Travel sick?

I know that tales of travelling misery rarely touch anyone else’s heart. The obvious answer is: well if you must go off jet-setting around and spoiling the planet, why should the rest of the world feel sorry if you are delayed/your flight is cancelled/you lose your luggage…

All the same, I am going allow myself a moan about my latest trip to the States. It’s been huge fun in all sorts of ways: I gave a lecture on the triumph at Rutgers, talked to a great group of US high-school teachers in Cambridge Mass., and had a fantastic two days in Seattle at a wonderful conference on Roman Art, which had been timed to coincide with a loan exhibition of Roman art from the Louvre at the local museum. A long way, you might say, to go to see art from Paris, but the display in the Seattle Art Museum was brilliant – and actually made me see all kinds of objects afresh.

But, nice as the whole trip has been, every single leg of travel has gone wrong in some way or other. I’ll pass over the more trivial problems: the almost missed connection in Chicago on my way from Boston to Seattle (I got the plane by 30 seconds as it was closing its doors, and it took me most of the flight to get my breath back); the suspicious package on the railway line, which held up the inappropriately named Acela Express from New York to Boston,  in New Haven station for over an hour. (OK, I know: better safe than sorry – but it doesn’t always feel like that when you’re not moving).

One of the worst bits was arriving in Newark “Liberty” airport – which had the effect of making me feel rather benign towards Terminal 5.

Everything looked good. We got off the plane to find the arrivals hall uncharacteristically empty, and we  were spread around the different booths for immigration processing. A warning note was struck (though I didn’t realise it at the time) when the officer at my booth (“Pete” as I later had plenty of time to discover) went off on some errand before turning to process me.

He had returned ten minutes later, taken my passport, just inserted it into his bar code reader, when his computer crashed – and not just his computer, but all the computers in the arrivals hall.

Pete and his friend at the next booth tried logging in again, several times – but to no avail. At this point, the human psychology got interesting. Neither Pete nor his mate thought to use the phone to find out what was going on. We passengers, meanwhile, tired as we were, knew that only an idiot picks a fight with an immigration officer, so restricted ourselves to smiles and polite queries about whether we could use our cell phones (answer: no); and whether those meeting us had been informed of the delay (answer: yes).

After half an hour or so, the hall was beginning to fill up. But there was no sign whatsoever of anyone who was remotely in charge – nor any airline reps for that matter. In fact, incoming flights were still being told over the tannoy on which carousel to pick up their luggage, without a mention that they weren’t likely to get that far for some time.

After 50 minutes or so, the tannoy voice told the immigrations officers to reboot – which they tried, unsuccessfully. Half an hour later, a man did come round and deliver a cd to each of the officers, but neither Pete nor his mate had a clue what to do with it, or even how to insert it in their machine – so that wasn’t much good.

The next idea was that some of the machines might be working, so Pete and mate, and me and my queue moved to another booth. We did manage to get a bit further now – up to the fingerprints. But then the machine crashed again, leaving my index fingers displayed all over the screen.

It was now something like an hour and three quarters since we had entered the arrivals hall. At this point, another man came round and instructed Pete and mate to process manually and just keep a list of numbers of US and non-US citizens who passed through (what US citizens were doing in my queue I can’t imagine). The trouble was neither Pete nor mate knew this guy and ‘didn’t feel comfortable’ with this instruction. So off Pete went again (taking his immigration stamp with him in case we should take it into our own hands) to get confirmation.

Ten minutes later he was  back and ‘comfortable’ and we were through. The thought of UK ID cards and computer systems came to mind.

And no, those meeting us hadn’t been told a thing.

And the return home? Yet worse. I am writing this in Seattle airport where I have been for the last 13 hours. I was going back with American Airlines to New York, then back with British Airways from JFK. I got here at 6.00 a.m. to find that the American flight had been cancelled and they couldn’t offer me another flight to get to JFK in time to make the connection (not to mention the fact that they were totally unsympathetic, bordering on the rude).

BA were absolutely charming on the phone (they don’t have a human being at Seattle airport in the early morning), but at first not much practical help . But then the husband phoned them up in the UK and explained my plight, in no doubt graphic detail. And though it’s counting chickens till I actually get on that plane, it looks as if they are now going to transport me back to the UK direct from Seattle later this evening, without charging me a month’s salary for the privilege.

So cross fingers it will all work out, and big kisses to dear old, unfairly maligned, BA. 

PS (Monday evening) – indeed it did all work; and I am extremely grateful to whoever it was in BA’s call centre in Newcastle who sorted it all out.

Comments

[Tony Francis]

My father told a story from World War II: he was in the US Army heading to the west coast on a Santa Fe train. There was a drunk soldier on board who was bothering the women. The train stopped in the Arizona desert, in the middle of the night, in the middle of nowhere and put him off. A black Pullman Porter said, "I wouldn't want to be dat boy... de wolves'll eat him up." In those days, the Santa Fe had trains called "rolling nurseries" where women and children were diverted. Notably, these were the Scout and a second section of the Grand Canyon:
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scout_%28passenger_train%29
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grand_Canyon_Limited
This left their more haute trains for the wealthy:
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_Chief
I'm not saying this was better, or worse. It is just different from today. Now, if someone has a passel of ill-behaved brats, and I have the bad luck to sit next to them on a public transportation conveyance, it is my problem to put up with them. This isn't so much democracy, as it is erosion of accepted social norms. In other words: it is a socialist view. One set of behavior patterns is equal to any other. Before deregulation, air travel had a certain ambiance of gentility. Now every trip is like an adventure out of a Cheech and Chong movie.

[libertygirl]

Gosh poor you. But in Newark's defence, I fly in & out of there (too much), & have always been thrilled at the empty immigration halls, swift customs queues, tiny airport size and rapid luggage delivery. JFK in comparision is hell. (My JFK record is 3hours in a queue in immigration due to sheer weight of numbers) LLG xx

[dearieme]

"After deregulation, this all changed. Planes resembled cattle cars: packed, noisy, full of ill-behaved children and loud mouthed drunks": democracy, innit?

[Tony Francis]

Before deregulation in the US, flying had a certain genteel quality. Planes were half full, and the stewardesses would actually sit down and talk with the passengers when things were slow. After deregulation, this all changed. Planes resembled cattle cars: packed, noisy, full of ill-behaved children and loud mouthed drunks. When I was flying a lot in the 1980s, I recall being informed, in the air, that my flight to Denver would be diverted to Tulsa, or Altanta or Memphis (going the wrong direction). Woe to you, if there was a tight connection to make. I haven't flown much since 9/11, but I can't imagine it has gotten any better. The only thing I can recommend to make the misery complete is to read a book by any of the Bronte sisters while waiting:
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bronte_sisters
All this puts me in mind of a t-shirt popular in the 1970s. It was a take-off of the famous United Airlines motto: "Fly United":
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/ebayISAPI.dll?viewItem&item=310043593210#ebayphotohosting

[Annette Laing]

Took me 24 hours once to get from Savannah to Seattle, where I was due to give a 9 a.m. paper at the American Historical Association annual meeting. I was routed through Denver (cancelled), Washington D.C. (got there, but missed connection), and Denver (cancelled again) Snow was the problem, as it usually is for the AHA, which will insist on meeting in the dead of winter. Ironically, I was finally able to get to the West Coast via Chicago, because the snow had melted. By the time I arrived, as I told my session audience, I was truly Sleepless in Seattle.

[Tony Francis]

http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Airline_deregulation_act
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Congestion_pricing

[Tony Francis]

http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Security_theater
http://www.en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Culture_of_fear

[Xjy]

US aphorisms:

The customer is always a sucker.

Never give a sucker an even break.

He's down? Kick his head in.

[Leah]

I had the good fortune to be on vacation in Seattle this weekend, and as a part-time Classics student (University of London External Program) attending the conference on Roman art at the University of Washington was a must. It was fantastic, and I think well worth your travel woes!

[abz]

isn't this a bit about who takes philosophical precedence Mars or Minerva?

[Richard]

Is that your own finger print? If so, you are wanted for theft of a copy of volume 3 of Fraenkel's commentary on Agamemnon from the British Library in May 1986.

No, not really.

But whose fingerprint is it?

I thought this might turn into a story about how you met some incredibly fascinating person in the queue for the coffee bar at the airport or something. But no: just you had a whole lot of delays. It happens... Anyway, those of us who have been loyal readers of your blog but are not regular long-haul fliers have had a succession of tutorials on everything from Newark's computer problems to the different styles of flight attendant. Have you considered compiling these into a book? I can't think of a witty title (apart from "Sleepless in Seattle").

All best,
Richard

[Oliver Nicholson]

I share Michael Bulley's view - caelum non animum mutant qui trans mare ferunt....
But did Horace ? Surely Odes II, 20 suggests an aeronautical ambition comparable to that of Daedalian Icarus: " uates neque in terris morabor...", he becomes what Michie jinglingly translates as 'bard made bird" (though I cannot share A. Alcock's disdain for Michie - you can forgive a man much if he can produce a line like "Gauls shall drink Horace as they do the Rhone").
Of course Horace wanted to fly to places (the Bosporus, immortality etc.) a good deal more entertaining than Newark N.J..

[Mark]

I have made various trips to the USA and lived there for a couple of years as well. But, as pleasant as most Americans are, the thing that sticks in my mind is how totally devoid of any common sense American officials always seem to be.

The word RULES always seems to be written in capital letters in the Land of the Free.

No American official would ever dream of using his discretion or intelligence to deal with people as human beings - unless of course there is rule telling him that he must do so.

[Paul Potts]

Dear Mary

"Better safe than sorry - I know ......".

Not so my dear, and if you had followed the mantra with "I suppose", we would understand that you meant "I don't suppose". Since you say "I know", I can only take it that that's what you you expect that that is how you expect some of us to respond - or some of them.

I've got nothing against mantras - we can't do without them. But that one in this context deconstructs everything else you seem to be trying to say. It constitutes the whole justification of the security state into which democracy threatens to descend Hitler-style. Of course it doesn't and can't work, and the attempt to tie in computer and internet technology is just going to make the debacle even more soul-destroying. Nobody, and that includes me, knows how to use it, even if trained to do so, even the new Windows Vista.

You are very very unlikely to be the victim of a terror attack on your journeys, but we are all the the victims of what is happening.

"Better sorry than safe." Try out that for size.

Paulo

[anthony alcock]

You got it right in the first paragraph.

[Michael Bulley]

Horace, in Odes I iii, thought humans deserved all the problems they got that came from trying to do unnatural things like floating on the sea or flying through the air: in vain, he says, did god in his wisdom separate the lands from the sea, if impious boats still cross the waves they should not touch. For Mary Beard, he says: expertus uacuum Daedalus aera / pennis non homini datis - Daedalus tried out the empty air with wings not given to humans. The message of that poem is that aeroplane crashes are not tragedies, but natural consequences you are foolishly risking if you try to fly. If all that happens is being held up at a passport check-in, count yourself lucky!

[PhilosopherP]

You can bet that BA billed American full price for your ticket -- which is a pretty insignficant punishment for the way they run their airline....