or perhaps 'Unlamented'.

[Edo Van Ede]

Campbell could have a character who suffers from a unique enzyme disorder that converts his melanin to luciferase, making him glow like a firefly when emotionally excited.

[Don Meaker]

Someone should write about how the West won the Cold War, about the terrible cruelty, inefficiency and waste of the Soviet Union, the ruthlessness and murder of millions in Communist China, and how despite the requirement to explain all strategies to the people of the democracies, this led to a steady desire to correct errors that made the governments of the Western democracies paragons of efficiency compared to the Communist countries.

[Yvonne]

Simi Danjondi is the daughter of King Danjondi of the fictional West African kingdom Nambwe. He was exiled to Europe after a military coupe in his country.

Simi, who is now living and working London, has been romantically involved with the son of a prominent Labour MP. Because of this relationship she has discovered a secret that could destroy said MP's career and have negative repercussions for the whole Party. She wants to use this information to try and force the UK government to help reinstate her father.

[Ross Burns]

I'm in this novel only because it's raining outside, i'll say to myself - and then rub my hands together remembering that, though there's a credit crunch going on, O'l Al won't be short of a bob with his family selling all that soup and stuff. Then it comes to me via a quill tip that tomato or lentil is nowt to do with him and angered by this I try and get off the page, but a lorry comes out of nowhere and my grip comes loose from an apostrophe so I fall and roll on the paper and it runs me over.
The End.