"Ring a ding ding ding, you're going down..."

Earlier in the season, when pressed by journalists about City's prospects, Sven Goran Eriksson would trot out the same line "let's see where we are after Christmas", thus neatly managing the supporters' expectations and avoiding any over the top, tub thumping rhetoric that may come back to haunt him (City fans still cringe when they recall Malcolm Allison's assertion that we'd "terrorise" Europe. And that was forty years ago, godammit). Now that Christmas has been and gone, Sven has conveniently shifted the goalposts and is now saying we should wait until the end of January before we evaluate, a process that will probably continue every month until May. But he's allowed to, as he's our saviour. And we implicitly trust everything he says and does.

So I guess that leaves me to discuss our prospects (he won't mind; I met him recently and on the basis of that brief encounter consider him to be one of my closest friends. In the whole world). Draws with Aston Villa, Blackburn and Liverpool saw us emerge from the festive period undefeated and sitting comfortably just outside the Champions League places. An unjust criticism that had been levelled at us was that we hadn't really played any top sides yet, which seems absurd when you consider that we're halfway through the season and have faced the likes of Arsenal, United and Chelsea. All three opponents over Christmas were in the top half of the table and it speaks volumes about our new found resolve that none of them managed to beat us. Ok, I concede that we didn't actually win any of the games either but let's not get bogged down in semantics. We were unfortunate not to take all three points against Blackburn, but were thwarted by the combination of a bumbling official and Rolando Bianchi's inability to score from less than a yard out. My grandmother would've buried that chance, and she's got cataracts. Christ, Georgios Samaras would've put it away. Well, maybe not. But you get the point. As, indeed, did Blackburn.

The game against Liverpool (or The Battle of the M62, as no one called it) was somewhat trickier as our Merseyside rivals laid siege to our goal and were perhaps unfortunate not to take all three points. But that would be unfair on Sven who obviously set out for a draw (playing Darius Vassell up front on his own made our intentions clear), and got it. Liverpool were desperate to win, but couldn't break down our defence, which was superbly marshalled by Micah Richards and Richard Dunne (subsequent reports that Fernando Torres had to be surgically removed from Dunne's back pocket are unconfirmed). Tactically, it was Sven 1 Rafa 0. Benitez, who bizarrely resembles a hotel porter, is in need of a centre half and must secretly covet both Richards and Dunne, but he can't have them. We're no longer a selling club. Quite the opposite, in fact. Both Shinatawara and Eriksson have alluded to some 'big' signings in the transfer window and, if the press are to be believed, are currently making "come and get me" eyes at Nicolas Anelka, Luka Modric, Peter Crouch and 427 others.  Exciting times lie ahead.

Tomorrow night we visit St James Park for our first game of the new year, with reports suggesting that Sam Allardyce (played by Toad of Toad Hall) could be sacked if City prevail. Which would be nice. Sadly for us, but to the delight of the Geordie faithful who have already grown despondent with his lack of class both on and off the pitch, Joey Barton once again will miss the opportunity to face his former club as he is in police custody. In a previous column I expressed my relief that Barton was no longer our problem, but I think I under-egged the pudding somewhat. I'm ecstatic that it's not City's name being dragged through the mud (although infuriatingly the press still refer to him as an "ex-Man City player"). Rather than viewing his endless misdemeanours with abject horror and shame, I now take perverse pleasure in his moronic behaviour.

When we last played Newcastle, their fans attempted to taunt us by singing "We've got Joey Barton la la la". Our riposte? A simple, yet effective "You've got Joey Barton ha ha ha". Oh how we laughed. With a public reputation possibly lower than that of Adolf Hitler, Barton's career continues to nosedive. In a recent interview on BBC's Inside Sport, Barton sought to put his side of the story across and prove that deep down he's a lovable rapscallion, but the reality was different. Reprehensibly he tried to use his working class background to justify his actions, and even more damningly continually referred to himself in the third person ("What's right for Joey Barton..." Gah!). He even went as far as to suggest he has some kind of higher calling in life. Yeah, right Joey. You're not the new Messiah. That's Sven.

Ric Turner
www.bluemoon-mcfc.co.uk

Comments

[Anthony Brace]

What an extremely witty and well-written piece, full of common sense. I don't know if Ric Turner is a writer by profession, but if not, someone should snap him up.

[confused]

good to see an engish manager getting some praise finally..maybe sven should go for the england job?

[Will Slinger]

Very Funny
City to beat the toon

[Svenalike.co.uk]

After his unmatched record for England (Top place in every qualifying round, 3 quarter final places and only 5 competititive matches lost during his tenure) brought such venom from some elements within the media, it's not surprising that Sven's being a little modest in his press conferences as he gets back to "business as usual"?
It's good to see that Englands sad loss IS Man City's gain though....