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West Ham: come on the claret and blues

 

With West Ham having daintily avoided qualifying for the Europop Cup and settled into a midtable position, you might think our season is as good as over. But there’s one more game – some would say the biggest of the season – that all of us will be looking forward to: the claret and blues of Burnley versus Sheffield United.

West Ham: a riposte to the Blades

  So West Ham finally stumped up in an attempt to make Sheffield United shut up. I haven’t contributed to Fanzine Fanzone for a while, and I didn’t want my first post back to be about something as tawdry as this, but I had to reply to the comments of our Sheffield United representative.

Let’s get something straight from the off: the West Ham board did two things wrong: they registered a player in a way that contravened the rules, and they ­- apparently ­- lied to allow Carlos Tevez to play on after they were punished for that error. I’m not going to bleat about West Ham being punished (for a second time) but I am going to point out some rather obvious flaws in my Fanzone colleague’s arguments.

West Ham: Window Pain

Fans of some clubs –the big five, for instance, plus Manchester City, Spurs and even Stoke – are spending January warm and optimistic, speculating with friends about which players their clubs might buy.

At West Ham, meanwhile, we have our noses pressed against the transfer window like envious urchins. We’re not hoping for anything as exciting as star signings; we just hope our club doesn’t go mad and sell everything of value.

What makes the tension unbearable – and the transfer gossip unreadable – is the fact that everything’s starting to go right at Upton Park, and there’s only one thing that can screw it up. A jumbo January sale. 

West Ham: who's worse than us?

Now it might seem churlish to start talking about relegation after back-to-back wins, but here are the facts:

1. At the halfway stage of this season we had 22 points. If we manage that again, we'll be on 44 points, two more than we had when we went down in 2002/03. And this season is very tight.
2. We're almost certain to lose key players during the transfer window.
3. We're only five points off the relegation places.

So the search is on for something to make us feel more secure as we sail into these turbulent waters. What we're looking for is three teams worse than West Ham, and I think I've found them... 

West Ham: All right at the back

All the press about the Liverpool v West Ham game on Monday was bound to focus on Liverpool, and their failure to press home their advantage at the top of the league by beating weaker opponents at Anfield. Fair enough, really, given that this is the third time they've frozen like a perpetual virgin presented with a drunk and willing conquest. But I wasn't watching Liverpool throw away a golden opportunity; I was watching a completely different story unfold. A story with an unlikely hero.

West Ham: Obama the Hammer

People all over the world are celebrating the election of the thoroughly nice and sensible-seeming young man, Barack Obama, as president of the USA. (See your favourite newspapers for details of this story.)

However, the cheers were a little longer and louder in the East End of London because, of course, Mr Obama is a West Ham fan.

Oh yes he is. Read this.

See? Proof.

So the question is this: has anyone got a better celebrity fan than us?   

Win or lose, on the boos

I've not failed to notice that crowd behaviour is something of a hot topic; and no-one can say my finger's not on the pulse, so this post is all about the English football fan's new favourite pastime, booing. This subject certainly belongs in the West Ham section because Upton Park is home to some of the nation's most seasoned booers. And I find that very embarrassing.

I have booed at a paid-for public entertainment event, but I was four years old and the object of my spleen was a man dressed as a wolf. Since then, I have sat and stood next to grown men booing other grown men in complete seriousness, and the thing I can't help thinking is: how do they describe this activity when they get home to their wives?

I imagine the conversation goes a bit like this:

Pound of flesh - £30 million

Yes I know this is wearily predictable, but I can't resist the temptation. Today's news that an independent tribunal has ruled against West Ham, and for Sheffield United, in the Carlos Tevez affair is laughable. I mean, I'm not laughing, but you get my point.

The crux of my nub is this statement, published in the Daily Mail today:
"On the totality of the evidence, we have no doubt that West Ham would have secured at least three fewer points over the 2006/07 season if Carlos Tevez had not been playing for the club."

Oh yeah? Let's look at the evidence, shall we?

Horses Heads In Newcastle Beds

Newcastle better not expect any let up this weekend. The Zola/Clarke combination gets underway against a team who desparately need to sort out their woes before they become embriolled in a relegation battle. At least our situation was sorted very promptly, congratulations to the board for that! It is nice to sit and watch other teams going through the same trauma we were experiencing a couple of years back, falling into that rut is truly the ugly side of being a football fan. Once again all the optimistic early season bets from Spurs fans seem pointless, rather like their team after most matches this season.

Ex XL

Before I start, let me offer my sympathy to the people who have been affected by the collapse of XL Leisure Group. And I apologise if this post seems to lack perspective, but I can't help feeling the curse of West Ham has struck again.

I can't remember the last time I saw anyone wearing Dr Martens. Or when I last looked through a BAC Window. And I can't even remember what AVCO do. Now our current sponsors, XL, have gone into administration and more than likely taken our £2.5 million a year with them.

It's particularly tragic, because they seemed such a perfect fit for West Ham – most of our fans already had XL printed on their shirts anyway, and we thought we'd finally found a guaranteed route into Europe. 

But it's all over, and it's not as if it's the first time something like this has happened.