Richard and Judy meet the Classics

I honestly have very little ambition to be a tv don. I know that a good number of academics do secretly – or not so secretly --  hanker after the celebrity heaven of their own Starkey-style series. Not me.

The effort-reward ratio never seems quite right. The hours of preparation, make-up, nose-powdering, dressing-up is out of all proportion to those few minutes when you’re visible on the screen. Unlike radio, when you turn up at the studio, say your piece, have a friendly drink, and go.

All the same, when the call came from Richard and Judy a few days ago, I didn’t say no. The story is in the trade that a feature on Richard and Judy can turn even the most unprepossessing book into a best seller. Sadly, that’s not why the call came. They were wanting to talk about Spartacus, the Roman rebel slave. I’ve recently been advising another BBC drama-doc on the Spartacan rebellion (it’s broadcast on Friday night). Richard and Judy wanted to know if this was more historically accurate than the old Stanley Kubrick-Kirk Douglas version.

It turned out rather as I feared.

I was down for my six or so minutes at 5.30, but I had to turn up by 4.00 to go through all the procedures (it’s a bit like checking in for a flight). Now I should say that all the support staff were utterly charming. There was a car provided from the station to the studio, free coffee, a goody bag to take away (with a picture of Richard and Judy and some nice smellies), and the lady doing the make up seemed entirely happy to make me up to look just like I hadn’t got any make-up on at all (ditto the hair stylist).

The titivating took about half an hour. The rest of the time the guests were thrown together in the Green Room: in addition to my fellow Spartacus expert, My Trow, there was a starlet from EastEnders (who was chatting away to her minder, apparently about the virtues of helicopter travel), an American doctor who had apparently succeeded in teaching babies to read before they could talk (one of his two year old graduates had been brought along, but she took one look at the cameras and sensibly went to find Mum), and the finalists from MasterChef.

What Richard and Judy themselves were like, I couldn’t really say, because you don’t actually meet them. The whole thing is so well orchestrated that you only sit down on the famous sofa about ten seconds before you’re live, and you’re ushered very politely away afterwards.

Back on the train to Cambridge I nearly had my own Spartacan rebellious moment, when even on the expensive £29 commuter train there was not a whiff of a seat, even 15 minutes before it left. Resigned to sitting on the grubby floor, I mused on how odd it all was and how unlike the radio. What on earth was all that make-up and hair doing FOR? Couldn’t they just leave you as you were? And just imagine how odd it would be to turn up to do In Our Time on Radio 4 and come away with a goody bag of cosmetics and a signed photo of Melvyn Bragg.

But I got my come-uppance for these supercilious musings. As I walked out of Cambridge station, I bumped into a friend I hadn’t seen for a while. “Gosh,” she said, “you’re looking REALLY good.” It was, of course, the make-up and the hair do.

Richard and Judy 1, Beard 0.

Comments

[Tony Francis]

Concerning J: I like the clenched right hand, a fist, really - is that a hint of rheumatoid arthritis showing up?.... then the natural blonde hair, and the low cut (pink!), teenage blouse, showing a naughty hint of cleavage, covered with a dowdy black padded shoulder, masculine power overcoat. And topped off with a nice be-jewelled cross pendant. Truly, a butterfly of mixed message: I'm vulnerable, I'm easy, I'm young, I'm holy, I'm in charge; I'm a teenaged icon of power womanhood.

[anthony alcock]

The iconography of the R&J picture is interesting. R with his hand resting protectively on J's shoulder. The frozen smile on J's face, a hallmark of insincerity, indicates that she could eat him for breakfast and spit out the pieces a very long way.

[Thomas Seal]

I did enjoy the spot, however brief it was. My only complaint is that you spelt the esteemed Mr. Trow's name incorrectly; it's 'Mei' short for 'Meiron'. I only say because he was largely responsible for my wonderful history marks last year!

Keep up the good work! I found the exploits of ancient gladiators marginally more interesting than whatever's new on Eastenders!

[Tony Francis]

Dearest Paulo, We must admit that every woman is a fair blossom bringing joy and blessings to our lives. Mary Beard, with or without make-up, demonstrates only the greatest of altruistic beauties, not unlike the best qualities of the finest butterflies:
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterfly

[Paul Potts]

“Gosh,” she said, “you’re looking REALLY good.” What she saw was that you were looking terrible after your patronising BBC treatment and the hour on the grubby floor of the train, cross and perhaps supercilious. She thought you needed cheering up and so complimented you on your appearance. The capitalised REALLY gives it away. Well, ask her.

I'd have thought that such a sophisticated reader of Ovid et al would not be so naive in describing everyday conversation, but it may be that applying the techniques of literary criticism to our friendships leads to loneliness and paranoia.

Your TV make-up may have made you look OK on camera, but may have added to the real life impression of something wrong. They ought to remove it after "shooting".

If you want to be a real idol, you will have to change the photo on your web-site. You look quite nice, but not "great".

Paulo

[Marina]

Please, put the video of Mary Beard in youtube!

[Lord Truth]

"One thing the ancient writers seem pretty agreed on was that he(Spartacus) had served in the army and was freeborn.."
Well ,living in slave based societies they probably would say that wouldnt they?(face saving you know)

[Tony Francis]

In the interest of altruism and getting the classics into places it might not otherwise reach, someone should repair the Spartacus article in Wiki and "harmonize" it with the Third Servile War artilce. I would do it, but I am not up to the task. Perhaps some Classicist, or maybe an Etymologist?

[Peter Sewell]

I'm kicking myself because I missed Mary's "Spartacus" programme on TV. I thought it was the film with Kirk Douglas showing his knobbly knees.

I expect I will be able to find it in the "TV on Demand" menu. :-)

[Michael Bulley]

On the thumbs, it looks as if if you stuck your thumb out - pollice uerso -, in any direction, that meant "kill" and if you didn't - pollice compresso - it meant "don't kill", but I don't know enough about these things, even whether it really was the spectators who decided for or against. I just wanted to write a sentence with "if if" in it.

[Mary]

OK Anthony -- good question.
Leaving aside the possibility that it is merely self-promotion (?) , two reasons:

1. Sheer curiosity
2. A rather more altruistic desire to get Classics into places that it might not otherwise reach. If R and J phone up, and I say no, they might try someone else, they say no.. then R and J go off the idea. And a great opportunity to showcase some of what you do to a different audience is gone.

[Tony Francis]

The History Channel had a documentary about Spartacus a few years ago. All record of this program has been purged from their site. As I recall, Spartacus didn't really know what to do after they pillaged a few villages. According to them, the German contingent was uncontrollable, and wanted to head north across the Alps. Hindered by indecision, the whole affair was doomed. The National Geographic Channel has a show coming up April 10, 2008 concerning Spartacus. I don't get the National Geographic Channel. If the Cambridge Professor hadn't burned her bridges with National Geographic, we might be privy to some inside info. But I guess that isn't happening.
http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/channel/spartacus/bio.html
The real story of Spartacus seems to be found at:
http://www.livius.org/so-st/spartacus/spartacus.html
There are two relevant articles in Wiki:
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spartacus
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Third_Servile_War
As you will notice, the Third Servile War article is one of Wiki's finest. It has been awarded a Gold Star. The Spartacus article is in need of work. Specifically, it needs to be "harmonized" with the Third Servile War article (whatever that means). Looking at the record of the Spartacus article, I noticed the usual amount of juvenile pornographic additions/deletions which have also been placed in my articles. One would imagine that some caring Classics Professor would fix the Spartacus article. I suppose that isn't happening, either.

[anthony alcock]

Why in the name of God do you do these things ?

[mary]

Jackie.. I suspect he might have been, or at least became one. I think what we were trying to show was that breaking out of the gladiatorial school is one thing, knowing what on earth to do next is quite another!
Thumbs.. Romans said 'pollice verso' but we dont know which way it turned.

Arindam.. Kirk Douglas - S Kubrick was a great movie.. but ever so wrong. I mean the very first scene has Spartacus being a 2nd or 3rd generation slave in the mines in Libya. Well there were no mines in Libya, the area had only become a province one year before the Spartacan revolt, and one thing the ancient writers seem pretty agreed on is that he had served in the army and was freeborn. I could go on..!

[arindam bandyopadhaya]

Mary I have seen Kirk Douglas' Spartacus. Is it historically accurate?

Regards

[Jackie]

Was Spartacus really such an undecided wuss? And I thought the thumb was a Hollywood invention.

[abc]

The sensation-seekers would probably go 100 points to Mary Beard and the orange Paul Cartledge.

[Xjy]

Medium versus message! You should really make your own medial message so strong it neutralizes the opposition - I can't help going on about Joan Robinson and her saris again. Or those astronomical eyebrows on wotzisname. Of course, Greek hetaira or Roman dynastic diva? Maybe some Athena or Artemis headgear? Or blow their minds and go Minoan... hm, yes, Minoan... that would probably pacify (heh) the sensation-seekers.

[Tony Francis]

Probably the greatest series was done by Kenneth Clark: "Civilisation"
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Civilisation:_A_Personal_View
This featured "The Skin of our Teeth" and "Howling Barbarians".
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenneth_Clark
He said, "Opera, next to Gothic architecture is one of the strangest inventions of Western man. It could not have been foreseen by any logical process." One can only speculate what he would say about the Three Graces in Liverpool.

Another was the trans-Atlantic sell-out, Alistair Cooke.
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alistair_Cooke
A Cambridge man, he quitted the UK and became a US citizen. One can only dream of how Foska would characterize this episode. Anyway, in his series "America", Alistair was a gushing admirer of the US Supreme Court. His bones were stolen after his death and sold for implants. It was a bizarre episode. I think Simon Schama, and his "History of Britain" got a raw deal from some posters on this blog.
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_History_of_Britain