Benjamin arrives

This morning the first Benjamins arrived in my comments box. For those readers new to blogging, there is a type of comment-poster (usually known as a "troll") whose object isn't to tell the world what they think, or add to the discussion, or just to have a good old-fashioned argument, but to suck the air out of the room.

In centre-left circles the most ubiquitous troll is Benjamin. He works in Hong Kong, I think. God knows what as, since he has the mentality of a moderately clever, but destructive, nine-year old. Here are his first (and last) contributions to this blog, posted simultaneously.

1. Subject: My Dad was a Communist

Post: Thankfully my dad was never a communist.

2. Subject: Iran

Post: "Anyone know of a good, broad-based solidarity group?" Guffaw. This is said like a man looking for pasta at Sainsburys.

I'll tolerate dispute, some kinds of abuse, violent disagreement, people proving that I am wrong -anything that adds to the life of this blog. But Benjamin, fairly obviously, is a waste of psychic space. Nevertheless,for this one post only, I invite others to contribute their favourite examples of Benjaminism, whether from the man himself, or from others of the same genus. After that, he can go and bother someone else.

Comments

[Benji's Mum]

There were a few Benji parody blogs - among them Benji's Bucketful of Bollocks (http://bucketfulbollocks.blogspot.com) and
Instabenjy (http://instabenjy.blogspot.com/), but neither of them as good as the blog of the great man himself (http://saucerfulsecrets.blogspot.com).

[Bagrec]

Meanwhile, in the real world an obscure left wing newspaper has published an article showing an American company to be corrupt!

[bruschettaboy]

The first one doesn't add much but the second is actually quite a good joke and not entirely unperceptive.

I also think that mocking people by name and not letting them respond is a bad habit specific to Harry's Place and not really regarded as very ethical elsewhere in the world of blogs.

[Francis Sedgemore]

Oh come on, David! Benji can sometimes be a pain in the arse, but in comparison with the tub-thumping trolls who infest many blogs, Benji is mostly harmless. He even occasionally writes something vaguely resembling sense. As for sucking the air out of the room, there are in blogland more than enough hot air machines to re-pressurise it.

And for once I agree with bruschettaboy; Benji's #2 post is quite funny, and to ridicule him without right-of-reply is a bit off.

[Tomahawk]

"Oh come on, David! Benji can sometimes be a pain in the arse"

Thus spake Sedgey! Sedgey himself is a bit of a Benji, and even goes to the trouble of writing Benji-style letters to the Grauniad -- which promptly get fisked at Harry's Place.

The problem with the real Benji is that he's always trying to triangulate between tyranny and democracy, as if the sensible thing to do is to stand mid-way between the two. He's not abusive, just a bit of a comedy figure: he's a Hong Kong-residing Yorkshireman who supports the West Indies at cricket, presumably out of some sense of post-colonial guilt.

[Tomahawk]

David:

Next you'll have to run a post on the blogosphere's most thick as pigshit commenter. HP occasionally gets little pearls of wisdom from "Jeremy", who ran a "Norman Johnson Watch" on his own blog in order to rant against the obscene warmonger, not realising that he was a spoof. More recently, he chided me for not understanding that "freedom and democracy are totalitarian ideologies". LOL!

[Andy M]

You've got a problem here, David. It is to do with the nature of a forum. I wonder if your insistence on moderating all comment posts is a stricture placed upon you by the powers that be, or if it was your decision? Either way, if your blog is even half successful (ie read and found to be worthy of comment), such a stricture cannot hold. There aren't enough hours in the day. Look at the way discussions unfold at Harry's Place and you'll understand why - they go on in real time, sometimes for days.

Posters like Benjamin can be an irritant, but sometimes fools tell truths that kings need to hear. Only occasionally, of course, but you get my drift. There is something time-honoured about mockery. You shouldn't fear it. It may infuriate you, but the readers can filter it out - or laugh at it. Whatever, a blogspace like this one shouldn't be a private party - you have a public position, and you should allow the groundlings their right to heckle. So open up your comments to the trolls - you only have to wait for the sun to come up, and they turn to stone anyway.

I bet you didn't think when you went into journalism that you'd end up basically standing on a box in the marketplace, did you? How very like the past the future is!

[Francis Sedgemore]

For those readers new to blogging, I should point out that "Tomahawk" (a.k.a. "big phallic cruise missile of a man") is one of the tub-thumping, keyboard worrying, Islamophobic trolls who frequents Harry's Place. When he's angry it's enough to give one a stiffy.

[Tomahawk]

David:

Andy M is right about the format. I said something similar shortly after you started blogging. I presume that comments must be moderated on the insistence of the Times, which is probably a bit wary of nutters and Nazis leaving libellous or racist filth on their web space. If so, you'll need to convince them to hire someone dedicated to the task of clearing out the garbage. Doesn't Gerard Baker have a blog too? Maybe one person could monitor the whole stable of Times blogs.

[Venichka]

The thing that is most annoying about Benji is his total apathy, which combined with a supercilious sense of superiority and a resigned-there's nothing-we-can-do-about-it-anyway sort of attitude. That is really what sets him apart from the Jeremy mentioned above, not to mention Al, the Greek militarist who believes all that the USA and its allies does is bad, but all that any tyrant anywhere does is good. They are political ignorami, but at least they have an opinion, of sorts.

But Benji just sighs, and watches his hair turn grey, and gives up nothing that is even worth arguing with.

(And, I must say, Francis Sedgemore is no Benji, no troll. He always contributes something worthwhile to discussion.)

What a Norman Johnson world this is

[sonic]

And the peculiar version of free speech that is unique to the theory and practice of decentism claims it's first victim.

[Brownie]

I have to laugh at the thought of Benji being denied a "right-to-reply". It's a right to shut-the-f**k-up for one second that boy needs.

He treats other people's blogs like his own personal graffiti wall. He's more than earned his virtual ASBO.

[KevinG]

David

Excellent idea. Please ignore those posts chiding you for censorship. Benji infests so many blogs as it is that a benji free blog would be most welcome. Think of it as a gap in the market.

[not ben but ion hong kong]

David

Suck it up and put up with it.

Besides you DID sound like "a man looking for pasta at Sainsburys".

And then youve gone and excluded it from your blog comments on that subject so youve lost my respect, moderating should be about removing genuinly offensive stuff such as porn and spam stuff not blocking a little light mockery that is a blow to your self dignity.

SHAME ON YOU

[Eric]

It's all a "storm in a teacup!"

[Eric]

Here is Benji priceless insight on Orwell:

I am from England and I too like Orwell (although he's not without faults.)

It's noticable that various political groups claim Orwell as their own. I suppose that is an indication of the importance of what he had to say.

Two further points:

A common mistake is to regard 1984 as a prediction... It was actually partly satire, although containing a warning. But it was not meant to be prophetic.

And I always think a combination of the work of Huxley and Orwell render a more accurate possible future, or even present...

http://erictheunred.blogspot.com/2004/12/for-aficionados-of-harrys-place-only.html

[Mike]

I would like to commend David Aaronovitch for taking the very courageous and sensible decision not to allow Benjamin to comment on this blog, as is indeed David's perfect right. Many people here may not know Benji very long, or too well, and think this is almost a tad unfair - indeed, Benji has become somewhat of a cult figure that stoppers often like to defend just to annoy people. However once you've experienced the constant little digs and mocking over a long period of time, you've seen the totally impenetrable mindset, the inane line of argument, the endless coming back for more, and seen how he peddles the same irritating line forever until everyone gives up and then declares he has won - especially when there's a big story around that you care about and he doesn't - you'll know why David has taken this marvelous and correct decision. Don't let Benji's regular guy pretence fool you for a second - there's a reason why no one who has known him more than six months rarely engages him again; once you've been in battle and smelt it up close, you never forget it - guys who spent six months in a fox hole back in Nam tell similar stories.

The fact that Benjamin, a guy who endlessly goes on about people having the right to say whatever they want in the 'free market of ideas' - and, incidently, is a huge David Icke fan - is making all sorts of ludicrous and revealing threats against David further down on this thread at Harry's place, proves David's point adequately.
http://hurryupharry.bloghouse.net/cgi-bin/mt-comments.cgi?entry_id=5094

Can you imagine such a bully allowed to run his reign of terror here?

[David T]

Benji has the ability to turn any thread in which he comments into a thread about him.

This thread is his greatest achievement yet.

[wardytron]

Yes, I see he's going to be contacting his lawyer over this. You're going down, Aaronovitch! Ten years at least.

[Tom E]

I actually kind of missed Benji when he was banned at HP - he's only really annoying when he makes multiple posts all arguing that the original post was pointless.

My favourite Benji comments: Any that combine

a) use of the phrase 'old boy'
b) old school classic benji 'storm-in-a-teacup' type phrase
c) plaintative cry about why the post focuses on Islamism rather than the environment or unfair trade
d) comment disparaging author for focusing on obsessive battles between different leftist factions while the world goes up in flames around them

[sackcloth and ashes]

David, others have already said this, but if you think Benji is bad you have yet to encounter sonic, Jeremy (who's gems include 'I support the Iraqi resistance' and 'Freedom and Democracy are totalitarian ideologies') and - for sheer egregiousness - there's Al.
To be fair, the loony right have their trolls too, including 'frizzled' and Luniversal the Holocaust denier. They have also brought the stench of faeces and decay to HP's comment pages (Incidentally I don't think Tomahawk fits into this category).
My guess is that you haven't encountered any of these clowns yet. If I'm wrong, you have my commiserations.

[N Murdoch]

Can't believe some of the shite i've been reading on this comments page. 'he's quite funny', 'suck it up' etc.....We've got more important things to be doing with our time than wasting it by defending or praising a brainless half-wit. Just ignore him. Let's get back to business...there are real people out there worth helping and defending.

[Ross]

There is a good example of a Benjiesque comment by someone who isn't Benjamin, here-

http://hurryupharry.bloghouse.net/archives/2005/02/01/storm_in_a_teacup.php

[Old Peculier]

"We've got more important things to be doing with our time than wasting it by defending or praising a brainless half-wit."

Yes. Let's not talk about him any more. There are real people out there with real teacups.

[Tomahawk]

"one of the tub-thumping, keyboard worrying, Islamophobic trolls who frequents Harry's Place"

What Sedgey means by that is that I fisked him last week and he's still recovering from it. He's one of these people for whom criticism of Islamism is "Islamophobia".

Apart from getting yelled at by the loony Left, I usually get the same from the deranged Right, which suggests I have my position about right. One of the loopiest right-wing nuts in the blogosphere is "Verity", who routinely denounced me as an EU-worshipping Communist when I used to comment at Samizdata (she accuses Tony Blair of the same).

Luniversal (who comments under a host of other pseudonyms, including Effra, Millard Foolmore, Jack the Bear, Love Supreme, Albion4Ever & the Brits, Gorblimey, etc.) is a highly-educated, well-read racist isolationist. I suspect he is/was a writer or journalist, probably with some mag like the Speccie, who posts anonymously because his views are so odious.

[Will]

In the comments above, "not ben but ion hong kong", who sounds suspiciously like Benji says "moderating should be about removing genuinly offensive stuff such as porn and spam stuff not blocking a little light mockery that is a blow to your self dignity".

Let's see what Benji (aka Harry's Place Pet Monkey) says on the matter elsewhere and earlier, this is from the Medialens site:

"My new site
Posted by Benjamin on July 29, 2004, 10:10 am

Since Harry has stopped comments, I've decided to restart my blog at:

http://instabenjy.blogspot.com/

Link: instabenji
Responses:

Please remove above post, its troll spam(nm) - Benjamin July 29,
2004, 12:35 pm"

To make it clear ...the link was to a spoof blog of the one and only idiot-boy.

[Francis Sedgemore]

What Sedgey means by that is that I fisked him last week and he's still recovering from it. [Tomahawk]

What truly disgusting language. Go at once and wash your mouth out with soap, you vile young man!

[Matthew]

It's important that people like us have time to comment on these threads without Benjy hanging over us. Otherwise where would the world be?

[Tomahawk]

"What truly disgusting language. Go at once and wash your mouth out with soap, you vile young man!"

Oh well, I suppose someone who can come up with something that amusing can't be all that bad ;-)

[Inna]

David,

I agree with David T. By banning Benji (who is quite a "presence" on HP; even when you sort of want to agree with him--as I did over Part D, he manages to set your teeth on edge), you have made this whole thing about Benji.

The exchange was priceless though.

Best,

Inna

[In hong kong]

david

You lost me won't be comming back -

suggest you give up blogging and stick to being a proper journalist.

Will still read the articles in the paper, or even listen to you on the radio, but you just havent got blogging you seem to think its all about you you you , you get to decide who comments, you get to decide whats acceptable, etc.

The only blogs worth reading offer free debate, its sort of an alternative to an editor a democratic discussion (in which event prats have a voice) youve decided not to do that, so there is no controle over what you write or counterpoints or anything -

Anyway bye I wont be comming back

[Joshua Scholar]

I wonder if Ahmadinejad will sponsor a conference on "A world withtout Benjiism"