Ticket troubles

The latest postcard from Nigel Henderson, our travelling fan:

The rumours started circulating at the Waca some time on Saturday afternoon and by lunchtime on Sunday they were confirmed during a strange, stilted exchange with a security guard at the entry to Gate 6. "Tickets for the Ashes?" he inquired. "Another 1,000 have been released. Two hundred for Poms. On sale tomorrow. Twelve o'clock. Ticketmaster. Wellington Street."

This was of interest to me for two reasons: I lacked a ticket for the first day of the third Test - the only one in the entire series I was missing - and my hostel was situated on Wellington Street.

But further investigation proved frustrating; hostel staff could not say in what part of Wellington Street the Ticketmaster outlet was located, if indeed it existed at all, and the agency's website made no mention of an address or the discovery of these extra tickets. A post on the Barmy Army website, however, provided further hope, attesting to their existence, but failing to provide any clues about where they could be obtained from.

As the hunt for the elusive tickets started to take on the aura of a John Le Carre spy novel, I was directed to the Western Australian intelligence services - well, the Perth Tourist Information Office - hidden behind the city's main post office.

One woman at the desk appeared to be in the know. Taking me aside and tapping the side of her nose to suggest that it was classified information, she sent me down a maze of side roads, along Hay Street - "the longest street in Perth," she announced proudly - until I reached His Majesty's Theatre. Once there, she confided, I was to seek out the nearby Cloisters News Agency where, if I passed a package of used notes over at the counter, I would be shown to the back of the shop where the clandestine transaction could be completed.

Alas, on arrival at the back desk, I realised I was not the first to have unearthed the location of the precious treasure - there were 63 people, mostly desperate Poms, in front of me in the queue. And I had time to count as it was only 10.30.

I first enquired at the desk whether hidden among the released tickets were any for the first day. After all, I reasoned, I didn't want to spend a couple of hours in line if I could not acquire the contraband I needed.

"I'm sorry, sir," one of the sales girls said, "we don't have any idea what days the tickets available are for."

And so emerged a story of more inefficiency from the Australian cricket authorities. I grabbed a coffee and joined the queue, where tales of cricketing ticketing tragedy unfolded. One man had brought his 17-year-old son out to Perth for the trip of a young lifetime, paying for his flight and all his accommodation, only for his offspring to turn round after one day and, rather like Stephen Harmison, complain of homesickness. He took the next plane back to England. Others were hoping to collect tickets for aged parents, who were too gnarled and stiff to stand in a queue for any length of time.

This, we soon learnt, put them at a significant disadvantage, as word swept through the line, now expanded to more than 100, that only two tickets would be available for each customer. Anyone requiring more than that would have to rejoin the end of the queue.

When the desk finally opened for business, barely ten transactions had been sealed before the news came through that all Day One tickets were gone. I decided on a new strategy. I would bag a couple for Day Two or Three and then try to use them as bargaining tools in a swap deal. I found a Ticketmaster representative and asked him if he thought it was acceptable to have raised people's hopes and forced even the luckiest among them - those who had wisely arrived earliest - to line up in a shopping mall for three hours.

"It's not our fault, mate," he pleaded in mitigation. "The Western Australian Cricket Association wouldn't tell us which tickets they had."

It all seemed another kick in the stomach for England cricket fans, who had endured Cricket Australia's clumsy attempts to prevent them getting their hands on tickets in the first place, not to mention scandalously increased prices in hotels and hostels in Adelaide.

By the time I got to the front of the queue they had only Day Four left. I pondered seeing if I could get a better position than the seat I already had, but decided against it.

"Forget it," I told the sales girl and with only a few hours of a precious free day left, opted to take the train south to Fremantle, a 25-minute journey. "Sorry, mate," a railway official informed me, "there's a problem with the trains to Fremantle; you're better off getting a bus."

It was just that kind of day, one about which the Australians would say: "If it was raining palaces, I'd get the dunny door."

Comments

[Aussie Jeff]

What a whinger.

[Peter McGuinness]

Beastly luck Nigel. Truly.

On the other hand, what a red-letter day for (dare I say it)... whingeing!

God - the humanity! Imagine being the poor bugger rostered on at Cloister's News Agency that morning? 100 Poms all bleating in unison. Scary.

Still, since Perth is - more or less - an English outpost, I guess they'd be accustomed to it.

Seriously, for every disappointed Pom, there's thousands of equally disappointed Aussies who couldn't secure tickets for this series either. It's a function of you mob playing so bloody well last year. I'm sure it's nothing personal Nigel.

Can't speak for the train though. The rail authorities may well have seen you coming.

Maybe the young homesick lad got it right. No doubt, there are plenty of British Airways flights departing Perth for the 'right' hemisphere?

Don't you exit though Nigel. Your fan(s) need you to tough out this hellish tour.

May I suggest drinking your way to emotional well-being as a defense against the brutishness of Australian culture? It seems to work for some of your colleagues.

Keep your chin up mate. Only a month or two to go.

Cheers...

[Mark]

Whinge, whinge, whinge...

I'm sure the ECB would love for half of England's grounds to be filled with Aussies for the next test then?