Inside Iraq Blog - Times Online - WBLG

Do you have watery diarrhoea?

Flying in or out of Baghdad is always a stressful ordeal due to a lack of organisation on the ground rather than fears of a missile blasting the plane from the sky.
My latest exit at the weekend was no exception with the added absurdity of receiving a form to fill in on the flight to Amman that asked intimate questions about the consistency of my stools.
Under a section entitled “Health Status” the A5-sized piece of card proceeded to ask whether I had diarrhoea, giving me the choice of two boxes, yes and no. 
The next question required anyone suffering such a condition to go into greater detail.
“Type of diarrhoea, bloody, watery,” it asked, with adjacent boxes for afflicted passengers to tick accordingly.
I have no idea why we were given this form. The air steward who handed it to me was also unable to offer a good reason, simply saying that it was a new procedure.
Upon arrival in Amman, the ground staff were similarly ill-informed.
Despite repeated attempts to offload the completed form (indicating proudly that my bowels were in good order), no one seemed to know anything about it so I left the airport with the slip folded inside my passport.
All rather odd. I wondered whether it was another tactic used by the Jordanian immigration authorities to vet Iraqi nationals travelling to Amman.
Jordan has tightened entry restrictions following a huge influx of Iraqi refugees fleeing the violence across the border. At least one Iraqi official travelling on a separate, US military plane to the Jordanian capital was turned back on Sunday.
Diarrhoea forms aside, flights to and from Baghdad are surreal enough.

Snow in Baghdad

Children in Baghdad squealed with delight yesterday morning when they awoke to see snow flakes falling on their city for the first time in memory.
Gazing in wonder at the sky, many people also hoped that the surprise, white shower was a sign of peace for their war-wrecked country.
“This is great! I wanted to play in the snow but my mother kept telling me to get back inside the house or I will catch a chill,” said Samman Othman, aged seven as he admired the rare flakes, which were slowly drifting down to earth.
Kasim Dawood, a 21-year-old student, said that the sight of snow was a dream come true.
“It is the first time I have seen snow and I hope it will not be the last,” he laughed.  “I think it is a sign of peace from God. The white colour coming down from the sky is like a bird of peace.”
Pharmacist Ahmed Abdallah, aged 33, agreed: “We always have just violence so it’s good to start the day with the quietness of snow instead of the sound of bombs.”
While drawing gasps of astonishment from residents around the city, the smattering of snowflakes failed to make much of an impact on the floor, where it melted into large grey puddles upon impact.
By mid-morning in central Baghdad the snow had turned to drizzle and then stopped, while the temperature hovered around freezing ensuring a frosty breath for anyone who poked their head outside.

The art of looking good on patrol in Iraq

Elbow or knee pads strapped deliberately to ankles and goggles worn back to front over helmets, some Iraqi soldiers have a unique sense of style.
Efforts to mimic their American mentors or simply spruce up and re-enforce their regular army gear result in a variety of different outfits whenever the troops are on patrol.
Sejad Mehdi, 21, said that he habitually fixes a pair of goggles to the back of his American helmet – bought at a Baghdad market for 50,000 Iraqi dinar (21 pounds) – because he saw US troops wearing them that way rather than because he uses the mask in his job.
“It makes the helmet look better,” he said, speaking while on a joint patrol escorting a visiting American general to a market in Yousifiyah, a town south of Baghdad, last week.
Asked why he also had knee pads around his ankles, Mr Mehdi said: “It looks more trendy and they tend to slip down when you have them around your knees.”
Pads sometimes worn by US troops (officers told me that their new uniform has internally fitted padding for the knees already, which makes the attachable versions redundant) have been known to slip down on operations, but certain Iraqis think it looks good that way to begin with so put them around their ankles on purpose.
There is trouble, however, if a commanding officer spots the fashion statement.

[Picture 1: Sejad Mehdi wears knee pads around his ankles while on patrol;
Picture 2: I love the fact that this soldier posed for a picture with the little girl with a fag in one hand and a meat cleaver in the other.]

Joking even though there is no gas, water, electricity, money, jobs...

Jump into a taxi in Baghdad and within minutes the driver will most likely have steered the conversation onto a favourite topic here – power and water, or at least the lack of both.
“Makou falous, makou kaharaba, makou maie,” is a phrase, meaning: “No money, no electricity, no water”, that is often uttered with a wry laugh because people feel that the situation has barely changed since the invasion and there is nothing they can do.
Another line follows: “Makou nafut, makou shi”, which translates as “No gas, no-anything.”
Officials say that electricity levels are improving all the time but Iraqis on the street insist that they still have to rely largely on private generators to power their homes or make do without.
Winter is also surprisingly cold in Iraq given the ridiculously high temperatures that are hit in the summer, forcing people to wrap up in blankets and extra layers of clothing at night if they have no fuel to burn for heat.
Such discomfort prompts many to turn to trademark, Iraqi black humour to make light of their misery.
“Black humour is well known following so many wars and shitty conditions,” said one Iraqi man in Baghdad. “It helps us psychologically and is often the only way to deal with a stressful situation.”
As a result, sarcastic remarks about the dearth of essential services - such as the "makou" list above - are widespread. Even the violence that has plagued the country for almost five years makes ripe joke fodder.
One recorded message on a mobile phone that can be sent to a caller says:
“I am sorry but the person you are calling has either been kidnapped or killed in a car bomb.”