Farewell to the Special Coat

So farewell, José, soi-disant Special One and the man who will always be remembered for his efforts to bring a little southern European style to the dour English game.

Not from a footballing point of view, of course. No, it's a dress sense thing. Who could forget the Armani (or was it Matalan) 3/4-length coat of his first season? The bristling Clooney-esque buzz cut? The casually unbuttoned shirts? The freakish 'Val Kilmer in Top Gun' quiff of this August? Whichever way you look at it, young José cut a dashing figure alongside such style luminaries as Surralexferrguson (padded mac and, we suspect, shirt tucked into his Y-fronts) and Arsene Wenger (who never quite lost the look of a man who'd just crawled out of bed and hastily run an iron over his crinkled features).

If history has taught us anything, it's that sacking a manager mid-season rarely produces the results that the hierarchy are hungering for. And yet, and yet. The vigorous young scamps who are at this very moment lining up outside Roman's palatial office with a PowerPoint presentation in one hand and a long list of "wanted" players in the other... well, many of them have their own inimitable look. There's the affable but sadly Spurs-tainted Jürgen Klinsmann, with a nice line in rumpled casual suits; a Teutonic Mourinho in all but name. And playing style. And possibly sense of humour. Then there's the terribly serious Frank Rijkaard, a man who may never escape the priceless image of his impromptu attempt to bolster Dutch-German relations by spraying Rude Völler with phlegm, but who favours a similarly relaxed, if probably awfully expensive, 2-piece suit look. And then there's Guus Hiddink, of whose crinkled anorak and cheery Santa features probably the less said the better.

Our concern, in this dark hour, is not the future success of the expensively-assembled team. We have no doubt that Messrs Lampard, Terry, Ballack, Shevchenko, Drogba and Cole are old enough and ugly enough to be wondering (or perhaps dreading), on this chilly morning, whether José wants them to accompany him or not. No, what we really want to know is whether José's successor will have the necessary panache to lead a club of Chelsea's stature to its inevitable destiny: that of the world's biggest football brand (TM) by 2011. Chelsea have a ten-year plan, you see. I know this because thus the Face of Kenyon spake. Can we really be expected to win the Champions League twice in 5 years if we're being led by a man for whom the words "Levi-Strauss" mean naught save as the author of "The Elementary Structures of Kinship"? Do we really expect to put teams like Barcelona to the sword if the tactics are coming from a gent who doesn't know his Anderson from his Sheppard or his Hardy from his Amies? What we need, fellow Chelsea fans and lovers of sartorial elegance, is someone who really understands the importance of a notch lapel. Someone who isn't interested in a haircut unless it costs in excess of a hundred nicker. Someone who buys really, really big ties.   

Roman and Mr Kenyon, or Pravda and the Ogpu to thee and me, doubtless have their reasons for dispensing with the services of the Special Coat. It doesn't do for an owner to be upstaged by his manager, perhaps. And Roman's predilection for - how shall we put this - clothing from the bottom barrel in the bargain basement, might be the key to the whole debacle. To this observer, it smacks of a puritan soul. Jeans from the Gap? A jumper from... shudder... Mr Byrite? And could that be a Swatch watch dangling from his wrist? Perhaps Roman tired of the vigorous Portuguese parading his elegant ensembles before all and sundry. Perhaps, somewhere in the chilly depths of that heart (some corner of which will, forever, be Siberia) he rebelled against the colourful pizzazz of his employee's outfits? And perhaps this parting was the final expression of a deeper misunderstanding between two men; a misunderstanding that went far deeper than mere sophistry on the nature of open, attacking football and whether Andriy Shevchenko's legs had gone before we shelled out £31m on him. Perhaps it just came down to the clothes. We may never know. Unless, of course, Pravda neglects to add a "keep your mouth shut" clause to the large remuneration package José is about to trouser. Whatever the outcome, whatever the reason, I for one wish the Special Coat well. He brought us sunshine. He brought us Drogba. And he bought us some priceless looks on Surralex's face. I'll miss him. And his coat.   

Comments

[Nazanin]

I love jose mourinho so much!

[kenny]

hello all chelsea fans i am one of chelsea good fans an i want you all to know that is not over until is over just put your mind together and let us pray for chelsea club to move forward an know that God will grant everybody request no matter what may be jose is not the manager i hope on the boys i know the they will do it thanks Best Regards KENNY......

[Rob]

I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to reply to all the comments attached to this article. I feel terrible for having missed them all over the last few days. All I can say, in response to the legion fans who have turned their back on Chelsea as Mourinho left is this: you were never Chelsea fans. No offence to any of you, but to say that Jose's departure has made you fall out of love with Chelsea... well, if that's the case then we never really wanted you in the first place.

This is a little more aggressive than I like to get. I'm not the psychopathic, bottle-throwing type of supporter. But your club is your club. You didn't choose it. It was your club the moment you started to watch football. Changing your allegiance, in the way that you might change your brand of aftershave, only goes to show that you have no real understanding of the word "allegiance", and never did.

I miss Jose. I will forever remember him fondly. But, however I feel about the past week's events, I do not support Jose. I support my football team, Chelsea FC, and I will always do so.

[Steven Tan]

Heard Terry helped pushed the boss off the train by his lacksadaisal attitude to allow Rosenborg to score and comments made to the Board about Jose losing the dressing room. Talk about turncoat. You don't do that to someone who makes u captain, practically makes u champs from has beens. Now his chance of winning more will have gone. Too bad. Chelski will now become Real Madrid Galacticos 2. All the best - downhill that is!

[Indy]

Hail the genius that has left,
but this is just the beginning yet,
Jose may have gone and its hard to hear, but were Chelsea and proud and were still gonna be here.
All you opposition fans must now be on cloud nine, but how bout Roman sayin Ronaldinho and co. will now be mine.
Managers however come and go, but there always be only one JOSE MOURINHO!!!!!!!!

[Joshua Lupupa Chongo]

I am ardent fan and supporter of chelsea and the news of the special one laeving has really made a sad person who will lead us to the European Chmpionship now Arkardy should have been patient it a virtie and a trait of great leaders anyway Abramovich has just shown us that he does not care about us.You just do not let a popular leader go

[Motty Daemon]

....reminds me of the Diana story, at least the hysterics level is similar.. So silly.

[Motty Daemon]

What hysterics is in the uk now? YOu brits are really dull at times. That guys, which you call the special one, is downright arrogant and very far from being a great coach. He has been simply lucky, especially with the money Abramovich gave it his disposal. You'll be much better off with a new coach. Best of luck!

[anon]

Roman abramovich is a !%$&£

[Sugar]

Mourinho is great and pure while the business going on in Chelsea is not. To the fans, his departure means a loss of football acumen and greatness; to the Club, just another purchase of a new coach, like shopping.

[Jose]

Stephen Lordan with no disrespect to the English, but maybe you just settle for second best, ask Chelsea

[stephen lordan]

it seems the only ability we have within football in this country, is to knock anyone, for having real, true ability. mourinho is by far the best manager in the premiership, two european trophies, two championships etc... wenger, arsenal,touted one of,if not 'the best team in europe' no european success whatsoever.. no one seems to understand apart from being able to bring the bright light of mourinho down..
we dont deserve him here, long continue our failure at virtually every sport...!

[maz]

Never thought i'd be saying this but i'll be sad to see him go he was a great manager and always provided entertainment. Abromavich is an idiot to let him go .

[sara]

Bests of luck 'SPECIAL ONE'..

Now, I do not see any persuading factor to follow chelsea through out this season matches..

Find a reputable team and bring us hope and excitement soon.

..and a complain to all these yellow pages in UK.. your behaviour towards one pure talent was shameful .

[sara]

Bests of luck 'SPECIAL ONE'..

Now, I do not see any persuading factor to follow chelsea through out this season matches..

Find a reputable team and bring us hope and excitement soon.

..and a complain to all these yellow pages in UK.. your behaviour towards one pure talent was shameful .

[Pedro Vieira - OPorto]

To the Chelsea boss: Enjoy the pleaser of the girl seet next to you in the last game, because the pleaser of a winner club...is gone!!!
What a fool.

[Pedro Vieira - OPorto]

What a fool was your russian boss!!!

[ebolom ogar clifford]

oh' oh" oh'" the special one is finally gone I cant hold my tears. ABRAM & KEYON why treat us like fools, why are u guys dragging Chelsea backward at this time where the champions leaque is as close as never b4. JOSE my Hero you have a special place in my heart farewell my broda u have change the doll premiership to 100.1% action

[seamus]

jose should demand the whole of his contract in full if it was to go to court i am sure he could show how he was undermined by the owner of chelsea and his minions we are now left with fergerson and his ilk who say the same thing every week like drones this is just another nail in the coffin that is premiership football

[ron halton]

Good to see him go,the football we've been playing for the last twelve months has been horrendous.All that playing across the field & back to Petr Cech, no wonder we can't score any goals.Against Rosenborg it was embarrassing.I think he just lost the plot.Oh to be an Arsenal fan, now that must be SPECIAL.....

[Pedro - Portugal]

Chelsea was the club with more fans in the world!!! Some English and at least 10 millions Portuguese! So I have to say that Chelsea lost 10 million Portuguese fans! Bye Bye Abramovitch!!!!

[popcar]

dear friends
it´s all over for chelsea.... u will never be premier champions again... u will never win champins league
this is a disaster to the clube ...
it´s the end of chelsea
u are not seing all the consequences of this, but u will in the future
i fell sorry for chelsea

[Broderick Oyamenda]

Oi mate, I am a Chelsea supporter and fan, why are you bleedy about a "swatch", it's the watch I have in me hand.

Abramovich is showing a communist type, if not, whatever the case, he would have taken "we the Chelsea fans and supporters" along with his decision. We just have to show him, how its done in a democratic way - you do not sack a popular leader.

[ak]

It's a sad, sad time for Chelsea fans. Mourinho was one of the greatest managers we ever had and we will miss him, and his flamboyance. The best of luck "SPECIAL ONE".

[Nana Gyimah]

infact the departure of Mourinho is a big blow to chelsea b'cos of his splendid performance but i believe we can still move on. Farewell to Mourinho