10 things Londoners need to know about having a Classicist in County Hall

More than enough has written about what Boris Johnson might have learned about government from his classical training.  Isn’t it time to think about what we should learn from Mayor Johnson’s classical training in working out  how to prepare for him and what to expect.

Remember that Boris is much keener on Rome than on Greece. So we need to concentrate on Roman government, and its relatively democratic forms. I don’t think that Boris is (quite) like a Roman emperor, yet.

What would Roman history teach us to expect, if he’s acting on the Roman model?

One: He won’t be in power very long. People elected at Rome were elected for one year only. Occasionally they were allowed to repeat the office, but not go on for years and years. That’s what got Julius Caesar into trouble (I mean assassinated). If Boris is being truly Roman, he’ll resign in twelve months.

Two: Memoirs. Writing your memoirs once you’d left office was just as big a thing then as now, or getting someone else to do it for you. The wives, like Claudius’ empress Agrippina, did it too. Most of these books have now disappeared (a lesson for the moderns?). But Cicero’s poem on his consulship (which survives in fragments, mostly quoted by Cicero himself) might give Boris an idea or two. A Latin epic on his mayor-dom?

Three: A populist spin. Romans told the story about a toff (one Scipio Nasica) who , when put canvassing, shook the hand of a peasant. The hand was, predictably, horny.. “What, do you walk on it?”, the toff asked. The upshot? He lost the election. Roman politicians were nice to the poor, was the message. Boris wont (I hope) make that mistake.

Four: A relaxation in sartorial standards . . .

. . . Romans thought that you dressed up to get elected, not to stay popular. In fact the word “candidate” means “nice white toga” that you have put on to get elected. You  could take it off later. So we can expect Boris in hoody and trainers, no Bullingdon club outfit.

Five: Bribery. Romans thought that aggressive and really open bribery was a bad thing (no handing out the 20 quid notes at the polling station), even if  they often did it. Low-key bribery – like a bit of free public transport -- was institutionalised and perfectly OK.

Six: Some good theatre. One of the things that a Roman politician should offer to his (oh yes, I forgot, no women here --  just his) electorate was a good time. This wasn’t  simply bribery, as it happened after he had got elected. The idea was no politician was good enough unless he put on some great gladiators.

Seven: Cutting the pay in County Hall. Underlying Number Six is the idea that holding public office will cost you. There was no drawing of expenses here, still less a salary. If you wanted to run Rome, you paid for it. You did it for free, and you put your own money into public services. If it left you bankrupt, you made up later by going to govern a province and clawing it back from the poor old barbarians. (Boris as governor of the Falkland Islands?)

Eight: Boris on the front row of every play, opera, concert and chariot race. Romans expected their leaders to turn up at the shows. It wasn’t a question of paying for the best seats. The political elite sat there as of right – the great unwashed and the women at the back. (It makes the Royal Opera House look democratic.)

Nine: Plenty of sex in the speeches. Roman political oratory was full of sex – and especially the idea that your opponent was keen on being buggered. Adultery was (sort of) OK, so was buggering. But not what we classicists coyly call “being the passive partner”.

Ten: A London War – or Boris for archbishop. The point about Roman elected official is that they acted for Rome across the board. None of this division of powers we now take for granted. You would want to be consul in order to lead the army to military victory AND you would think it your right to negotiate with the gods on Rome’s behalf. So watch out Canterbury, in more senses than one.

Comments

[Chris]

Well as we know from fashion some styles never go out of fashion. But I didn´t expected that a toga is one of them.

[Lidwina]

Is "degenerate" a transitive verb now? I suggest it is adopted into the language in this form, I like it.

Citizen Truth; I don't think Boris, whatever his politics, got to choose which school he attended. He uses the accent he grew up with; I find this more honest than those other public school kids who adopt Estuary English - so painful on the ear.

[Lord Truth]

Bears look the most adorably, cuddly lovable creatures.
In reality they are the most dangerous and vicious.
No doubt Boris ,the new Bear Of London will keep his talons carefully sheathed to present an all embracing image to the world that will obviously help Cameron,but his election does reflect the feeling that London and British society generally is drifting into ever more leaderless and choppy waters and that the smack of firm Romanesque government is needed.What better than the undoubtedly firm hand of Boris,the classical Toff, to deliver it.

Life has changed so much and so fast in recent years that one would imagine that the mass of people have not the slightest idea what Eton is let alone a classicist.Yet perhaps there still lurks a deferential strain in British society that can still appear in certain circumstances.As Bagehot pointed out in The English Constitution (if Londoners can still be called English)'The English defer to the theatrical show of society..A wonderful scene of wealth and enjoyment is displayed and they are coerced by it.' It may well be that the age of immensely rich sweat shirted nerds like Bill Gates etc is drawing to a close and people will be drawn to those operating on the principle-'If ya got it-flaunt it'

But there are certain other reasons that make his election particularly apt.The main function of society today is to provide ceaseless bread and circuses and let the rest go hang.A genuine classicist like Boris comes armed with exactly the right kind of knowledge and could give his party much needed advice.
The Tories originally rode to power in the fifties using this circus business ,bringing commercial television,betting shops salted crisps and other wonders. The main problem now is that Labour have proved even better at the Penny Off A Pint game and degenerated society faster than any Tory could have imagined-there is little new they can offer.

Boris with his well fertilised mind may however, come up with some new ideas.Gladiatorial contests in Trafalgar Square may not be possible but I have one original idea that may be a sure fire vote winner.
Why not free brothel passes for the over sixties?.This would get us oldies out of the house instead of hindering the vacuuming and because most of the ladies we visited would probably be of a certain age allow them to augment their pensions.

Beard seems to know all about brothels as I'm sure does Boris.Perhaps they could get together on this?
But there are other similarities in his new post.
We now have anti terror laws and ceaseless surveillance certainly equal to the Roman and the constant terror threat is still from religious extremists-not the Christians but a new lot,and the Jews as usual are still causing a lot of trouble in Palestine....
Could there ever be a time when the wisdom of a classical scholar was more needed?

Yet before we get carried away ,a brief look at those talons....

In Beards post 'Ten Excellent Blogs' she mentions Clive Davis of the Spectator- (Boris being deputy or editor for nearly ten years until 2005) -and I looked him up.Davis seems to write little but trawls other sites for tit bits seemingly about American politics pop music and Israel.
I sent a brief five line comment saying Hilary was in the pockets of Israel.
To my surprise ,in a post headed 'Comment Is Not Free'(Im sure it sounds better in the original German) Herr Davis raged at me calling me a headbanger(?) and an idiot and said he would not have idiots commenting on his site.
Naturally I replied at length only for Davis to produce yet another post- No Place For Idiots On This Blog I'm Afaid' quoting me and ranting further,finally gloating at my ''audacity of hope' -whatever that means!!
Of course when peoplw throw around words like idiot in a literary magazine you know they have inferiority complexes worthy of the Guiness Book of Records but it is a serious reminder that behind the jokes about Eton and the Bullingdon we should remember that they (or the lackeys who represent them-like Davis ) have enormous wealth and thereby power
Physical or intellectual thuggery -its all the same to them.

When I was young,growing up in an austere world, I was fascinated by pre-war pictures of Toffs in full evening dress, top hats, tails etc,their ladies glittering on their arms, sauntering through the crowded streets of the West End ,
Perhaps those days are about to return.
Money,like murder,will out....
When it happens,how the dumbed down masses will respond to being pushed back into the gutter by their masters,will be interesting to see...

[An American Observer]

Having read Suetonius, I'm not so sure that an admiration for things Roman is such a wonderful qualification for a politician.

[Paul Potts]

Fraklin

Zany and wrong. The point is that the upper clasees still own the land. Don't forget it.

Paulo

[Mary]

Russell Franklin...I thought the typing endearingly zany!

[Xjy]

@ Anthony A:

"He treated us better than Mad-Eye Blair by making speeches in Latin metres..."

Slight transposition. No dislocation.
"Quis multa gracilis te puer in rosa
perfusus liquidis urget odoribus
grato, Pyrrha, sub antro,
cui flavam relegas comam..."

[Russell Franklin]

wow, sory about my poor typing, I was in a rush.

[anthony alcock]

XJY: "treat us to".
Why is there such bile against this man ? I read the link about Johnson provided in the blog. He seems to have an interesting pedigree, which is likely to make him a bit more generally tolerant than some of the contributors to this blog and, as far as I can tell, a lot more tolerant than the current Prime Minister. I suspect he has a plummy voice, which seems to be so inexplicably offensive to the British middle classes. Is it still the voice of authority, real or imagined ?

[Russell Franklin]

"Beard and her like constantly try to poke fun at the born to rule classes whilst recognising that she never will have the attributes to aspire to join that class and so must snipe ineffectively from the sidelines"
Sorry, I just don't get that at all, surely the old ruling class has passed away, replaced by three new ruling classes whbere once there was one covering all three aspects of superiority. Mentaly, the Scholarys such as Mrs beard herself, finacially the buisness men, bankers and hedgefund managers, socially celebrities. Britian will prehaps allways be divided into different classes, but the old idea of upper clas is surely redundant.

[Dan]

There's all sorts of politics below but I thought I'd stick to the important matter of Latin vocab.

Actually, candida *does* mean nice/bright white - cp. albus, which is your word for normal white.

[Xjy]

Cambridge is well-versed in leftist leanings!!! Ha-bloody-ha.

The place is so reactionary that the slightest deviation from dark blue (heh-heh) or black-n-red (apart from total and obsequious quietism) is trumpeted from the chapel-tops to get the black balls jiggling. Fama and all that.

Too bad for the deadwoods of this world that the few real lefties have been the jewels in the academic crown.

Tow-headed shock-haired Boris J
Will never get my vote - no way!
But making speeches in Latin metres
Is better than Mad-Eye Blair could treat us.

[Frosbert Jocrisse]

My goodness this has flushed from the cisterna a whole cloaca of public school boys defending their empire.

[San Ying]

Boris? Loris? Or..?

[Noel Falconer]

'Candida' means white, period, no nice, no toga. So much for Barack Obama!

[Neil]

How about uncovering a conspiracy? A defeated candidate (say, Paddick) is bankrupt and plotting to seize London using an army of the desperate (maybe laid-off bankers). Then Boris can 'save' the state and execute them immediately without a proper trial.

[David Michael]

I did not even raise a smile whilst reading Mary Beard's boringly weak attempt at humour. Cambridge is well versed in leftist leanings as Philby et al can attest. Beard and her like constantly try to poke fun at the born to rule classes whilst recognising that she never will have the attributes to aspire to join that class and so must snipe ineffectively from the sidelines.
What a sad lady.

[arindam bandyopadhaya]

In the early sixties a profound classics scholar occupied No 10, who had read Eskilos in the trenches of the First World War.He was Sir Harold.It will be poetic justice if Boris lands up in No 10 some day.
Regards

[Marc]

Hip Hip Hoorah, for long haired hippy bohemian classicists with a sense of humor running London Town!

[Alex]

P.S. Paolo, if you really believe that Boris Johnson is as bumbling and incompetent as his haters would like to think he is, then you are not particularly bright and I suggest you switch to reading something a little lighter (sun, sport, mirror etc)

The man is highly intelligent, and most of his bluster is little more than bravado designed to keep things ticking over while he considers his actual answer to a question.

You may not like his politics, but to dismiss him as being incompetent is incredibly short sighted.

[Shawcross]

Sadly, unlike the Praefectus Urbi under the principate, Boris will not be able to command his urban cohorts directly...

Oh, and regarding your ninth point? Might this have some bearing on the Lib Dem candidate's rather dismal showing?

[Alex]

So Boris speaks with an accent that could be described as the Queen's English and went to an expensive school - big deal!

Can someone explain to me why it's perfectly acceptable to slate a person due to their coming from an affluent background? To my mind, it's no different from speaking ill of a person due to their racial origin or sexual orientation.

So far the man's done a good job and all this harping on about what school he went to and how he speaks is getting soooo boring.

Besides, most of the most vociferous detractors who describe themselves as so called socialists have had similar educations, they're just sanctimonious and patronising and bleat on about class because they think people still care and might vote for them - both assumptions are completely wrong.

[Lord Justin of Sloane]

Yawn! This class hate rubbish is starting to wear a bit thin, isn't it. It's no longer 1968. Nobody's buying it any more.

King Newt and his nasty little Stalinist bureaucrats have been swept away (by the foaming Tiber of public opinion if you must).

Give thanks (to Jupiter?) for a great victory for common sense - and stop trying to feed class war crumbs to the running-scared, chip-on-the-shoulder lefties of the moribund Labour Party.

[Rui, form Portugal]

The Romans, as opposed to barbarians, cut their hair. Perhaps Boris should stop at Baker Street to visit the barber...

[Paul Potts]

Mary, you say that Roman politicians were required to supply gladiators. But under some Emperors, such as Nero, they had to
appear as gladiators themselves, and Boris' rather frequent appearances as a public buffoon on TV ("Have I Got News For You) suggests that this is what he learned at Oxford. The question then arises as to what kind of gladiator he is. There were at
least a dozen different kinds, depending on their role and get-up. Was he a Secutor, with sword and buckler? No, that's Ian Hislop. A Retiarius, with a net to trap the foe? No - that's Paul Merton. A Thrax with a curved scimitar? Perhaps. A Mirmillo, whose job it was to oppose the Thraces or Retiarii? Yes, perhaps: they had helmets shaped like a fish, and Boris' hairdo is consistent with some kinds of jellyfish at least. A Bestiarius - fighting unarmed and sometimes bound against animals? They were usually criminals or Christians, and in Boris' case, that's not clear. A Hoplomachus, in full armour? No, though Boris may have a tough skin. An Andabala, blindfold on horseback, like Charles or Camilla? (Yes, women sometimes entered as Gladiators)? A
Meridianus, fighting only in the afternoon? I don't think so. A Pugil, with a leather strap and a Dimachacrus with two swords can
both be discounted, as, so far can the Fiscalis, who was paid directly from the Treasury. In fact, Boris is an Esselarius, who fought on a British or Gallic Bicycle, I mean chariot, though that does not form part of the Classics education at Oxford as far as I am aware, though it is certainly a necessary part of undergraduate life. As for the future, if he survives as Mayor, he may become a Postulatius like Ken Livingstone - an experienced old-timer, or even a Lanista, a gladiator trainer - but he is neither yet, since it is for his bumbling incompetence that he has received the thumbs up (or down?) from the London crowd. Or --- well, perhaps enough. It was the old spoilsport Constantine who tried to put a stop to it, and I suspect that under Mr Brown, Labour politicians at least will engage in the fun at their own risk and Boris will have to appear to be serious.

Paulo