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Welcome to the world of Stoke City FC

After 23 years, we've made it. We're back to the top-flight of English football and for the very first time, into the Barclays Premier League. Watch out Wigan, Fulham and Blackburn, Stoke City are coming!

If you were to walk the streets of The Potteries and approach any Stoke City supporter, you would be forgiven for thinking that they had just won the National Lottery. The city has been in a party mood since full-time on that fateful day in May. It is a mood which has been personified by the now-famous gentleman caught dressed as a rabbit and dancing upon the dugout after the full-time whistle, gleefully waving up to our chairman, bet365 owner Peter Coates.

Premiership Rogue Traders

If a plumber came to your house and charged a fortune for a job which was absolute rubbish he would probably appear on the TV programme "Rogue Traders"

There are a number of candidates for this in our beloved clubs - players earning fortunes and consistently playing frustratingly bad.

Who would you vote for? I would go for Louis Boa Morte!

Why do managers not think like us?

My wife came home from walking the dog the other morning and was about to throw a nappy sack full of dog poo in the bin - "Hold On!" I exclaimed, "Roy Keane will give a tenner for that!" I actually feel sorry for the Sunderland fans, watching their team infiltrated with the reserve side of the Mickey Mouse Cup Winners. Are these the players you thought Keane was going to go for - I doubt it.

Managers are like this though. At a game we all turn to our fellow supporters in despair at a decision and everyone agrees with you, so how come the managers think differently? 

I would like to know who the MOST infuriating manager is past or present - there is bound to be one who sticks out.

Ronaldo - From hero to zero

Cristiano Ronaldo. Bit of a villain really isn’t he.

Twenty six minutes into the Champions League final and Ronaldo leaped, as if his Real Madrid career depended on it, to head himself (and more importantly for everyone else but Ronaldo, United) into the lead. We were doing it the easy way; it was going to be 4-0 at full time. Life was sweet and United were coasting. To make things easier Michael Essien was playing like Titus Bramble on an off day.

The game unfolded into a typical Premier League encounter with the Russian woodwork proving to be a loyal and reliable ally to United and Petr Cech doing his best impression of Peter Schmeichel. Eventually, after John Terry lost his footing/bottle in the Luzhniki rain, United fans rejoiced as we returned to the glorious position of Champions of Europe.  Roll on August we thought, surely Ronaldo will stay now – wont he? Of course he will. He is at the best club in the world.

Fast forward to August and the weeks since have shown Ronaldo to be a smooth operator off the pitch as well as on it – he has shown the cunning and guile to evade the media which Premiership defences have become accustomed to.

After Ronaldo's flirting with Real Madrid and his failure to reassure the United fans of his devotion to the club, he has created an almighty pickle for himself back in Manchester. It appears now that Ronaldo won’t get his wish to move to Madrid and it’s got me thinking about what the United fans will have in store for him. Fergie has shown himself to be the master of Ronaldo’s future and now he will return to find out what 70,000 United fans think of his Summer long Spanish love affair. After his goal in the Champions League Final, 42 goals last season and an all round phenomenal campaign, what reception can he expect at Old Trafford?

Alan Curbishley: winning the sack race

This season, West Ham United are set to stomp all over two of their quirkiest traditions. If the bookies are to be believed, they're going to sack their fourth manager in seven years, and replace him with a foreigner.

In the first 88 years of the club's existence, West Ham only had five managers. Since then, they've entered a relative hire-and-fire frenzy, with six more in less than 20 years, but they still hold the record of fewest managers amongst major clubs. They've also never employed a foreign national in the top job, with Lou Macari - a Scotsman of Italian ancestry - the most exotic name on the list. And yet Alan Curbishley is listed as anything up to 4-1 favourite to be the first Premier League manager out the door, and the number one choice to replace him is the Croat, Slaven Bilic. Nobody seems surprised by this.

And yet...

Too many good players!

Andy Johnson is almost a Fulham player.  When the rumours started a lot of us were nervous.  Johnson is good, fast, hard working, all those nice things, but it seemed like a lot of money to spend on someone who hadn't set the world on fire last season. 

But, as Tony Soprano would say, whaddya gonna do?  Good footballers cost money.  We've seen what happens when you try to build a team around £4million players: you lose to all the teams with better ones. Roy really had no choice here.

The Glazers - good or bad?

A post I put up on this blog recently (scroll down until you find a picture of a rather female looking Ronaldo on crutches) has provoked a long list of argumentative comments. Essentially the debate as to whether the Glazers have been good or bad for United is still raging and so I though we should have it all out in the open....

As far as I am concerned it is black and white. They have been all bad. I can barely find a good thing to say. And I find that the good things people do have ot say is usually either things others at the club have acheived at the club despite them, or is just mis-informed.

Of course the club has done fantastically since they took over- 2 league titles and a European Cup is simply beyond our wildest dreams. However, did the Glazers help or hinder?

Goodbye to the blue-collar Blue Boy

So AJ looks to have been sold. And he will be missed; principally because he was a ridiculously hard working player, and because Everton's ethos is an embodiment of the kind of shirt-off-your-back altruistic teamwork present only in Lenin's wet dreams, AJ came to be one of the chief symbols of the People's Club.

Johnson may have lost form during his time at Everton but he always played as if listening to a Black Sabbath record, all adrenaline and pace. When the ball was in the final third he seemed to play like a Rugby Union forward whose remit was simple: follow the ball.

The Barry Corr sex dream

Last night I awoke with a start screaming ‘Barry!!!! Yeessssssss!!!!’.  It wasn’t the Barry Corr sex dream that my friends have warned me about, it was the Barry Corr 100 per cent fit and banging in 30 goals dream.  We’ve all had it (the second one) but at what point do we start to lose the faith? 

For me it’s all about this season. If he loses this season to injury what odds on ever getting another contract? I’m hopeful, for him and for us but how many other players are in a similar do-or-die situation?  I’d say most of them at our level.

United in money-making scheme shock

United's pre-season schedule is often a little odd, aimed as much at developing marketing initiatives as they are at getting the players fit ahead of a new season.

I have travelled on many tours with United, including to New York, Amsterdam, Hong Kong and Tokyo and love top see just how much enjoyment it brings the locals. They often throw up weird tales and strange experiences, not least in the Far East, but this season's is even more bizarre than usual.

Most people don't realise that United actually have two separate tours this summer. Whilst the squad are in South Africa, the Premier League trophy is accompanying club officials on an AIG sponsored tour of Asia. That's right - no footballers, no matches, no ticket sales, just one big marketing drive across the Far East so that fans in Malaysia can see the European Cup ahead of fans in Manchester who were denied a similar trophy tour in their own city by their own council.

Who would you support if your club went bust?

So the Hammers return having made a good account of themselves stateside to meet up with new signing Valon Behrami.

I am getting quite excited now especially with the early Premiership fixtures giving an opportunity of a good start. There is of course Upson, McCartney and Ljungberg to add to the returning squad, the latter the only member giving cause for concern. I am really not sure of his commitment to the club since he joined and I kind of hoped he would have been one to move on this summer.

But with all the excitement surrounding the Premiership teams, spare a thought for those in financial difficulties and facing extinction. If the worst happened to your own club who would you follow?

Saint Ole – memories of a legend

As Alex Ferguson chewed for all he was worth on a dreary Barcelona night, he turned to his substitutes and, in particular, to the diminutive but deadly Ole Gunnar Solskjaer. After 92 minutes and 17 seconds of the game, Solskjaer had confirmed his place as a Reds legend. His goal is undoubtedly the moment United fans look back on with an uncontrollable and slightly disturbing grin. Clive Tyldesley screaming that ‘Solskjaer had won it’ still brings a rash of goose bumps to anyone who witnessed that inspirational comeback. You only have to look to the appearance of Pierluigi Collina (the referee that night) to see just how awesome the game was – I remain confident his eyes didn’t protrude to the extent they do now before he refereed the match. Shock works in strange ways I suppose.

Hello, welcome and two more champagne moments

Will Gareth Barry move before Martin O'Neill feeds him to the fans? Will Jimmy Bullard abandon his adoring public at Craven Cottage? Will Big Phil and Fergie come to blows before August 16? Possibly Frank Lampard will decide he's worth more than £140,000 per week and flounce all the way to Milan and into the arms of his mentor Jose Mourinho...

Yes, the new dawn is not far off but right now the silly season reigns supreme.

So in between all the playful sparring before matters turn serious in a few weeks, I'd like to take the opportunity to welcome some new faces into Fanzine Fanzone and dish out a couple of accolades to our existing stars.

Coppell tries to control Wild Bunch

Ins and outs at Reading part one: The outs

The summer transfer minefield is something that fills me with more than a little anxiety, especially now I’ve realised we are relegated (see my previous blog entry). Inevitably, as one of the fallen angels from the Premiership, transfers in might be outweighed considerably by transfers out. Will we hang on to all (or any?) of our key players, or will I be called upon by Steve Coppell to do my Lone Ranger act and fill an empty space on the subs bench? (I am available Steve).

With this apprehension denting my cool, clam exterior, a couple of nights ago I sought solace in a DVD night with my lovely (and very football savvy) girlfriend.

Chelsea stroll as Ferguson mobilises

In my blissful ignorance, I imagine everything in China to be state-owned. Obviously this is unlikely to be the case but, for the sake of a cheap gag, I’ll cheerily depict the Chinese Football League as an entirely state-run organisation where the weekly winners are selected on the basis of regional productivity.

Will next season be Wayne's world?

Earlier this week Sir Alex Ferguson broke the news which has brought relief and excitement for many Reds fans feeling blue.

No, Real Madrid haven’t gone bankrupt and unfortunately the Glazers haven’t sold up, but Fergie has promised that the finest left back from last years Champions League campaign is to lead the line next year – that’s right Rooney’s back up top.

After spending much of the European campaign last season either holding hands with Patrice Evra or compensating for Ronaldo’s inability to leave the opposition half, Rooney will be back where he belongs.

He is expected to be given license to thrill the Old Trafford faithful and produce more moments of magic like THAT goal against Newcastle and the hat-trick against Fenerbahce.

Ferguson has some taken responsibility for Rooney’s stop start progress in realising his individual potential. Rooney’s team ethic and selflessness along with Ronaldo's astronomical improvement have combined to force Fergie’s hand.

Now though with Ronaldo looking to showboat his way through the rest of his career with the Madrid circus, Ferguson will be looking for his No 10 to do what a No 10 should do.

After two months of worry and disappointment the promise of the real Rooney marauding down the centre will delight the United fans (and no doubt Mr Capello) and help to restore some of the feel good factor we had back in May.

Hopefully, signing Berbatov and Ole Gunnar Solskjaer's testimonial will also get us back on a high, ready for the start of the season.

If Ferguson is true to his word, the stage could be set. With Ronaldo's fall from the limelight and Scholes and Giggs ageing, Old Trafford needs a hero.

Playing as the main man or as the second striker could see Wayne producing more goals like the ones against Russia and Middlesbrough (both as or off the main striker). There is nothing United fans like more than a mercurial, loyal hero (Cristiano Ronaldo please take note).

Maurice Malpas, cooking burgers and classy French hair

According to some fans Maurice Malpas doesn’t have a big name and has a dull voice and is therefore unable to attract players.  Perhaps if he was in the hall of fame of a bigger country or could ‘do’ voices he would be able to attract these highly paid professional athletes in the manner required. 

Maybe we should appoint Joe Pasquale as director of football?  Thinking about it maybe the Uefa coaching badges are a waste of time and aspiring coaches would be better off at drama school learning how to annunciate. 

I’m struggling to understand the reasoning of the ‘Malpas Out’ brigade so perhaps someone can explain it to me.  The man is qualified, has played at the very highest level and has signed some seemingly very promising players. 

'In The Light Of Dawn', as they say

It was two months ago (take one day) and almost to the minute that I fell back in my Wembley seat, aghast at the exquisite finish delivered by Hull's Dean Windass, which all but ended City's promotion push at the final hurdle. 60 days on, the pain has been completely erased. Some refreshing summer signings, the ability to view our season perceptively, as a whole, and a fresh sense of optimism ahead of the new campaign does wonders for the mind.

The summer of our discontent

It has certainly been a strange summer for Manchester United. On the back of watching my team lift the league at Wigan and the European Cup (I refuse to give it any other name) in Moscow a summer of bliss should have followed. Winding up scousers, basking in City's ridiculous dismissal of Sven and enjoying the footage of Kenyon being booed as he led 'his' team to their losers medal could all have been a priority. However, Evra's Stamford Bridge scuffle, Spurs' claims against us regarding Berbatov and of course the Ronaldo saga have all got in the way.

As far as I am concerned, Ronaldo should pack his bags and be shipped off. Yes, he is a great player and probably one of the best I have seen. But no player is bigger than United and the quicker he realises that the better. We rebuilt a team without Duncan Edwards, won the European Cup with Law injured, picked up the treble after Cantona had gone and even won the league the season after Roy Keane left. No one is irreplaceable. I'd like to see United cash in on, buy a goalscorer who could compensate for losing all the goals Ronaldo would get us, but then refuse to let him go to Madrid on pure principle. I'd thank him for all the wonderful moments, wish him well in his future career, applaud him if he ever came back to Old Trafford and get on with supporting my club. Sure, part of me would be worried about how well the team would do without him, but I'd be willing to take that risk. Should he stay it will only be for one season anyway and how much will his heart really be in it? Will the dressing room harmony be the same?

And so it starts…

Pre-season has finally arrived and the question has to be asked – has that much changed since last season? In my view, pre-season has always been the time to refresh things, in terms of personalities, tactics and of-course new strips!

At the end of a long, hard season, a lot of fans, both Celtic and Rangers, were glad to see the back of it. However, with the month of June passing quietly (at least for us) and a couple of friendlies under our belt, the most potent point has been that little has actually changed at Celtic.

No such thing as a West Ham friendly

Click here to watch a video of the crowd trouble

Reading the newspaper reports of crowd trouble in the game between West Ham and Columbus Crew reminded me of another friendly that caught fire some years ago. Julian Dicks' testimonial against Athletic Bilbao was an excruciatingly boring game until the man himself lumbered on to the pitch, his knees shot to hell. He came to a halt near the left touchline, received the ball - to a polite cheer from the crowd - and was instantly cut in half by an insane tackle by an opponent, sparking outrage in the stand and a 19-man brawl on the pitch. Belying his fiery reputation, Dicks himself limped in a studiously straight line directly away from the fracas. In his place, Paolo di Canio took the fight to the enemy and was invited to leave the field by a bewildered referee. It was as if a baton had been passed.

The Columbus trouble, on the other hand, was all 'off the pitch'. I must admit, my heart sank when I heard about it, but rather than a return to the thuggish violence of West Ham's past, the story seems to be a product of a quiet news day. Reports of 100 fans of the American team fighting 30 travelling Londoners appear to have been exaggerated, with eyewitnesses talking about some taunting followed by a small, half-hearted fight, and authorities making just one arrest. Violence is ugly and always unacceptable, but this looks to have been a very minor disturbance talked up by journalists bored to tears by watching a sluggish pre-season West Ham taking on Columbus Crew's second string side. Yes, preseason is hell, and any excitement is a welcome distraction, but while there's nothing at stake on the pitch, there's still plenty at stake off it. West Ham fans' reputation for trouble is diminishing by the season. A little less sensationalism couldn't hurt.

“Doing a Derby” – not us, thanks

The last Premier League season led to the introduction of a new phrase into the English language – “to do a Derby”. This is nothing to do with organising a horse race but rather refers to the act of getting abjectly hammered week in, week out by every other team in the league, whilst failing to make a single signing of note.

Now, whilst it may be cruel to poke fun at Derby – who, in fairness, look reasonably poised for a tilt at the Championship again in the coming season – their exploits (or rather, lack of them) have led to a tiresome yet intriguing debate. Will anyone else “do a Derby” this season? Most fingers have been pointing squarely at ourselves, and Stoke, the most likely winners of the “roll over and die” award.

Kitson sale good business for Reading

Damn! It wasn't a nightmare, we did get relegated. It might seem an obvious thing, but the realisation that Reading are now a Championship side again has most definitely sunk in after Dave Kitson's defection to Stoke (obviously he must really like Robbie Williams or something).

Things could have been so different. Having thrashed Derby 4-0, we actually only needed to score another couple of goals (which watching it at the time was a realistic possibility, especially in the second half) and we would still be in the football bosom that is the Premiership.

Can Everton's wide-boy finally come good?

The legendary story of Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here" recording session has it that Syd Barrett shuffled totally unnoticed into the studio. The exiled founder of Pink Floyd, cut adrift from the band for years, was recognised only once the rest of the band started listening to this stranger's listless mumblings. Barrett was a rogue genius, who encapsulated English whimsy in his one full album at the helm, before succumbing to a madcap half-life in the shadows. When he turned up at the studio that fateful day - he was a changed man, no eyebrows and a shaved head, pig fat had replaced the lean musician's torso.   

With football you don't go bald

There’s sometimes a thing in the papers where they show people who have been to a gig and ask for their opinions.  It’s always “Pete, 28, Clapham” or something. Recently I’ve been thrown a couple of times by these because the ages look all wrong.  I see someone and think “oh, they’re about our age, what do they think?” then I see that they’re actually 25.   I’m 32, nearly 33.  This is happening quite a lot at the moment.

Remember in The Simpsons when Homer looks in the mirror and sees a big, confident, muscular man, rather than his usual rotund self?   Is this happening to me?

You Won't Ruin Your Career At Boro

Scott Carson has been linked with a move to, newly promoted side, Stoke City. Will this move have an effect on his England career? Southgate needs act now to save his career.

We expect too much

Earlier this week West Ham officially linked Fulham with Bobby Zamora.   We have permission to talk to him, it seems.  I'm happy enough about this - he seems like quite a good player - but many Fulham fans aren't.   Which is an understatement and a half.   

But I wonder what they want.   A goalscorer, of course.  But goalscorers are very hard to find. 

Setting the bar low, here is a list of the eleven players who have scored ten goals or more - more than once - in the last three seasons:

Shameless meets The Wicker Man

The ecologists were right, the world is changing. The summers are getting shorter, it's science fact. It seems like only yesterday that we were getting unnecessarily baton charged by the Cleveland SS, sorry constabulary, at The Riverside yet our first competitive game (although I use that term in the loosest possible sense) is less than a week away. Where did all the time go?

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