"From Atlanta, Georgia to Longsight, Manchester…"

This week saw Thaksin Shinawatra finally return to Thailand to face corruption charges, after 18 months in exile. He was bizarrely accompanied by Academy graduates Kasper Schmeichel and Kelvin Etuhu, who seemed a little bewildered to find themselves on the trip (presumably they were there as a security measure, in case members of the military junta tried to lynch Thaksin for his previous misdemeanours). Not that he need worry, of course; the ruling People’s Power Party are not so much sympathetic to Shinawatra as practically subservient to him. The trial should be a formality. Christ, we’ll probably be able to claim back the lost interest on his frozen assets.

Upon his arrival Thaksin outlined his plans to make City a dominant force in world football, with a network of training and recruitment academies being set up across Asia and America. "There will be Man City China, Man City Japan, Man City U.S.A. In the next season, Man City will be another Man United," he said, to the abject horror of City fans (rumours that the collective stamping of feet in Greater Manchester upon hearing this statement caused Wednesday’s earthquake are unconfirmed). But sod it. In this day and age it’s important to cultivate an international fan base. If you can’t beat them (although we did, twice ha) join them.

Obviously these plans for world domination are dependent on City qualifying for Europe this season, without the ignominy of entering the Intertoto Cup, and that looks increasingly unlikely after the double whammy of Spurs winning the Carling Cup (hence one less UEFA Cup spot) and the comprehensive defeat to Everton. Regular readers of this column (i.e. my family) will of course know that I, and many City fans, are prone to exaggeration when discussing the plight of the club but Europe is a pipe dream right now. I’m loathe to say it, but Phil Neville raised a valid point in his pre-match analysis, not that we sought his opinion. “City are always going to be an emotional club. They are so up and down, if they win a couple of games then they are going to win the league, and if they lose a couple they are the worst team in the league.” he chortled, in his nasal, monotonous drawl during a gap in filming on the Chucklevision set. The reality is that we’re never quite as good as we think we are, nor are we as bad as we think we are.

In truth we were outclassed by a well organised Everton side who look well capable of breaking into the top four this season, and 2-0 probably flattered us a little. It’s typical City, of course, to win at Old Trafford and then surrender so meekly at home to one of our main rivals. Still, we’re less than nine months in to Eriksson’s 3 year plan and there’s plenty to play for with 11 games remaining. One need only look at Everton to see what can be achieved if the manager is given time to forge a successful side. Indeed, there are a number of similarities between the two sides: both clubs enjoy a large, local support despite sharing cities with relative footballing giants and having endured a paucity of recent success. And um, we both play in blue.

Not that there was any affection on display on Monday night, of course, as usual Manc-Scouse hostilities were resumed. They‘ve never forgiven us for building the Manchester Ship Canal in 1894, thus reducing dependence on Liverpool‘s port, whilst we‘ve never forgiven them for inflicting Brookside and Cast on us. “Get to work you lazy tw*ts” sang the City fans, whilst Everton responded with “You’ve never won f*ck all” which, technically, is true although I suspect the double negative was lost on our Liverpudlian guests.

Sadly Everton had the last laugh, deservedly taking all three points in what was a crucial game for both sides. To compound City’s misery, Martin Petrov (known as “Petty” to his team mates) lived up to his nickname by unnecessarily kicking Leon Osman in the last minute, earning himself a three game suspension at a crucial stage of the season which, coupled with the injury sustained by Micah Richards, we can ill afford. Opposing teams seem to have established that if you nullify Petrov then you pretty much eliminate City’s attacking threat, so hopefully his absence will bewilder Wigan on Saturday, allowing Nery Castillo and the recently disappointing Elano to wreak havoc.

In a previous column I labelled Elano as the best football player in the world which, in the light of his recent abject performances, probably makes me the worst football writer in the world. But we still have great faith in the mercurial Brazilian and he remains our best hope of world domination for the foreseeable future, unless we discover some wonderkids from our network of Asian academies. The possibility of unearthing another Sun Jihai is a mouthwatering prospect.

Ric Turner
www.bluemoon-mcfc.co.uk

Comments

[Chris R]

No offence Andy Pandy, but we signed Elano from the Ukraine. Our cold wet winters are like a summer holiday compared to their weather. I just think he missed having Johnson alongside him, running to open up space and give him more time. But Jonno's back now, let him work off the rust n we'll soon see the old Elano again.

[andy pandy]

it is no coincidence that elanos form has nosedived since autumn , and the cries of typical foreigner who doesn,t like the cold and wet , are increasing in the west stand ? city were outclassed on monday however this is far from a disgrace as i think (certainly on their respective performances at esatlands this season) they are a better team than liverpool and could even catch chelsea especially as there seems to be a breakdown in team spirit at the bridge, if this weeks tales of training ground bust ups are to be believed - i for one would be happy with the inter toto , so what if the players get a shortened summer break - they will have to rough it on 4 or 5 weeks holidays from work a year like the rest of us !