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Everton: one reflex movement, two career directions

Ed Bottomley

The excruciating thing is that they both did exactly the same strange neck dance. Their actions before were different, the games themselves were utterly different, but the spasmodic neck move was the same. In both cases it was a dance borne from emotion shaved to the bone, they both looked like fish, slapping about on the deck, writhing for oxygen.

For a split second Michael Thomas and Victor Anichebe share the same space, and then go their separate ways.

Everton: returning heroes could arrive too late to rescue season

David Moyes is interviewed in this month's FourFourTwo magazine, and they have opted for the typical close-up head shot. The Scot's pale face and rusty hair contrast well with the two blue flames, his determined eyes, the eyes of someone going places. Pursed lips and dozens of thin wrinkles - like cracked glass - cover his face. He’s always struck me as a Glaswegian Jimmy Cagney, driven and bloody angry.

The article itself points out that Moyes splashes out just over £3 million pounds net per year, an impossibly small amount for a club that through a combination of team spirit and Moyes’ leadership dug its heels in to finish fifth last season.

Moyes’ face, which gets sterner with every defeat and every season of eking out semi-success, also tells us a story. We’re in a league where the difference between 5th and 15th is negligible (don’t you dare mention the Europa League – I’m convinced it’s a ruse – a European pyramid-scheme designed lets the Premier League proles believe they are succeeding) but the difference between 5th and 4th is huge. A canyon of tens of millions of pounds splits us and the top four. The arbitrary line between 4th and 5th is the tidemark between the haves and the have nots, meaning that a manager like Rafa Benitez can be seen as successful without ever winning the league.

Everton: The four sides to Goodison Park

Ed Bottomley

At the mere mention Goodison Park, my mind spins like a roulette wheel. Goodison has created a mountain of moments and her wingspan touches three separate centuries. Monarchs have strolled through Goodison's stands, and its fans have crowned blue legends on Goodison's green turf. The architect Archibald Leitch gave Goodison its shape, and hundreds of players painted memories onto the blank canvas.

My first memory is of grappling with a tight Le Coq Sportif shirt in the mid eighties. It was annoyingly restrictive, uncomfortably itchy, but still had my child's heart drumming staccato beats with excitement. The shirt gave me a taste of what it was to be an Evertonian.

I remember too some of my favourite games: Duncan Ferguson rising head and shoulders above everyone to score, Danny Cadamarteri, a roadrunner of a player, scoring an adrenaline encrusted goal against Liverpool, Limpar diving, Farrelly shanking, Southall stretching, and Rooney scoring against a death proof Arsenal. The one common factor, the glorious backdrop to all of these memories, is Goodison Park.

Everton: the sounds of the summer at Goodison Park

Where’s Your Head At? - Basement Jaxx

Silence – Portishead

It’s A Shame – The Spinners

Jolene - Dolly Parton

Bigger Boys & Stolen Sweethearts – Arctic Monkeys

For the entire summer we Evertonians were left wondering about Joleon Lescott. What started as a small dot on the horizon eventually became a gargantuan transfer rumour.  It was only at the end of the close season that we finally found out exactly where Lescott’s head was at – after asking to be left out of the season’s opener against Arsenal. When Manchester City finally did come in with their ridiculous £24 million bid for Lescott, it was a case of the bigger boys stealing sweethearts. Although I was sad to see him go at the time, the three new recruits bought with the proceeds of the sale of our second best centre half have helped me get over it.

Everton: Goodbye Joleon and good luck

 

Garrincha and Joleon Lescott. Two names that are so laughably incongruous that they shouldn't even share the same sentence. But both played at Goodison.

Everton's old ground hosted Brazil in their 1966 World Cup Campaign, and Garrincha even scored there, corkscrewing a free kick in against Bulgaria. Lescott played over 50 games at Goodison, defending with class but this is where the similarities end.

Everton: it's still business as usual

Our end game of last season was the Cup Final, a match which Chelsea deservedly won. It was OK though, our run to the final had been heroic, and as I watched our glum chain gang lope up the stairs to claim their runners up medals, most were consoled by the fact that next season our spine would be back. I suppose I was deluding myself, because our spine – Jagielka, Arteta, Yakubu – won’t be back for a while yet. Not to worry though, we’ve signed some new players haven’t we? Well no, not really... with only days to go until the transfer window slams down on us – we have no signings...

And yet I still have faith that we’ll do well. Contrary to popular opinion, Lescott was one of our better players on Saturday (not saying much I know), we appear – at the last minute – to finally have some money to throw around (sharp whispers ricochet around the web – “Kenwright doesn’t like signing players early, because then he has to play their wages for the whole summer” “We’ve finally secured a loan against our Sky TV dosh”), and crucially, this is the early season Everton we all know well. Moyes’ sides always seem to start badly, and only once the Scot has navigated the maze of problems that seem to pop up like eager weeds, can we settle down and let the momentum build. In many ways this is business as usual at Goodison.

Everton: summer break is no holiday for the Toffees

"Dee-troit has some great teeth ... she's just got a lot missing too."

The driver tossed this witty nugget into the backseat of the taxi. He was a small man whose mood could be entirely gauged by his grip on the steering wheel.

They say that if you want a good tour of a city, take a taxi. And I had never been to the centre of Motown so I thought I’d give it a go. This is a city with a rich history but a non-existent bank balance - and also a city that is 3,000 miles from my Blue Boys - but very close in many ways.

I took the taxi tour to try and distract myself from Everton, but I should have known better. Holidays have always been a time to obsess over football, with the absence of actual games being instead filled with the relentless sound of transfer tongue wagging. Back home I remember descending into a summer holiday frenzy of day-long Teletext vigils, pouring over tiny rumours in the Liverpool Echo, and the evil and legendary Club Call (where a titillating transfer ad lured you into an extortionate five-minute call in which the utterly fictitious transfer target was only divulged after an excruciating wait.) Both Club Call and Teamtalk were as ubiquitous as the Nigerian prince e-mailing for your bank account details, and oceans of adolescent football fans fell for this ruse.

Everton: incessant drip of Lescott speculation is water torture

And so it continues. Joleon Lescott wants to leave, David Moyes doesn't want to sell him and Mark Hughes is still returning with bids for the player. The harder Moyes rejects the bids the more the Welshman boomerangs back. These bids amount to Chinese Water Torture; an incessant drip - intriguing Lescott and annoying Moyes in equal measure. All this is surrounded by hordes of blithering idiots, who munch unquestioningly over the daily tabloids. It's impossible to know what is happening at the centre of the storm, but here are three views...

Everton: Arteta is our key

As the new season approaches, we asked our Fanzine Fanzone writers how they feel their club will fare in 2009-10

Ed Bottomley

What is the feeling among the fans for the forthcoming season?
There is a definite split between the "In Moyes We Trust" brigade, who feel that we are doing an excellent job on a pauper's budget, and the people who feel that Kenwright is mis-managing the club and that Moyes is a ditherer. I'm in the pro-Moyes camp.

What is the best you can realistically hope for?
Fifth, unless our transfer budget suddenly grows...

And the worst?
With severe injuries we could plummet to midtable obscurity.

What have you made of the arrivals and departures over the summer?
I think signing Jo from Man City on loan is a canny move, I'm a little worried about Senderos (if we get him), but Moyes has also nabbed a handful of youth players, whose impact won't be fully appreciated for a few seasons. Even if Lescott does leave, we'll be getting crazy money for our second best central defender.

Who will be your key player and why?
Mikel Arteta brings a whole new dimension to our midfield, especially in that central role - we need a big season from him when he returns.

Is there a young player or a new face we can expect to make a name for himself this year?
Quite a few actually. I expect Rodwell and Gosling to advance further and I'd love to see Jose Baxter and James Wallace kick on too.

If you could give the team talk before the season's first game, what would you say?
It's against Arsenal - I'd point to the fact that in 2004-2005 we lost to them on the first day and went on to finish fourth. I'd then trot out a tired old Henry V quote, and possibly throw some football boots to get pulses racing.

Everton: loyal to the lucre?

Whilst summer rolls into action many Blue websites have been indulging in Evertonians' favourite warm-weather pastime: Kenwright kvetching. Some anticipate a summer of scraping around for money, missing out on signings, and seeing our chairman fail - once more - to sell the club. I'm actually glad Kenwright has failed to flog our beloved Toffees, and because of that, in my eyes he is the perfect chairman.

If Kenwright is unqualified to run our club, then why is a rich Sheikh more acceptable? Would a moneybags owner shed blue tears when we lost to Chelsea? Would he be able to wax lyrical about  Mikel Arteta, comparing him to Alex Young like Kenwright did? The sad truth is a chairman's success is totally dependent on his money and his ability to attract investment if he has no money himself. I see it in a different way. Yes, Kenwright's theatrical tendencies make for ridiculous sound bites: watch this space, I'm working 24/7 to sell this club, are both embarrassing public belches but the fact that Kenwright hasn't been able to find a buyer is a bonus.