Retail -- what therapy?

I knew that the 60 minutes shopping time I had was not going to go well when I was arraigned on my bike by the Police Constable.

I was in a hurry, but I did need some long garment to go to a 'white tie' dinner on Thursday. The Don's view is that if it says 'dinner jackets', you can get away with leggings and a sparkly top -- but 'white tie' means a skirt (which I dont really have).

So off I went to shop. The first mishap was the said police constable. At the bottom of Sidgwick Avenue, going into town from college, is a traffic light, which lets pedestrians through between the lights on a beeping sound. Every cyclist in the world goes with the pedestrians, illegally as it may be. On this occasion a charming policeman was waiting for us... extremely annoying, and full marks to him. He said pretty quickly that he wasnt going to give his four victims a ticket ('what would be the point?" he asked).. but he did look us in the eye and tell us to obey the rules of the road.

I gave him full marks, and fair cop;  in fact I didn't jump the lights at another favourite spot later (which just goes to show that community policing, and a bit of embarrassment can be more effective that a ticket -- so keep it up Cambridge Constabulary).

But the search for a long skirt was much worse.

My favourite shop (Troon) had nothing -- dont even bother to look, they confessed. They suggested I go to something called the Tailor's Cat (bridal <sic> plus evening wear), but that was shut on a Monday. The next door shop to Troon thought that M and S was the only place they knew that did long frocks...and all I saw in French Connection made me look the wrong side of 90. So where do people buy long dresses?

As I refected on that, I decided to buy some comfort on the way home. I fancied some new Parmesan, so went into the Cambridge Cheese Shop. These guys have great cheese but are never quick at the best of times. On this occasion they were slower than ever, taking a good 10 minutes to cut a small slice of Parmesan and Vignotte. While I was there, I decided to have some tomatoes and mozzarella... and after twenty minutes produced my card. "Oh" said the slow man, "we cant take cards today -- our machine s down".

At this point I could have gone round to the cashpoint. But, sod it, I thought.. I have waited 20 minutes, and have been coming to this shop since it opened, more than a decade ago. So "I cut off my nose to spite my face" and told him to put his sodding cheese back (heavens - this shop has a notice saying that it charges 50p for any card trarsaction; surely they could have added a sign sayimg 'no cards today").

And I went home wondering where I would get the long skirt tomorrow. Any suggestions?