I’m so bo-o-red with the M-L-S!

Over the weekend I watched the Superclasico - the legendary name usually given to the clash between arch rivals River Plate and Boca Juniors, a powder keg derby of passion and excitement. Even though the score was 5-2, the match that I watched didn't live up to its grand title and was a very long way from Buenos Aires. I saw the LA Galaxy vs Chivas Honda Superclasico - an addition to the name as absurd as when they stuck a Starbucks next to Canterbury Cathedral - grafting commercial money grabbing onto sporting history.

This game is a derby that has only been going on for just over four years. and for three of those Chivas has been an MLS foal, stumbling and slipping around, desperately looking to get on its feet. Last year Chivas actually put up a fight, and managed to defeat the Galaxy (as well as having a Beckham inspired bust up on the pitch) - now all of a sudden we have a microwave dinner rivalry - speedily rustled up for David Beckham to play in. I could hazard a guess as to what Becks made of this Spinal Tap meets Escape To Victory hype extravaganza.

  The Honda Superclasico was a game so coiffed by feverish superlatives that at times it seemed like an extended - and poorly executed - commercial for the MLS - from the off every member of the commentary team was giddy, they had all been stewing in their own hype for far too long; this is a world where LA Galaxy General Manager Alexi Lalas claims that MLS player could hold their own in the Premier League.

  The mantra amongst US news broadcasters is "If it bleeds, it leads" - and the sponsors of the Honda Superclasico must have been happy, as Chivas hemorrhaged goals all game. When the Galaxy forced in their fifth the commentator yelped "LA have tied Chivas to the whupping post!"and that offered a distilled description of the game; when myopic defending meets swift attacking, goals happen. But if anyone was trying to tie someone to the whupping post it was the shameless Fox Soccer Channel, who during this match gave the game of football a garish golden shower, and beat it to an unrecognisable pulp with their clumsy epithets. When Galaxy striker Landon Donovan diverted the ball past the advancing Chivas 'keeper the commentator screamed "Hand of God! Hand of God!!" blurting out a Tourettic footballing burp. Cheesy quips bobbed around like gaudy buoys as I witnessed a carousel of defensive pratfalls, all that was missing was a laughter track to go with the comedic defending; Abel Xavier's defensive gaffe for Chivas' second - falling backwards and letting the ball slide under his descending rump - deserves special mention.

  In the miasma of pre-match guff this game was compared to a host of derby games, from the Old Firm, the Milan derby, to Barcelona-Real Madrid. I don't blame either team for this, the fault lays squarely with the exciteable American analysts. Already, a mere four years into this rivalry, the talk was of the 'history' of the Galaxy-Chivas Superclasico. Several pundits had an obsessive-compulsive tic, mentioning the 'great rivalry' almost every minute with musings like: "Another classic to put in the archives here" with critics constantly purring that "the rivalry is developing" as they salivated over the tie like over-involved parents at a school sports day - running alongside the embarrassed participants.

I don't hate the MLS - but giving it an ersatz history adds a false veneer, as does calling the Chivas-Galaxy game the Superclasico. In the MLS the New York Red Bulls jostle for commercial attention with teams like the Chicago Fire and San Jose Earthquakes - the American equivalent of creating a team called the London Plague. With such insensitive and absurd names for the teams I'm surprised Beckham's club wasn't called the 'LA Riots' - and then I discovered that they do have a supporters group called the LA Riot Squad - you couldn't make this up - but beyond the hooplah - there is nothing but League One standard football. To twist and bend the Clash...I'm so bo-o-red with the M-L-S!

Comments

[Mickey]

The Premier League is easily as commercialized as the MLS, but far better capitalized, thus the better quality of play. Comparing the two is pointless although the commentary in the U.S. is comically bad. Football is the beautiful game because it is universal in its simplicity. Be proud of English football for what it is not what it isn't. But if we've opened the gates to transatlantic nationalistic chest pounding, take it easy on the Americans. If it weren't for them, the English would all be debating the side selection for the next Bayern v. Bremen match.

[Andrew James, Toronto,Ontario Canada]

First I would like to say that it really means a lot to me as a fan of the MLS to see that my league recieves press in the UK. After all it was Wilde who once said "There is only one thing in life worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about." This being said I would like to address the issue of MLS defending. I'm not sure if footy fans in the UK understand the pay structure in the MLS. Teams in the MLS are subject to a salary cap which dictates, among other things, that MLS teams can only pay their team $2.5 million (USD) in salary a year. Now there are loopholes in this system to allow bigger players to be signed( Mr Beckham for instance) but each team is only permitted one big money player or "designated player"(a player free of salary restrictions) at a time ( unless they trade for another DP space).So what this means is that MLS managers (or coachs as they are known here) have to build a squad for just over 1 million quid. Understandably a coach will favour a big money attacker over an expensive defender in a growing league fighting for its fair share of North American TV ratings. I am not defending the quality of MLS' oft shocking defenders but I am merely pointing out it is not so easy to build a team over here.

[EB]

RE: Thomas Neill - Alexi Lalas is the General Manager of the LA Galaxy just like this article says - Ruud Gullit is the head coach...

[Thomas Neill]

Sir,

For the 2008 MLS season the manager of LA Galaxy is one Ruud Gullit, not, as stated, the hapless Alexei Lalas.

[bdunn02]

MLS has the history it has. Why would you bother to criticize them for referencing it? Hell but that's arrogant. Sure the commentators suck -- but so does every commentating team I've ever heard from the UK, US, Mexico, or Germany (and I'm guessing every other country in the world produces the same). They're all full of crap. They're all pandering to someone. OH WELL. Kind of a ridiculous thing to start throwing barbs over, don't you think? To criticize an entire league and its supporters over?

Further, I can understand the fascination with US foreign policy and elections and such, but obsessing over our *soccer league*?! Folks over here *never* talk about how bad your country's basketball league is. Honest. Never. Why would you not show the same deference toward our soccer league? Because you happened to see a game on TV? Nice. Very reasonable criterion. Balanced and well-considered.

Best of luck.

bkd

[Prophet]

Your arrogance and condescension leave much to be desired. Yet I would not have batted an eyelash had that kind of bombastic drivel derived from a country that had actually won something in the last millennium. BTW, if one wants to talk shambolic defending all one has to do is watch a Derby game. At least in MLS there is an excuse: It is a young league trying to find its feet. What's yours?

[ice]

id rather have a starbucks next to a cathedral rather than ahmeds halal kebab shop.... its obvious u r ignorant to american culture so naturally u mock what u dont understand... this is typical of the times newspaper. the mls is family oriainted. ppl can watch a game and suntan at the sametime. schools and collages get involved. its a day out, a real event for all to enjoy. in the uk its an excuse to cause traffic problems, litter, takeover a pub, shout in the streets like thugs and if ur lucky not get soaked in the pouring rain while stepping on dog poo or a steak and kidney pie while being surrounded by an army of cops. i suggest b4 u attempt to write another smartass column that u actually try to understand how things r done there. and remember what ever happens there now will happen here in 20 years time :)

[Ike]

I had no idea Brits were so arrogant and condescending about our leagues. I see it on Youtube, but I figured it wouldn't spread into the supposedly educated of your masses.

I would rather watch a replay of the "Superclassico" than see Manchester United at Barcelona at Camp Nou EVER again. When it comes to sheer entertainment, which is really all football is, MLS often goes blow-to-blow with the Premiership. Quality of play is definitely higher abroad, and it'd be neat to have league-wide crowds like Toronto gets, but overall it's a really good league for as young as it is.

Starting each season not knowing which team is going to win really makes it interesting. Even though New England and Houston are starting to become the big forces, there is no team legitimately out of contention from the start. What kind of league is it to support your team not losing? It sounds like no fun. Just ask an Expos fan.

[Thomas]

Ian Thomson: "As for the commentators, it doesn't help that FSC's main man also works for Galaxy."

Huh? What are you talking about?

If anyone is confused reading this comment, let me point out that I'm responding to an earlier comment. Unlike the rest of the world's blogs, however, the comment threads here are set up to run newest to oldest. And so you haven't yet read that earlier comment.

Apparently the Times figures its users like to read upward, rather than downward as with every other configuration of written English.

Oh, and gee... Upon previewing this comment I also see I'm unable to use italics tags to help distinguish the excerpted quote from my own text.

What the heck. Is the Times interested in facilitating actual conversation around here, or do they consider blog comments to be throwaway blah-blah that doesn't really matter?

[goalpdl]

Interesting perspective from the other side...

Most of us over here don't care much for the Fox Soccer Channel commentary either.

Our league is only 12 years old. Yours is much older.

So...we have to to start somewhere. Football is not going away in this country. It is growing and continues to grow and as the LA Galaxy - Chivas rivalry will get bigger and bigger as time goes on.

[Ben]

Hyperbole, overstatement and ridiculous analogies are features of football commentary everywhere. You're riled in this case because there's an American accent attached to it.

MLS is not the Premier League, but it's not League One either. I've lived in the US for four years and followed it over most of that time - many of these teams could hack it in the upper reaches of the Championship. Some of the players - Jozy Altidore, Kenny Cooper, Jonathan Bornstein - are Premier League material and may well end up there, though hopefully not at Fulham.

Don't knock Fox Soccer Channel (which, incidentally, is owned by the man who pays your salary - I'm impressed by this free speech culture which is evidently spreading through News Corp...how far can you push it?). FSC is a lifeline for us Brits, bringing us the Premier League every week. For that reason alone, it's worth sitting through the half-time ads for hair thickening products.

[Emery Spencer]

Dana Blankenhorn suggests that the MLS is about low-level Championship stuff. Now I don't watch the MLS often, but if the highlights from that game are anything to go by, then surely she meant low-level pub championship? I have never seen such horrific and catastrophic defending as was evidenced there. At one point 5 defenders attempted to clear the ball, made contact but lacked the technique or ability to clear it. Not even in the lowest reaches of League One are there teams where none of the defenders can head a ball properly! Not to mention the goalkeeper who tried to catch the ball at chest height rather than over his head as all keepers whether or not they are good do. And the defender who calmly watched while his team mate sat on his rear trying to get the ball away from an attacker, without even so much as trying to intervene - if that was my school team, the manager would've ran on to the field and knocked seven bells out of him! No Dana, Norwich would cane either of those sides, but especially Chivas by cricket scores if they played like that against them.

[Glenn]

Good grief. The pretentiousness and euro centricity of the "I'm so bored with the MLS" article is a marvel to behold.
Why must we always begrudge someone for "selling the sizzle"? Sorry to say, but business, be it sport or otherwise, will oversell itself as much as possible in order to attract business, or in this case fans. MLS is no different. It is called "marketing"... a rather successful and key concept in business practises.
Also, there is not a single serious fan of the sport in the US or Canada that is going to confuse MLS with the Premier League, Serie A, or la Liga. We all have a pretty good idea what MLS is, and that is a compliment to our collective intelligence as most of us are cloudy headed from getting up early morning on weekends to watch our beloved European Clubs by the time our MLS clubs take the pitch.
To be blunt, why must MLS be compared to the top leagues in Europe? Any idiot can figure out that the cream of the MLS is not going to give Manchester United, Real Madrid, or Inter Milan a run for their money in straight competition. The last time I checked Europe is made of dozens of leagues that MLS can quite favourably compare to. I'm sure the top club in MLS could fair respectively against clubs from Belgium, Greece, Austria, and so on. Beyond that, I would be happy to put the MLS against a J-League or K-League side.
Perhaps one should think about turning this argument around. Maybe we should talk about how the Premier League, Serie A, or la Liga are only won by an oligopoly of powerful teams and further how the remaining teams have no chance of ever winning the league again because of the grotesque disparity in economics. It’s too bad the tables in those leagues aren’t level and that every club has a shot at winning and every supporter has a chance to see their team lift a trophy... like in MLS.

I don't agree with the League 1 comparison, MLS is closer to Championship level and with the Galaxy , Donovan and Beckham are beginning work well together.

MLS is a much better league thah the A-League

[Ryan]

I would agree that the name "Superclassico" is ridiculous! There is only one "Superclassico" and it certainly isn't in this country (U.S.). Neither L.A. or Chivas is very good to begin with. However, it is a great rivalry based on the simple fact alone that these teams must share a stadium. Hardly ideal for any side, Prem or MLS. And despite the commentating (which you have to at least get a laugh out of) the game was very entertaining and exactly what the MLS is trying to put out there to attract more fans.

I would love to see the MLS develop and get some real players, coaches, stadiums (without American football lines on them), commentators, etc... But that will take time and major publicity moves to help bring in more money.

There are so many places for improvement that it goes beyond frustrating. I feel horrible for the players making $6,000 a year! I work 3 months laying concrete and make more than that.

The salary cap needs to be increased or done away with and there should only be one division, just like every other country. MLS has a seriously long way to go if they want to keep even the top American youth players in the country. The draft system just isn't working.

Beckham has helped, but Henry or an exciting goal scorer would help so much more! If Messi or Ronaldo (even though I hate him and it would never happen) came here, the MLS would be booming! Here's hoping for that sooner rather than later. Cheers!

[Alastair]

To Colin Nicholas

Just to let you know the Maradona 'Hand of God' incident was in the world cup in Mexico in 1986, not 1998..

[John Richards]

"It's just another cliche that commentators love to use to remind us of Maradona's quip when he deflected the ball into England's goal in '98.
It's no big deal.

Posted by: colin nicholas"

It was Mexico '86 when Maradona scored that goal mate. He didn't play in France '98.

[Dana Blankenhorn]

No offense, but the Championship players brought into MLS have not performed well. The old, run-down Premiership players they brought in also look old and run-down.

This did not used to be the case. MLS is improving.

It's probably low-level Championship stuff (Blackpool vs. Norwich), but if they got promotion and relegation (with the A-League) going they'd have fans across the country.

Then folks like George Gillett could put their money into the U.S. game.

[Ian Thomson]

Good post by Mark - I too find MLS to be a refreshing throwback to growing up watching Aberdeen in the 1980's. Not the same standard, but the same community feel around the team, close connections to players who cared for the fans, good value for money and an enjoyable atmosphere. All that left the UK when TV money created a generation of plastic fans (see token flag-waving attempts at Stamford Bridge).

As for the commentators, it doesn't help that FSC's main man also works for Galaxy.

[Eric Richard]

Granted, the level of play in MLS is nowhere near that of the Premiership, and the same goes for the commentary. But it is improving consistently. Yes, Fox Soccer Channel can leave a lot to be desired, but for American fans of football, we are simiply grateful to have football on the tube after so many years in the wilderness.

[Eddie]

I live in LA and am a huge footie fan, but I don't watch MLS, but this match was on so I had a look. It was NOT boring, but I'd agree the league in general is about at the League One level. Part of the fun for me was watching the wretched defending, comical. But the Fox commentators are beyond the pale, amateurish, cheesy, and simply pimps for MLS.

[colin nicholas]

I've heard the 'hand of god' thing at least twice in recent weeks during English Premiership games when the ball has gone into the net from a possible hand ball. Wish I could remember which games. It's just another cliche that commentators love to use to remind us of Maradona's quip when he deflected the ball into England's goal in '98.
It's no big deal.

[bob and neil]

Joseph,

The general point I'm making is that the English press is notorious for overrating/overhyping the NT whilst dismissing other teams out of hand.

Take the recent Switzerland friendly for instance:

"First of all, with all due respect to them, we have to remember it is just Switzerland."
- Ian Wright

"If we were playing decent opposition they would have scored a few goals."
- Chris Waddle

How's that for arrogance and delusion! I'm not an English fan (nor Swiss btw) so it doesn't bother me but how many times must you fail before you start to think "hmmm maybe we're not as good as we think we are."

The delusion of these Americans in pumping up the MLS is no different and they probably have a legit reason for doing it in that they no doubt struggle for media coverage domestically.

[Mark]

I've been a Reading fan all my life, yet I find MLS (not "the MLS") to be a refreshing league without the prima-donnas of the Premier League.

Some of the players are making leess than £6,000 a year, they keep playing for the love of the game and not for money.

Oh, and Chivas USA and LA Galaxy are hardly indicative of the whole league, they are two of the worst teams in MLS.

Furtermore, I don't know how you can be bored with a 5-2 goalfest, quite frankly.

[Joseph]

bob and neil,

English pundits don't say we are favourites, they just say that we can win it. Of course any team in the competition can win it, but they believe we have good enough players to mount a serious challenge. I can't remember a pundit ever saying; "we are better than brazil", or anything along those lines.

[Chris A]

The Starbucks next to Canterbury Cathedral is very nice!

[bob and neil]

Well you are spot on but remember over-hyping and delusional comments aren't just an American disease.

According to most English pundits and fans, England are favourites for every World Cup ... even the ones they don't qualify for.

Delusion? Hype? Never!