It’s the despair AND the hope that kills you!

The former Brentford manager David Webb once described the play-offs as “a hell of a cup competition where you've got to play 46 games just to reach the semi-final!" And he’s right. I do not want even consider the idea that  come late Bank Holiday Monday afternoon all that hard work and endeavour put in through those 46 games could be worth nothing and we will be planning our sixth season as a Non-League club.

With Exeter City 2-1 down at the halfway stage of the Play Off Semi Finals it’s far from over. We out-played and out-thought a Torquay team with just two shots on target and lost only because of a late goalkeeping disaster that leaves us with a mountain to climb at Plainmoor on Monday.

Being outclassed and played off the park by a superb team I can just about cope with but losing to the heavily inferior team leaves a very bad aftertaste. The football we have been playing recently has been a joy to watch, a statement I have very rarely used when watching Exeter City. We kept the ball on the floor and passed it superbly at times. We played neat little one-twos and triangles. We tried clever through balls and overlapping runs. Although when contrasted with the Torquay style of play last night we probably looked more like Brazil 1970 not Exeter 2008!

But just like Arsenal this season, no one will remember the emphatic wins and the beautiful football if it doesn’t end with a trophy.

When I entered the ground last night and saw it bursting at the seams with expectant funs and felt the buzz of the bumper crowd it was easy to ponder just how much potential our club has. How much our fans deserve some success.

We are potentially a bigger side than many League Two sides in terms of attendances and stadium capacity and in my opinion we are playing in a league below our station and as a fan it is immensely frustrating. There were 8,200 fans packed into St James Park last night and there wasn’t room for anymore, some Conference clubs struggle to get 820 fans let alone 8,200!

The despair may well slowly kill me in the second leg if I need to digest a huge disappointment but ideally I’d extinguish the hope that we could turn it round. It should be easy to be pessimistic as an Exeter fan, and after years of disappointment it should be almost second nature. Seasons of disappointment capped off every two years by England following suit and ‘nearly’ bringing home the silverware.

In the coming days I will try to convince myself that we won’t make it a carbon copy of last year’s Semi-Final when we were in a similar position. After our 1-0 first leg defeat at home to Oxford I tried to convince myself that our campaign was over and we would not recover from it, which of course we did in emphatic style.

When you’re mentally prepared for defeat it doesn’t feel quite so sickening if the worst happens and even more enjoyable if you upset the odds. Even with the game about to enter a penalty shoot out at Oxford I tried to tell myself we would fall at the final hurdle in Exeter City trademark fashion in the vain hope it would soften the killer blow.

But the reason why we are hooked on the football drug is that, like that Oxford Second Leg, anything can happen. And whether you are a Fulham supporter eyeing up a great escape or a Cardiff fan warming up for your first FA Cup final in 80 years, there will always be that little slither of hope in the back of your mind that you could really do it this time.

So no matter what mindset I may try to get into, or how many times I tell myself it will be another huge disaster, there’s no escaping the fact that the hope may well kill me but I just can’t help imagining the party if it doesn’t!

Peter Evans

Comments

How arrogant are you?
You deserve to be in this league and your point about the attendance is flawed as most play off matches attract between 6000 - 10000

[Bigtrees]

Nice piece, that just about sums up my feelings. It would be a mighty shame if football lost out to gamesmanship and hoofball, everything that Torquay stand for under Buckle sadly. We must replicate THAT performance at the Kassam 12 months ago, and hope the Torquay players have one eye on their suit design for Wembley.