In "hairdresser country"

Today I made a rare visit to the hairdresser. I rather like my unkempt look, but there is a fine line between idiosyncratic eccentricity and wild barbarity -- and things were verging on the barbarous.

Even so, I have a bit of a phobia of the salon. It's the terror of humiliation. Looking at my hair, the stylist is likely to utter the capillary equivalent of the usual plumber's line -- "what cowboy put that in?". Worse, I always think, they might then take things into their own hands. I go in to have a trim, and come out with a trendy cut, ten inches shorter. Once they get the scissors out, how do you stop them?

But, I am about to do a new tv mini-series, and felt the need of a little tidy up. All the same entering the salon is a little bit like entering a country whose language you don't speak very well.

For a start there is the choreography. Everyone else seems to know that (and when) you move from one chair to another. I wasn't sure, when I sat down at one basin and was then asked to move to another, whether this was planned (you have the towel put on here, then move over there) or whether the tap wasnt working at the first one.

Then, there are the questions. Experience in foreign languages suggests that you can only answer someone's questions confidently if you already know what they are likely to be asking you anyway. Otherwise 'yes' is the default response. I think I said 'yes' to the question about the water being the right temperature and the one about the pressure of the scalp massage, but I'm really not sure. (As for the question, "how would you like your hair dried".. that floored me; 'just dried'....)

And what about the stylists. Mine was very nice and not a pushy talker (phew). But was she really called "Olivia" and were her colleagues really called "Gemma" and "Amber"? Or are these "noms de salon"?

Anyway, I escaped rather pleased with the result (what do they do to make your hair seem so soft?) And not too much was removed (thank you Olivia). Maybe I'll go again in another 12 months.