10 dotty (well meaning?) ideas from the party election manifestos

After a serious study of the main party manifestos, let me reveal some of the dottier ideas that have got by the party committees and into their official promises. How on earth, one wonders, do these things get the nod....? Have you noticed them?

1. Establish a new prize for engineering. This is a Tory idea (to "make Britain the leading hi-tech exporter in Europe")... may not be so bad an idea, but IN THE MANIFESTO? (No prize for Classics. I note!)

2. Create a specialist Mandarin teacher training qualification, so that many more primary schools have access to a qualified primary teacher able to teach Mandarin. So offers the Labour party. A worthy aim.... but when we can't teach French effectively? And where are these Mandarin teachers coming from?

3. Control bullying, including homophobic bullying. Another virtuous aim (this time from the Lib Dems), but is this an appropriate manifesto commitment? I mean, how are they going to do this?

4.  Launch an annual Big Society Day. Another holiday, on which "to celebrate the work of neighbourhood groups"...and, presumably the work of the middle class mums and dads who plan to set up their own schools. A Tory idea, needless to say.

5. The right to cancer test results within one week. A Labour PR move. Well, who could not want speedy cancer tests? But another target? And how easy is it for the pushy middle class to manipulate. Next time I think I need an X ray for my stiff knee, I guess I persuade my GP tosay "suspected carcinoma".

6. Establish a free online  database of exam papers and marking schemes -- for GCSE and A/AS. A Tory bright idea, but so far as I know, you can get this information free already.

7. Make Network Rail refund a third of your ticket price if you have to take a rail replacement bus service. Nice idea. Whatever Lib Dem thought this up must have lived in Cambridge, where Network Rail regularly works on both lines to London simultaneously. But for a party trying to cut red tape etc.. what do they think the cost of this will be?

8. Ensure that the 2013 Rugby League and 2015 Rugby Union World Cups are successful. Ensure  that we win? Or what do the Tories actually mean on this one?

9. All relevant agencies -- not just neighbourhood police teams -- will hold monthly public meetings to hear people's concerns <on Anti Social Behaviour -- or ASB as the Labour party now calls it>. Well it could be useful. But as a Labour manifesto commitment??

10.Tackle the gender gap at all levels of scientific study and research to help increase the supply of scientists. Well I'm all for this one, Lib Dems... but many of us have been working on it for years. So exactly HOW are they gong to tackle it?

There's plenty more where they came from.